Today’s guest post is by Megan.
What’s the cost of a mission?
There’s a monetary cost, of course, money spent in preparation and then more money paid every month in support. My father took a second job to help pay for the cost of sending my brother and me into the mission field, while he was concurrently the Bishop of our small ward. I’m not sure if he ever got any sleep during that time and I know that there’s nothing that I could do to repay him for that sacrifice (not that he would want, expect, or ask for repayment, but still). Missions cost money, this is a given.
But what about the other costs, the ones that go beyond money? Missions are hard; they cost the missionary in physical labor, stress, and strain. Missions sometimes cost a missionary their naiveté, they go out with a certain view on the world and have their eyes opened to new and astounding points of view. Missions cost in emotional toil, in companionship drama, in illness in faraway countries (or countries close to home). No matter how you measure it, missions cost and the cost a lot.
Over the past year or so there has been a ground swell of discussion about the negative aspects of missions. And there are negative aspects that can have a real and lasting impact on the missionary. I know this, I’ve experienced them myself. We send out an army of young people every year and we expect them all to fit into the same mold of the ideal missionary and we don’t provide the kinds of services that those who don’t fit the mold may need. We don’t provide mental health support, we don’t provide transition support (either transitioning into or out of the mission), and we don’t always provide the appropriate spiritual support.
We see missionaries as a massed force of white shirts and black nametags. But each missionary is an individual and deserves individual attention as they devote their lives (for however long a time) to intensive and laser-focused service to God. There should not be a rigid, “one size fits all” approach, there should be enough flexibility so that every missionary receives the support they need, not just the ones who fit the pre-fabricated model.
I don’t say any of this to condemn or smear the missionary program, far from it. I say it because I’ve seen both sides of the equation, I’ve been the pre-fab missionary and the one who slips out of the mold. I was the laser-focused sort of missionary; while in the MTC I dedicated myself to being a missionary and nothing but a missionary, it was my life. And I loved it. I ate, drank, and slept missionary work. I followed the rules to the letter and preached the good word all the livelong day. Never before or after have I experienced that kind of joy in service. I was Christ’s minister and it was fantastic.
Until it wasn’t; until I became ill with a mysterious disease that no one seemed to understand, that impeded my service and sent me home a transfer early. My readjustment did not go very smoothly, I had changed, my world had changed, and I was the puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit anymore. I was lonely and it took me years to resolve all of the lingering effects.
So yeah, I know how much it costs to be a missionary. Now we come to the real question, was it worth it? Did the gain outweigh the pain?
That’s a question every missionary has to answer for themselves. For me the answer is yes, absolutely. I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything else in this world. But we need to be ready and able to support the missionaries who answer the opposite. As an institution and a people we need to be ready, willing, and able to give every missionary the support, compassion, and love they need. Especially the dissatisfied ones, especially the disobedient ones, especially the ones who come home injured or disillusioned. There can be blessing in sacrifice, but there can also be pain, and we should not, cannot, celebrate the one without succoring the other.
It’s a hard-knock life, without a doubt. But it doesn’t cost much at all to help each other along the way.
“We don’t provide mental health support, we don’t provide transition support (either transitioning into or out of the mission), and we don’t always provide the appropriate spiritual support.”
That’s simply not true. The Church has extensive resources for missionaries in all three of these areas. Some of how they are used is probably dependent on the local leadership, but the resources are extensive and must be hugely expensive in both time and money.
Source for my response: I am the parent of a just-returned missionary who had a number of companions with moderate to severe physical and mental and even legal difficulties. I will not go into any detail so I don’t compromise the privacy of any of the people involved, and I only know a handful of the details myself, but the mission had access to a large number of medical and mental health and legal resources and used them regularly and extensively.
I know our stake president years ago was talking to us about the large number of hours mission presidents were spending dealing with the small few missionaries with mental or health issues, and was making the comments that it prevented the work from progressing.
I always thought…that perhaps…that was the work that was needing to be done. To help those that need help, including the missionaries and their families.
For the missionaries that get sent home…it is faith trying on them and their families.
Everyone has different tests in life to deal with. Part of being on a mission is figuring that out. It’s all part of the work.
Maybe that is the hard part for mission presidents, stake presidents, and families…but…it is the way it is in today’s church. Not everyone fits into the perfect little mold of personalities and name tags. I think God would want us to do better than just setting the bar high and if you can’t make it, oh well.
I agree with Anonymous #1 that there are some resources, I wouldn’t say I’ve seen they are “extensive”. I think we can do better if we want mission service to be something positive for all our youth and for the church and for the families and for the world.
Megan, I don’t know when you served, but I do think things have changed since my mission. Here’s a short version of my story.
I was out 3 months and trained a new missionary (this wasn’t unusual in my mission–it was quite common in Georgia.) My comp had a serious girlfriend and told me the only reason he went on a mission was because she wanted him to go on a mission. I remember he went into serious depression when he discovered she was already dating. He started hyperventilating, and we ended up at the hospital. Doctor prescribed him Ativan to calm him down. He ate the whole bottle in a day, and was seriously drugged out. Doctor wanted to send him home. Mission president refused. I was shocked to see that he served the entire 2 year mission. (Girlfriend Dear Johned him and got married after he was out a year.)
I had a conversation with an older gentleman that was a psychologist in charge of East Asia missions. (I think this man has been home from his mission about a year.) I told him about my experience (some 20+ years ago) and he remarked that the church doesn’t treat missionaries that way anymore. He would have advised the mission president to send him home honorably.
A boy in our last ward suffered a severe anxiety attack in the MTC (no prior history of anxiety). They pulled him out, put him in some support groups and provided services for about 6-8 weeks. After he’d made progress they cleared him to serve out the rest of his mission, if desired, or be honorably discharged. He ended up going out and completing the mission. I think with the younger mission ages, they’ve had to face more psych and emotional concerns manifesting in the field. I’ve also heard of transitioning workshops at BYU for returning sister missionaries. Things seem to be improving.
I know of a relative who served a mission about 10 years ago. He had some anxiety issues and was released honorably, serving just under a year. However, when ward members learned he came home early, they asked his parents for reimbursement of funds that they had donated for his mission. They only wanted to donate to people who served the entire 2 years, and apparently thought he had “wimped out.” (These were senior citizens, so I guess had a different thought process on mental health issues.)
I was seriously shocked when I heard about them asking for their donations back!
Just a quick follow up note. Due to the forum and content of the post, I assumed this was a discussion about the missionary program. I didn’t realize until later that it was actually about coping with personal difficulties associated with missions. I hope my comment did not come off as too abrasive. Best wishes to you, Megan, and may we all be more kind and understanding to each other as life takes its unexpected twists and turns.
I think the key is “dependent on time and area.” If those services exist, and I’ll certainly take your word for it, they do not exist in my area nor in any area I know of.
However, these services absolutely exist while you are ON a mission. My mission certainly provided medical support to missionaries and I’m sure mental health and legal assistance would have been provided if necessary.
Here’s the thing, I’m not writing to condemn anyone. But it’s not a perfect system and we can always do better.
Lol I got notification of your follow-up right when I was posting my reply. Serendipitous.
Thank you, Anon. And I totally understood your passion in defending thw missionary program.
I second your wishes that we may all be more kind and understanding. It’s the foundation that can make the world, or at least the internet, a better place.
Missions can be very hard, even when they are rewarding and life-changing. For a remarkably balanced look at the mission experience, I would recommend Robert Lively’s excellent book, The Mormon Missionary: Who Is That Knocking at My Door? He has interviewed some 300 missionaries, mission presidents, parents, General Authorities, and others. He is a non-LDS religion professor (now emeritus) and has no agenda other than to tell the story of Mormon missionaries—who they are, what they do, and the challenges they face. He covers all the bases. I guarantee he knows more about the Mormon mission experience and program than you do.
This is an area where “more correlation ” might be part of the answer as to caring for missionaries in the field and “more Christ” about caring for those who return.
I found it well worth the cost.
My poor brother fell down a flight of stairs and his companion dragged him back to the flat. Didn’t do anything until it had been a couple of days and his eyes hadn’t opened yet.
But the visiting general authority was much more appropriate.
Great subject. We should do better. I served almost fifty years ago. We talk a lot about inequalities and prejudices, including those pertaining to mental debilities. Comments like this — “These were senior citizens, so I guess had a different thought process on mental health issues” — irk me, although I suppose I know somewhat what you mean. But such seem prejudicial. Age is never an excuse for ignorance, excepting of course certain limited, inherent lifetime mental capacities of some disabled and borderline and other mental disorders often associated with age, e.g. Alzheimer’s. I don’t recall any mental services while I served, but then again maybe none were needed amidst the nine companions I served with. One, who proposed to two gals while I served with him for the last six weeks before going home, had already proposed to another woman ten or more years older than him with children and been threatened to be sent home then. Maybe he needed someone to check on him. Or I did.
Transitions are hard. The church (which always seems to be behind the curve) has recently launched new programs to help. There’s better in-field training for new missionaries, and a formal program for mission trainers (neither of which existed when I served in the mid ’90s.
Last year, they launched “My Plan” for homebound missionaries, which is equal parts help with the transition and help to stay active and keep good habits. https://www.lds.org/church/news/new-tool-to-help-returning-missionaries-create-lifelong-plans?lang=eng
Next up, I wish they’d realize that mission life is terrible for introverts. Speaking with strangers all day, and every stress relief mechanism banned(cut off from family and friends, no music, no alone time, no screen time, limited exercise options, no getting lost in a book, etc.) It’s no wonder that some crack.
This is an interesting discussion. I served 25 years ago, so my own experience is likely too old to be useful. Reading the comments, I’m left wondering what the purpose of the mission actually is though.
If it’s to convert the world, then we need to be more particular about who goes out in the first place and send kids with physical/mental struggles home immediately for their families to help them resolve their issues. I’d also think we want to raise the age up to weed out the immature missionaries (our ward has seen a number of these and I hate to say it, but they are problematically embarrassing).
If it’s to strengthen the missionary, then I’m all for programs, services, etc. to help. I’d also like to see more focus on service rather than proselyting. Doesn’t seem like missionaries are particularly effective at finding people to teach and doing service has so many wonderful opportunities and lessons for growth.
I suppose the reality of the situation is that we are trying to do both. I question whether the current set up does either particularly well.
My own mission (dated though it is) required a very high price from me. By the end, I couldn’t wait to just go home I was so sick of it. However, it was absolutely worth that price. I am a better person for having gone.
I certainly wish I was afforded more real service opportunities on my mission. I can only imagine what 2 years of service rather than 2 years of proselyting would have done for me. I agree the church needs to provide more mental health support. Unfortunately I think one of the unchangeable aspects of missionary work is the cultural stigma and shame behind those who don’t go or those who return early. I wrote a section on the pros and cons of Full time Missionary work, and a commenter left some good feedback about this cultural shame.
http://prosandconsofmormonism.com/guilt-shame-and-anxiety/
Oops! I meant to post this link not the shame and anxiety one
http://prosandconsofmormonism.com/missionary-work-full-time/
I think we put too much pressure on our young men to serve missions, almost as if their salvation depends on it. We build it up too much, and promote the experience as the ultimate rite of passage, which sets up for failure and disappointment. In a previous ward I was in, the YM president, with enthusiasm that could match Tony Robbins, turned his program into a sort of missionary boot camp, drilling down on the discussions and regularly sending his boys out on mandatory splits with the full-time elders. The golden kids (the ones who would have gone on missions anyway) drank the kool-aid and became even more zealous, while the introverts, social outliers and fence-sitters were put off by the experience; many of them lapsed out of activity.
My current ward has a teenage boy on the Autism spectrum. He is very intelligent, knows the scriptures inside and out, could probably teach himself to speak a foreign language in a weekend, but doesn’t adapt well socially. He is severe enough that he probably won’t be allowed to serve. If he does get to serve a “highly modified” mission, he’s aware enough to know that they are throwing him a bone, and giving him special treatment, when he just wants to be like everyone else. Knowing all of this, our ward leaders still beat the drum of “every young man MUST go…”, and my heart aches for that young man and the disappointment that awaits him. I won’t be surprised if he leaves the Church someday, but I wouldn’t blame him.
So, let’s be realistic with our youth about what full-time missions entail, and what they are really like. Especially the hard stuff. Let’s cut back on the sugar-coated fables of mass conversions, and jettison the nonsense about obedience being the primary factor in yielding baptisms. We also need to make it clear that the missionary program is not really about gaining converts–its a membership retention/loyalty program for the missionary, to encourage a lifetime of buy-in and commitment to the Church; a sort of insurance policy against future inactivity, while ensuring future cash flow with tithes.
And if we are still going to trot out the line of “every young man must serve”, then we had better have programs and systems in place to deal with the diverse challenges and needs that real people have–to let everyone who so desires to serve in a way that best suits them, and not condemn those who are unable or choose not to serve, or those who don’t quite fit the mold.
If there is opposition in all things, then the ” best two years” also becomes the worst two years. It was for me. Some of the problem is unrealistic expectations of the missionary, some is mentally and socially unprepared missionaries such as I was 35 years ago.i would been so much better off as a service missionary if it was an option then. As. Former YM/ scout leader I see a great need to prepare YM to do hard things, because hard things will happen, especially on missions
I agree that there are SOME resources, but I also would not say extensive. About 5 years ago, there was a female missionary in our ward in the Midwest who complained that she felt she had SADD and was struggling with depression. The mission president advised her to get a special lamp. He would not allow her to go tanning, or to see a therapist or go on anti-depressants. Basically he kind of belittled and trivialized the way she felt and basically told her to ‘buck up’.
I will say that I believe mission presidents have a lot of power of discretion. They make the calls. And all mission presidents are different with different personalities. I suppose the answer to that is they are ‘lead spiritually’, but I’m not so sure about that. They can either take a problem seriously or belittle a missionary problem. A missionary really doesn’t have much recourse, especially if they are trying to be super ‘obedient.’
I hope things have changed since I served my mission.There were no services available in the 80’s. There was no sympathy for missionaries that were experiencing difficulties. On a personal level, there was a missionary who stayed with my companion and for two weeks before he went home early and we were not very nice to him regarding his decision. I tracked him down after to apologize for my bad behavior.
Part of the problem is the Church leadership vacillates between making missionary service all but mandatory (for men at least), and trying to “raise the bar” by enforcing higher minimum standards. When the bar was first raised in the early 2000s, I think the intention was to encourage young men churchwide to become better qualified, but instead it gave local leaders more power to screen out lesser-qualified applicants, and there was a subsequent drop-off in missionary end strength for several years following.
After the minimum age was lowered a few years ago, there was a subsequent renewed enthusiasm for missionary service, with a surge in applications. Effectively the bar was lowered again, but that also had unintended consequences: more unqualified missionaries were flying under the radar; the field was quickly saturated, meaning less productivity and results; average maturity level of missionaries was lowered, meaning more problems; many missions have nearly doubled in size, which means reduced oversight and mentorship from mission presidents, and other resources are spread thin.
I think the Church leadership has long been struggling to satisfy the competing demands of making missionary service obligatory, while ensuring only highly qualified missionaries are serving. They can’t have both.
As a possible solution, they could simply take off the pressure for young men to serve. Make it totally optional, even provide alternative ways to serve, rather than the traditional 2-year proselytizing mission. They could more positively present non-religious service opportunities (military, peace corps, gap year, etc.) as being virtuous. Make the screening process more rigorous, to include written examinations, fitness tests, oral boards, recommendations, etc, to make missionary service an exclusive, elite experience. The prospective missionaries who are less than totally committed will select themselves out, and the overall quality of the force will be higher.
The other solution–make missionary service equally obligatory for men and women.
“My current ward has a teenage boy on the Autism spectrum. He is very intelligent, knows the scriptures inside and out, could probably teach himself to speak a foreign language in a weekend, but doesn’t adapt well socially. He is severe enough that he probably won’t be allowed to serve.”
This pretty much describes my son. He won’t get to serve at least not at the moment, so we are preparing for university, and hoping to get all the necessary transition supports in place for that, via the disabled student services, and student mental health services on campus. Perhaps in the future, once he’s finished his engineering degree, and is older with more social experience, there might be some service mission somewhere that could make good use of the qualifications we hope he’ll have by then… But now. Nothing.
Jack in 22: Church headquarters is opposed to making missions “equally obigatory for men and women” because doctrinally, preaching the Gospel is a priesthood duty. …with the following caveats:
*Eternal doctrine on this topic could change
* Even though men are pressured to serve and sisters are not, the number of men and women submitting missionary applications is roughly equal
I love these artsilec. How many words can a wordsmith smith?