My earliest recollection of crying over a TV program was when I was about 5 years old. I was watching “The Little Match Girl”, and remember crying at the end of the show (spoiler alert!) when the little girl freezes to death. I cry a lot, which is contrary to my normal personality that is jovial, but can be quite flippant and sarcastic at times, as you can tell from my posts. I cried today as I looked over the names of the 12 people shot to death at the Borderline Bar, which is about 20 miles from my house, and was even visited by my daughter years ago. I cry at the suffering of babies starving to death in third world counties. I cried when Mama Coco dies in a animated movie while watching it with my grandchildren!
I blame this on my mother, from whom I inherited this ability to shed tears at the drop of a hat. My mother was the same way, and my father would often tease that my mother would cry watching a commercial on TV when they picked the wrong soap!
The church would have us believe that my crying is the spirit touching my soul. I used to believe this growing up, but as an adult, I started to wonder why the spirit was touching me while watching a Disney cartoon. As a missionary I was told to tell our investigators that the good feeling they had was the Holy Ghost testifying of the truthfulness of what we were saying. From this imprinting, every time these people would feel this same warm and fuzzy, they would associate it with the spirit, and by connection, the missionaries and the Mormon church. This is the same trick I read in a psychology book about how to to get a girl to like you. You take her on a date to an amusement park, and take her on a thrill ride like a roller coaster. As she is with you on the ride, the thrill of the ride will be associated with you, and every time she sees you afterword, she will associate that excitement of the ride with you.
So do you associate all of this type of crying with the “spirit”? As I’ve discussed recently here , is there a type of brain that is more susceptible to the “spirit”, and thus more readily cries?
Where are you on the crying spectrum? Easy crier like Bishop Bill, or less so, in which case people could say you are insensitive!
Wheat & Tares 
I’m not a crier, generally speaking. I have never ever been moved to tears giving a talk or bearing testimony, for example. I find it really very odd in others.
What does make me cry is the separation of loved ones either by death or other event, be that in fiction, film, or in real life. It’s traumatic.
I found myself becoming more of a crier once I shed my belief in the Spirit being a real influence. Now that I view all such spiritual experiences as merely human experiences – of connection, of recognition of beauty, of empathy, of unity – I seem to be much more sensitive to these and often outside the context of the church.
It’s interesting to me that now that I don’t believe in the Spirit anymore, I feel it much more often. Also, it’s been liberating to just accept these sorts of experiences as a beautiful aspect of being human, and not feel I need to assign or attach a specific interpretation, especially in terms of them being any sort of “truth” indicator.
So now I cry more often. I guess that’s one of the many outcomes of my faith transition.
#1 Those early traditional fairy tales were brutal! I think that’s why few of them and only the blandest of them have survived to this day. (I was horrified by The Little Match Girl too and never understood why it was considered a Christmas story when I was young.)
#2 If you’re a cry baby then my husband is too. And his deeply caring nature is probably what I love most about him. ….tho there are so many things it’s hard to provide a hierarchy for them. Watching This Is Us on Tuesday nights and blubbering has become something we both look forward to.
The world needs more people with empathy and who don’t dismiss others’ needs and problems. But if this were the Spirit and if as many Mormons were endowed by the Spirit as insist they are I think we’d support more generous politics and people who do would not be dismissed as “snowflakes”. We certainly wouldn’t have a POX.
Bishop Bill I’m just like you in that I cry all the time over all kinds of things. Other people crying, swelling music, TV shows on animal planet. And I blame my mom as well. I’ve seen my wife cry only a few times in thirteen years of marriage where that’s just a couple months worth for me.
I’m very hesitant to attribute emotions to the spirit at this point. Especially not as a means of testifying of a specific faith tradition.
“The church would have us believe that my crying is the spirit touching my soul.” Huh? This statement needs to be backed up, as I have never heard a talk, sermon, lesson or other teaching that would lead to this conclusion.
Much to my dismay, I am also a crier. I don’t know where I got it as my parents are not this way.
And like DoubtingTom, I find I am even more so after my faith transition. I was a bit of a hot mess in the middle of my faith crisis. It didn’t help I was in a bishopric and was expected to bear a testimony often.
I have even asked a therapist if there were any know ways to try and curb this tendencies and got zilch as far as any suggestions.
From Preach My Gospel: “President Howard W. Hunter offered this counsel: “Let me offer a word of caution. … I think if we are not careful … , we may begin to try to counterfeit the true influence of the Spirit of the Lord by unworthy and manipulative means. I get concerned when it appears that strong emotion or free-flowing tears are equated with the presence of the Spirit. Certainly the Spirit of the Lord can bring strong emotional feelings, including tears, but that outward manifestation ought not to be confused with the presence of the Spirit itself” (The Teachings of Howard W. Hunter [1997], 184). The Spirit of the Lord always edifies.”
I get tired of the all-too-frequent straw man arguments I see on this blog.
I don’t really cry at all. For years, particularly in YW, I was convinced that I was too evil to feel the Holy Ghost, because everyone around me would be bawling. Now I see, of course, that getting most YW to cry is like shooting fish in a barrel, and doesn’t necessarily show that they’re feeling “The Spirit” anyway.
Dsc, that you have to go back over 20 years, to Pres. Hunter, to find a quote like that sort of undercuts your point. In contrast, I would point to just about every film or video the Church puts out — they all have emotive soundtracks designed to elicit an emotional response from viewers. In practice, most LDS leaders and teachers act as if the Spirit is manifest primarily in an emotional response to any gospel message.
But Pres. Hunter had some fine and reasonable ideas to share with the Church. It’s too bad his tenure as President of the Church was so short.
Dave B,
I didn’t have to go back 20 years; it’s in Preach My Gospel, right there in the chapter about teaching others to feel the spirit. PMG is the current missionary lesson and preparation book that is front and center in every mission, ward mission, and youth curriculum.
Of course church multimedia materials have emotive soundtracks. They add to the message. But that doesn’t detract from feeling the spirit during a dry conference talk or awkward missionary lesson.
You’re reinforcing the generalized statement in order to create a straw man.
I’m not much of a crier anymore. I don’t have any tears left, though I regularly cry when I watch Jesus of Montreal and a few other films. However, I do like DoubtingTom’s comment a great deal. It’s sad to say, but my move away from hardline Mormonism actually allowed me to have less fraught, more untrammeled emotional experiences. As a now “middle way” Mormon, I find that my emotional architecture is more healthy, free and robust and that I’m actually more capable of empathy than I was when I was closer to being a TBM. And it’s quite discouraging that we aren’t encouraged to really explore our emotions in this church. Unless we describe emotions with officially sanctioned language like “my heart as been touched” or “I’m feeling the tender mercies of the Lord”, it’s like our emotions aren’t valid. Of course, if we really did explore our emotions, we might find that DoubtingTom is correct and that, of course, would mean the church’s official view of the Holy Ghost and its relationship to emotion would be seen as incorrect.
“Unless we describe emotions with officially sanctioned language like “my heart as been touched” or “I’m feeling the tender mercies of the Lord”, it’s like our emotions aren’t valid.“
Another straw man. This is not my experience in church.
Dsc has evidently never been to girls’ camp.
DCS, you proved my point. Even Pres Hunter felt it necessary to warn the Saints NOT to equate emotion with the spirit. Something must have prompted this. Ether that or he was throwing up a straw man!
Bishop Bill,
Your comment implied that the Church, as an institution, through its leaders, has taught that. If you had said “Some Latter-day Saints would have you believe”, you would be absolutely right. But your statement, as you phrased it, is just plain wrong. I’m sorry you’re too proud to admit it.
This is the only reason girl’s camp exists. You take a gaggle of girls put them in tents without showers, toilets, or beds; then force them to “learn” survival skills from leaders who have no idea what they’re doing. Add in awful skits and the emotional politics of girl cliques and by the end of the week every one of them of bawling at testimony mtg. They’re exhausted and taught that emotional exhaustion is the Spirit.
There’s no doubt that there’s a cultural problem, particularly inside the Mormon Belt and particularly at girls camp where emotional experiences are equated with feeling the spirit, but the Church as an institution is actively trying to stem that. From the March announcement of the new girls camp manual:
The presidency encouraged leaders to shy away from experiences that rely on emotion or that try to force a spiritual experience through drama.
“Sometimes young women—especially those who are just learning to respond to the Spirit—might think, ‘Everybody else is crying; why am I not crying? I must not be feeling the Spirit,’” Sister Oscarson said. “People can feel the Spirit working in their lives, and everybody reacts differently to it. Stick with the scriptures, the basic doctrines of Christ and of the gospel, and choose appropriate activities that invite the Spirit but which don’t try to manipulate emotions.”
…
But hey, what do I know? I’m just an emotionally-stunted “TBM”.
I am often touched by great, inspiring stories, etc. and some emotional testimonies, but not some others. But I have never equated purely emotional experiences with being touched by the spirit. At least not in my own memory which is sadly volatile as of late. But there is a complete difference between an emotional experience and a spiritual experience. None of the latter have ever led me to tears. Most have been what I would call eye opening, or at least enlightening, but some have left me with a great feeling of happiness because of the things that I learned.
Glenn
I very much do not associate bathos with the spirit. But it is an interesting question.
“Sometimes young women—especially those who are just learning to respond to the Spirit—might think, ‘Everybody else is crying; why am I not crying? I must not be feeling the Spirit,’”
So true. And not just Young Women. I know a Young man, attending EFY, thinking that same thing. I remember a convert some years ago mentioning she was struck by men crying when bearing their testimonies. It is not uncommon in church culture for members verbally associate strong emotions ie crying with “feeling the spirit.”
Perfect example of wheat and Tate’s. Post- people crying are pretending to feel the spirit, but not really.
Comment- I no longer believe anything religious, but now when I cry I find that more beautiful. 15 ups and 0 negatives
As I said in Sunday school once: “Evangelicals wave their hands and speak in tongues, Hindus chant, Jews sing, Catholics cross themselves–these are all accepted expressions of piety and religious sentiment in these faiths. Mormons cry. That’s ok, embrace it, but don’t make fun of anyone else in our out of our faith for how they choose to express their feelings.”
My wife said she can’t figure me out. I went to a wreath laying event for veterans this weekend as well as a Catholic funeral mass: cried almost solidly through both. I didn’t lose three tears when my mom died, but I’m gushing like a fountain when I experience things like this. Haven’t seen Mama Coco’s scene, but I’m backwards enough to have it get to me.
Dsc,
I see your point. When I said “church”, I was referring to everything associated with the church, it leaders, members, and culture. When you saw church, you saw the leaders and official doctrine/policy. That is not what I saw trying to convey. I will be more careful in the future to use the word culture when needed. Maybe church = everything, Church = official teachings?
I have often joked “I’m so hungry I could bare my testimony.”
Bishop Bill,
I suppose that might help, but there are other problems with your word choice. First, it’s hard to pin down what a culture “wants” or “would have you believe”. That problem is compounded by the fact that what you’re presenting is not actually the culture of the church, but what you perceive the culture to be, based on your own observations and filtered through your own biases.
Further, I think when culture and the institutional church are in conflict, any use of the term “the church” (capitalized or not) is misleading when used to refer to the culture.
“The presidency encouraged leaders to shy away from experiences that rely on emotion or that try to force a spiritual experience through drama” Ooooh, goodie! Does this mean no more Trek?? Show me a better example of a forced spiritual experience through drama, and I’ll eat my hat.