It is easy to think that the hard question is “am I bearing your burdens or just enabling you?”

Every time you don’t correct someone who is wrong on a blog, or you do, that question comes to mind.

That may be a question that is easy enough to ask, but the really hard question is even harder.

The really hard question is “if I resent you, what have I done wrong?”

You have all met people who were not as smart as they think they are.  Not as amazing.  Not as fantastic.  Not as special.  Who think that they come to self realization, self knowledge by reason rather than by honesty.

You have probably met people who blame themselves for things they can not control (if you can not control it, then by definition it is not your fault, you might be tempted to say, but they blame themselves anyway).

There are many hard questions you can ask, about your own life or the life of others in those situations.

But the hardest question you can really ask, is the one you should ask yourself every time you feel justified, every time you feel resentment, every time you feel entitled and denied.  It is, “what have I done wrong in this situation?”

As we get closer to the new year, perhaps the best question to ask ourselves as we make our resolutions is the hardest one.

There are many books on this topic I could recommend, but better would be to look at the comments and reviews for each book, pick one up at your library through interlibrary loan and then ask yourself the hard questions.

The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict by Arbinger Institute (May 1, 2008)
Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box by Arbinger Institute (Jan 5, 2010)
Are there any other really hard questions you have?  Share them.