I’ve been thinking about how much I enjoy doing nothing.
I’m a lawyer, and just after law school, I held a job at a large law firm with billable hour requirements. Billable hours are how lawyers charge money to clients. If you work on something a client has asked you to work on, you can charge the client for that time. We break up hours into six minute increments, a tenth of an hour for every time chunk. Every six minutes, I had to track what I was doing so I could bill my time to a client. I was not at all chill about it and quickly became a neurotic mess.
I went from that job to staying home with a baby. The absence of the productivity structure of billable hours really messed with my head. I wasn’t doing anything; I wasn’t producing anything; there was no monetary value to my time anymore. It took a lot of time to adjust my thinking and let go of the idea that I had to be measurably productive at all times.
It’s very capitalistic to believe you have to monetize every minute of your time. Nowadays, people in the USA are pressured to monetize their hobbies, have a side hustle besides their full-time job, and otherwise spend all their time trying to scrape together enough money to pay their ever-increasing bills. Unless you’re at a certain level of income, you don’t have the luxury of doing something simply for sheer enjoyment. Even relaxing has to be done with the goal of getting back to work with your batteries recharged.
The Church applies capitalistic thinking about productivity to spiritual matters. Members are trained in spiritual billable hours. Which mission of the Church are you working on right now? Activities should have a spiritual purpose – perfecting the saints, spreading the gospel, redeeming the dead or caring for the poor. Read your scriptures, attend the temple, fulfill your calling, minister to your ward brothers and sisters. Spiritual billables can really add up.
When my brother got called as Elders Quorum President, I remember someone saying that, if he did his calling right, he wouldn’t have any more free time. That kinda freaked me out.
There’s nothing wrong with being productive. Goals and achievements are kind of a natural high for me, actually. I like working hard and getting stuff done. My mental health took a hit because billable hours are someone else’s definition of what I should produce and what I should do.
When I quit Church, I ran into a similar absence of structure like the one I experienced after quitting my job, only this was about spiritual productivity. If I wasn’t planning Church lessons, going to the temple and reading my scriptures, then what was I doing? I wasn’t being Church-productive.
The Church teachings about how Heavenly Father is our father and we should follow his example helped me out here, though I reversed the example and decided Heavenly Father should follow my example as a mother. I long ago gave up the expectation that my children should seek my approval and consider my plans for them in every decision they make. It isn’t their job to make me proud; it’s my job to love them unconditionally. All those Church lessons over the years about pondering on God’s will for every major decision, picturing Christ sitting next to you as you watch a movie, “look unto me in every thought”, striving to know if God approves of the way I’m living my life — it all painted a picture of a control-freak parent.
Yes, Heavenly Father wants me to be happy. I want my children to be happy. I thought I knew what would make my children happy, but it turns out that it does not make my children happy to do everything I think they should do. Shocking parental discovery, but true.
I quit praying every day. I don’t try to repent for every mistake or weakness. I do nothing valuable for a lot of my free time — I’m not making money, furthering the purpose of the Church, or even strengthening family relationships. If you are saturated in the Church and capitalism productivity mindset, I bet your first instinct is to reply to this post and reassure me: “But you are doing something valuable! You’re recharging your batteries and practicing self-care!” No, stop it. Don’t say that. Don’t insist I see my do-nothing time as something productive. I don’t want to be productive. I am rebelling against productivity.
Oxford Languages named “goblin mode” the word of the year for 2022.
‘Goblin mode’ – a slang term, often used in the expressions ‘in goblin mode’ or ‘to go goblin mode’ – is ‘a type of behavior which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations.’ [source]
People shouldn’t have to scramble and work hard all the time. Everyone should have the luxury (necessity) of having enough time and money to do stuff that can’t be monetized or measured. We’re not robots or worker bees. We’re human beings, and sometimes we need to simply exist. That’s enough.
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Questions:
- Did Church make you feel guilty about relaxing? Or is that not something you experienced?
- Do you try to carve out any time from the demand that we be productive?
- Confess your “biggest waste of time” and then be proud of it.
- Wasn’t that nice of me to post about being lazy right around the time we’ve all given up on our New Year’s Resolutions? You’re welcome. Does anyone even do New Year’s Resolutions anymore?
Wheat & Tares 
I’m going to answer my own questions.
My unproductive time is on weekends. Saturday afternoons and most of the day on Sunday is goblin mode.
JCS doesn’t comment as often as he used to, but when he does, he condemns hanging out with your friends at Dairy Queen as a waste of time. Why? I think hanging out with your friends at Dairy Queen is actually a pretty neat thing to do. How many of us have friends who would want to hang out with us at Dairy Queen? Seriously, who can you text and invite to Dairy Queen and they’ll show up just because they like you and ice cream? Having friends who want to hang around and do nothing with you is really kind of special.
My biggest recent “waste of time” was binge-watching fifteen seasons of Supernatural on Netflix over the past two or three months. Despite trying to make it a complete waste of time, I am drafting a W&T post about secular views on the apocalypse that uses Supernatural.
My New Year’s Resolution was to vacuum my car. I did it on New Year’s Day and now I’m done for the year.
Janey is correct that we are not supposed to move with the speed of crazed rabbits all day, day in and day out. We are meant to have time to rest and enjoy spending time with those we care about.
However, there is a big difference between resting and doing something that harms oneself. The honky tonks, Dairy Queens and 7-Elevens deserve condemnation because they are places that led to excessive consumption of products that actually harm the body. No one goes to a honky tonk to munch on an apple or eat whole-grain cereal. They go to a honky tonk to consume excessive amounts of German beer and Irish nachos. Likewise for the excessive amounts of ice cream and doughnuts consumed at the other pro-gluttony establishments.
The same goes for activities that poison the mind. No reasonable person can deny that those who spend their days in their parents’ basements playing violent video games have warped their sense of morality.
So let us rest and enjoy ourselves. But let us do so in a way that improves our wellbeing, rather than adds to the epidemic of gluttony and violence that is sweeping the land.
Your thoughts resonate with me. This “always productive” mindset is also very Western and modern. We could learn much from our Buddhist friends about doing nothing – not even thinking! – but just sitting in quiet meditation, or “being,” to connect us to the world. Turn off the ego, empty oneself, stop yearning and desiring (which can never be satisfied), and just be. I need to set a goal to do this better and for at least 15 minutes a day (wink wink).
For me , this is an interesting topic at an interesting time.
I retired last year at a bunch of years past my full retirement age. My mind thinks I’m enjoying retirement. But….
I have always been very healthy, but immediately began having health problem after health problem. My blood pressure skyrocketed. After almost never taking sick leave while working because I truly was almost never sick, I have spent the fall and winter being very sick. My doctor says retirement affects some people this way. Apparently no stress actually stresses me out.
So in my apparently driven to perform way, I am trying to make relaxation and enjoyment my goal. Reading books not just because I am learning something, but maybe this specific book simply because I’m enjoying it. Walking in the sunshine (when there is sunshine) not because I need the exercise, but because I love the sunshine and enjoy the world God created and gave to me. Spending time wandering with my husband because he’s one of my favorite people in the world and I like wandering with him. Learning something new not because learning new things can build new brain cells and help delay dementia, but because I genuinely enjoy learning.
Does it count if I still do things, but change the motivation? Or do I really need to learn to do nothing?
One of the advantages of making a budget is that you can set aside money for frivolous activities or items and not feel guilty about it. After all, you set aside that money and you also contributed to other budgetary categories. It’s the same with time management. There’s nothing wrong about “wasting” time if you’ve balanced it with other productive uses of time. The danger is found in the extremes: being busy ALL THE TIME or NEVER being busy. Just my two cents.
Janey, this is a great post. My thoughts echo yours. When I hear GAs incorporate language from Covey’s 7 Habits, it really brings home the fact that this church is meant to appeal only to certain mindsets, one significant one being the American, capitalist idea of “being productive”. This dates back to well before Mormonism, with the Protestant work ethic, etc. And Remember all of the homiletic language that subtly (and not so subtly) pushes members to always be doing something positive; “idle hands are the devil’s playthings”, etc. Add to this a chief Mormon idea that we are saved “after ALL we can do”, which emphasizes not only personal agency, but “productivity” and de-emphasizes God’s grace and Christ’s atoning sacrifice, and you have a religion custom-made for the sort of rabid, “patriotic” obsession with production that America claims it rewards, even though no workers except those on the highest levels ever really reap the benefits from this system.
In terms of the Mormon Church, I left the productivity mindset a long time ago, partly because I saw how toxic it was making relationships. Think of all of the “assigned” friendships from home and visiting teaching (now “ministering”) and then think of how many people are reaching out to others in the church only because they feel it’s their job. My wife and I were talking a few years ago about someone who used to be in our ward who was assigned to be our friend, back when it was called “home teaching”. We had a brief discussion and then both basically said some version of, “it’s too bad we can’t trust that this person is actually reaching out because they want to be friends; they seem nice, but it’s obvious they’re doing this out of obligation.” Could we have been slightly less cynical? Sure. But also, the way in which all of our relationships (even family), when seen through a church lens, seem less about connecting and being able to be ourselves around people and more about always keeping busy and doing everything we can do so we don’t “lose” friends or family to, gasp, inactivity, seems particularly unhealthy. Creating that whole vibe is one of the most insidious things that the church does, IMHO; it poisons a lot of relationships and causes tremendous anguish and guilt for parents, spouses, etc. And I think a lot of the reason is because of this “being productive”/”always doing good works” mindset. There’s no room in that binary for being, only for doing.
My biggest obstacle to rest and relaxation is that I worry what others think.
1. I have always been a napper. Since retirement, I nap even longer. But sometimes, I feel I have to hide my naps. People (family, friends), expect me to be constantly busy, doing things, etc. Although my home is my haven, it’s still somewhat a challenge to those that think I should be busy 24/7.
2. I have a friend who travels the globe. His idea of rest and relaxation is working on projects in foreign countries. Changing people’s lives, in third world countries, for the better. When he occasionally travels without working plans he suffers, because he feels like he’s not being productive.
3. “Wasting time” has so many parts to it. And almost all are neither right or wrong.
Years ago when I was in Institute Classes, I was talking to the director (it was the Early 70s at Ohio State and he was the only Institute teacher) about all the problems of society. He said it all boils down to “Greed.” I pushed back because as a freshman, I was too stupid to think about it. Now years later I still have that discussion in my mind and I see how he was right time after time. There is always the constant clammer for more both in and out of the church. It can be more money, time, members, or whatever you want to measure. Your house has to be bigger, your car faster, your kids smarter, and your politics more whatever it is that makes you look better in the eyes of those close to you or the community.
I read a book a few years ago “Living without a Purpose” that I’ve decided to make my life’s goal. The trouble is, we’ve been programmed to always have a goal and it’s hard to let go and just be. I guess I have multiple goals or purposes in life and I try to live with the incongruency of it all. I drive an EV because I want to be as carbon-neutral as possible and drive our hybrid on trips. After all, it’s easier, and I have a big SUV to haul stuff when I need to. I chalk up points with each of those choices and lose points with each of them as well. Maybe I’m greedy because I have three vehicles but they are paid for, purchased used, run, and aren’t status symbols of what I’m made of.
So with that said, I try to apply that to wasting time as well. I’m not going to measure someone else and they can have fun measuring me but what are they really measuring?
I love this insight, “Yes, Heavenly Father wants me to be happy. I want my children to be happy. I thought I knew what would make my children happy, but it turns out that it does not make my children happy to do everything I think they should do. Shocking parental discovery, but true.”
My mindset changed regarding “What is God’s will?” when I changed the question from “What does God want FROM me?” to “What does God want FOR me?” I used to think that he wanted a list of specific actions FROM me, and they were all spiritually billable actions (reading scriptures, attending temple, magnifying my calling, etc…). But when I thought about what I wanted for my kids, it wasn’t a list of actions from them, I just wanted good things FOR them. It flipped a switch for me and I thought “Oh, God probably just wants me to be happy, at peace, to have good relationships with my spouse and kids, and to have good relationships with others, and a good relationship with God. God probably wants me to have fun and do things that I enjoy.” (As a side note, I shared this insight in a testimony meeting, and it was not received well).
I feel like I learned a lot and grew a lot in 2022, so my new years resolution for 2023 was “Just BE”. And it was wonderful. I made a daily trip to the nearby beach to “just be” and sit in nature for a few minutes every day, and I felt closer to God and better with myself and my other relationships than I ever have before.
Brother Sky,
Although “after all we can do” is understood by the church currently the way you describe, scholars have compared this saying to the context in other early 1800 works and found that it actually means “despite all you can do”. In other words there’s little we can do to escape the power of God’s grace towards us.
I feel sad about your assessment of ministering. This is a church program I can unequivocally endorse, from my perspective. I love people of all kinds. If I don’t love you it’s probably because I haven’t had the opportunity to really know you. I always love an assignment to minister to someone new, because then I have an excuse to create another friendship that I never would have had otherwise. I believe this loving connection and pastoral care is what Jesus intended.
I am sorry your experience has been different than mine. Yes. I do it out of obligation and love. That obligation is to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and to strengthen the body of Christ (the church as well as the wider community, as children of God). To do that I need to spend the time and effort to understand a point of view that likely isn’t my own .
I am so sorry you have had bad experiences with ministering.
It’s a difficult mindset to jettison (although I agree with josh h that I wouldn’t want to go from one extreme to another) when you grow up singing “Have I done any good in the world today?” Although they did try to soften things just a little in the 1985 book changing the phrase to “Only he who does something helps others to live. To God each good work will be known.” from the original: “Only he who does something is worthy to live, The world has no use for the drone.”
The OP and comments are focusing on individuals, and that is good, but I would suggest that some of our wards and stakes might be healthier if they and their leaders shifted away from being production organizations and towards ministering to the flock. I object to production targets in pastoral church settings, and I also believe honest and real ministry will actually produce better outcomes.
I dumped one guy I dated for no other reason than he didn’t know how to enjoy the journey on a hike. He wanted to get to the top. I wanted to enjoy the wild flowers, the view of the valley, examine the rocks, identify the kinds of trees, get out my book and look up a wildflower I didn’t know, inhale the fresh air, stop and look for the wildlife, and get to the top. He was a great guy while we were doing school, intelligent, motivated, nerd to the enth degree, a fan of the same Puritan work ethic as me. So, I married the guy who worked hard when he worked, but when we played, we played with no set goal other than having fun.
When church lost all concept of having fun just to have fun, was when it also stopped being spiritual. When I was a kid, we could rife the bus home or walk 1 1/2 miles out of the way to primary, then walk 2 miles home. But we went to primary because it was fun. We sang fun songs, had a lesson with fun activities or art projects. But it was fun. Sunday School was, maybe not as fun, but still worth nagging the inactive parents for a ride, then walking the two miles home. Sacrament meeting wasn’t worth going to, so we didn’t. It was the same up through mutual. I didn’t attend sacrament meeting until I had a boy friend that I didn’t want to find out I was only partially active, in high school. The ward got together as a ward just to be together, and we had community. Spiritual moments happened, because we knew and cared about each other. Then correlation. Then the block schedule. Then the church decided to cut out everything that didn’t serve a “priesthood purpose”. By this time I noticed community was gone. I noticed the spiritual moments began to feel fake. By trying to write spiritual moments into the script, they felt forced and fake. Friendships began to feel more forced and fake. And now we have everything scripted, done out of avoiding guilt, and it just feels hollow. The one biggest change in all of this was eliminating the fun and making everything need a goal.
I’m thinking about all these great comments, and realizing I had to make an effort to find out what I enjoyed doing. Like PWS, I spent time stressed because I didn’t have any pressure to get something done. I went full ‘goblin mode’ for quite a while, and let my priorities and joys settle into their natural rhythm, independent of work, church, or even society. I quit the Internet for three years a while back, because I felt too pressured by what I was reading.
I’ve really benefited from the tiny bit of meditation I’ve managed to do. Just letting thoughts slide away without making a list or trying to find an insight calmed me down. I sleep so much better if I meditate. I’ve found a similar effect to listening to audio books. Just something that quiets my own thoughts.
I read an article in Guidepost that helped me too. The author was a dancer. She mentioned that God wanted her to dance, because she loved dancing. That was all. She loved it; therefore, God wanted her to do it. That perspective pushed back against the Church’s edict that everything have a priesthood purpose. That helped me give myself permission to do things I love to do. I embroider. I stitch flowers and hang them up on my walls. There is no priesthood purpose and no profit to be had. But I love it. Therefore, God loves my love of embroidery because it makes me happy. And that’s enough.
My company culture changed me and not for the better. Efficiency. Billable hours. Working long hours. Now every car ride or grocery store trip or dining experience was not about the journey but the destination. Took me almost twenty years to realize this was not healthy, and I’m still trying to fix it.
The church? My mission experience was like this. Family not progressing? Drop them. Run everywhere. It was also not healthy.
The church thinks they are efficient but they aren’t. The number of meetings held means they are not being efficient. Most of them could be replaced by an email. But boomers gotta boom.
Our faith does not have a monopoly on wisdom. Just take a look at some of our past as well as present doctrines and practices. Last night I viewed Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson’s presentation ‘His best speech ever’ on Jacob’s ladder – in which he explains the relationship between heaven and earth. A must view for all, Christian or of whatever other Faith, Corporate moguls or waitresses in cafes/restaurants. It was such a powerful delivery – but he wasn’t really telling us anything new, but providing interpretation for meaning of whatever experience one has. I have never heard any more profound truths regarding the MANKIND/MANKIND relationship as also the Heavenly / temporal relationship as understood and explained by Peterson, simply because I don’t have the perceptive talents that he has. He awakens one to the incredible beauty and intelligence that we all are – with our real purpose for living grounded and energized by love of GOD and MANKIND shaped as service to others. Incredible wisdom.
I am definitely an efficiency junkie, although as I get older, I’ve dialed it down a bit. We love to travel, but we hate to have unscheduled time on our trips. Instead we fill our time with activities. I was talking to one of our employees about an upcoming cruise we are doing for 14 days, 4 of which are at sea, which I was about to say was like being on a prison ship, but before I could finish my sentence she sighed, “4 days at sea sounds like absolute heaven!” As a total coincidence, we were in Tahiti and Bora Bora the week before she was. We spent our time hiking, ATVing, biking, kayaking, snorkeling, and touring with a guide. We had only one day hanging out at our resort, and by the second day of that we were ready to do just about anything because we were so stir crazy (we rented e-bikes after our two scheduled tours cancelled that day due to a local event). By contrast, she spent most of her time relaxing at the resort they stayed at. To me, that just sounds boring, even if it is in paradise.
I’m always reading about 5-6 books at any given time, too. I only have so much time on this planet, and one day I won’t be able to do all these things anymore. I will be too old to hike, bike, snorkel, kayak, and maybe even travel. And there’s no way to read all the great books that will enrich my mental life. I wish I believed in reincarnation, because there is never enough time in one lifetime.
It is at the moments we do nothing and allow our brains to rest from the eternal ratrace, that we get the best ideas, solve the problem and that inspiration strikes.
I was telling my daughter (who has many hobbies some might consider a waste of time) how depressing it is to watch the news every evening and go to bed. I mentioned that I am not sleeping well and I just don’t laugh enough anymore. She got me started watching hilarious dog videos on Instagram. She probably sends me at least 10 new ones everyday. Many of them make me laugh so hard it brings tears. Some evenings I even forget to watch the news because I am so enthralled by the animal videos! I can tell already I am happier and I am sleeping better. So is spending a couple hours watching funny dog videos a waste of time? I’m not so sure.
Brother Sky, my experiences with visiting/ministering are similar to yours. The falseness of assignments really bothers me. I had a friend on the other side of my back fence that had long been less active, but she knew I was a member and occasionally something church related would come up. One time she asked about her former home teachers, an older couple, who had visited so diligently and then suddenly stopped. I’m sure they must have simply been reassigned, but it made me sad and I didn’t know what to say to my friend. Her home teachers were very dedicated and would never slack off on an assignment, and I’m sure they were sincere with their visits. But my friend was concerned that something had happened to them and was worried about them, and that’s why she asked me if they were doing okay.
When my RS president asked me to be this friend’s ministering sister I said no, that I didn’t want to mess with the friendship we already had. How can we even tell what our motives are when visiting is assigned? Maybe pushing back against productivity includes being more authentic with our relationships.
I’ve been a carer for my very sick daughter for 28 years. Recently my daughter was assigned a new ministering sister. My daughter is often too sick to be visited, but her minister almost always makes time in her busy life to see me, in spite of her own compromised health. I am so not offended by that.
That same very sick daughter has taught me that we do not have to do one single thing to earn the love of God.
lws329, I appreciate your comments and what seems to be your genuine empathy, so thank you. And really, I’ve got other friends and other ways to make friends, so it’s fine. And some of this is me; as someone who was raised by an abusive alcoholic, I am still, to this day, deeply suspicious of people and their motives. I wish that wasn’t the case, but it’s a part of me that, though I try to temper it, I will never get rid of. I also find, though, that some of this stems from the difficulty of being a nuanced believer in a church that pretty much demands orthodoxy. I don’t typically connect with true believers, not because I don’t like them or because I think they’re any more flawed than the rest of us, simply because I find complex people who are honest about their struggles, hopes, and failures much more fulfilling to be around. I mean, we all have doubts, flaws, struggles, etc., but as I mentioned earlier, we belong to a church that (both explicitly and implicitly) wants us to embrace simple answers to complex questions and also encourages us (especially women, I think) to put on a happy face and smile even when we don’t feel like it, or say we believe stuff even when we really don’t. I’m just not interested in socializing with folks who do that.
pufftaylor, I’m with you. That’s the difficulty I have. How is it possible to know if someone is genuinely trying to be your friend if they’ve been assigned to? I’ve had several experiences at church where people who previously ignored me seemed to take an interest in me, but it was only because they were trying to set me up so that I’d accept a calling they’d offer me a little while down the road. I no longer find that hurtful, it’s just really disappointing and it’s a shame that in this church that is supposedly about (eternal!) community, very few people have the courage to actually be genuine with each other.
Brother Sky,
I am always genuine, more than I want to be many times. I agree with you that I absolutely prefer people who are genuine both in or out of the church. There are all kinds at church and elsewhere. I prefer to take people as individuals in any setting, and make no assumptions one way or the other about their motivations. I tend to be more open than most. Contact of any kind, assigned or otherwise is an opportunity to build another friendship.
I am not sure how to avoid offending people if genuine attempts to connect are seen as poorly motivated. I just don’t choose to see others that way. I think each time we can connect as friends is valuable, even if we don’t always continue to connect with reliability regularly into the future. If someone visits me a few times, and then is reassigned, I treasure the opportunity I had to get to know them, and I enjoy seeing them in the future more if we run into each other. If the relationship seems worth expanding I may invite more contact. If I know we are less compatible they often know too. It isn’t offensive if we don’t follow up on more contact. We can’t make more friends without getting to know more people.
Thank you for sharing your point of view. However I just don’t know how I could change to make someone like you more comfortable in the community, when motivation is so concerning for you. I hope the people in your life never give up, regardless of your suspicion.