I’ve been listening to David Archuleta’s song Hell Together, which he wrote and dedicated to his mom. Archuleta took second place in American Idol in 2008. I reviewed his memoir in this post. A talented musician, he was also a dedicated Mormon who took time off to serve a mission. The Church loved him. This charismatic and famous millennial could help with the Church’s public image problem. Then he announced he was bisexual, eventually acknowledging that he was gay. And he was going to “choose to live the gay lifestyle” by which I mean he wanted to fall in love with someone he was actually physically attracted to.

Most heterosexuals also choose to live the heterosexual lifestyle, by which I mean they want to fall in love with someone they are physically attracted to.

Archuleta left the Church. His mom initially supported the Church’s teachings about homosexuality, but eventually she left too, in support of her son. To honor her, Archuleta wrote Hell Together.

The full lyrics are here I’m going to paste in a few of them and discuss.

Bow your head
Don’t be bold
You’ll survive by
Doing what you’re told
Said love is earned
And we can’t choose
But the more you grow
You know the truth.

This stanza is summarizing what Church teachings feel like to queer people. Just be obedient and don’t visibly be different. However, pretending to be something you’re not is stressful and as people grow and mature, you start to realize that living a pretense isn’t sustainable.

Oh if they don’t like the way you’re made
Then they’re not any better
If Paradise is pressure
Oh
We’ll go to Hell together

That line: “If Paradise is pressure” encapsulates so much. We’re all supposed to want paradise, but what if we don’t? It isn’t just that obedience is hard; it’s that the reward we’re working for isn’t something we even want anymore.

You and me
That’s all we need
Blood is thicker
Than the pages
That they read
I’m afraid
Of letting go
Of the version of me
That I used to know

This reference to “the pages that they read” confines Church teachings to scripture and past teachings. This isn’t revelation; this is tradition.

And being afraid of letting go of the person you constructed? Realizing you have to get to know who you really are? It’s scary. Sometimes it’s exhilarating. Sometimes it’s terrifying. You lose a lot. You gain a lot. It’s a change; it’s a risk; it’s a personal revelation.

Crying tears in Sunday crowds
Took my hand, and we walked out
You said

If I have to live without you
I don’t wanna live forever
In someone else’s heaven
So let em close the gates

Wish we knew it sooner
Walking out with grace

Finally, we choose our own heaven, not someone else’s. The biggest regret is how long it took to reject a Paradise that says your gift to love is wrong, bad, excessive, filthy, degenerate, disgusting. I love the line “walking out with grace”, especially when set against the earlier line that “love is earned.” We take grace with us when we go, that unconditional love and acceptance.

This post is a shoutout to every parent who has stepped back from the Church to support a queer child. You have no idea how much your child loves you for what you sacrificed to love them. But I am so proud of David Archuleta’s mom, and of the W&T community members who I know have queer children and have done right by them.

Thank you.

Happy Pride Month.

Discussion prompts:

  1. If you’re the parent of a queer child (the entire alphabet – LGBTQIA+), what was your faith journey like? Where are you at?
  2. How do you handle the fact that homophobia has increased markedly in the past several years?
  3. If you’re the queer child, how did your parents handle it? What is your relationship with them like today?
  4. Have you been able to help someone who doesn’t have supportive parents?
  5. Any sibling stories you feel comfortable sharing?