“… one Sunday Sister Virginia Perry, whose husband, L. Tom Perry, was president of the Boston Stake, noticed a woman who had quietly found a space on the back row in the Weston chapel, having arrived a few minutes late for sacrament meeting.
She was wearing jeans and a T-shirt and had come on her motorcycle. Sister Perry quietly sensed that the woman felt that she didn’t fit in. Everyone else was wearing their Sunday best and was sitting with their families.
So Sister Perry left her family alone, went to the back pew, and asked the visitor if she would mind if she sat beside her. When the woman smiled in the affirmative, Sister Perry put her arm around her. The next Sunday Sister Perry came to church wearing Levi’s and a T-shirt.”
From Clayton Christensen’s The Power of Everyday Missionaries: The What and How of Sharing the Gospel.
Questions for our readers:
- Would you be willing to wear pants to church to make someone more comfortable?
- Are there similar things to pants or t-shirts that people “wear” that we can embrace to help them feel more comfortable?
- How should we show love at church?
- Why doesn’t Google image have a good image of Jesus in blue jeans?
- What other question should we ask about making people feel included and what steps should we take?
Is there evidence the story happened?
Yes, feels kinda hard to believe.
I once arrived home before my luggage and didn’t attend church as I couldn’t face attending in jeans and felt the idiocy of that, but I was about 17 and my mother would never have got over it. I would now not think twice if circumstances warranted it, but I see no point in making a point that would offend others. Sister I minister to always attends in trousers, but that’s fine. Had I a nice pantsuit I might wear it, but I like work and church to be separate in my life, so try not to wear what I do at work given a choice.
I always hated my husband wearing his work suit to church as it felt like he was buttoned up and unavailable to us, and so always hated the ‘ wear your Sunday clothes all day ‘ trope that was promoted in those days.
Man, I am so determined not to get fooled again.
Well, I’ve worn trousers for church ever since the first pants event. Including for my father’s funeral. I think some more orthodox family members may have felt uncomfortable with that when we first gathered together before heading out to the church. But when we got there it appeared there were only two women present wearing trousers: me and my mother’s sister, a non-member. Because I was wearing them, she didn’t appear out of place. Not that I knew what she would be wearing beforehand, but smart trousers are acceptable dress everywhere else. I wear them because I prefer them, but I’m happy when it makes others feel more comfortable.
My neighbor’s sister was LDS and came from out of town for a viit and didn’t pack a dress because she assumed she wouldn’t need it. Upon hearing I was LDS, she wanted to come to church with me on Sunday. Since she didn’t have a dress, I also wore dress pants as she did. I thought it was appropriate. No one at church batted an eye.
If the story is true, then that lady is a rare member.
After my last suit coat wore out, I declared that I was done with suit coats. I like dressing up, and I’d wear a tux with coattails to church if it wouldn’t look so preposterous. Most weeks I won’t even wear a colored shirt.
I’m also pretty certain that when I’m done with my current calling, I’m probably going to start wearing jeans to church. Someone needs to make it okay to not fit the mold. I’m happy to be one of them.
My high school daughter for a time had a girlfriend who bounced around between extended family members and was probably technically homeless. She ate at our house a lot and attended church a few times. Whenever this girl attended with us my daughter tried to match her friend’s clothes, usually jeans but sometimes short skirts or short shorts. I suspect my daughter also liked thumbing her nose at the church a little. One Sunday I found all the Laurels dressed down for this girl. They knew she would be attending and so they all wore jeans, I think maybe even the adult teacher.
I hope we are past the days of judging others by what they wear to church but I’m certain it still happens.
By the way, I really dislike the saying “WWJD.” Terrible things are done in the name of Jesus. I prefer the simpler and clearer statement “be kind.”
A few times I’ve worn dress slacks to non-Sacrament meetings such as Stake Relief Society functions at the church.
It is long past time for us to stop judging others based on outward appearances and long past time to maintain dresses/skirts as the only acceptable attire for women at church. At my age, I don’t like to wear dresses without panty hose as my legs have blemishes, scars, varicose veins etc. But I find wearing pantyhose very uncomfortable. Any woman serving in the nursery should wear slacks so she can maintain modesty while playing with the children.
I remember some years ago my Catholic boss stopping by the office on a Saturday having just attended Mass—wearing a t-shirt, exercise pants and gym shoes.
A work colleague asked me why Mormons wear white shirts to church. I told her there was no rule, it just had become custom. She remarked it was like the older ladies in her church who wouldn’t get caught dead attending services without a hat. This colleague, who doesn’t live far from Weber State University in Ogden, also told me she saw a young black man, wearing a red suit, walking towards the LDS institute building. She said she wanted to roll down her car window and warn this ‘brother’ (she is black) that he’s gonna stick out like a sore thumb.
After she told me the story, the next time I went to church, I made a conscious effort to look around to see who wasn’t wearing white shirts. First thing that jumped out at me: Women. Lots of colors among them. Somehow women haven’t been caught up in the white shirt/blouse as the only type of apparel acceptable at church. There was nothing wrong with color at church.
I decided I would start wearing the occasional colored shirt – in case someone with a red suit ever came and didn’t want to feel too out of place :). The first time I did, however, it was quite the psychological barrier for me. I was self-conscious the entire meeting. I had no idea the self-imposed pressure would be that high to overcome. And yet no one else around me batted an eye. At that time, I had only the temerity to wear a light green shirt so people probably didn’t even notice. I’ve worn enough colored shirts now, that it is no longer an issue for me, but I was struck by how uncomfortable I had been the first time. So I have a special admiration for Sister Perry’s actions as related above.
When I was RS president, I wanted my sisters to know that it was OK to be different, and that whatever they brought to church physically or emotionally, they were welcome. I didn’t know how to announce this on a regular basis, so I started wearing dress pants to church sometimes. Every time I did, there was always someone there who needed it, and thanked me for showing them that it was OK to be different. One sister even called me because she was brining her non-member mother to church and she didn’t own a skirt, and asked if I would wear pants that week with them. I did, and while the mother never joined the church, she was a regular in our meetings after that. Over the course of almost three years doing this, I surprisingly never had any negative feedback from anyone about it.
I’ve often seen that members who would give a woman the stink-eye for wearing jeans or pants will not bat an eye when a doctor shows up at church in scrubs. Clearly, we give a pass to the wealthy and those with status.
I’d like to think that I would wear the pants to support the woman. I did wear the pants when a friend asked me to do so at the first pants day. There were 4 of us in our ward, and everyone was supportive. My daughter and some of the other YW also wear pants to church (those cute jumpers that are in style now), and they get so many compliments! I believe the pants day really took the stigma out. My one concern is that the new “pants while working, but not at church or baptisms” rule for sister missionaries only doubles down on the idea that pants are not acceptable for church, which is in fact not what church policy had always stated. It encouraged dressing in Sunday best. I don’t see how a denim skirt and tee shirt qualifies when dress pants with a blouse don’t. That’s just cultural tradition.
I have worn a colored shirt to church every Sunday, but one, for at least the last 12 years. I also have a full beard which I have had for over 25 years, long before it was popular. Been in leadership most of the time, as EQP when to stake leadership meeting with general and area 70’s. No one has ever ask me to change a thing. Last time I crossed paths with the stake president we pasted in the hall, he just grinned and said “looking good bro Jones”. When I started only occasionally would someone wear a color shirt. Now ~10 percent of the men do every Sunday. When the question does come up this is what I tell them.
I noticed when I first got into a EQ presidency that when new members or people coming back to church they almost always lack a white shirt. This made them stand out and feel “different” and they would not come to EQ because of it. Me wearing a colored shirt and being in leadership made it ok if they did not have a white shirt. And it worked. Plus I really like them and my wife loves the way I look in one.
As for the one time I did wear the white shirt to church. It was the Sunday we were getting a new bishopric, I wore the white shirt, conservative tie, and dark suit. Tongues were a wagging, heads were turning. Best joke in church all year. In the end most people don’t care, and me being in leadership much of the time means even the leaders don’t care, that much.
Toad: “I hope we are past the days of judging others by what they wear to church….” Turn it around and say “I hope we are past the days of judging others by how they react to what we wear to church”. Sounds like some wear a casual top, a casual bottom, and a big chip on the shoulder.
I’ve gone to block meetings many times straight from midnight shift. I carry a white shirt/tie, but walking in my uniform pants sounds like I’m dragging a canvas duffel bag; and I’m up front! Like mez, no one says anything.
One of my sons served as a Priest at the Sacrament table wearing a bright red suit coat. Wow, did he stand out. The Bishop loved it.
I, too, notice a tension in the Church around dress codes. Between “come as you are because the most important thing is to come” and “God wants us to present our best dressed selves (as defined by cultural definitions of best dressed) when we worship.”
It also seems to go beyond dress codes, though. Some of the follow up questions to the OP suggest some other applications:
1) After last winter’s SS classes on Genesis, the evolutionist in me feels out of place in my ward — which seems to be dominated by creationists. I left my evolutionist hat at home those days, but I can’t help but wonder if I should have brought it out just to show that it is okay to be evolutionist in this Church. The Church has had some uncomfortable history with evolutionists, and sometimes it is difficult to help them feel comfortable at church (especially when the creationists like Donald Parry want to show off their “Biblical literalist” hats and evolutionists want to wear their “maybe all of the Bible is not as literal as we have hoped” hats).
(Perhaps this is the place to ask whether the Church can assimilate both the “Book of Mormon must be historical” and the “Book of Mormon as inspired fiction” camps and everyone in between)
2) I see a lot of Mormon feminists proudly wearing their feminist hats today. Will they be able to comfortably wear those hats to Church on Sunday? How about in 6 months or a year when the novelty has worn off? Especially since feminism often bumps up against “the world believes [feminist belief x] but God teaches [something exactly opposite of feminist belief x]” without really wrestling with the question of whether or not feminist belief x is truly counter to God’s truth. How do we help feminists feel comfortable worshiping and learning with us — especially when we (the conservative membership of the Church) don’t agree with some feminist beliefs?
3) How about the LGBT community? I often find myself in awe of people like John Gustav-Wrathal who are openly gay and in relationships, but who feel called to worship in Mormon communities. And in awe of those communities who seem to have figured out how to embrace the apostate homosexual while holding on to the conservative beliefs of the Church.
And so on and so forth through any number of issues and questions and concerns and beliefs. There seems to be a lot of tension between “come as you are and let us worship and grow together” and “please don’t pollute our worship with your less than perfect beliefs and behaviors (and clothes)”. In recent days, some things I have read have made me wonder if we miss the real point of the parable of the wheat and tares. Maybe it isn’t “be patient and look forward to the harvest days.” Maybe it is, “do all you can (as an individual and as a Church) to keep the wheat and the tares together, because you can’t distinguish (no matter how good you think you are at distinguishing) the two.” I don’t know how to do that.
Sometimes I worry that it is impossible to blend conservative and progressive and liberal and that schisms along those lines are inevitable. When the Nashville statement (conservative Evangelical document about LGBT issues) came out, some comments (even from its authors) suggested that maybe you can’t be a true Christian unless you believe what they believe. Sometimes it seems that, in the same no-true-Scotsman-esque way, we are fond of claiming that “true Latter-day Saints believe [x]” without acknowledging that there are a good many LDS who may not believe [x]. Part of me really hopes that it is possible — believes that God wants — people of all stripes and beliefs and all spiritual levels to come to Him through His Church. Maybe that isn’t possible because one single Church organization cannot assimilate everyone. If not, I am confident that God, through Christ’s atonement, can reconcile all who are willing to Himself. (for some reason, writing all of this has me feeling pessimistic that this one Church can hold all of the varied beliefs and practices that are out there. Maybe it is inevitable to divide into “CoJCoLDS – conservative”, “CoJCoLDS – feminist”, “CoJCoLDS — progressive”, etc.)
Have you googled the right thing? Because I’ve seen pictures of Jesus looking like a biker in a boxing ring. My favorite is the one where He is wearing jeans and has a tattoo. https://www.wnd.com/2013/02/beefcake-jesus-grabs-art-worlds-attention/
When I lived in Scotland a woman would wear pants to church. Maybe she didn’t have a skirt. I don’t know. I was just glad she was there and brought her daughter! That was the vibe I got from most people. It was eye opening to me, having grown up in Mormonville that no one seemed to have a problem with it.
50 years ago we had a stake president who wore striped, and pokadot shirts. Wouldn’t it send an inclusive message if an Apostle did. Notice in the story the GA doesn’t dress down, and I doubt he would allow his wife to.
I never wear white shirts to church. But being in a conservative area, I also have not had calling, that didn’t involve cleaning, for 9 years.
It is funny. I always wear white shirts, because it is what I have. The one time I wore a blue dress shirt to church, another member spoke from the stand and used me as a good example for the youth of someone who always wore a white shirt. They only saw my shirt afterwards.
Serious choking. I’m back to usually wearing white shirts because it is what I have.
Geoff–in the story he is a stake president at the time, and he has a history of actions consistent with the story, though various people obviously act differently. But there is no reason for a knee jerk rejection of a story about Elder Perry that he would have approved of being shared.
SisterStacy– I’ve a link to my Google Search in the essay. Thanks for the better image though.
I was happy to read people who dressed to make others feel welcome and comfortable.
I’ve been in a number of wards where all sorts of people wore scrubs sometimes to church (but never did see the doctors in them). People were understanding.
Seeing an active SAC pilot at sacrament meeting was interesting (back in the day, they were required to leave their radio on with an open channel, so it received everything on the channel [though did not broadcast] on a constant stream. I suspect nowadays they allow earbuds).
Thanks for the comments and thoughts.
Markablog, my intent wasn’t to have a chip on my shoulder with that comment but rather to say that I genuinely hope we’re past the superficial. I don’t think we are completely.
I also have two counter examples to my previous example. My daughter is the bishops daughter so perhaps it’s easy for people to support her. A black woman was baptized in my ward about a year ago and she’s always worn pants. She’s told me that she feels judged not only for her race but also for her clothing. I don’t think it’s all imagined because one Sunday a woman lost a cell phone and that someone immediately blamed her son for stealing the phone and actually searched him (it was found later).
Another counter example that caused quite a stir is more complicated. A policeman came to church in his uniform with sidearm and was lectured by a longtime ward member for bringing a gun to church.
I deliberately wear coloured shirts to church because b) I don’t have any white shirts* and a) I hate “church” culture. I’ve never been judged (as far as I know) for wearing none-white shirts, but I have a bit of a prickly demeanour (which has served me well), whereas other friends have been chewed out by ward morons for various imagined infractions. I actively take pleasure in challenging people’s made-up ideas about church. Conformity can be a good thing (and generally people want to belong), but it can also be a very bad thing.
* I do have a white shirt for the temple. That’s the only place I’ll wear one church-wise.
What Jesus would do is what Jesus DID; teach principles. There is no mention that he shocked the population or distracted from his message by dressing in a manner that called attention to himself.
Some of his choices of disciples drew attention as he was challenging, indirectly, class structure; but not his own structure.
It would be inappropriate for a general authority to challenge the structure of his own class. It would be better for the top leader to set the tone.
Dress codes do send a message. Deviating from dress code also sends a message, but it might not be one of “inclusion”.
Always be in control of your messages. Doing things that has a high probability of offending or confusing others, even where that thing is itself harmless, becomes wrong. The Dispute Over Food Sacrificed to Idols (1 Cor 8:1-11:1) https://www.vanderbilt.edu/AnS/religious_studies/SNTS2002/garland.htm
In that scripture, Paul acknowledges that meat is by itself just meat; neither virtuous nor sinful. BUT if you eat meat that has been offered to idols, in the presence of people who associate that meat with the idol, they will reasonably conclude that you too are idolatrous rather than merely exercising your liberty.
So it is that a ward that has a few “biker dudes” that come to church suitably dressed won’t draw alarm from the regular members; but a person coming to church in “biker dude” leathers, who doesn’t even own a motorcycle, will be perceived as trying to make some sort of “in your face” statement, drawing attention to himself in a place where attention ought to be on God and Jesus.
For what its worth, my elder’s quorum president in Maryland was just such a biker dude, irreverent and feisty, yet anxiously engaged in a good cause. He did not have secret intentions, hidden agenda. In other words, it was a pleasure to be around him simply because of that honesty. Not “too perfect” for his clothes.