Nearly from its inception, the Proclamation to the World has been a controversial document as people have different ideas about how to have a successful marriage and family when God only approves of one way [1]. At the heart of this controversy: so-called wholesome recreational activities.
Consider this advice from BYU’s Marriage & Families website:
There are numerous ways to use recreation to make your family life happier. When people engage in leisure, we do it for the joy of activity. [2]
That sentence sapped the joy out of itself before it even got to the word joy. Also, if it’s leisure, are you engaging in it? I thought the point of leisure was to lie around watching Netflix and eating Nutella straight out of the jar, not to do stuff. At least that’s what leisure is in our family. Which brings us back to the core dilemma: what are wholesome recreational activities?
First, in true Mormon fashion, let’s turn to the dictionary. Wholesome relates to physical health [3] and moral well-being. Recreational relates to activities done when not working or conversely to drugs taken on an occasional basis for enjoyment, especially while socializing. Activities basically means doing stuff. So, doing stuff that is physical, promoting health, and creating moral well-being, possibly involving occasional social drug use. [4]
Of course the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the phrase “Wholesome Recreational Activities” is this scene from the Breakfast Club:
John Bender: PB & J with the crusts cut off. Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch; all the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: Uh, no, Mr. Johnson.
Bender: Ah. Here’s my impression of life at Big Bri’s house, “Son?” “Yeah, Dad?” “How was your day, pal?” “Great, Dad! How’s yours?” “Super! Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?” “Great, Dad! But I got homework to do.” “That’s okay, son! You can do it on the boat!” “Gee!” “Dear, isn’t our son swell?” “Yes, dear. Isn’t life swell?”
By contrast, my own family’s attempts at wholesome recreational activities often descend into madness: tears, slammed doors, questionable ethics (often in the form of self-serving score-keeping or lots of judge’s rulings in favor of the whiniest) and general poor sportsmanship. That’s what happens when you start with simple wholesome recreational activities like Risk, Apples to Apples or President Scum. In the family I grew up in, our wholesome recreational activities more often resulted in secret combinations, score-keeping you had to watch like a hawk [5] (hence my internet moniker), and an ever-increasing list of additional rules to stymie the strategic advantages that God and Darwin intended for the budding masterminds of the family (we all know who I’m talking about here) [6].
Somehow in all the families I’ve been in, so-called wholesome recreational activities have brought out the unwholesomeness in us [7]. One family event with my in-laws even ended in poisoning. [8] Even on a good day, they’ve resulted in loud laughter, and we all know where that can lead [9]. Maybe it’s time to reverse this trend. Instead of starting with a wholesome activity, maybe we can start with a less wholesome activity and it will bring out our finer qualities.
Since there are no bad ideas in brainstorming [10], I’ll throw out a few suggestions:
- Tagging. Instead of spray painting graffiti, paint faces of the Q15 so as to show that they are ever present and watchful, an important lesson about following the prophets. Bonus points if you spray it on the church (enjoy watching leaders decide whether removing it is disrespectful).
- Key parties, but instead of keys, put matched up scripture verses in the bowl. Couples have to find their corresponding scripture partner to hook up. [11] This sets a lovely tone for whatever follows.
- Strip poker. Once a family member has removed enough clothing to be outside of the standards in For the Strength of Youth, the rest of the group should shame that person for their inappropriate dress, an important lesson in modesty.
- Trash Can Jenga. This is a family favorite in which various members of the family continue to put garbage (or recycling) in the already too full can when no other family members are looking until the can inevitably overflows. The last one who touched it has to take it out. Resentful mopping ensues.
- Huffing paint. But instead of paint, substitute something wholesome like flour. Then put an M&M candy or Life Saver on top and have the person use only their mouth to remove that item. Actually, I’m pretty sure EFY has already mainstreamed this harmful practice despite its obvious drug origins.
- Ransom! This is a classic from my own childhood. The older (or stronger) siblings tie up the weakest one to a chair and leave that sibling in the dark closet until they remember hours later they did it. Reminder: if you don’t use a gag, the bound family member may eventually alert the parents that the game is underway, and that spoils the fun. Optional: Cut letters out of magazines to write a “ransom note” to the victim’s loved ones if they ever want to see them again, demanding items like Ring Dings or ice cream.
- Mumblety Peg. Instead of placing your hand on a table, use the scriptures, and instead of a knife, use a red pencil. Then take turns reading the scriptures you marked. You can also use this as an important lesson in service and first aid to remove pencil leads from hands and bandage them up.
- Scrumping. This is basically looting, but with fruit. Sneak into your neighbor’s yard as a family (the little ones make good lookouts), and pick the best fruits you can find without getting caught. Extra points for any “white and delightsome” fruit. Alternatively for urban families, you can take Juicy Fruit gum from the local bodega, but you may need bail money if you get caught.
- Human Battleship. Wait until your neighbors are having a backyard party (preferably if your neighbor is a General Authority). Then discreetly lob water balloons into the midst of their party (Roman Candles are a seasonally festive alternative). “Misses” don’t count. “Hits” are on a sliding point scale depending on the humorlessness of the person hit. An extra point is awarded for audible swearing. The game ends when the police are called.
- Fight Club. Sorry, can’t talk about this one.
Another added benefit is that your family will grow closer together as they evade law enforcement. This is just a starter list, of course. Circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation [12].
How does your family define wholesome recreational activities?
Discuss.
[1] We all know “individual adaptation” is code for “you suck at having a family.”
[2] Note that “people” and “we” seem to be two different subjects in this sentence, leaving me to wonder why hearing other people relaxing makes BYU married couples do it. I suspect scant motivation is required. I also love how activity is italicized like it’s a foreign word.
[3] There goes the Nutella!
[4] It certainly sounds like Utah.
[5] Funny how someone can literally put a man on the moon (my dad) but consistently forget to add my points when I make an awesome combination in Triominoes.
[6] Me. I’m talking about me.
[7] It’s like Parker Brothers wants us to fail.
[8] We had a “clear your pantry” party in which everyone brought their old snacks along to share. Apparently, pre-wrapped Zingers don’t last forever. Who knew?
[9] Even louder laughter. Occasional peeing. See your doctor if this condition persists.
[10] Demonstrably false as evidenced.
[11] Only for Singles FHE groups! This isn’t Caligula’s court.
[12] Wink.
**This post was original published at BCC.
Hawkgirl,
Loved the post. The ransom reminded me of one of my brothers wholesome activities.
I am the youngest of five boys. My parents had several homes in Scottsdale and So. Cal and would leave us home alone (or with a non attentive sitter) and my brothers would implement thier version of ransom. This included getting the bar from the bench press and putting just enough weight on it that I could not lift it, but used the smaller weights so the bar was just above my neck so I would be stuck alone on the floor in the exercise room for hours.
They too would forget, would finally remember hours later and then spend the remaining time my parents were gone trying to make up for thier wholesome activity.
We just read your post as a family. Wholesome recreational activity for Tuesday night – completed….
I have always understood the phrase “Wholesome Recreational Activities” to be a thinly-veiled euphemism for marital relations, at least within an LDS context, and especially among the married student wards. Even when I was an unmarried college student years ago, that’s what it meant when one of my obnoxious newly-married colleagues made a remark to that effect, usually accompanied by a wink and a nudge. Now, whenever I hear a Mormon use this phrase, that is the only meaning I can ascribe to it–especially when it comes from over the pulpit. Yes, that’s me in the back row, trying to hold back the chuckling, because apparently I have the mind of a 12-year-old.
Once you know this, you cannot un-know this.
And yes, the need for *individual* adaptation cannot be overstated. (Wink Wink)
When the children were younger I enjoyed taking them out cycling for the day, with a picnic. They are mostly less than keen these days. We also enjoyed visiting historic sites, and museums.
I mentioned on a previous post that growing up, humour was a big thing in my family, and we’d read humorous poetry and monologues and tell jokes. Lots of loud laughter ensued.
My siblings would also play board games and card games. I tended to view these more as bored games, and would prefer to retire with a book. But the family of my eldest brother are big into board games even now, and have a great many. I don’t mind the straight forward logical games so much, such as Cluedo (because I usually win that), Blokus, and Mastermind (that game with the coloured pegs), but I loathe Monopoly, Chess and anything that involves extensive strategising.
If the person responsible for the activity portion of FHE is slow introducing the activity, then my husband will threaten us that he knows of a nice card game. His family are big Uno players, especially new years eve. They are also hyper competitive at card and board games, which can be wearing. So much so that I will observe while reading if at all possible.
Yeah. That was me, not sure where the rest of the name went!
I think that your family existed before “Wholesome Recreational Activities” was defined, somewhat like “Hot Drinks” used to include Coke.
Now that you know better, you need to conform rather than risk your eternal salvation for a brief moment of true family pleasure.
I’m still going with the nutella,pjs and netflix. Tonight, I may even light the fire.
I’m unconverted to the wholesome stuff, although your hilarious post almost persuaded me, it’s just that it always sounds like such hard work.
My mother used to say ‘Laziness is no good unless well done’. That little proverb has served me well. And actually I seriously think that we do need to learn to do nothing much together, or separately, in our families.Learn to appreciate quietness, pets and each other’s presence. I may be talking about benign neglect, which is never championed sufficiently in this church. If we are not helicopter parents we are, generally, perceived as falling down on the job.
Have played “Mille Bornes” and “Skip Bo” wherein I see playing cards in bright primary colors in my sleep. Have watched every Disney and other gooey ‘family’ flick and debated whether it would kill off more brain cells than “Duff Beer” (worked for Homer!).
In the 90s, once divorced (for the first time), and with three teens to raise, I let ’em watch the Simpsons, Duckman, and endless reruns of Star Trek: Next Generation and Voyager. FHE fare? Pizza…they never got tired of it, and how hard is it to throw one into the oven? Some 20 years later, my kids and I practically communicate in a ‘code’ of quotes and anecdotes of entertainment from that era.
A sample of some (dark) humor from the cartoon series “Duckman” (note: how anyone could every confuse this as a KIDS show like the other works of Arlene Klasky and Gabor Csupo, IDK…)
Duckman: I recall the last words of my father…
Cornfed: “Careful, son, I don’t think the safety’s on that gun..?”
I can report that my grown kids are health, happy, and quite productive, despite the entertainment swill and fast food I let them consume.
You don’t need strip poker for family shaming…we do it without a piece of clothing removed.
Another wholesome family nightmare is “Add unto it”. Usually my sister cracks a joke about someone, then I tweak the joke and add unto it with one more detail, and then my brother until someone finally brings it around to a Monty Python quote…and we’re done.
Douglas,
Simpson’s and Star Trek The Next Generation. No wonder we think the same on many issues.
My friend’s family only uses f-bombs during monopoly marathons fwiw
We find that President Scum is an excellent primer in political corruption and how the system perpetuates socio-economic inequality.
We most always had water fights, and rough housing as our main recreational activities along with hog tying the most obnoxious kid.
Thanks everyone for the best laughs of the day.Now off to experience “wholesome” nocturnal recreational activities, 😉 and nudge.
the two most orthodox people I know, my mom and my husband, are the worst cheaters at card games.
Growing up as kids we played Cows in Space. One or two people would get a rope (or robe tie) of some sort and then tie a sock to the end that was full of other socks. Then a bunch of us kids would jump on the trampoline and the person with the homemade lasso would lasso you on the leg and pull you down like calf roping . . . and you would be it and it’s your turn to lasso.
or we would put on all of the coats in our coat closet and sumo wrestle on the trampoline
lots of jumping out of 1.5 story windows onto pillows/blankets and trampoline
wholesome – check
recreation – check
but I don’t know how we are all still alive
I consider “wholesome” to be anything that’s conducive to our family’s well-being [based on the OED definition of the word “wholesome”]. If the kids enjoy doing it and it draws us closer together — then it’s wholesome for us.
As far as in-house games, we play: chess, Dungeons and Dragons, table-top games like Settlers of Catan, Lords of Waterdeep, Ticket to Ride, etc., and then the classics like Wahoo, Trouble, and Clue. And then for outdoor activities, we participate in Mud-run obstacle courses.
What I’d be interested in hearing is what people consider to be “unwholesome” activities — like what would be a recreational activity that my family would engage in that would be considered unwholesome according to the Proclamation?
#16 (Justin) – thanks to any decent search engine, you can find what would be “unwholesome” as a family activity. There’s no shortage of weirdos that not only find imaginative ways to be depraved, they want to showcase it for the world to see and archive. I should think that any family that could reasonably be accused of being LDS shouldn’t have to be micromanaged as to what is ‘wholesome’ (e.g., would you invite the Savior to join in) or not.
In our family, anything that increased your affinity for each other was “wholesome”. Anything that made people mad at or resentful of or conniving against others or resulted in disregard or mocking was unwholesome.
I suspect that different personalities or different families would have different lists of activities that qualified as such for them.
MB #17:
So … Monopoly.