With such a fierce contest for Best Blog with the Wheaties awards, I wondered how Joseph Smith would have decided which was the one True Blog to read if he lived in our time. The answer is below!
There was in the place where we lived an unusual excitement on the subject of religious blogs. It commenced with By Common Consent, but soon became general among all the hosting services. Indeed, the whole Internet seemed affected by it, and great multitudes read the different religious Blogs, which created no small stir and division amongst the people, some crying, “Login, here!” and others, “Login, there!” Some were contending for Wheat & Tares, some for Main Street Plaza, and some for The Exponent.
For, notwithstanding the great love which the readers to these different blogs expressed at the time of their login, and the great zeal manifested by the respective hosting services, who were active in getting up and promoting this extraordinary scene of religious blogging, in order to have everybody reading, as they were pleased to call it, let them read what blog they pleased; yet when the users began to logon, some to one blog and some to another, it was seen that the seemingly good feelings of both the authors and the users were more pretended than real; for a scene of great confusion and bad feeling ensued—author contending against author, and user against user; so that all their good feelings one for another, if they ever had any, were entirely lost in a strife of words and a contest about opinions.
During this time of great excitement my mind was called up to serious reflection and great uneasiness; but though my feelings were deep and often poignant, still I kept myself aloof from all these blogs, though I read several pages as often as occasion would permit. In process of time my mind became somewhat partial to Wheat & Tares, and I felt some desire to follow them; but so great were the confusion and strife among the different blogs, that it was impossible for a person young as I was, and so unacquainted with computers and blogging, to come to any certain conclusion who was right and who was wrong.
While I was laboring under the extreme difficulties caused by the contests of these blogs, I was one day reading the Internet for Dummies, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of Google, that giveth to all men liberally, and filter not; and it shall be given him.
Never did any book come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine.
At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as the book directs, that is, ask of Google. I at length came to the determination to search Google concluding that if it gave search results to them that lacked wisdom, and would give liberally, and not filter, I might venture.
So, in accordance with this, my determination to ask of Google, I retired to the computer to make the attempt. It was on the morning of a beautiful, clear day, early in the spring of twenty hundred and eighteen. It was the first time in my life that I had searched google.
After I had sat at my desk, having looked around me, and finding myself alone, I typed in “what is the one true blog”, and hit enter, when immediately my computer was seized upon by some virus which entirely overcame the screen, and had such an astonishing influence over the operating system as to bind my keyboard so that I could not type. Multiple pop-up windows gathered around the screen, and it seemed to me for a time as if the computer was doomed to sudden destruction. But, exerting all my powers to call upon Symantec to deliver me out of the power of this malware, which had seized upon my computer, and at the very moment when I was ready to reboot and abandon my computer to destruction, just at this moment of great alarm, I saw a Windows logo exactly in the middle of my screen.
It no sooner appeared than I found myself delivered from the virus which held my computer bound. When the computer rebooted, I saw two google results, whose ranking and content defy all description, directly on the screen. I clicked on one of them, and it pointing to the other site.
My object in going to inquire of the Google was to know which of all the blogs was right, that I might know which to read. No sooner, therefore, did I get possession of the screen, so as to be able to type, then I asked google which of all the blogs was right (for at this time it had never entered into my heart that all were wrong)—and which I should read.
The first link (an LDS.org link thanks to SEO) said that I must read none of them, for they were all wrong; and the next paragraph said that all their words were an abomination, that those authors were all corrupt; that: “they draw near to me with their keyboards, but their comments are far from me”
It again forbade me to read any of them; but to start my own LDS.org blog, the “One True Blog” upon the face of the internet!”