It was well over a decade ago that I received the Irrevelation.  As the Elders Quorum President of the ward with the worst hometeaching stats in the stake, I was not enjoying stake priesthood conference. As my anxiety reached unsustainable levels, I realized that either I was taking my calling way too seriously, or I needed the Lord’s direction. After retiring to a private place and pleading on my knees for the Lord’s guidance, I received the following irrevelation, which I presented to the brethren in priesthood opening exercises the following Sunday:

Now brethren sit yourselves down and listen,
‘Cause I’ve got a story to tell,
About a brother just like you and me who died,
Went to heaven, and then got sent to hell!

When this brother arrived at the pearly gates,
The angel wouldn’t let him through,
He said “Hold on, there son, ‘fore I let you in,
I gotta’ job for you!”

So he sent him down to a rough part of hell,
Where he happened on a couple he knew,
They were hoeing away in the middle of a road,
At weeds that continually grew.

Now they were a’hackin’ and a’slashin’ and a’smackin’ and a’ smashin’
And working’ up a terrible sweat,
But the weeds kept a’ sowin’, the seeds kept a’ growin’,
A challenge that couldn’t be met.

It made our brother sad, that they had it so bad,
‘cause he’d hometaught them seven long years,
He asked them how it happened, and their answer was so movin’
That it nearly brought him to tears…

Now they said:  “We haven’t been that evil,
But we didn’t go to church that much,
We haven’t been holding family home evening,
Reading scriptures, or anything such

So our kids have grown up unfaithful,
And have fallen into terrible vice,
It has made their lives tough roads to hoe,
And as their parents we have to pay the price.

We didn’t know that it was that important,
But as our hometeacher you obviously did,
Maybe if you had come a little more often,
Things wouldn’t have turned out as they did.”

“Now I feel like a cad, yes I feel mighty bad,
But I had so very much to do,
I had to make some money, and spend time with my fam’ly
But I shoulda’ made more time for you.

Hometeachin’s what was needed, then you might have succeeded
When you felt the Spirit permeate,
I wish to do it over, I couldn’t feel much lower,
But now I guess it’s just too late.”

Now that angel saw them a’talking
And he was so pleased at the sight,
He heard all our brother had learned
And came down to set him right.

“It’s never too late to start your hometeachin’
No matter how bad you been before,
Just try to be more diligent,
And don’t make excuses no more.

I’m glad to see you’ve learned your lesson,
But before you think to go,
Wander over to that shed right there,
And brother, grab yourself a hoe.”

The Irrevelation [1] was sung in my finest hill-billy baritone to a tune reminiscent of “The Preacher and the Bear”. The brethren were affected deeply and remained silent for some time after I’d retaken my seat. We had over 90% hometeaching that month, after which I was released. My tenure was short, but I feel the Lord’s will was accomplished.  Never again have I been blessed to receive anything similar.

 

 

[1] irrevelation ->  irreverent revelation.  God clearly has a sense of humor.