What is the difference between being righteous and being self-righteous? These words get used a lot. I’m thinking there is a thin line separating the two. Perhaps there is some overlap. I’m going to throw out a thought or two, then let the comments carry most of the discussion.
First, some definitions pulled from Merriam-Webster online.
Righteous is defined as “acting in accord with divine or moral law : free from guilt or sin.” Synonyms are honest, upright, virtuous.
Self-righteous is defined as “convinced of one’s own righteousness especially in contrast with the actions and beliefs of others : narrow-mindedly moralistic.” Synonyms are smug, priggish, moralizing, and hypocritical.
How do you talk about righteousness without sounding (or simply being) self-righteous? This is a problem because in church there is a lot of talk about righteousness, and that is hard to talk about without doing some moralizing, and there you are being self-righteous. A lesson in how to be righteous is likely to turn into an exercise in self-righteousness.
Another trap is if you are trying to defend your membership and nuanced views to a self-appointed Mormon boundary guardian (there are many of these). It’s hard to defend your own righteousness without sounding self-righteous. In Greek, I’m told, the same root word gets translated as both “righteous” and “justified,” depending on context. So self-righteousness and self-justification are more or less the same thing. But defending yourself is largely indistinguishable from self-justification, and there you are again sounding self-righteous. It’s a corner you can be pushed into.
Maybe righteousness, the state of being just, is centered in actions, while self-righteousness, feeling a little too convinced of one’s good standing before God, is mostly centered in words, in talking about it. Maybe the best approach is to simply avoid talking about righteousness, whether one’s own or anyone else’s. But that cuts against the grain of human nature as well as the way second-hour discussions work in the LDS Church.
Some discussion prompts: Who are the exemplars we cite as being righteous or being self-righteous? [Such as the pharisee and publican image at the top of this post.] What words or actions trigger your internal mental response, “Wow, this guy (or gal) is definitely self-righteous”? Is there an age component, with righteous teens being blissfully unaware of their self-righteousness, whereas righteous but seasoned adults are better at avoiding self-righteousness traps? Or is it perhaps simply a personality thing? Do the self-righteous folks out there ever figure out they are self-righteous, or is it like walking around with a “kick me” note taped to your back without ever realizing it?
Wheat & Tares 
When we speak of any self improvement topics when at church or at home, we have to include ourselves in with those needing what we are presenting. As long as it is clear to ourselves and to those involved with the topic of discussion, that we fully recognize OUR need as well as those we are speaking to, of the self improvement or self correcting ideas we are sharing, I believe we stay clear of self-righteousness. Righteousness also means do RIGHT as it pertains to eternal principles.
I feel that self-righteous people believe that they have a special relationship with God. While God loves all his children immensely, they believe God loves them just a little more.
Righteousness is achieved when someone sees every person as equally beloved and valued by God. When someone can take that belief and live their life in a way that reflects that mindset, then righteousness is present.
I think we are all self-righteous to some extent. We are all works in progress.
I think it is entirely possible to invite and encourage oneself and one’s neighbors to consider and move towards being righteous (honest, upright, virtuous) without being him- or herself self-righteous (smug, priggish, moralizing, and hypocritical). Indeed, a perfectly righteous person really cannot be self-righteous, because then he or she wouldn’t be perfectly righteous.
Perhaps the danger is in labeling others. It is bad enough for persons to proclaim their own righteousness (that’s self-righteousness, right?) — but it might be worse to point the finger and wag the head about someone else’s alleged self-righteousness. Maybe Paul’s counsel fits: let each of us be fully persuaded in our own minds (about our own beliefs and actions) and let none of us put a stumbling block in front of our neighbor.
The trouble with trying to be righteous is that as soon as you begin to think you got it, you don’t got it. Or as soon as you see yourself becoming righteous, you have become self righteous. So, for me it is best not to even try to be righteous, but to try to be loving. You can become loving without becoming self righteous, you can even be self loving because Jesus said love your neighbor as yourself, which assumes that you do love yourself. So, don’t focus at all on checklists or commandments, or rules, or 101 ways to keep the Sabbath. Just focus on love and love yourself and your neighbor but don’t worry about your righteousness or your neighbor’s righteousness.
Can my comment be added to this thread? It included hyperlinks and was likely flagged,
No doubt this don’t go over well with everyone, but I really think that the main difference is that while both righteous and self-righteus people LOVE God, only righteous people FEAR God.
Or in other words, someone who goes about his or her life terrified of divine wrath, probably isn’t too certain of his or her own justification. (And this means worrying about God’s wrath upon YOU, not pontificating about how someone else is worthy of wrath).
But people who love God without fearing God think that they can serve God on their own terms, rather than constantly (and correctly) worrying about what God really thinks of them, and so they inevitably end up with an inflated sense of their own justification.
For instance, in the story of the Good Samaritan, the Priest and Levite seemed to love God – they had, after all, devoted their lives to performing rituals and teaching the Law. But because of their self-righteousness, they felt no need to go out of their way to help the wounded man when they were already devoting so much effort to what they saw as God’s work.
The Samaritan was the only one who feared God enough to not say “I am doing enough already” and instead go out of his way to help the other man rather than leaving him to his fate.
The answer is right in the language.
Righteousness comes from God — it is a gift from Christ’s Atonement.
Self-righteousness comes from ourselves and is hollow and deceptive.
If I say that I am broken and weak, but that I am made whole through the sacrifice of my Savior and from grace to grace can become obedient and sanctified through the Atonement, I am righteous.
If I say that I am perfect the way that I am, or my worthiness has allowed me to be this way, or I don’t need to change, or I am sufficient to satisfy the demands of the law (or the law does not apply to me), then I am self-righteous.
“What is the difference between being righteous and being self-righteous?”
the difference is who is judging whom. If I judge myself to be righteous, that is obviously self righteous. If you judge me righteous, then I am simply righteous. What matters most, I think, is whether God judges me righteous (enough).
A certain amount of self judgment seems essential.
An interesting character is the rich young ruler. He asked Jesus which commandments to keep. Interestingly Jesus did not mention one religious observance/ritual. The young man said he had kept all these since his youth and Jesus looked upon him and loved him.
Next Jesus invited him to live the law of consecration – my own view after thinking many things through.
Outward observances are to school our hearts, they are not an end of themselves. When our focus becomes the observances we drift into self righteousness. These things become a way we wrongly measure our acceptance before God.
The Pharisee and Publican gives us many clues about self righteousness. It is focused on religious observances. It looks down upon others. They trust they are right before God. They lack humility. They work to gain the praise of men. They are strict in their observance. The Publican doubted his place before God and simply said God be merciful to me a sinner.
His attitude justified him. All are childlike in the kingdom, even Jesus who deferred to his father.