I was listening to a podcast recently where they were talking about how different the USA is from the rest of the world. They talked about a Hungarian immigrant who had lived in the USA for many years. He went back to visit family and friends that he had not seen in many years. They were all together for an afternoon meal, and he found it interesting that nobody asked him what he did for a living in the US, but they only asked him if he was happy. It was not important what he was doing, only that he was happy.
Contrast that with our obsession with status here in the USA, and how when we meet somebody new, we asked them “what do you do”. I did that just the other day while talking to a surfer in the water [1].
We also do this in the Church, mostly with family or friends that we haven’t seen in a while. Asking “what is your calling” has given way to the more friendly “what do they having you doing in the church nowadays”. The former question requires an answer with a calling, or the dreaded “I don’t have a calling” followed by some excuse (we have a big ward, etc.). The latter can be answered with “not much”, which seems less harsh.
What is the experience of my dear readers that live outside the USA? Do you find that the uniquely American propensity to ask about jobs while meeting somebody has bled over to Church culture in your area, and asking about callings is normal?
And for my US readers, what is your experience with asking or being asking about callings? How do you answer?
[1] Turns out the guy I met while surfing in Kauai owns a wetsuit company (Cyber), and imports high end Japanese wetsuits to the US.
Wheat & Tares 
While it may seem that asking about a calling is a common social question among members, I agree with the OP that it is a status check. If you have a leadership calling you pass with flying colors. Other callings have varying shades of respect (or lack thereof), but callings are definitely not all equal in the status hierarchy. I like the “not much” answer but also acknowledge that it’s an avoidance tactic, which sometimes is the way to go.
About 5 years ago I was at a summer family picnic in the hot, humid DC area. Because I’m unendowed, I wore a sleeveless top and bared my porn shoulders. One of my brothers and his wife were there and the first question my SIL asked upon seeing me was “what’s your calling at church?” At the time, I was teaching youth Sunday School. From her reaction, it was clear I’d failed the test and it was obviously my fault as I was unworthy (note the “porn shoulders”). About a year later, my huge ward had been downsized to a branch (to allow us to bring in tons of converts – you can guess how that went) and I was beginning my transition out of the church, although I didn’t realize it yet. I attended a baby shower for a friend in a previous ward. I was seated at a large round table with women I had served with in leadership and knew for years. When asked what my calling was in the newly formed branch, I said I didn’t have one. Incredulously I was asked how I managed that given the needs for callings in a branch. I replied – just say no. With the exception of one real friend sitting next to me, the rest of the table didn’t say a word to me the rest of the shower after my reply. I became totally invisible.
These days, no one asks me that question because I have only one church friend and she knows my status (the same one I was sitting next to at the shower). I do have 2 brothers who are active (the only 2 out of 6 siblings) and I doubt they know I’ve left the church (we live far apart and have limited contact). If asked the calling question it would be tempting (maybe kinder?) to just say “not much”, but I would probably be honest. Then the big question then becomes “why?” That’s a harder question to answer than “what’s your calling?”
Good morning,
I read this many years ago.
There are only 4 callings in the church
Decision Makers (NOT leadership), Clerks, Musicians, and Teachers.
Once you are slotted into one, it is difficult to transition into another category.
If we were to rank the importance of these callings, which is the most important? Where would Christ be ?
Teachers should be the most influential, NOT the decision makers.
I love Faith’s comment about calling classification.
I used to be a clerk or a teacher or musician, but haven’t been a decision maker at church since my mission where we were all of the jobs as missionaries.
I now have left the church and resigned from my callings and the only ones I miss are as musician I liked singing in the choir or performing music at church. I have a mentor role at work and at home where I feel like I scratch the itch that teaching did.
This is definitely one of my shelf breaking topics. I will break this into a few parts, sorry.. I could opine on this for hours. There are so many skeletons in the church for this topic. Volunteer clergy superficially sounds good, but practically it does not work.
When I was a teenager, the oldest person in the class would automatically become the Quorum President (we were usually a group of about 8). Since one of my friend’s birthday was 1 month before mine, each would only be Deacon Pres /Teacher Pres/ Priest 1st for 1 month. Great! It was not a competition and everyone had the chance to serve and get the title. (the church no longer works this way with the youth)
Then on the mission I saw the disaster and game of callings, to which I will not address right now.
Next, at BYU I was in a student ward, temporally for a summer. I was called to the Bishop’s office at the end of the summer for the “chat”. He called me to be the Ward Sunday School President. I told him I was moving the next week. He then stated it did not matter. He had immense pressure from the stake to fill the calling, because too many ward callings were vacant. As a good soldier, I accepted, but did not attend that ward again and was never set apart or do anything except accept.
I started to realize that callings were NOT inspired as we were taught and saw the “game” and checklist mentality.
When you are new to a ward, males are asked: what prior callings have you had ? where do you work? if you have a prominent last name, are you related to so-and-so? (I am not from a prominent family). Inquirers would be disappointed when you are not related to so-and-so.
They are sizing up your social ranking , no concern for the individual or family, just what can we get out of you or from you.
According to my wife, women are asked what callings has your husband had? never where do you work!
I have also seen callings given based on your occupation. school teachers are put into Primary to work with kids. However, they get burned out quick from never getting a break from kids.
I have seen Afro-American sisters and Hispanics called to the Nursery, for years at a time and never placed into R.S. I have seen the cliques, remain in the cliques.
I have seen callings bartered for. Even to the level of GA telling another GA to have the brother SP place his son on the Stake High Council, then the SP will be requested to be a mission President and then the other GA will be called to be a temple President. Did we not used to criticize the Catholic church for these practices ?
LDS church callings are a career path.
Early in our marriage, I was called to a prominent calling, which led to the next and the next, climbing up the ladder. In the early years, we moved multiple times, even between time zones. Per protocol, the new bishop would contact the prior Bishop to inquire about the new member. Upon learning of the “elite” prior calling, I would be placed in a comparable calling (President of a organization or such, not as a primary teacher— this is a pattern in most wards). Once we moved to a new city, and I was called to be the Ward Executive Secretary. Due to circumstances of work, I told them we would only be in the area for 3 months and I would not be able to accept the calling. Shockingly, we walked into Sacrament meeting the next Sunday and I was sustained, despite turning the calling down. I tired for the next 2 months to fulfill the calling, but it did not work with my employment and the Bishopric demands. As we started at another new ward, I was now out of the leadership loop. The new Bishop called the prior and I suspect he reported that I was an unproductive servant, and gone were the leadership opportunities for several years. In one ward, I left the new member fill in sheet of prior callings blank and told my wife if they are really interested they will ask me personally or have God’s inspiration in extending callings. They never asked about the blank sheet.
Not until 3 wards/moves later, did I fall back into the leadership loop. Having lived in this ward for many years I worked through the calling ranks, but I also spoke up about the problems in the church culture and working to include all members, instead of only the ‘clique” same 5 families. Eventually, I was I was going to be called to the Stake High Council. I met with the Stake President, and I continued my prior discussions with him, when he asked what can be done to strengthen the Stake, I told him. I think he did not want someone candid on the High Council rocking his boat,and the calling was not formally extended. So much for inspiration.
One time when I was EQ Pres, I requested certain councilors, and each was declined by the Stake. Then they made their own suggestions on who I should call. Then I wondered, if EQ Pte, has the keys, why are the others trampling on the decision making. The few times I pushed back and insisted on certain councilors, those Presidencies were more effective than the puppet placed ones.
I broke the cardinal rule of Mormonism, follow the decision makers, no matter what they say, even the criticism is true. Obedience is more important than truth, for them.
I have arrived at a point in life where I don’t make excuses for having a “lesser” calling – in fact I may resign a year from now so that I don’t have to teach church history in adult Sunday School, unless I am convinced otherwise by sword and angel.
The comments so far here are similar to my thoughts, which I actually shared in a recent book by Richard Ostler – “Improving LDS Culture” – see chapter 2.
The topic may come up in casual conversation but I’m 52 years old and tend to opt out of further social opportunities when I sense I have been hanging out with an upwardly mobile church person.
Tangents: (1) the stake presidency installation process is slightly whacked (2)mission president assignment – seems to be about who you know at 50 E North Temple, SLC 84150
In Church News yesterday – more calling opportunities for young single adults – goodbye random old dudes on YSA stake high councils. Interesting move, see the article:
Strengthening Young Single Adults’ notice emphasizes callings, committees and ‘gathering places’
I have had callings in all four of Faith’s tracks. There are advantages in each of them, but as far as I am concerned, Primary Pianist is the best calling in the Church. Primary has the best music in the Church, and few things can bring the Spirit like children’s singing. And as the pianist, I can hide behind the piano and laugh whenever the kids say or do something funny.
Yes callings matter in my neck of the woods. They are part of your identity.
I’ve had leadership roles. They aren’t for me. I’m much happier in the trenches where I feel like I can make a difference. My favorite calling was gospel doctrine teacher but I doubt that opportunity will come again.
Currently I’m serving as boy’s activity days leader with my son which is perfect as I work from home and have the time (it’s at 3:30 every other Wednesday) and I love this age of kids. Im also serving with the deacons with my other son which I love because it gets me out of elders quorum and because I’m the fun adviser that brings baked goods. Im very happy in these low profile callings.
Maybe it’s just me and the people I hang out with or seek out, but I feel like I get asked about work and callings far less because of status, and more because these things simply occupy a large portion of our lives (arguably too large of a portion), and these people are just genuinely interested in all aspects of my life, as I am them.
I’ve held a few minor leadership and decision callings. I was clerk at one point. I’ve had numerous teaching callings (currently teach the older teens in Sunday School). Other than singing, I could do the musical ones if I spent more time practicing the piano.
I’ve only “rejected” one calling, and it was a Stake one. I simply did not believe my work schedule would allow me to do it effectively and voiced that concern. The High Councilman who extended the calling didn’t think it would be an issue, and asked me to hold off saying no until he got clarification. A couple of weeks later he got released and it fell through the cracks. I soon went in for a Temple Recommend interview and asked the SP about it. He admitted it fell through the cracks but actually thought I’d be better off without the calling so my wife would be able to continue doing hers well (RSP). I had no complaints, and two months later, the Church actually dissolved the position. Looking back, there may have been some inspiration in that fumble.
But despite fumbles, I do feel callings are far more inspired far more often than not, but I don’t think leadership is commanded in all things, either. Mistakes happen.
I’m also a little curious about those outside the U.S.
I live in the Jello Belt and I was on the teacher track from my first college ward calling until I quit going to Church. Everywhere – Gospel Doctrine, Relief society, youth SS teacher, YW teacher, primary. Wow, yeah, I usually loved it. There is a bit of a status to GD teacher, which quite honestly, I enjoyed. I remember once walking a fussy toddler in a foyer and overhearing two men talking about the painting on the wall. They had a vague idea of what it was, but then one pointed to me and said, “I bet she knows what it is.” So yes, I explained the Pool of Bethesda and felt validated that I could talk to a grownup about something important instead of singing Itsy Bitsy Spider.
The problem my teaching-track created is that when I started to question and struggle, it was immediately obvious. I had to ask to be released. Then I thought I overcame my struggles and that put me right back on the teaching track. I had to ask to be released again. Then people would drop hints that they wanted to know why – clearly the RSP didn’t want me to go. So that got awkward.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I was asked this. I agree we make a lot of assumptions about people based on calling but I think the association of social prestige and callings is nothing like what I experienced growing up. I think the reaction to someone becoming a bishop these days is less admiration and more pity.
The occupation thing is tricky too because you never know if someone is a stay at home parent or sensitive about their employment status or what. So I try to instead ask “how do you spend your time” or “what’s keeping you busy lately” (although I also hate the idea that we have to keep busy) and then the person can choose to share with me what they actually care about.
In my experience, men ask other men what they do for work. Women seem mostly exempt from this line of questioning. I’ve often found this line of conversation boring, and several extended periods of unemployment made it a different sort of unbearable. I am now committed to never starting a conversation on this way. I think many people ask about employment because it’s easy and they don’t have a better idea, not that they’re necessarily trying to sort people based on their careers. But that’s not true of everyone.
All those things pretty much apply to the church calling version of the question. Both should be avoided until you know someone better, and be replaced with questions that acknowledge that people are more than their callings or jobs.
A version of this question comes up with regard to missionary service. Ward/branch members ask when a certain child turns 18/19 depending on the gender or other similar questions that can quickly get awkward on both sides. Better to ask Elisa’s way or just ask what they’re up to these days. Parents have to plan conversations in advance and learn to cut people off at the pass, and if a conversation seems headed that direction insert what the person of missionary age is doing (working, going to school, pursuing an interest, etc.). It’s nice for the young people growing up among us to know that we are cheering them on no matter where life takes them and what they choose to do in their lives. To me, that’s a big piece of the gospel in action.
Bishop Bill, now I’m wondering what kind of calling the guy with the wetsuit company would have had if he were Mormon. Was he a bishop type? Or teacher track?
I agree with the idea Faith expressed that it does seem like people get put onto one track for calling type and then don’t move around much from it, even if they move into different individual callings. If a man’s going to be a stake president, you’ll see him starting out as elders quorum counselor or president and then maybe bishopric counselor and high councilor and eventually bishop. You don’t get stake presidents from gospel doctrine teachers. I’m not sure (from lack of observation) whether this tracking is as strong for women as it is for men. There’s just so much greater a range of callings, particularly in the local hierarchy, available to men.
I guess the Mormon Church is really the manifestation of American Values, what do you do (I mean think).
I confess that I really don’t understand the drive that some people have to get more ‘prestigious’ callings and try to climb the ranks. I’ve seen it a lot, when a bishop is getting close to the end of his service there’ll always be one or two guys in the ward that will essentially be ‘campaigning’ for bishop. They’ll get new suits, walk around with these artificial grins plastered on their faces and shake everyone’s hand suddenly pretend to be very interested in everyone.
Is status really the only motive? Personally I don’t see the appeal of doing yet more unpaid bureaucratic labor, especially if it’s an ecclesiastical calling in which you have deal with people’s personal problems directly.
Are some people’s lives outside of church so dull or so out of their own control that they feel like they need to be in charge of other people even if it means several hours of unpaid labour on a weekly basis?
Honestly I haven’t been asked in years what I do for a calling. I currently have no calling, nor do I plan to accept one. Occasionally the bishopric asks me about serving in a calling and I decline.
Now as for what job I do, that I’ve struggled with in the past, having encountered many nosy people who seem to be overly concerned about how I’m going to transition from academia into the “real world” with a job making money. What I found more often than not is that the people who kept asking for details about what I was going to do and who couldn’t ever seem to be satisfied with the answers I gave about possible prospects were projecting their own anxieties about the job market and their own lot in it. For it turns out (and I only became aware of this as a result of being on the academic job market) that the jobs in academia are not great. There are few of them and intense competition to get them. There are lots and lots of adjuncting jobs, but those don’t pay a living wage, and not even close. They are basically the university administrations collectively committing wage theft against academics.
To my mind it is part of the process of getting to know someone. If you’re LDS, callings are shared experiences that we can connect over. I can’t see myself asking a person I just met “if they’re happy.” I can see myself asking about job, family, and other activities. Not to decode status ( though it happens) but to simply get to know who they are. You’ve got to start somewhere. Personally, I’m not all that impressed by callings. I guess I’ve been around too long. After seeing so many bishops, high councilmen, stake presidencies, etc, I came to see they are just flawed people doing their best. Most are visibly relieved when released. Oh there’s a few I’ve met with their eyes on “upper management” I had a relative who had been a mission president and was a bit insulted when, after his calling was completed, he was called into the primary. To his credit, though, he was faithful in the calling, really liked the kids he taught and never made any noise publicly about the calling being beneath him.
I was on the leader track until the bishop freaked out that the YW presidency all had full-time jobs and promptly released us (with no warning) in favor of SAHMs. Eventually I volunteered for Activity Days and that has been my own personal fiefdom for 5+ years now and unlikely to change.
My husband is on the Good with Youth track. He jumps between YM presidency (now defunct), youth SS, and early morning seminary. That might put him dangerously in line for the bishopric, but he has a heretic wife so he might be safe.
Faith, I like your break down of of callings. Sadly, I was on the leadership track and was stuck in decision making callings almost my whole life. EQP twice, Bishoprics twice, and then finally bishop. But then I broke free, managed to miss the post-bishop High Council tour, and drifted into teaching youth, and being a financial clerk, then a stake auditor. Now I’m completely free!
Ric: Yes, I don’t think the asking if somebody is happy is a way to great new acquaintances, the context was they were family and friends. But you shouldn’t ask a new LDS acquaintance what their calling is either. Could be a personal issue (they are on formal probation).
Don’t you just hate being asked ‘what are you doing in your ward now’? In my case the obvious undertone is ‘are you still active’? Invariably if I answer that I am on sabbatical, it is followed by the less than subtle garment check. All very passive aggressive and fodder for the gossip mill.
Sometimes people will address me as Bishop De Novo which is another manipulative reference to my checkered past. I now correct these remarks in no uncertain terms – once a bishop always a bishop is BS. Their is no hallowed status bestowed on past service. Get in, do your job and exit gracefully.
Having interacted with several members of the 1Q of the 70, I can confirm their paths to the GA promised land were paved with self-interest and leveraging the right business relationships. Pushy spouses are also helpful.
I have had callings in all the tracks except music, but I have spent most of my time in clerk callings followed by leadership.
Incidentally, I classify my time as the employment specialist and cleaning coordinator (gag) as clerk positions. It would be nice if there were enough service oriented positions that we thought we could have a category for that.
My brother is a currently serving bishop and when we had the family together recently everyone kind of deferred to him in conversations about how the church should operate. As if we aren’t all life long members who know how things should work. Sigh.
In theory we should be able to talk to people about what they do with their lives and careers without it being all about status. In practice that can be difficult.
I had to laugh at many of these comments, though, arguably my experience is outside of Utah – Nobody is this organized – Like a good Bishop they called the former Bishop and was told of the elite status? None of the 5 Bishops I worked for would’ve made a call like that other than when an annotated membership came in. They look at a last name? whatever, the only time I recall doing that was when I was looking at a membership record and saw that Pres. Hinckley ordained the man a HP. As I noted the MP/EQ was his father I asked about it later on thinking there was some cool story or whatever, but nope, just a plain ol grandson. These men don’t have the time and effort to worry about some kind of elite class that moves in and out of callings (The exception is with a Patriarch who is instructed to inform stake presidents of their moves). But, it still does exist, particularly at Wards and Stakes… And here is how that happens, it’s all member initiated. At the Stake Level a man/couple will remain behind at Stake Conference and make sure and ‘introduce’ themselves to the Stake President, let them know they just moved in, work into the conversation that lets the SP know they were a former elite person. The same kind of things happen at the ward level, but more often at personal levels, invites into the home for dinner, thank you cards, etc… These are the climbers.. they are initiating it from their side. Leaders also to ‘identify’ leadership material, but it’s usually something less significant, oh, Sales, Business Owner, Lawyer, Doctor, Dentist, Accountant, etc…
But I argue there is only 2 classes in the church, Decision Maker and the rest of us which are interchangeable to them. I can’t tell you the number of times I heard Bishopric members talk about a ‘stretch’ calling. But just to finish that previous thought. I once sat through a Bishopric conversatioon about someone I’d come to know quite well, and they, plainly, hadn’t. They were talking about offering him a ‘stretch calling’ – This man, who I knew had been in 2 Bishoprics, A former YM President, an EQ President (twice), and served on a High Council – this Bishopric was condescending to think about offering him ‘Sunday School Secretary’
The plain truth of the matter is that the elite class, the Decision Makers and their friends and family pass around those callings with each other – once-in-a-while a secretary or counselor might break through, but generally, that group of people run the church, they are the ones that move up, and up, and up, until eventually the larger church organization central in Utah think that the 10% viewpoint is how the church works. Look at all the changes recently. The 10% think they’re the only ones that know the Gospel or Study it in their families, so Come Follow Me, The 10% are too busy, let’s reduce meetings, let’s reduce, let’s reduce…. all-the-while there is a huge number in every congregation we have, competley disengaged because they can’t fathom how inspiration works when they’ve been in Primary for 17 years… We’ve devalued the vast majority of our congregation and we’re paying a price for it.
I had to laugh at many of these comments, though, arguably my experience is outside of Utah – Nobody is this organized – Like a good Bishop they called the former Bishop and was told of the elite status? None of the 5 Bishops I worked for would’ve made a call like that other than when an annotated membership came in. They look at a last name? whatever, the only time I recall doing that was when I was looking at a membership record and saw that Pres. Hinckley ordained the man a HP. As I noted the MP/EQ was his father I asked about it later on thinking there was some cool story or whatever, but nope, just a plain ol grandson. These men don’t have the time and effort to worry about some kind of elite class that moves in and out of callings (The exception is with a Patriarch who is instructed to inform stake presidents of their moves). But, it still does exist, particularly at Wards and Stakes… And here is how that happens, it’s all member initiated. At the Stake Level a man/couple will remain behind at Stake Conference and make sure and ‘introduce’ themselves to the Stake President, let them know they just moved in, work into the conversation that lets the SP know they were a former elite person. The same kind of things happen at the ward level, but more often at personal levels, invites into the home for dinner, thank you cards, etc… These are the climbers.. they are initiating it from their side. Leaders also to ‘identify’ leadership material, but it’s usually something less significant, oh, Sales, Business Owner, Lawyer, Doctor, Dentist, Accountant, etc…
But I argue there is only 2 classes in the church, Decision Maker and the rest of us which are interchangeable to them. I can’t tell you the number of times I heard Bishopric members talk about a ‘stretch’ calling. But just to finish that previous thought. I once sat through a Bishopric conversatioon about someone I’d come to know quite well, and they, plainly, hadn’t. They were talking about offering him a ‘stretch calling’ – This man, who I knew had been in 2 Bishoprics, A former YM President, an EQ President (twice), and served on a High Council – this Bishopric was condescending to think about offering him ‘Sunday School Secretary’
The plain truth of the matter is that the elite class, the Decision Makers and their friends and family pass around those callings with each other – once-in-a-while a secretary or counselor might break through, but generally, that group of people run the church, they are the ones that move up, and up, and up, until eventually the larger church organization central in Utah think that the 10% viewpoint is how the church works. Look at all the changes recently. The 10% think they’re the only ones that know the Gospel or Study it in their families, so Come Follow Me, The 10% are too busy, let’s reduce meetings, let’s reduce, let’s reduce…. all-the-while there is a huge number in every congregation we have, competley disengaged because they can’t fathom how inspiration works when they’ve been in Primary for 17 years… We’ve devalued the vast majority of our congregation and we’re paying a price for it.
When we moved to the eye of the Jello belt (about 6 miles from 47 East South Temple), stake consolidations had been happening for about 15 years: 3 stakes turned into 2 stakes. There are thousands of housing units in our ward boundaries.
The nuances of that did not escape local leadership. We were welcomed, and given a get-to-know-you sheet of paper. It inquired about the level of involvement we wanted to have. That included asking about callings (surveyed interests, and IF we wanted one), and if we wanted to be contacted by local church members.
Even with larger boundaries, most of the wards still struggle to various degrees. Most of the stake’s kids attend primary/YM/YW at 2 of the wards so they can have a community there (possible in Utah, not in many places throughout the world).
I think that welcome, not being pushy approach has been good. My ward has been growing slowly and steadily since the condensation. It is a lovely space for those who want/need it.
I know this comment will irritate a few. My apologies if you are one of the few…
We really need to change the way we practice callings. There are elements within the Catholic/Orthodox and Protestant practices that I think we should consider. Having a “holy vocation” or “calling” can come from the Church in these cases, but it can also come from God. The latter certainly cuts the hierarchy out the equation. And callings can include what one does as a profession. But the main idea is that one can live a consecrated life. I mean honestly, which one serves their fellow human beings more, an LDS Bishop or an elementary teacher? Compare the level of dedication and constancy required of a police office and fireman with that of Stake Relief Society President. I know a paramedic who shuffled into sacrament meeting late (and was criticized for it) when he had just come off a shift in which he had saved multiple lives. Who has the “higher” calling? The critical Bishop or the paramedic?
The standard greeting in Singapore was very unsettling when I was first asked: “Have you had your lunch?” My first thought was “Do I have food in my teeth? Is my lunch in question? Are they inviting me to lunch?” It’s kind of funny to hear this as an outsider, but I always thought it was related to the strong foodie culture there (the food is really incredible), the culture of communal eating with your peers, and perhaps, in the past, some possible origin related to food scarcity that seems an underlying background issue throughout Asia.
Old Man, your comment made me remember a story by Robert Kirby when he had a column in the SLTrib. He told about being a policeman, and having just left the scene of a gruesome suicide, arrived late to church to a Primary program. Standing in the back he looked down at his pant leg, and saw a little chunk of brain clinging to it. He talked about all the emotions that it brought.
“or the dreaded “I don’t have a calling” followed by some excuse (we have a big ward, etc.)”
Honestly, this is winning the lottery. I’ve managed to avoid callings for years and it’s been great. Maybe I’m just obviously a heretic, or perhaps because I don’t really engage with church culture outside of sacrament meeting. I’d be willing (mostly) to accept just about any calling, but they never ask. Works for me 🙂
It’s truly remarkable, the freedom and uplift one gains, when you reach a point in life where you just don’t give a damn about ANY of this “social sniffing” anymore – and you’re no longer hesitant to tell others about your newfound perception. It is so incredibly gratifying to watch those who put such great value in these things – react to the realty that you’re just not impressed. So many are stunned; and simply cannot imagine that you wouldn’t respect their “position”.
LHL,
Good points, and I hope no one reads negativity into your perception. The full realization that any person can live a consecrated life means many barriers blur or disappear completely. I once respected church leadership more than other children of God. How horribly silly is that? When that habit painfully crashed, I found I started to see sanctified saints performing acts of heroic courage and compassion all around me. I am still embarrassed that I placed any importance on position and status at all.
I’m 50 years old and a lifelong member (mostly). I cannot recall anyone casually asking me what calling I currently hold or have held in the past. Leadership has asked that question in more formal circumstances. A little more than a decade ago I was excommunicated for apostacy (a SP took personal offense to my privately expressed opinion of his character and chose to hold my council of love without notifying me after I had relocated more than 400 miles away). I never let that nonsense have any impact on my personal church participation or gospel testimony. My first new bishop was aware of the excommunication but his successor 3 years later had no clue about my status. He called me into his office shortly after being set apart and told me my current status came as a complete surprise to him and he was dying to know the backstory. Over the years newly called bishopric counselors, EQ presidents and counselors, YM leaders, and Sunday School Presidents were all completely unaware of my status for the most part. I was repeatedly asked to pray, speak, teach, and fulfill callings and every time I had to politely decline. I relate the preceding to place the following bit into context. I was never treated poorly or as an oddball. The invitations to participate never stopped even though I would always politely decline without any explanation or excuse. I would occasionally choose to advise someone who asked multiple times to make sure it was “OK” with the bishop to do what was asked. Sometimes it was “OK” sometimes not– but in every instance that it was not OK the petitioner would seek me out and, in addition to their own expression of incredulity regarding my status, they would apologize for making me uncomfortable (They had not, BTW. I actually felt bad for them.). I was rebaptized a little more than a year ago and have since relocated again. My experience with the new ward has been the same.
I think a lot of us carry around personal baggage that makes it hard for us to be comfortable with living our personal testimonies. My opinion of the afore-mentioned SP became an issue when I declined a stake calling, the SP counselor extending the calling asked me why I was declining, and I told him I did not have a testimony of the SP being an inspired leader. I had no fear expressing and living the testimony I did have and not necessarily the one others might expect of me. My experience is that my fellow Mormons are just fine with honest testimonies. When those testimonies fall outside the “norm” or “expected” others may feel uncomfortable but when I have personally expressed such testimonies I have felt nothing but support. For more than a decade I sat in church every Sunday, often by myself, happy to live my testimony and content with my official status. Were there members of the ward who looked askance at me or thought me a second-class citizen in the Church? Probably, yes. I wasn’t looking for that type of attention and so I never found it.
Bishop Bill:
“Contrast that with our obsession with status here in the USA, and how when we meet somebody new, we asked them “what do you do”. I did that just the other day while talking to a surfer in the water [1].”
“ 1] Turns out the guy I met while surfing in Kauai owns a wetsuit company (Cyber), and imports high end Japanese wetsuits to the US.”
My husband and I have had a running discussion for over a decade now. We find that as men climb the leadership track in the LDS church and get stuck at High Councilman or Stake Presidency Counselor, they develop a very specific Social Tic. That Social Tic is a name dropping of their connections to highly successful people in industry or Hollywood and/or a name drop of vacation locations that are considered higher status. The only times we see those two not used is when an extreme sport is mentioned.
Example: “While being involved in still photography for the Lasted Amazing Movie, I had to sit through a variety of meetings with Brad Pitt ..”
Example: “I was out training for the upcoming Ironman and ended up running with Jennifer Pharr Davis ..”
So Bishop Bill ..
Past Bishop status
Hawaii Reference
Surfing Reference
Interesting CEO reference
Your LDS roots are showing.