(To be sung to the tune of Hymn 49 in the green hymnal: Adam-ondi-Ahman)
1.
The Web was ne’er a garden place,
e’er scourged by troll and jackal.
Yet saints dialed in on modem’s grace
to meet faith crisis, face to face,
And build a bloggernacle.
2.
The Church has need of willing tools;
we are its block and tackle.
Brave thinkers drop their truth on fools
and say our faith is more than rules.
Praise be this bloggernacle.
3.
That’s not to say it needs no tweaks.
The walls could use some spackle.
Our online sanctum bulges and creaks;
we may just be drowning from all the leaks
that flood the bloggernacle.
4.
Now at each other—greater sin—
we smite with words and cackle.
We boo the band booked by a friend
and smash on the stage their mandolin,
within the bloggernacle.
5.
Some stalwart brethren prone to zeal
proclaim us Satan’s rabble.
But kicked-prick podcasts keep it real;
to face your own Carthage holds great appeal,
so claim your bloggernacle.
6.
Forgive the false, embrace the true.
This place, both jewel and shackle,
still catches drops of Carmel’s dew—
its beauty like Nauvoo’s in ’42.
Come surf the bloggernacle!
Poet’s Notes:
The meter is 8 7 8 8 7, except when it’s not. Some verses take advantage of all those eighth notes in the soprano and tenor lines of Hymn 49.
As the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints develops a new hymnal, I wonder if Hymn 49 may end up on the chopping block. Personally, I find it peculiar in all the right ways, and I am also a fan of W.W. Phelps as a lyricist.
Image credit: 1948 LDS Hymnal image from Ricardo630, Wikimedia Commons.
Wheat & Tares 
I enjoyed reading through that with the melody ringing in my mind. Nice work!
On a side note, I certainly hope this one gets chopped. All the obscure doctrine about a literal Garden of Eden in Missouri and secret meetings in Adam-ondi-Ahman in the last days should be tossed, in my opinion.
That said, I really like the melody and the rhyming meter of this hymn, but the doctrinal content is dismissible.
This just gets to me. I love re-written hymns, and this is so spot on, humorous, and beautiful all at the same time. Perfect 19th century writing, with anachronistic themes fitting so snuggly in the stanzas.
I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said (albeit slightly different phrasing), “Praise be this bloggernacle!”
Fantastic!
Thanks for sharing your reactions! I’m grateful for the feedback.
DoubtingTom, I appreciate where you are coming from on the doctrinal content of Adam-ondi-Ahman. It will be interesting to see what the new hymnal ends up featuring. My thinking is hymns like this one are a valuable insight to the religion’s origins. I’m not sure how well-preserved past hymnals are. There is a lot to learn on a historical level by preserving various editions, if only for historical study.
“The Church has need of willing tools”
You are so good with words, the bad angel on my shoulder and I really laughed at this one. We will assume our interpretation is correct no matter what you say. Haha.
Jake, did you use rhyming because you had no choice, i.e. that’s what the old hymns almost always did or does it help convey some other idea?
Holden, rhyming was a given for me on this one. When I started to think of putting the word bloggernacle into a hymn, my ear went pretty quickly to Adam-ondi-Ahman. I enjoy doing freeverse, but it’s good to get back to rhyme and meter for practice and challenge. Form forces a poet to make choices and get to the point. Thanks for your comments!
This is excellent, Jake!