“Generosity without orthodoxy is nothing, but orthodoxy without generosity is worse than nothing.” Hans Frei
Orthodoxy. Fundamentalist Orthodoxy. Radical Orthodoxy. Unorthodoxy. Orthopraxy. Heterodoxy.
Labels exist because they are useful. They help us discover and describe ourselves and find community. They often become a part of our identity and how we relate to others and the world; but there is always a limit and like most things have their drawbacks. I’m probably coming up on ten years of being on an unexpected faith journey. I’ve used a lot of different labels as my path has taken me in different directions. I described myself as orthoprax for a while (which indicates correct practice as opposed to orthodoxy’s correct beliefs) because all of my physical actions reflect orthodoxy within the LDS church: I hold a temple recommend. I don’t drink coffee. I go to church weekly. We have family scriptures. I plant a garden and can and dehydrate produce. A few years into my faith shift, my mom incredulously commented “Kris, in almost every physical way you are still a Molly Mormon!” I kept with orthoprax until the first time I heard the term “Generous Orthodoxy.” I was listening to Malcolm Gladwell’s Revisionist History Podcast five years ago (transcript found here). Hans Frei is a theologian who developed the term. As Gladwell describes it,
“To be orthodox is to be committed to tradition. To be generous, as Frei defines it, is to be open to change. But Frei thought the best way to live our lives was to find the middle ground because orthodoxy without generosity leads to blindness and generosity without orthodoxy is shallow and empty. One of the hardest things in the world is to find that balance. Not just for those pursuing a life of faith but for anyone interested in making their world better.”
The story Gladwell told is of Chester Wenger, a lifelong Mennonite pastor. He was nearly 100 when Gladwell spoke with him regarding a letter he’d written in 2014, “An open letter to my beloved church,” which had gone viral. Mennonites consider “Jesus is the center of our faith, community is the center of our lives, reconciliation is the center of our work.” I think our tight-knit small community could relate to the context of what happened. Wenger had a gay son who had been excommunicated from their faith–when gay marriage was legalized in Pennsylvania in 2014 his son and his partner asked him to officiate their wedding. He did so and reported it to the leadership of his church himself; he was disciplined and his credentials were lifted–what I assume is equal to the removing of priesthood ordination. He took the discipline without complaint. The letter he wrote after this happened is a plea for his beloved church to rethink their practice of excluding lgbtq+ people :
“The church we belong to has the power to bind and loose. Today’s church, much like the early Christians, has the Spirit-given power to rethink whether or not ‘circumcision’ will continue to define who is in and who is out.” His letter is really worth a read. Gladwell highlights this story because, “That’s generous Chester Wenger, open to seeing the world in new ways. But there’s no anger in his letter. Alongside the generosity, is orthodoxy, respect for the body he is trying to heal.”
My LDS Generosity
In the last year a group of LDS members have labeled themselves Radically Orthodox: “orthodox” in a way that promotes “fierce fidelity” to the church and it’s leaders, yet wants to be “radical” enough to explore the possibilities beyond what is familiar. They hope to show civility to those they disagree with and be charitable while “rejecting the excesses of progressivism.” My interpretation is they hope to position themselves between the rude fundamentalism of DezNat and the loose “eat drink and be merry” attitude they perceive amongst progressive Mormons.
I suppose I’m someone with a platform that hopes for progressive changes in the LDS Church and community. Honestly, I see where some of the worry that excessive progressivism brings — if these aren’t the rules then there are no rules. Many of us progressive Mormons in the church experienced a ~Certainty Crisis~ that left us with a lot of ambiguity. My “generosity” often plays out agnostically–I don’t believe any human knows for certain what the plan of salvation has in store for lgbtq+ folks (or insert a number of other church issues and topics). I sustain my leaders by loving and supporting them (wishing for their success, not making personal attacks) even when I disagree. I grant them grace in a position I do not envy; it is not my stewardship to steer this ship, thank goodness. They will be the ones held accountable for the decisions they make in their position–it’s a heavy responsibility. While I sustain them, I do not believe they need “fierce fidelity;” my generosity rejects the act of staking that position.
I have seen the brokenness that has come from fierce fidelity in the past re lgbtq+ issues. Electroshock therapy via BYU in the 1970s. Peers from my own generation of gay Mormons were told to marry women in the temple and promised all would be well and happily ever after. We have all seen the split families and divorces that have occurred as the end result of so many of these practices and promises. It was incredibly painful and harmful to so many. As for our current teachings, I imagine swapping the normativity for a moment: for those who are completely straight, imagine being taught that your straightness is inherently sinful and a temporary challenge like alcoholism; you will naturally despise and reject an integral part of who God made you to be–and also you must remain alone and without companionship or else enter a gay relationship for the rest of your life. I cannot conceive a mentally healthy life being possible in these circumstances. Based on my personal experiences with the issues, I sincerely and deeply believe gay marriages to be just as holy as mine. In my own words from my temple recommend interview “yes I believe in the law of chastity, I just don’t believe gay marriages are against it.” I cannot see generosity in requiring “fierce fidelity” to a topic that we only have a track record of causing pain and brokenness. Fierce fidelity on this topic, whether civil or not, is a two-edged sword, cutting down the most vulnerable among us.
My LDS Orthodoxy
There’s been an uptick in online exmormons, both lgbtq+ and not, targeting progressive mormons for their continued activity and the complicity in harm that is accompanied by any type of support for the institution. And there is no question LGBTQ+ folks are harmed here. I think we should wrestle with the question of complicity more than we do. In my opinion it takes more than a rainbow flag and telling lgbtq+ members you love them to lessen harm done and be in solidarity with them. But what to do with my orthodoxy, then?
I do hope for changes, but this is not why I stay. I stay because I have a deep and abiding love for Mormonism; the Mormonism of Maxwell Institute, of Black LDS Legacy, and Mormon studies. I believe God lives and Jesus is my Savior. On days I’m having a hard time with KNOWING, in the words of prophetess Rachel Held Evans, “The Story of Jesus Is the Story I’m Willing to Risk Being Wrong About.” Sometimes I want to shout from the rooftops “True to the Faith,” and sometimes I see my friends leave the church and ask them to live their best exmo lives by proxy for me because living in the tension of being a doubt-filled believer is not for the faint of heart (And when lgbtq+ members leave I support the path to mental health and more happiness that I believe currently exists outside our walls). I believe participating in community is a refining process that makes me a better person. I believe keeping covenants is important and has power in my earthly relationships and eternal life.
My LDS Generous Orthodoxy: Rexburg’s First Community Pride
I think many Mormons are worried about condoning behavior that may effect someone’s eternal outcome so they think true love is not remaining silent about the wrongness of others’ behavior. In the words of Charlie Bird from this recent excellent Faith Matters podcast, “that’s never helped me once and if anything it pushes me farther away.” I believe the only way people will come unto Christ is if they feel the love of Him through us. I do not believe people are brought to Christ by telling them their lives are sinful while remaining silent about my own sins. I believe living the gospel requires us to create goodness and beauty and healing in the world. As I navigate my own spiritual journey I attempt to find my own equilibrium of balancing the tension between generosity and orthodoxy, I have come to choose to err on the side of generosity; if I have to have the consequences attached to loving too much instead of loving too little, I will accept them. What I have seen from too little is the opposite of healing.
One of the things I’ve become involved with Flourish Point, an LGBTQ+ Resource Center in Rexburg. We provide subsidized therapy, community education, support services, and events for LGBTQ+ and their families in Rexburg. In March we raised over $15,000 that enabled us to hire our first full-time therapist and begin planning Rexburg’s first Pride Celebration. We started planning with the hope of having a few hundred people attend, a few weeks before I was warning fellow committee members to not be surprised if attendance breaks 500. On the day of Rexburg Pride we were overwhelmed by over 1000 people (some estimates had us around 1500).
My three responsibilities I took for that day were to 1 arrange an alumni luncheon 2 be on de-escalation duty with attendees and protestors and 3 get as many lgbtq+ flags in people’s hands as possible. As I checked people in for the alumni luncheon I recognized some former students who walked up to the table to get their nametag who were visibly emotional. Some told me they cried as they drove into town in disbelief that this was really happening, or as they saw rainbow flags line the street along Porter Park. I checked in couples who were fostering children or in adoption proceedings. After the luncheon a woman approached me, thanked me, hugged me, and told me she’d been kicked out of Ricks College 30 years ago for being gay. She and her wife drove hours to Rexburg to attend and she said shared that this was incredibly healing experience for her.
Right before the luncheon we received news that protestors would be in attendance. We had no idea where or when or how many of them there would be. Earlier someone in town had put stickers from Patriot Front, a white supremacist group, on our public posters. We had hired private security when the police department reached out to us, they also had received reports from groups that wanted to protest, some from as far away as Texas and they asked if they could provide security for free this year to help keep everyone’s safety. I was worried about vandalism as much as conflict and protest, and at one point before the event began I went to observe the pride flags we staked by the busy road. As I stood there for less than two minutes a student in a sports car yelled at me “you all are f*** and I hope you kill yourselves!” I had only been publicly associated with queerness in Rexburg for two minutes; I thought about what lgbtq+ BYUI students live with: these are their roommates, ward members, classmates, and coworkers. One student’s feedback is that in all their time in Rexburg, attending Pride was the first and only time they’ve felt completely safe. Can you imagine coming to a place that claims to be Zion-like and living every moment in fear? Gratefully the dozen protestors who did show up set up shop across the street from the park where we could redirect people away from engaging with them pretty easily. I was able to bring over some snacks and drinks for them later in the event with some of my fellow Flourish Point board members.
A common question students had prior to the event is they were wanting 3×5 flags, there was nowhere in town where they could buy them, so at the last moment I asked a friend if they could bring some up from Provo. For lgbtq+ youth who have been socialized to despise themselves, I’d like to be a part of a message that they are gorgeously, lovingly made exactly how God planned them to be. They are not to be tolerated, they are to be celebrated. They are deeply loved, regardless of the choices they make in navigating their own spiritual journey. Helping get flags into some of those hands was a spiritual moment for me. Helping lgbtq+ youth in Rexburg feel unconditionally loved is a part of my discipleship. I now label myself as Generously Orthodox. I don’t know what our leaders and our organization will do; I do know what I will do, in the words of Glennon Doyle, that is the next right thing; and like Chester Wegner, if the day ever comes I have a disciplinary consequence for it, I’ll take that chance.
____________________________________________
Post Script: There is a best-selling author and progressive Christian, Glennon Doyle who is married to the soccer star Abby Wombach. A few days ago they released a podcast exploring “queer freedom,” in which Abby discusses growing up in a conservative Christian church and the damage that has stayed with her from those teachings and studies that have shown the mental health issues that come from holding both identities. It’s notable because 1 one of the callers who asks them a question is from the LDS church and 2 they discuss the circumstances of when and why you leave and stay in institutions. She mentions that the only way someone can support the lives of lgbtq+ folks while staying in a church that harms them is to not stay silent–“we must work toward create a world in which people don’t have to throw away what they need from a place because we have allowed it to become so unhospitable for them… Places where people can be both held and free.” Many members may be uncomfortable with the experiences (also language) shared there but I think it’s a really good experience to listen to queer Christians directly.
Wheat & Tares 
I am okay with someone choosing “fierce fidelity” as a standard for him- or herself. But I would be troubled with someone imposing “fierce fidelity” as a standard on his or her neighbors.
Generous orthodoxy sounds similar to charity, doesn’t it? Each of us need the freedom to make our own decisions — institutions also need the freedom to make their own decisions, too — a charitable life is all about (1) our own choices; and (2) respecting the agency of others. This is what I see in the life of Jesus — He was loyal to his principles and taught correct principles to anyone who would listen, but He allowed others to make their own choices.
@Kristine A Thank you for being part of that. What a wonderful event.
Beautiful. Thank you for your work. I love your “generous orthodoxy”. Now I have a name for what I also aspire to.
Thank you for your hard work in helping Rexburg Pride become a reality. It was a remarkable experience to be there and see the thousand plus people. Your generosity is gospel living at its finest and such generosity is protective for the Latter-day Saint
LGBTQ community.
I appreciated you talking about the generations of queer Latter-day Saints in the modern church. For those who would like to explore what this is and understand this phenomenon better, I recommend this article:
https://affirmation.org/the-rise-of-the-celebrated-celibate-and-single-sexual-minority/
The COJCOLDS is the ultimate example of “the philosophies of men mingled with scripture”. If you believe those ever-changing philosophies are “true”, you are a VALIDITY Mormon and by all means you should stay faithful to the institution. And even if you don’t believe all LDS teachings and doctrines, you might choose to stay faithful to the institution because the Church provides you a tribe and community and values. Indeed you are a UTILITY Mormon.
I guess that’s how you can maintain your own version of orthodoxy: beliefs vs. practice. That’s your right. But once my validity and utility crumbled, I found it much easier to walk away. No more mental gymnastics and pretend rules / doctrines.
Above all, I don’t want to detract from your great efforts to hold a pride celebration in Rexburg, where I got my undergrad degree. That should certainly be lauded.
I, like many others, am choosing to “risk being wrong about Jesus” elsewhere, and I wish this was mentioned more. The LDS Church is truly a scorched-earth church: many within the church don’t seem to acknowledge that there are other options that don’t involve rejecting religion altogether. One can do all of the things listed in the Orthodoxy section (participating in community, keeping covenants, etc.) without being a Latter-day Saint.
Again, I mean no offense–I just wish we (especially progressive and nuanced Mormons) would do more to normalize the potential of switching religions, as LGBTQ+, BIPOC, and neurodivergent people (like myself) can often find increased benefits of religious participation elsewhere without the extra baggage.
First, let me issue my strongest possible condemnation to anyone who would shout profanity at an elderly woman while passing by in a moving vehicle. That sort of behavior has no place in a civilized society.
Second, I wonder whether many of these so-called orthodox members have lost sight of the issue of the real threat to a stable, productive society. Is it same sex marriage, or is it uncontrolled sexuality?
After many decades on this planet, it is clear to me more than ever that wanton sexuality among any and all sexes is the predominant threat to a peaceful, productive society. When people treat sexual relations with all the respect and restraint of randy Russian Princesses when someone forgets to lock the castle doors, society suffers. Uncontrolled, unrestrained sexual conduct with an ever changing number of participants leads to crime, disease, fatherless children, and resulting poverty.
On the other hand, a same sex couple who stays together in a permanent, stable marriage does not cause similar harm to me as their neighbor. While it is not the lifestyle for me, it does not harm my wife and I.
Orthodox members would do better to spend their time fighting against the modern entertainment industry’s glorification of violence and promotion of indiscriminate sexuality among all sexes. The imitation of that behavior by impressionable young people is what is causing our society to plummet into the abyss.
I remember being at BYU in the 70s and hearing of the scientific program devised by experts to cure …
I expressed some doubt and was confronted with a call to authority and to defer my opinion to science. I retained my doubts but had no interaction with the experts.
In the last year or so at least one expert has publicly apologized for being so wrong.
I’m still sad about it all.
On the other hand, I’m really proud of you for standing up for loving kindness. We need more who give way to Christ and reach out to others like you just did.
I am okay with someone choosing “fierce fidelity” as a standard for him- or herself. But I would be troubled with someone imposing “fierce fidelity” as a standard on his or her neighbors.
ji: I think our commitment to agency gives us that space in the pews. I don’t like enforcing a fierce fidelity standards on our neighbors in the pews or out.
Thank you for your hard work in helping Rexburg Pride become a reality. It was a remarkable experience to be there and see the thousand plus people….I appreciated you talking about the generations of queer Latter-day Saints in the modern church. For those who would like to explore what this is and understand this phenomenon better, I recommend this article: https://affirmation.org/the-rise-of-the-celebrated-celibate-and-single-sexual-minority/
Nathan: I was so glad to finally meet you and have your support at Rexburg Pride. Thanks for sharing the link about generations of queer LDS members; I tried to communicate a small part of the story and always appreciate learning more.
once my validity and utility crumbled, I found it much easier to walk away.
Josh H: I completely agree with finding your own way into different spaces as we all individually navigate our faith journeys. I often tell people from my years of experiences in online mormonism I believe people stay as long as they receive a net positive from church engagement; once it is a net negative in their lives I believe the clock is ticking until their exit.
I, like many others, am choosing to “risk being wrong about Jesus” elsewhere, and I wish this was mentioned more….. One can do all of the things listed in the Orthodoxy section (participating in community, keeping covenants, etc.) without being a Latter-day Saint….. [we] can often find increased benefits of religious participation elsewhere without the extra baggage.”
Dylan: thank you for mentioning this! I didn’t find space for this in my post but one of the principles that I navigate by is that if people don’t find spiritual fulfillment here to keep options open for different Christian spaces that may fit them. One of my favorite spaces I use in the patchwork of my spirituality is Evolving Faith, one of the last organizations Rachel Held Evans founded before she passed.
to anyone who would shout profanity at an elderly woman while passing by in a moving vehicle. That sort of behavior has no place in a civilized society.
John CS: OMGLOLSOB ELDERLY WOMAN i die, you have thoroughly murdered me
Kristine, as a writer myself, in reading through your post, I couldn’t really find a place to mention that, either. At any rate, thanks for your response.
I was very impressed that you had such a turnout. I went to Ricks in the 60s (second daughter born in madison memorial hospital in a blizzard). I had thought the population was about 4000. But it has grown a bit since, but still impressive. Did you have many locals or mostly students?
When we were there there was very little news from outside Idaho, except the assasination of Robert Kennedy.
Ash Barty a ngragu aboriginal woman just won Wimbledon, the last Australian woman to win it was also aboriginal Evonne Goolagong, 41 years ago. Ash also won the french open, played on clay, only the 4th woman this century to do the double. An Aus man Dylan Allcott won the wheelchair title. They are both quiet achievers. In case it didn’t make Rexburg news. Sorry, a proud Ausi couldn’t help boasting.
I disagree with the statement that generosity without orthodoxy is “shallow and empty.” That is ridiculous. And is a “shallow” assault on humanism, or more particularly secular humanism.
People can certainly be generous without religion. In the case of Mormonism, if we give our 10 percent to charitable causes instead of Church tithing, we can have meaningful generosity. I’m enough of egotist to believe that I can allocate my contributions; I don’t need an intermediary. Does that make my donations “shallow and empty”?
On the main subject of the OP, I’m appalled at the Church’s doctrine (policy?) on LGBTQ+ issues. It is flat out wrong. Just like the Black ban was wrong. The Church learns it lessons poorly.
As members of the Church, we need to ask ourselves what our responsibility is in this latest debacle. Are we in part responsible for the suicides and mental anguish?
I will withhold judgment on the Church for it’s policy on LGBTQ+ matters, but I affirm its right to have a policy — that’s what churches and other religious bodies do, teaching right and wrong to their members within a larger pluralistic society. Policies change over time. In some countries around the world, it is illegal to refer to homosexual activity as sin from church pulpits or in other settings, and the Church is having to adapt to those laws in those countries..
@ji out of curiosity why will you withhold judgment? I believe it’s our duty to judge right from wrong and if we come to the conclusion given our God-given heart and mind that an approach to something is wrong – we should so judge.
I don’t mean condemn – I can believe that the Church and its leaders are acting in good faith while still judging their actions more likely to stem from their own prejudice than to be revelations from God, and therefore I won’t support or follow those guidelines in my own sphere.
Maybe I’m misreading your comment but I’m increasingly frustrated with people who feel that they simply cannot form an opinion on matters that I think are of great import because they feel they cannot have an opinion contrary to what the Church teaches. To me that’s lacking in moral courage.
Elisa: to your point…there’s a big difference between expressing moral outrage about blacks and the priesthood in 1977 vs doing so in 1979. We are in another 1977 with LGBQ. Let’s not wait until the next 1979
People can certainly be generous without religion. In the case of Mormonism, if we give our 10 percent to charitable causes instead of Church tithing, we can have meaningful generosity. I’m enough of egotist to believe that I can allocate my contributions; I don’t need an intermediary. Does that make my donations “shallow and empty”?
rogerdh: absolutely not, in fact i believe a practice of 10% tithe outside the church to be a practice in orthodoxy–I wasn’t referring exclusively to mormonism, christianity, or only organized religion. In defining orthodoxy Gladwell specified commitment to tradition; if you listen to the rest of his podcast he contrasts Wenger’s story with that of students at Stanford trying to get names changed of buildings away from slaveholders and their rhetorical choices and how he thinks they would have had more success if they’d shown some respect/love/charity/understanding for the tradition/history/alumni, however problematic, they were trying to improve. I don’t think his argument is perfect because in Wegner’s situation he’s a privileged voice speaking to peers–whereas the black students at stanford had no social capital from which to negotiate from and demanding their deference is another layer of problematic……..anyways, just an example of how generous orthodoxy was used outside of religious framing.
Ji,
“In some countries around the world, it is illegal to refer to homosexual activity as sin from church pulpits”. I can’t find these, could you please tell us where?
I can find plenty of countries where it is unsafe for a gay person to travel or live.
Like Elisa I think we each should take moral stands.
Geoff–
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/pastor-arrested-after-sermon-marriage-police-cite-complaints-homophobic-comments-1588129%3famp=1
The pastor referenced above was released without being charged; ultimately his religious rights were upheld. Could this incident reflect a larger issue of growing police brutality?
He may have been released without being charged, but he was arrested and jailed overnight. And this is not the first instance on that country. No doubt, happenings like this will have effects on church policy.
Ji, thanks for responding. “In some countries around the world, it is illegal to refer to homosexual activity as sin from church pulpits or in other settings”, so in one country, and one incident, and not from the pulpit. Probably not a problem in a closed community, but was preaching in a public park.
I think there very little problem for the anti gay people.
A great more liklihood of gays being persecuted.
Not sure why you told us about the one anti gay person being stopped, when compared to the millions of gay people persecuted. Do you see some equivalency?
I think we are here on earth to make moral judgement, and then act.
JCS, you keep saying the young are getting worse in every way. Could you tell us when was the ideal time, and what was so good about it then?
Goeff,
Please re-read what I wrote in the context that I wrote it in. We’re talking about church policy towards the LGBTQ+ community. I said church policy will change over time as laws in various countries change, and I shared an example that may force a change in church policy one day. That’s all I said — that happenings in the world will have effects on church policy. If you do re-read, you will see that I was not justifying anyone or any position, or condemning anyone or any position, or making any statement about equivalency in treatment of different groups.
Beautiful Kristine! Glad you are “raising heck” and helping others while doing that!