St. Peter conducts a group of people on a tour through heaven and shows them where the different churches are located. As they pass one room, St. Peter says, “Shhh! Quiet! Those are the Mormons; they think they’re the only ones here.”
I’ve noticed two kinds of jokes about Mormons, one, like the above that pokes fun at some aspect of our theology or culture (e.g. the one true church) and those jokes we tell ourselves that makes fun things we do, or overdo at church.
As an example of a joke we tell about ourselves
A young girl was sent away to BYU by her parents, and at the end of her first semester she came back home telling her parents that she had to drop out of school because she was pregnant. Her parents were astonished, to say the least, that their daughter with such a fine Mormon upbringing could have this happen to her. They immediately asked her if the boy didn’t intend to do the right thing and I marry her. To which the girl replied, “Oh Mother, I couldn’t marry him! He smokes.”
This joke examines our obsession with the Word of Wisdom. Another joke that looks at our lack of following the WofW if we don’t think we’ll be caught: “why do you always take two Mormons fishing with you? Because if you only take one, he’ll drink all your beer”
What are some of the jokes that you’ve heard that fit into these two divisions? Are there other Mormon jokes that don’t fit cleanly in these categories?
I’ll finish with my favorite Mormon joke:
On a flight from Shannon to New York Irish Father Maguire finds himself seated next to a Mormon Bishop who introduces himself as Bishop Smith, who was returning home to New York after a lovely vacation in Ireland. Shortly after Irish father Maguire pulls out a flask, and pours some whiskey into his coffee. He then turns to Bishop and asks,
“Bishop. Is it true that you people never drink Alcohol?”
“Never,” replies the Bishop.
“Surely, at some time in your life you must have tasted alcohol. Come on, now, huh?”
“Well, Irish father, I guess since we’re both in the same racket I can tell you. Yes, I did stray once and drank some whiskey.”
“Ah, I thought so,” says Irish father Maguire, a broad smile of satisfaction on his rotund face.
“Now, Irish father,” said the Bishop, “it’s my turn. You guys are supposed to be celibate, right?”
“Oh, dear God, yes. Absolutely.”
“Ah, come on, man. I leveled with you. Was there ever a time you strayed?”
Sheepishly, Irish father Maguire says, “Well, truth to tell, there was a time, yes. Once. Long time ago.”
“I see,” says the Bishop. Then after a moment he says “Beats the hell out of whiskey, don’t you think?
[for a more in dept review of Mormon humor, see this Sunstone article The Seriousness of Mormon Humor ]
Wheat & Tares 
Peter. stood at the pearly gates and required each of the group of three to give a gift in order to enter.
The Catholic was excited and handed over a gorgeous jeweled crucifix. Next was the Jew, and a stunning menorah was presented to Peter. Lastly, the Mormon stood slightly hesitant for a moment, Peter asked what gift was under the tinfoil as he lifted the covering to reveal a plate of green Jell-O.
Here is a good one: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
If it’s the women, four: one the say the opening prayer, one to change the light bulb, one to say the closing prayer, and one to bring the refreshments.
If it’s the men, only two, but you have to wait until the last day of the month.
How many Mormon mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. “You kids just go out and have fun. I’ll just stay home alone. In the dark.”
The Rev. Franklin Graham contacts the Pope with good news and bad news. “The good news is that the Savior has returned to Earth, the bad news is he’s calling from Salt Lake City.
How are bishops chosen? The stake president finds the most righteous, spiritual, most loved person in the ward – and then they call her husband.
I don’t quite know if this is pedestalizing women as I know a few examples where this was NOT the case, but I would say that just about every bishop I have known has a very supportive wife – or at least seems to.
Another one my dad often passed on. Callings in this church are made by revelation, inspiration, and re-lations. This of course used to be more so than today, but I certainly wouldn’t say it is all gone away.
I also heard about a bishop that just was released and passed on the 2 simple things a bishop needed to do to be successful. They were (a) keep the single people from having sex and (b) get the married people TO have sex.
Beelzebub was conducting a tour of hell and one of the tourists looked over a fence to see a verdant landscape with fields and forests and happy people. He asked Beelzebub, ‘What’s up with all that? I thought hell was supposed to be a place of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.’ Beelzebub takes a peek and sighs, ‘Dang Mormons been irrigating again.’
I once used that joke to answer a Unitarian friend who asked me “Don’t you guys ever worry about what happens if you’re wrong?” I told the joke and finished with “No, we don’t worry about it. Wherever we end up, we’ll turn it into heaven.” He thought that was a great answer.
Happy Hubby, I know J. Golden Kimball said that he wasn’t called by inspiration, but relation. That joke sounds like a variation of what he used to say.
The version I heard was revelation, inspiration or desperation… but I didn’t think it was intended as a joke.
Many of these jokes are drawn from other religions, insert “Mormon” where appropriate. The one about “Shh, they think they’re the only ones here” has been told of many religions or nationalities. ” You can always tell a {Mormon, Swede} but you cannot tell him much.”
What makes it both amusing and observant is that the Mormons (or whatever) ARE the only ones in the place they occupy and which they conclude they are the only ones here. What exactly is “here”? It is the Mormon heaven. The Episcopalian heaven is something else; the Hindu heaven something else again (and so on).
It is likely they co-exist but not overlapping. Each of these mansions, to use the biblical term for it, is occupied by people that probably think they are the only ones in that mansion, or that there are no other mansions. Mormons at least presumably are aware of the existence of many mansions.
Michael 2 is right–some of these are Mormonized versions of jokes told about other religions, especially the “only ones here” joke and the “take two Mormons fishing” joke, both of which I have heard told about Baptists much more often (at least outside of the intermountain west) than about Mormons.
Even Jello is both a Lutheran and Catholic church basement/pot-luck tradition in the Midwest, where Mormons are rare but Lutherans and Catholics are thick as fleas on a stray dog. I laughed the first time I heard some Utah kid claim Jello and funeral potatoes as a Mormon tradition. You can buy cookbooks for both at any self-respecting Lutheran church carnival in Minnesota or Wisconsin.