I sometimes see things on Twitter among the progMo and exMo Tweeps that are worth a closer look. There were two this week that were kind of funny. The first one is a writing prompt to share the most extreme or silly things you used to do when you were younger that are “Mormon.” Here’s a smattering of answers:
- Intentionally got history questions wrong on school tests if they contradicted Mormon teaching.
- Told his college Latin American History class that indigenous American people were all descended from the Hebrews.
- Used to go through all the books she owned and cross out all the swear words.
- Confessed to a bishop about trying a coffee flavored jelly bean.
- Left a mandatory school choir rehearsal early to attend mutual.
- Thought dating before age 16 was actually illegal.
- Felt that it was a sin to read aloud the words “hell” or “damn” in scriptures.
- Anonymously asked a DARE officer if licking rubbing alcohol was the same as underage drinking and if she might go to jail for it.
- Refused to watch The Patriot with a school class, then testified about this righteous decision in Church that Sunday.
- Another person did the same with Breakfast at Tiffany’s (MPAA rating is G), assigned to write an essay instead of watching the film.
- Refused to listen to music that wasn’t Christian Rock or Mo-Tab.
- Got fired for refusing to work on a Sunday.
- Prayed for Jesus to illuminate some white rocks she found.
- Refused to eat beer-battered onion rings.
- Would not eat food cooked in alcohol or with alcohol in the sauce.
- Turned down a caffeine-free diet coke because it was only 99% caffeine free.
- Would not allow video game avatars to drink alcohol in the games.
- Never went on a vacation that wasn’t a Church history trip.
- Wrote celebrities fan letters to introduce them to the Church.
- Refused to join school clubs because they conflicted with seminary schedule.
- Told ice cream workers they needed to repent for serving coffee flavored ice cream.
- Threw out all albums that had a parental advisory on them.
- Asked a bishop for permission to drink green and herbal tea. Permission denied.
- Educated a Jewish friend on how persecuted the Mormons were.
The second was to share something that seems Mormon but isn’t. Here are a few:
- Costco
- capri pants
- Old Navy
- Pentatonix
- Republicans
- The Shane Co guy
- Chick-Fil-A
- House decor that says “Live, Love, Laugh”
- White tee shirts under spaghetti strap shirts
- MLMs
- Children who take piano lessons
- Casseroles
- Mayonnaise
- Scrapbooking
- Pyrex dishes
- Maxi skirts
- The Princess Bride
- Sodalicious and other soda shops
- Wicked the Musical
- Disney
- Newsies
- Family stickers on the back of SUVs
- Brian Regan
- The song “Walking on Sunshine”
- Essential oils
- Kids Bop
- Star Wars
- The song “Happy”
- Being vocal about child trafficking because it’s safe to be against it, and it doesn’t make you sound radical
- Peloton
- Insisting on people using your full name
Anyway, that’s it. So I’ll turn it over to you fine folks. Entertain us!
- What’s the most ridiculous “Mormon” thing you did when younger that you now feel was silly or unnecessary?
- What’s something that seems “Mormon” but isn’t?
Discuss.
Wheat & Tares 
The most ridiculous thing I did during an exchange visit with my youth orchestra in Germany was to refuse to attend a bbq party one of the families had arranged for the visiting orchestra because it was on a Sunday… I feel really bad about that now, but at the time I couldn’t get my head around it, even my sister, who did attend and was staying with a different family couldn’t persuade me… I had no problem rehearsing and playing concerts on Sunday, we sometimes had Sunday concerts at home.. but somehow a bbq party crossed some line marked out in my head…
The eldest of my brothers returned from his mission in Idaho and got us all hooked on Princess Bride… and my husband came back from his mission in Vancouver full of quotes frequently used by his mission companions, so somehow that’s firmly embedded in church culture…
Pentatonix is also popular amongst people I know, though perhaps because they sing in a small a Capella group run by a member.
Instead of the traditional English roast Sunday dinner, once the consolidated schedule was introduced, as I was growing up we had casserole for Sunday dinner. Something that could be left to cook slowly all morning, and be ready to eat when we got home.
I love the Jesus you used for this! I’m going to call him “Oh my heck Jesus”.
My high school English teacher gave me a red line for using the phrase “knowing of a surety” (Not in Utah). I insisted it was a real thing but, alas, I could only quote the BOM for support.
Growing up in the DC area, I surprised my high school French teacher by using vocabulary I’d picked up in my French Book of Mormon reading in an essay: sword, battle, wickedness. Was voted “Most Innocent” for the senior yearbook (the boy who won was also LDS). Invited a nonmember friend to attend seminary with me one morning since we’d be watching the amazing movie “Saturday’s Warrior.”
I know we are trying to be funny here. But let me express something a little more serious:
When I was a TBM, I would look at non-members with a very “if only they knew” attitude. No matter how smart or experienced or kind or Christ-like someone was, I’d look at them and think I knew more than they knew. That’s a very Mormon mentality.
Now that I’m out of the Church, I have a similar attitude towards TBMs. I look at them and think “if only they knew” and then I think about Church history, impossible truth claims, etc. That’s a very ex-Mormon thing to do.
Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m so arrogant that I believe everyone should see the Church the way I do. But I hope not. I try to be tolerant of everyone now, from anti-Mormons all the way to TBMs and everything in between. But there’s no doubt that my thought process is heavily influenced by my Mormon upbringing.
Hope this wasn’t too serious.
I guess according to the list above this isn’t Mormon, but I used my middle initial when writing on all my work for about a week because it seemed more distinguished, like the GAs. I later decided my reason was rather pompous.
I declined to eat a tiramisu that was given to me by coworkers because it had coffee. Actually, to this day I don’t know what was really in it. Is it real coffee, or is it like eating coffee flavored candy? Idk, but I would definitely eat it now.
Oh here’s another one: when I was twenty years old I told a 23 year old woman she shouldn’t date or even be alone with a certain man whom she obviously really liked. And when she didn’t comply I told her “supervisor” who made her work at a different location in a whole different city.
* I was a missionary in a leadership position and she was a sister, so this is the most Mormony of Mormon things.
A few cringy things for me: 1. At a summer internship they had a team building activity watching an R-rated movie one afternoon and I stayed in my office; 2. A few times people invited me for coffee or for a drink and I turned it down to avoid the appearance of evil; 3. Clumsy attempts to share the gospel with people..
How about for this one:
“ Refused to listen to music that wasn’t Christian Rock or Mo-Tab.”
It was actually:
“Refused to listen to Christian Rock because it seemed sacreligious”.
Many on that list describe me.
Removed my second earring after GBH talk.
Wore garments under exercise clothing.
Prayed so, so hard for Jesus to fix my locked cell phone on my mission after I did too many wrong password attempts and it locked and my humorless companion was furious at me that we wouldn’t be able to reach our prospective baptism that day.
Really so, so many about sabbath observance and seminary and activity attendance at all costs, obedience of minor rules at the expense of offending or hurting feelings of others, not listening to or watching inappropriate content, holier than thou media, etc etc etc.
@rockwell a lot of Mormon men still follow that rule about not being alone with any women in the workplace. I believe it’s called the Pence rule.
What’s Mormon:
Weirdly-spelled names
I love this thread, but one thing to note. Be charitable with your past self. You were doing what you thought was right at the time (which was often hard to do) and if what you used to do makes you cringe, you are probably a much more mature person, which is a good thing.
In case it wasn’t clear, in the comment where I told a woman not to be alone with a man, I was a DL, she was a sister missionary in my district, the man was a member in her area, her “supervisor” was the mission president, and after meeting with the mission president she was emergency transferred to a different island.
They were both technically single, so I don’t think the Pence rule would have applied in this case.
This is a uniquely Mormon thing. 20 year old boys/men don’t today tell single women they can’t date.
Yes @rockwell I get that your situation was unique to the mission (many weird rules there). It just reminded me of the Pence rule, which is in full force on the Wasatch front to the detriment of professional Utah women.
1. Refusing to watch Mickey Rooney’s abominable performance in Breakfast at Tiffany’s is praiseworthy and of good report.
2. I once refused to participate in the hiring of a stripper for my boss’s birthday. I regret to say that I haven’t matured a bit since then.
I want declined to put $10 into the office betting pool on March Madness because Mormons shouldn’t Gamble.
*once not want
A friend of my sister’s moved to Utah in the 1980s, and on hearing the Bangles’ song “Eternal Flame” on the radio, wondered if it was Mormon. I assume it was because of the use of the word “eternal.”
Close your eyes, give me your hand, darlin’
Do you feel my heart beating
Do you understand
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Is this burning an eternal flame?
I may or may not have gotten drunk in high school one time, and when my friends took me through the drive thru at McDonalds to get me a coffee to sober up, I refused, telling them drinking coffee was against my religion. In my mind, at the time it seemed a fine missionary moment.
Yes, tiramisu is made with actually coffee. Deliberately as the Italian name references the little “pick me up” caffeine provides. Also worth noting, coffee is an excellent companion to chocolate, another important flavor in tiramisu. I use it frequently in baking to intensify a chocolate item like a chocolate layer cake. Thank you, Ina Garten, for making me see the light.
We had some grape juice go bad, got fermented and was sour. My mother took it over to the neighbors’ house and told them “We have some grape juice that just fermented. We can’t drink alcohol because we are Mormons but we know you are not subject to this restriction and we didn’t want this good fermented grape juice to go to waste, so please enjoy our fermented grape juice.” She brought me along because she wanted me to learn the value of thrift as well as see how to take advantages of daily opportunities for missionary work.
Re tiramisu: My TBM husband says it doesn’t count if you eat (rather than drink) it!! He loves tiramisu.
Seems Mormon but isn’t:
“The Man from Snowy River”. I never liked this movie, but it’s one of my wife’s childhood favorites. She assures me that pretty much every Mormon family of a certain generation had a VHS copy of it on their shelf, next to “Princess Bride” and “Saturday’s Warrior”.
Another movie that seems Mormon but isn’t: Flipped.
I think my own most Mormon thing I ever did was when I tried to cast Satan out of our cat for scratching me. That cat was a jerk.
1. In a self-righteous huff, refused to go with group of siblings and wives to see “Schindler’s List” because it was “rated R.”
2. Gave away a number of CDs (Madonna, INXS, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, etc.) during one of my periodic religious “retrenchments” (probably inspired by a conference talk) (only to surely buy them all back on I-Tunes years later).
3. Refused to “drive on the Sabbath” to Disneyland (initially) (from where we live in Utah). That developed into “would drive down to Disneyland on the Sabbath, but ONLY after attending the block meetings.” That turned into leaving right after sacrament meeting only (but with a really long prayer and perhaps some spiritual discussion on the way down). Nowadays, well, we leave first thing Sunday morning early and watch Schindler’s List and drink Coke on the way down (but as a family!).
4. Refused to eat coffee ice cream. Coke and Pepsi were for less-committed Mormons. I mean members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Had doubts about hot chocolate (because, you know, chocolate has caffeine!). (Now: every day starts with Zip Fizz).
It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Thank goodness people evolve.
I was so Mormon that I would check for rainbows in the sprinklers watering the grass as a child because that meant the second coming was at least a year away.
1. I was so Mormon that I would reach out to shake hands at the end of a first date. Did this with my wife on our first date and she went in for the hug like a normal person. She still laughs at me thinking about it.
2. Writing your last name over tape on Tupperware or glassware pans.
May God have mercy on my soul:
1. Pointedly and snarkily refused to buy treats for a Sunday interfaith meeting. Note: I had no problem attending previous Sunday meetings and partaking of treats. I assumed they were homemade. I immediately felt the Spirit leave when I opened my mouth and it took me a long time to do damage control. (On the plus side, I have given lessons and talks about this moment and hopefully prevented others from behaving this way.)
2. Held up the conclusion of a dinner party at a restaurant while I had the manager determine which desserts contained alcohol.
3. Bore my testimony to my first non-member girlfriend—immediately after an intense make out session. She was not fully dressed at the time that I spoke earnestly about the importance of temples.
4. Unceremoniously dumping said girlfriend several weeks later because we didn’t do much besides make out and I was too driven by repressed hormones to find some balance. Something tells me she did not wind up joining the church in later years.
About 20 years ago, I was president of the local award-winning high school marching band. My daughter and nephew were part of the band.
In September, the band competed in Fresno, California. There were four busloads of students, staff, and chaperones. It was quite an endeavor to coordinate. The band competed until late into the night. We drove most of the night and ended in Las Vegas for breakfast at Circus Circus. Four busloads of hungry teenagers ready for a buffet breakfast. I feel it safe to say that Circus Circus made no profit on that buffet that early morning.
There were about 5 students who refused to enter the casino. Keep in mind, Circus Circus had a designated spot for the busses, we all walked straight into the casino, up the escalator, and directly to the buffet. Plenty of chaperones and staff. But a few refused to set foot in the casino due to their religion. I have thought about that off and on for 20 years. At the time, a few of the chaperones were so impressed that these students were strong enough to not be tempted by entering a casino. Yet the chaperones had no problem filling their tummies (mine included).
I love Las Vegas. And I love the shows, glitter, glitz, etc. I have eaten some fabulous food in Las Vegas. I know that some are rather disturbed by the whole premise. But I still think about that morning when a few refused to eat.
“I was so Mormon I…” at age 5 refused an offer of coffee cake at my friend’s house because, well, coffee was in the name. Even though the mother assured me there was no coffee in it. And just about every thing else listed in OP and comments above.
“I was so Mormon I…” at age 5 refused an offer of coffee cake at my friend’s house because, well…coffee. Even though the mother reassured me there was no coffee in it. And about 100 other things in the OP and comments.
I got offended when my history professor used BCE/CE to express ancient time periods rather than BC/AD. This was about 20 years ago, when the academic shift toward inclusive terminology was relatively new, and unfamiliar to me at the time. It was also a time in my life that I fully bought into the “war on Christmas” and other nonsense about American Christians being persecuted, and a classic Mormon persecution complex played right into it. I felt it was part of a deliberate conspiracy to erase Christ from history. I didn’t confront that professor about it (I dismissed her as a “godless liberal academic”) but I insisted on using the outdated terminology in my notes and papers for that course.
I really wasted a lot of mental and emotional energy on that ridiculous crusade.
Growing up as a boy in rural Utah, I was taught and thoroughly believed that “The Dream Mine” in Salem was (in fact) an ancient Nephi gold mine (with gold and ancient records still being hidden therein. Also, that the horseshoe shaped ridge – running from just below the mine to Peteetneet Hill in Payson (which was formed through wave motion of Lake Bonneville) was actually an ancient Nephite road: upon which the gold was moved to the Nephite smelting site – the results of which formed “the Hill”. It’s a great story….but (of course) total nonsense.
Rockwell: LOL, me too on that one! Sometimes I would deliberately make a rainbow in the spray just to ensure no second coming for a year.
I recall being asked by a date I was picking up at BYU if we should start with a prayer. I declined but felt awkward about it.
I was so Mormon I refused to have *anything* with alcohol that hadn’t “cooked out,” including whipped cream made with vanilla extract.
Wishing I had died at the age of 7 so that I could go straight to the Celestial Kingdom.
I also turned down music whenever there was a swear word, then turned it back up after the swear part.
MLMs in general and door-to-for sales organizations seem Mormon but aren’t necessarily.
Thought of one more. I would wait until 12:00am Monday to buy stuff out of the vending machine my freshman year of BYU.
Guys, these are too relatable. I can’t handle it.
I was so Mormon I…
– Refused to let girls into my BYU apartment to use the bathroom
– Turned off the movie and demanded girls leave my BYU apartment at 21:01am
– Threatened a potential investigator with hell if he didn’t come to church (we don’t even believe in hell!)
– Like Bro Jones, I bore my testimony on a date. I remember the bewildered look on her face very clearly
– Like John W, I mastered the art of the volume-knob-lyrics-censor move
– I once talked to my bishop because I noticed Harrison Ford looked good shirtless and it scared the sh** out of me (I’m a straight man)
– I told my elementary school friend he shouldn’t listen to Weird Al’s “Amish Paradise” because I thought it was making fun of the Bible.
SMH
Your volume knob for swear words reminded me of when my oldest, back in 2013, was asked to be in charge of the music at the Stake Conference. Unlike in my day, this consisted of everyone coming up with their iPods teed to the songs they wanted. At some point, he put on Three Rounds and a Sound by Blind Pilot, and after it had started we all realized that this line was coming up: “Now I see you, ’till kingdom come / you’re the one I want / to see me for all / the stupid s@!# I’ve done.” Thinking fast, he decided to unplug the player right before the word and plug it in right after. Unfortunately, that just meant there was a short pause, just long enough for everyone to look up as if it had glitched, then the word.
Man, I must have been a terrible Mormon teen.
– Downed an entire box of chocolates once I found out they had cherry liquor in the center
– Favorite thing to order from Arby’s was a jamoca shake
– Yelled out the skipped swear words during church dances to preserve the integrity of the song
– Played dots and boxes with my siblings during sac meeting
– Turned down a BYU scholarship to go to a state school
I did give my non-member GF a BoM for Christmas though. Also, mission, but I wasn’t a very good missionary.
And another one. I was so Mormon that I always felt guilty about listening to hard rock/heavy metal music. It was 1992, I was 12 and the neighbor kids one day decided to repeatedly blast Guns N Roses Paradise City while they played basketball. The song blew my mind, but I knew it was sinful to listen to that kind of music. But I couldn’t help it. On occasion I would turn on the radio to listen to the sweet nectar of rock music, would feel guilty, repent, promise not to listen to it again, only later to indulge, and the cycle would repeat itself. Finally a year before my mission, I decided to listen only to softer rock and pop. I put aside the Megadeth and Metallica and cranked up some Billy Joel. It felt more good, more innocent. I made it for a year right into my mission, only to go through massive withdrawals while on the mission. Once I returned, I couldn’t help it. I went harder and deeper into the metal. And to this day remain a fervent listener of the sinful music.
hawkgrrl, I believe MLM are Mormon: Mormons Losing Money
As a freshman in college explained reading assignments from the Old Testament to my Jewish friend by expounding on the lower law of the Jews vs the higher law. Had no concept that this was anti Semitic. Still feel so bad about so much I said in college out of ignorance.
Also argued with my college prof on their understanding of the story of Job as if my Seminary could trump their PhD.
Repeatedly told people that the priesthood ban wasn’t racist because God always chose his people, including the president of the university and my dark skinned Malay friend. And then used it as an example for standing up for belief. So cringe worthy. I only hope they just pitied my ignorance.
Repeatedly risked dehydration than purchase a coke when traveling in a country where drinking water wasn’t safe.
Very Mormon – bangs.
Interesting to think about why these things to us are now silly or unnecessary. I come from a line of farmers and ranchers so we were always barely devout anyway – no prohibition on cuss words, Cokes, or face cards.
Short (very Mormon) engagement to my wife – we were both age 25+ and BYU grads but grateful now we continue to pass through life’s travails and work on our marriage. Headed on a 25 yr anniversary trip this weekend to Texas and Nashville. Honky tonks will be on the itinerary.
I was raised that we couldn’t even use replacement cuss words. We couldn’t say swear word, we said cuss word. We couldn’t say oh geez because it was short for Jesus. You did not fart, you fluffed or passed gas. We couldn’t say dang it, etc. It’s taken years to undo that programming, and I still hope I got extra credit from the big guy for all that work.
I remember my seminary teacher calling all of the students going on choir tour that we were evil because spring break that year fell over conference weekend and we should stay home in UT instead of going on a trip of a lifetime to Disney World (which was really a big deal for a bunch of kids from our socioeconomic status to get to fly to FL to sing). I went to FL. As seminary class president, the teacher was quite unhappy with me not leading by example. This was in 1998, before FOMO was a thing, but looking back I think my seminary teacher had FOMO.
Is Twilight Mormon, or is it not?
How about turning a school dance date ask/answer from a simple “Will you go?” “Yes” or “No” into a whole thing involving posters and songs and doorbell dashing and scavenger hunts?
No faux pas, JCS? Do tell. I’ll bet you’ve got some doozies.
I was a Bad Example from my early teens, which happened right when Led Zeppelin put out their first three albums, so it’s surprising that I stayed on the path so long. I have a devout streak that I indulged often, and sometimes to a rather extreme degree.
I Sharpied more modest bathing suits on a girlie calendar that was hanging where my young kids could see it. No I didn’t talk to the calendars owner first.
I once went hot-tubbing with my husband and some nomo pals (mixed couples) and I was the only one wearing a bathing suit. Sigh.
Scene: On vacation with my kids who were going to a day camp in the mountains. Church was a 1.5 hr drive, so I would rise early and pack a picnic lunch, wake the kids and slap a tie on them and drive down for 9am block. We’d have a lovely lunch on a blanket in the park in our church clothes, and drive home without shopping in town. Mission accomplished, sabbath observed.
Garments. Non member husband.
The first couple of things that occurred to me are a little too dark to share, though I laugh now. Comprised of Bishop confessions and bad decisions.
Did you have scavenger hunts on the list? Because we designed some epic ones when I lived in Provo and my sister was going to BYU, for the cute guys in her FHE group.
@Chet But please don’t put pedal taverns on your Nashvegas agenda. Downtown locals are getting pretty sick and tired of the mess and noise made by pedal taverns, bachelorette buses, and tractor party wagons. Come to our honky tonks if you must, but please don’t block our travel with your (expletive deleted) party buses and clean up your (double expletive deleted ) trash. Downtown is becoming a nightmare.
Have more fun and watch a Preds or Titans or NSC game or listen to music at the Bluebird or Listening Room or Station Inn or the Ryman (or even the Opry) instead of the honky tonks.
Why, I was soo Mormon that I went to BYU after my mission because it was the “Lord’s” school. Three and a half months later I transferred to Utah State and got my testimony back.
When I was very young, like 5 or 6, I remember when the sun would peek through the clouds. Shining a ray of light to a certain part of the valley. I truly thought that meant that someone was having a vision. Like in the Joseph Smith movie at Temple Square.
Wouldn’t use a tampon, because I thought it counted as losing my virginity. *facepalm*
I was so Mormon that I was horrified when I saw my TBM family munching on “beer nuts”. (FYI there is no beer in beer nuts- they are just salted peanuts set out at bars to get people thirsty and order more drinks.) It was a practical joke.
I was so Mormon that I fell behind in my elementary school AR home reading assignments because I was reading the BOM.
Things that seem Mormon but aren’t:
*Napoleon Dynamite (LDS culture, LDS director and some but not all actors, but nothing explicitly LDS)
*Pictionary
*Hangman
*Thorvaldsen’s Christus statue (and subsequently- our new logo)
*Jello
*Several GA “paraphrases” of scriptures woven into conference talks are actually from the NRS Bible (or other similar modern Bible translations)
*The Red Cross (and all worldwide charitable efforts)
Skipped my graduation from a T14 law school because it was held on a Sunday (but several professors in our stake presidency and bishoprics attended anyway). God would have forgiven me, but my mother never will.
Also, IMHO, Napoleon Dynamite is actually Mormon, just very subtly. The thrift store is a DI, the school principal implies Pedro is from “Juarez,” and Napoleon wears a “Ricks College” t-shirt.
It wasn’t until middle school that I realized it was not a word of wisdom sin to eat Beer Nuts.
Although quite devout my mom cooked with cooking wine or sherry. While shopping she always hid the bottle under the other groceries in case she ran into a member of the ward while shopping. When she wasn’t looking I always put it on top of the pile just to see how long it took to notice and watch her reaction.