Years ago there was a program called “Scared Straight” where they would take at risk youth to visit prisons, as it was thought that is would scare the kids into keeping out of trouble.
Religion throughout history has also used this same approach. Hell, damnation, Outer Darkness, Son’s of Perdition. They all are part of the scared straight program. There are even some very funny memes that show the irony of religion using scare tactics.
And then this one from one of my favorite TV shows
President Uchtdorf spoke against using fear when he gave an address at the April 2017 General Conference:
First, let us address the problem with fear. After all, who among us has never been compelled by fear to eat better, wear a seat belt, exercise more, save money, or even repent of sin?
It is true that fear can have a powerful influence over our actions and behavior. But that influence tends to be temporary and shallow. Fear rarely has the power to change our hearts, and it will never transform us into people who love what is right and who want to obey Heavenly Father.
People who are fearful may say and do the right things, but they do not feel the right things. They often feel helpless and resentful, even angry. Over time these feelings lead to mistrust, defiance, even rebellion.
Unfortunately, this misguided approach to life and leadership is not limited to the secular world. It grieves me to hear of Church members who exercise unrighteous dominion—whether in their homes, in their Church callings, at work, or in their daily interactions with others.
Uchtdorf, April 2017, Sunday Morning
But then a new First Presidency was installed, and they were having none of Pres Uchdorf’s feel good Gospel. From the Sunday morning session of conference in 2019, Pres Nelson said:
I understand why God weeps. I also weep for such friends and relatives. They are wonderful men and women, devoted to their family and civic responsibilities. They give generously of their time, energy, and resources. And the world is better for their efforts. But they have chosen not to make covenants with God. They have not received the ordinances that will exalt them with their families and bind them together forever.
…..His Resurrection assures that every person who ever lived will indeed be resurrected and live forever, much more is required if we want to have the high privilege of exaltation. Salvation is an individual matter, but exaltation is a family matter.
Pres Nelson, April 2019
The scare tactic here is that if you don’t go to the Temple (go to church, pay tithing, follow modern interpretation of Word of wisdom, etc) and be sealed to your family, you will never be able to be with them in the afterlife.
Pres Eyring had set the tone the night before with his talk on sustaining your leaders
By raising your hand to sustain, you make a promise. You make a promise with God, whose servants these are, that you will sustain them.
These are imperfect human beings, as are you. Keeping your promises will take unshakable faith that the Lord called them. Keeping those promises will also bring eternal happiness. Not keeping them will bring sorrow to you and to those you love—and even losses beyond your power to imagine.
Eyring, April 2019 Priesthood Session
If you don’t sustain your leaders, bad thing will happen to you. “losses beyond your power to imagine”.
Do you respond to fear? I wear a seat belt in my car because I’m afraid of the consequences if I don’t and get in a accident. When does fear work with you, and when does it not?
Wheat & Tares 
Fear can be a funny thing – different in the ways it visits you.
I’m not a “tough guy” at all, but in situations that require physical courage (accidents, first aid emergencies, lost in dangerous conditions, stepping in to protect someone), fear doesn’t enter my mind. I can think quickly and act decisively.
But in other things like relationships, financial quagmires, some of the things some of my kids got/get into, fear is my companion and can be paralyzing. I crawl out of it by finding one little thing to latch onto – one little thing that can be put to rest. I know the formula, but excising fear can be very hard work for me.
My spiritual journey was often accompanied by fear: fear that I would never see my children grow up because of the second coming, fear that I wouldn’t be good enough for exaltation, fear that I wouldn’t “see the face of God”, fear that I would not be looked on favorably by my fellow members or ward leaders, fear that I wasn’t progressing in getting “bigger” callings.
I think my biggest struggle with fear was when my belief in the church started to slip. Getting that wrong could mean never seeing my family again. Years of study, thousands of pages read, every emotion in the book.
As I began to peel away what, to me, seemed to be things that put the church between God and me, fear began to leave. Messages like those in the post cited started to sound like tinkling cymbals and didn’t cause my guts to clench like they used to.
I started to feel God’s love – a love that was bigger than all of the rules and shoulds and musts and secret handshakes. After I stripped that away I found a man that had no inclination to do evil and really does want to do good continually. And one that is free to define what that good should be for me. Walking the “covenant path” shouldn’t feel like being on a chain-gang.
Maybe the question should be how one responds to fear-mongering.
There was a time years ago when I perceived our then EQ instructor as teaching weekly that we must do more than we were already doing (and already overwhelmed) or go to hell. I don’t know what he thought he was teaching, but the result was my hating priesthood meeting. There was no effect on what I was actually doing with my time and effort.
I suspect that the difference in our current culture between teaching about possible consequences of behaviors and attempting to motivate behaviors through fear may be partly a matter of style and emphasis and partly a function of the listener’s/reader’s perceptions and personal reactions. But there was clearly more than that involved in OT stoning penalties or threats (real or perceived) of “blood atonement.”
Been There, that comment should be distributed to all ward leaders across the planet. Thankyou for articulating your journey so clearly.
It was recently noted on this blog that although our church claims to be the only church that believes in eternal families, it’s actually the opposite – we are the church that does not believe in eternal families because we teach there are all sorts of hoops to jump through (including paying money to the church, and proclaiming loyalty to human leaders) to earn our families and avoid separation.
Maybe I just wasn’t as attuned to it when I was younger but I feel like this FP is all-in on the fear tactics and that RMN is constantly breathing threats in a voice that sounds sweet but if you listen to what he’s actually saying is incredibly menacing.
And of course it doesn’t stop at the top. My 8 yr old son – who is sweet and sensitive but also quite mischievous and naughty – was upset for several days after church (which he does not like). I finally got out of him that his teacher had told them that if they aren’t good enough they won’t make it to heaven. I asked if his heart felt like that was true. He said no. I said I agree. I know his teacher meant well but that makes me pretty sick that a little boy would leave primary with the message that if he’s not good enough God doesn’t want him back.
100% we are fear-based and 100% it’s not working for me anymore. With children, it’s very hard not to resort to fear to control them but I am trying hard not to. With adults, I think many are seeing through the manipulation. If you can’t offer me anything better than fear I will go elsewhere.
If you’re going to preach a divine grading curve, as Mormonism certainly does, with a legitimate spread (not everyone gets A’s and B’s) then some people are going to get D’s and some fail, salvation-wise. The way Mormons talk about “kingdoms of glory” makes it sound more positive than the old Christian heaven or hell version (sort of a pass-fail grading system) — and putting a positive spin on seems like the best option if you’re going to insist on retaining threats of damnation in your plan of salvation — but politely ignoring the Mormon version of hellfire doesn’t make it go away. Even rephrasing it as the deep and everlasting pain you might feel in the afterlife because you’re not together with your one and only and your children doesn’t eliminate threats of hellfire, it just emphasizes mental anguish rather than physical pain.
Not that the modern Christian approach of likewise ignoring hell and talking as if everyone goes to heaven is any better. It’s like Lake Wobegon, where all the children are above average. Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
Frankly, the more one confronts the whole problem, the more Universalism seems like a defensible doctrine. It’s not like God can’t figure out a way to save everyone, as much as that would disappoint church leaders, LDS and otherwise.
One thing I like about writing on this blog is that sometimes the comments are better than my original post. Actually, most of the time would be better said. Thanks BeenThere.
Great question. We used to say in business that compliance is always temporary and based on fear of getting caught breaking a rule or being different from the group. Consensus-building and collaboration require more time and effort and better arguments. Only real leadership can create these things, and it has nothing to do with who holds the title of “leader.” It’s strictly about who has the best ideas and understanding and can communicate it well. When those leadership skills are absent, you may get compliance, but it goes away once the leader does.
The ceaseless challenge of church leadership is the struggle between administering the organization and nurturing the people. As Angela so astutely implies, the most reliable way to do one of those things is by fear. What is so confounding for a religious leader is that fear makes it impossible to accomplish the other thing.
Do you want to build an organization? Do you want to create a structure that will feed people and make them temporally secure? Do you want to measure your progress in building and maintaining that organization? If you want to do these things, then your management skills have to account for some degree of social pressure and manipulation, which can be pretty hard to distinguish from fear.
Do you want to teach people to believe in Christ? Do you want to inspire people? Do you want to help people love each other and feel the love of God? If you want to do these things, then your efforts will be utterly destroyed by any hint of coercion.
It is possible to reconcile these things, but only by the slow process of collaboration, which requires patience, love, and understanding that are beyond most of us. Only the very greatest leaders succeed in guiding a religious people without compromising its spiritual qualities. Again, I like Angela’s comment for her use of the word “compliance.” In a church, when we reduce our behavior to the metric of compliance, we are failing. But for a leader at any level, it’s so very, very hard not to see things in terms of compliance!
Elisa: you took the words right out of my mouth: The LDS Church is arguable less pro-family than virtually every other Christian church when you take into consideration President Nelson’s “sad heaven” philosophy.
I would like to ask everyone reading this a simple question: Do you really believe that a family member who has left the Church or gone inactive is going to be prevented from joining his or her family because of a miscalculation made in this life? People who grew up active LDS (like my kids) but who have gone inactive have done so for what they consider very good reasons. Maybe they’ve miscalculated what is true and most important. But for that they are condemned to be separated from my wife and I for time and all eternity? Come on.
Here’s how I look at it: I’d rather be in the terrestrial kingdom with my kids than looking down at them from the celestial kingdom alone with my wife.
As a child, I asked what kingdom Mr. Rogers would go to. Since he wasn’t Mormon, I was told Terrestrial. I’ve lowkey aspired to the Terrestrial Kingdom ever since. I’ve met some great Mormons in my life, but none of them come anywhere near the Fred Rogers standard.
It never ceases to astonish me how absolutely certain some members are in where everyone will go “Kingdomwise” in the next life and how simultaneously they have no clue about the life right in front of their face. I have come to the conclusion that we are all basically clueless about everything. There is simply nothing there to “know”. Just (man)made up belief and a nice story.
And I am still officially “in”.
As I have said previously once I had a class with Hugh Nibley ( Early Christian Liturgy ) and he asked us what the greatest secret in the Church was . I of course thought of some secret revelation hidden away in the FP vault, or a disclosure about how much land the Church owned in Florida but to my astonishment he said “ the gospel “ . The gospel was kept hidden by the Church and most members had only a vague inking of its glory and power and majesty It was Joseph who taught that “God is more liberal in his views and boundless in his mercy and blessings than we are willing to believe or accept”.It seems clear to me that the Christ RMN preaches about as he talks about the necessity of not straying from the covenant path ( a phrase that does not appear in the scriptures) or risk being eternally separated from the ones we love isn’t the Christ who said “I will be lifted up that I can draw ( Gk sozo) all men to me “ John 12. Nor is he the Christ who said it was his “work and glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life on man” The only way to reconcile this is to conclude that God either does not mean what he says or does not have the power to bring about his plans. Thanks but for me and my house I will take the gospel of Hugh Nibley and the Savior of the scriptures over the poor ineffectual one taught by RMN..
Surely, our Savior asks us to make a choice, and surely, there are outcomes from choices.
But also, while our mortal life is short, we’ll have a thousand years in the Millennium, when Christ will reign personally on the earth and the adversary will be bound, to smooth out our remaining rough spots. The Gospel of Jesus Christ really is wonderful!
I have always taken the Alma the Younger approach to our eternal salvation. In my opinion, a just God would make sure we all get an equal chance to understand and accept the atonement in this life or next. Alma the Younger’s experienced
1.) Rebelling against God
2.)Being directly visited by an angel
3.) Seeing what life (or death) is like without the Atonement
4.)Then feeling the freedom of the Atonement,
I believe we will all have such a chance in this life or the next. Otherwise, how could a just God explain why Alma the Younger got an ultimate chance to accept Christ but the millions of others who did not understand the full extent of the Atonement. God will make sure we all of have that same opportunity to accept the Gospel in this life or the next. Personally, I don’t even think the resurrection will end our chance to accept the Atonement and gain Celestial glory. God will never give up on his children.
Sadly, the President Nelson’s sad heaven, does not reflect the “Good News” that the Gospel brings. Though this has been a back and forth in the Church since James E. Talmage suggested we could progress through the kingdoms in The Articles of Faith.
It has been interesting watching people react to the attempts to slow the spread of COVID-19 in our country. I see so many people criticizing the precautions of mask wearing and social distancing as being based in fear. (But from their words I think their derision is not for the fear, but for the actions. In a perverse sort of way, perhaps they are trying to get the rest of us to be scared of appearing cowardly before the virus?)
It really has helped me during this pandemic to remember to be motivated my love for my vulnerable family members and neighbors. I have so appreciated Ardis Parshall’s keepapitchinin blog and its daily reminders (“Who We Lost”) of the beloved people who died from the 1918 flu pandemic. I wear my mask and practice social distancing because I love people around me and want to help protect them from harm, suffering and death.
I can’t find it now, but I remember reading a story about New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s approach to the pandemic, and how she sought to motivate her country by appealing to everyone’s concern for each other. New Zealand has been very successful at fighting the virus, and I think her love-based approach has been very effective.
Marvelous Gilgamesh, again can this be distributed throughout the church? Imagine how many grieving hearts would be comforted, but we persist in believing in an old testament God rather than an atoning Saviour, who wants us to succeed in returning into God’s presence rather than seeking to exclude us.
Of course this is a riskier process as Loursat points out. And I thought that was precisely the point.
‘But love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that took him in.’
Edwin Markham.
A great post and great comments. It has been correctly pointed out that fear is necessary and helpful in dealing with many situations in life, but I agree that letting fear become the foundation of our religious belief is a tragedy. There are a lot of Mormons who preach the Gospel of Fear; this is based, IMO, on an attitude that every rule MUST be followed. Well, of course God wants us to follow His rules, but the ironic thing is that if we focus on all the rules (and there are a lot in Mormonism), then we wind up not paying enough attention to the two greatest rules of all: (1) Love God and our neighbor; and (2) faith, hope, and charity. It is impossible to keep all the rules; even RMN can’t do it. That is why we have the atonement.
Having escaped from evangelical Christianity at the age of 22, when I became a Mormon, I can say that Mormonism has a much more positive outlook than either Catholicism or Evangelical Protestantism. I was attracted to the Church because if it’s positive, humanist outlook. The Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ was to me liberating. The problem is that as an institution tries to protect and strengthen itself, it becomes rule-bound and fear-oriented. This is the case, generally, not just in the Church.
The sad thing is that there is so much cultural accretion in tribal Mormonism that Emphasizes rule-keeping and fear, in an attempt to Keep people and family members in the fold. I remember all too well a missionary contemporary with me in Taiwan, who after her mission found Mr. Right, and he wasn’t Mormon. Her family gave her tremendous grief when she married him.
But as has been pointed out, fear stops working after a certain point.
RMN will be with us a few years more, then a different Church President will emphasize different things. I sustain him as Church President, without having to worry about his pharisaic, rule-bound approach to life. In the meantime, I will continue to focus on Orson Whitney’s promise that families will keep their wayward children in the eternities, because of the sealing powers of the temple.
Of more contemporary interest, Jeffrey Holland presided over a Stake Presidency and Bishop leadership training meeting at the Washington, D.C. Stake Center in (I think) either 2011 or 2012, when I lived in Maryland. He reiterated Orson Whitney’s teaching, and said: the sealing powers of the temple trump sin every time. There will be no empty chairs at the celestial dinner table. Holland was explicit. It was interesting that he used a card-playing verb: trump.
I am sorry that so many people in this comment thread have experienced the Gospel of Fear. I have had people over the years try to inflict it on me, but fortunately, I have a thick skin, and fought back by insisting on the Gospel of the Savior’s Joy.
Illegitimit non carborundum!
I guess if one has a positive attitude toward the church the perception is “remembrance” while a negative outlook sees “fear-mongering”. It’s laughable to imagine a spiritual hypochondriac thinking “Am I risking my salvation if:”
I don’t partake of the sacrament?
I fall asleep during the talks?
I didn’t read my Sunday School lesson?
I still have my huge collection of Rock Music?
“Accept these viewpoints or risk condemnation”, Found in the church among the members and outside the church among the protesters.
I long for the good old days of Hinckley-Monson.
Taiwan Missionary–
This is the first I’ve heard of Orson Whitney teaching everyone will make it and Elder Holland agreeing. I’d like to read this if anyone has a reference. I imagine if that will be the case, it’s probably because the Atonement covers us after repentance?
I did all those things and now I’m done with the fear and angst. It’s strange but I find it nauseating and triggering to see pictures of RMN, DHO or Bednar or see them speak. I’m somewhat here but mentally done and estranged, a non believer and also questioning a belief in God. So much of our history has taken me away. On the one hand it’s very freeing but walking away totally can be traumatic after everything that has been conditioned.
Meez:
The Jeffrey Holland story is from my personal experience. I. e. my Bishop and Stake President were both present, and both men independently shared Elder Holland’s remarks widely, in Ward and stake meetings, afterward.
I am waiting at a medical appointment, now, and don’t have immediate access to my (hardcopy) sources, but I remember that Whitney made his remarks in the 1920s, and that they have been cited in more recent General Conferences.
Of interest, Orson Whitney, in the early 1930s, when General Conference was a rather unscripted affair, gave a talk in which he said that he feared rule-bound pharisaism more than things like breaking the W of W. HJG was so upset with Whitney’s address that he wanted Whitney to change his remarks for the written record of GC. Whitney point-blank refused, and said that he would resign from the Q12, rather than do that. HJG backed down, but managed to keep Whitney’s talk out of the official record.
There ARE non-constipated voices among our Church leadership.
Meet and Taiwan Missionary the doctrine that everyone will “make it” is also called universalism. That is universal salvation. It was widely taught and believed by the early church fathers especially Origen and Clement of Alexandria.. It was subsequently condemned by church synods in the 6th century. More importantly it was taught by Joseph Smith , Brigham Young and Joseph F Smith . See the last chapter of T Givens book “The Christ Who Heals “ for citations. Look at John 12 where the Savior says he will be lifted up that he may “draw” all men to him . Note he says all men ,not just Mormons who stay on the Covenant path. Further more the word “draw” in Greek is “ heilko” . That word can be and elsewhere in the KJV as haul as in hauling nets”. Or as “drag” as in dragging Paul before a magistrate. Mutiple transalations Of John 12 say “I will drag all men to me” See Davud Hart NT Translation. What kind of plan would it be if we knew that we would be eternally separated by the ones we loved the most. Hardly a plan that would cause me to shout for joy. Given time enough all of us will gradually understand that the happiness that as rational creatures we all seek can only come with repentance and coming to love like the Savior loves. Thus the Savior will show that he came into the world not to condemn it but to save and heal (Gk sozo ) it. Thus he will show that he does have the power to bring to pass the exaltation and eternal life of man just just some very tiny subset of mankind. There is lots of other evidence of the truthfulness of this doctrine but I have used up enough bandwidth.
Oops “ not just some very tiny subset”
Bellamy:
Thanks for your very helpful comment. I have myself always viewed Mormon teachings about salvation as “close to universalism,” but not a full-blown acceptance of that school of Christianity. I believe it was Stephen Robinson (“Following Christ” and “Believing Christ”) who stated that only the “most stubbornly unwilling” will not receive Christ’s salvation.
I understand the unhappiness of many with our current rule-bound mindset in a Church culture that is fixated on hierarchical obedience, but believe me, it is all relative. Having cut my Christian teeth on the very excluding doctrines of evangelical Protestantism, I became immediately aware when I began investigating Mormonism, of its quasi-universalist nature, and I loved it.
The quote from Prez Eyring is just awful. His father was a world-class scientist. Some of that must of rubbed in discussions around the dinner table. He has the background to fill an important niche is the Church: the relationship between science and religion. Goodness knows we have enough anti-science beliefs among Church members. But instead of filling a need, Eyring continues to give forgettable or lamentable talks. We need him to fill the role he was meant to fill. Since that seems unlikely, perhaps Elder Gong will step up.