I was coming back into the garage after taking the garbage out. As I walked in, my wife was leaning against the door frame, waiting for me. She rubbed one foot against her calf and smiled. She had heard me stirring and was concerned everything was ok (it was, but I decided that as long as the cat had me awake, I’d put the trash out before I went back to bed).When I looked up and saw her framed in the doorway she was sexy, engaging, and charming, in a very pretty way. If you are a guy you know exactly what I almost said. “You are really cute.” If you’ve learned from living you know I didn’t say that.
For a guy, the word “cute” applied to a girl means “pretty, but better” a sort of “pretty, but more.” At some time, most guys also learn not to ever use the word within earshot of the girl it applies to. This essay explains why.
When a guy hears a girl described as “cute” he hears both “pretty” and “cheerful, engaging and lacking [long set of negatives.” (e.g. cute excludes “stuck-up” for example). Ah, but when a girl hears “cute’ — what does she hear.
Well, all guys know that “cute” has three meanings. There is that pretty girl I’d like to ask out “cute.” There is charming child “cute.” There is puppy dog “cute.” A girl has only one meaning when she says or hears the word. It isn’t the first two. If she hears you call her “cute” she hears “that girl is like a puppy dog.” Which I learned for the first time as a girl vented all over me about my calling her “cute.”
To me that meant she was pretty and someone I would like to ask out (and was working up to suggest a date). To her it meant I put her in the same class as a puppy dog. Which kind of crushed her feelings, so she told me. I did not get the date I was working up to, but I learned something important.
So, when I saw my wife looking attractive, beautiful and perfect, I caught myself before I said “you are so cute.” If you are a guy, you should catch yourself too.
That is my light hearted relationship advice for this week. With any luck it will go over better than my light hearted “cheeseburger” post I did for FMH. If not, I’ll explain the fourth meaning of “cute.”
Wheat & Tares 
I don’t think that will necessarily apply to every girl. But, you probably know your wife and how she would respond. So, that was a nice save. Did you instead say, “You are sexy, engaging, and charming, attractive, beautiful and perfect.” Although I’m not anti-cute as a compliment I think that sentence is WAY better.
PLUS, that hedgehog photo is adorable!
I agree. This is not a universal problem. But you can never go wrong with “beautiful” or “divine.” 😉
I’ve never understood why something smaller than normal size equated to cute. It seems like no matter how ugly, or raunchy something is, if it’s smaller than average it is “cute.” At least that’s my perception of what most girls view as “cute.”
I’m also not sure why “cute” is such a taboo word for guys. Yes, you’ve explained it when discussing a girl within her earshot, but even amongst guys you don’t hear a group of them talking about “cute” girls. They will use the term “hot,” “fine,” “pretty,” or even “beautiful.” But NEVER “cute.”
Does it upset men that women describe them as cute?
Stephen: Marketing 101: Know your audience. 🙂
#5 Bethsmash: No. Guys are just happy to be talked about.
I’ve seen it explained as follows:
“Cute” is what turns a teen-aged boy’s head (and come to think of it, that was when the word was in my vocabulary).
“Pretty” is what turns a grown man’s head.
“Gorgeous” is what turns another woman’s head.
So always go with “gorgeous.”
I thought my wife was cute, and beautiful the first time I saw her and I still do. And I still tell her that.
Not sure what the problem is.
If someone called me “cute” at this time in my life, I’d assume they were talking about my sense of humor – and I wouldn’t mind it at all, for the reason Paul said to BethSmash.
Anything that can be taken as a compliment, I will take as a compliment; anything that can be taken as a compliment, my wife will think about and decide whether she wants to take it as a compliment or not. So, “know your audience” – as Paul said to Stephen.
When my daughter was younger, she was in a class and they were asking the kids for their parents names. When they got to Rachel she said “My dad is Steve, I think my mom’s name is Win, but my dad always calls her gorgeous”
Last Lemming is right that “gorgeous” is a much better nick name for your wife than “cute.”
I don’t think I’d call my wife “cute” in public or to anyone else for that reason it might be misconstrued.
BethSmash — I actually said “Ah beautiful, what got you up?” which is when she told me she had heard me stirring and was concerned.
I’m on the road on vacation — Hawk found the hedgehog and deserves the credit for that.
SilverRain — I never thought of “Divine.” I’ll have to think about that. I would note that I used to call my oldest daughter “Precious” until the Lord of the Rings movie …
jmb275 — “cute” means girl you would like to ask out/possible emotional involvement. Those other words don’t. But you are right, guys rarely talk about a girl with other guys with that word.
BethSmash — Ray has it right. Guys are glad of any complement (unless it is “cute” said in a cutting way, which is the fourth meaning of “cute” — generally replaced in modern discussion by such terms as “failsauce”).
Jeff — your wife is just patient with you when she hears you call her cute. Women are often patient with men. 😉
Jeff — though if you call a woman cute to a third party they often hear “sweet” or “adorable.”
But yes, better off just using the word “beautiful.”
I am reminded of by a Family Guy skit:
http://www.noob.us/humor/family-guy-men-we-dont-know-what-we-did/
I think I’ve always understood “cute” to mean something closer to what your wife thinks than what you do. I’d typically only use it with little kids. I wonder if there is a regional use for the word. Kind of like the whole soda/pop/coke thing.
Geoffsn — my experience with the word is only Mid-United States to the West and NW U.S., but the group of guys at BYU I knew using it came from a wider area.
It may well not have that meaning, or set of meanings, in the UK or Australia. The New Zealander guys I knew used the term the same way, but they had been at BYU for a while.
Just as an experiment I did a Google image search for “cute.” I got pictures of kittens, puppies, hamsters and so on. Very few pictures of humans, and of those most were babies.
Then I did a search for ‘beautiful’ and got a few landscapes but mostly pictures of women.
“Gorgeous” came back with almost entirely pictures of women, as did “pretty.”
So, with that in mind I think you’re reaching a little bit when you infer that it’s only women (and no men) who understand cute to primarily mean puppy dogs. Unless you think that Google image search is primarily fueled by women’s interpretations of words?
But if you do a web search and not an image search, there is more evidence that it applies to women.
If a woman is hot- she’s hot for now.
If a woman is cute- she’s cute forever.
Salt That is often true.
SilverRain. Thanks for double checking on the word search.
Thanks to everyone for keeping it civil.
If I were described as cute in a relationship or dating context I would take it as a compliment. If someone at work said, “oh, she’s cute,” I would consider it slightly dismissive and condescending. I think I’m getting past the “cute” demographic, though. At some point I think “cute” begins to mean: “your senility is endearing.”
I think tone is everything too.
I mean, there are certainly ways of saying something like, “You’re so cute,” that just sound…infantilizing.
I don’t understand why men won’t admit another man is cute. When I ask Bill to describe a man, he’s lost. I’ll ask “is he cute?” And he will not answer that question. He has never admitted another man is attractive.
At my age, I’ll take whatever positive adjective I can get. If I describe a woman as cute, I mean her personality, though.