Many years ago, we were staying at a Ronald McDonald house far from home while our daughter was critically ill.
Various groups would bring in dinner each night. One evening, I got talking to a volunteer. She was married to an attorney. I was too. She volunteered extensively in her community. So did I.
Instead of these commonalities being a bonding moment, she became visibly uncomfortable. My family was too close to her own socioeconomic status and her way of life. The difference was that my child was dying.
I learned a valuable lesson being on the receiving end. I learned that we are all more the same than we are different and no one wants to be treated as “less”
That was my wife’s experience and it came up in a discussion of how charity should not be used as a form of holiday entertainment.
As Thanksgiving approaches, so does the season of charity as holiday entertainment.
At the same time, there are people with great needs as winter approaches, weather becomes harsh and the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday are both reminders of the blessings we have had and the needs of others.
They are also the time of charity vacations and poverty zoo expeditions.
How we act in this season, in every season, is important. Charity and kindness are both important.
How we approach our brothers and sisters in need tells us a great deal about their poverty and the poverty or plenty in our hearts.
Wheat & Tares 
Some wise words here.
One of the best pieces I have ever read!
Do your alms in secret.
Ahh, I have often wondered how much of the “good” people do for others is just as much about making themselves feel good as it is for those they serve. Not that it’s inherently bad to have a positive feeling about the deeds of kindness. But consider Jesus: He served humanity through His death and life with little if any “positive” feedback or appreciation. When He did receive such, He was amazed.
I may differ from others here, but I am okay with people doing good for less-than-perfect reasons — isn’t that better than not doing good at all?
If I were hungry, I think I would rather have a dollar from a poverty zoo tourist than nothing at all.
Those quotes sound like they’re people who might really want to do good, but don’t quite know how to get outside themselves. I cringe
as I look back at how I’ve viewed things, and things I’ve said. Often I still miss the mark.
That’s a sad, tough experience. I’m sorry.
This is a poignant reminder to examine ourselves, our attitudes, and motivations. Keep doing good things, recognize where we fall short, and keep trying. Listen. One time I was in a situation to sit with a homeless new mother for a few hours. Just asking where she grew up, I found out so much about her, and wondered if I would have fared any differently if our places were reversed.
A lot of good things can’t be done in secret. Value can come from highlighting circumstances that need attention. Maybe it’s often about keeping the focus on those we serve, not on that we are serving.
Have I read something wrong (which can happen)? I can’t believe we’ve reached a point where we’re dissing and dismissing people wanting to do service because we don’t like their motivation.
“… It became clear that many of the folks weren’t thinking about the clients they served.” SO WHAT? They literally sacrificed their Christmas or Holiday to help you. They could have sat in their home and spent time with their family.
“It’s holiday entertainment… a poverty zoo… ” WHO THINKS THIS WAY??? People sacrifice their time to help regardless of their reasoning. It’s not like they’re going to just make fun of the people there and look down on them.
People do this service because it has a two-fold effect:
1) They get to help fill a need in the community.
2) It helps the volunteer get grounded in reality. We spend to much time inside our socio-economic bubble and lose sight of what’s important. Doing this service helps us interact with those that need help and teach us to look outside of ourselves and intimidate community.
“That was my wife’s experience and it came up in a discussion of how charity should not be used as a form of holiday entertainment.”
Actually no, that’s exactly what it should be!
You should get as excited to go help the homeless or those in need as you would if you were to go see a movie.This is a good thing!
You should relish in the good spirit that comes from helping. Feel a little pride in knowing you’re doing something good. It’ll make you want to do it more and then you’re doing it for the “right reasons”.
Perhaps I missed something too. Is there something wrong with wanting your children to know if A. They are privileged, especially economically and B. Teaching them there is a broad spectrum of socioeconomic status that they might not otherwise be aware of as children (even up until teens) tend be self centered? I was immediately reminded of “Princess Di” and her legacy. Her children speak often of why she recruited them to come on humanitarian trips or missions/campaigns.. Among other things, she wanted them to be aware of life outside their castles and palaces. Their example is extreme, but the idea is the same, I think . I have
not really heard anyone question her legacy or motivations (though there must be some)and , apparently to most of those she came in contact with , she exuded genuine love, respect and a sincere desire to help those she could through her status. I know with absolute certainty that my family have been charity cases in 3 very obvious instances over our 17 years. One was our wards angel tree, one was a family’s “Christmas jar” recipient and the next was actually from a charity of a large D.C. firm that a ward member worked for . Funny enough, her boss is Jewish but has personal reasons that they pick a family each year to provide a Christmas too. Each time I was incredibly humbled and grateful to have been noticed and to receive thoughtful things that people had clearly been excited to pick out for my children. And yes, each time the people presenting us with the gifts didn’t do it in secret and they most certainly wanted to be the ones presenting the gifts and I was never offended. It gave ME happiness to see people excited over gift giving. They and their children (when applicable) had obviously really thought about what my kids would like and gone and picked the toys/games out themselves. There were smiles all around. I don’t presume to judge anyone’s motivations as anything but pure. I hope people afford me the same “non judgement”.
CB—the difference is whether there is any change or not, whether you see the others as human or as others.
In the one case it is charity and kindness. In the other it is a visit to the zoo.
Both occur. And on the receiving end both are usually better than nothing. But I prefer to be human rather than a zoo animal.
BTW CB’s comments reflect that there was thoughtfulness involved. Part of being seen as human.
Andy’s comments miss the point. A visit to the zoo isn’t a sacrifice. It is just one more form of holiday entertainment.
No one is complaining when others sacrifice for them.
Hi Stephen, Your quote cuts that portion off so it’s ambiguous as to if they’re serving or just watching. It says “A type of tourism where they could…”
The assumption is that the “tourism” portion was because they were down participating and seeing what life can because I’ve never heard of people going to a homeless shelter just to watch and not do service. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’ve just never heard of it.
The other example of the Ronald McDonald house you give also doesn’t point to a person passively watching but is in fact doing some form of service. It may not look like the volunteer was doing anything but, in fact, walking around, talking to people to let them talk through their troubles and be an sympathetic ear, is service. And it can be an extremely hard thing for the volunteer because the stories can hit close to home.
Andy:
The links provide more context.
I’m not saying everyone is going just as poverty zoo entertainment or as a tourist. Or that all charity tourists are not also interested in helping.
There is a broad spectrum, and it doesn’t work to just try to fit it into only one or two categories.
My point was that what we need to do is to focus on being kind, being human and being outward focused rather than inward focused. It is good for our souls as well as those we help.
I hope that helps clarify things.
Excellent post over there:
https://rogerdhansen.wordpress.com/2019/11/23/donations-for-the-homeless/
Thank you for the very thoughtful post. Unlike some of the commenters here I think we do need to examine our motives.