And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. …and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh…

Alma 7:11-12, The Book of Mormon

What was Jesus’s fat phase like?
Too many loaves, not enough fishes?
Probably started in the wilderness.
The first days in the desert
must have been fun, y’know,
campfires and ghost stories. But
maybe two weeks in, he started
jonesing for a manna s’more.

Then came visions of food pleasure
tormenting Jesus with the sugary
charms of fresh-baked cupcakes,
topped with buttercream frosting!
If he suffered every affliction,
if he took on every infirmity,
then he surely tasted mine.

Anything can become an addiction. Really anything at all. Addiction is where you develop a relationship with a substance or activity, and it becomes the most important relationship in your life.

Some old nun who probably thinks she got to me

Every day I chart my course
through a wilderness of triggers.
I sleep and I am tempted.
I wake and I am tempted.
I work and I am tempted.
I play and I am tempted.

I am tempted when doing poorly;
I am tempted when doing well.
I am tempted while I fellowship.
I am tempted while I worship.

While Jesus yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him. Then one disciple said, “Behold, your mother and brethren stand without, desiring to speak with you.”

Yet, being much fatigued after a long day, Jesus felt only a deep craving for sweets. And he planned to eat sweets as soon as he could get away from the multitude. Jesus also desired that he could eat these sweets all by himself, completely alone, with no one looking at him or hovering and saying, “Oooh, that looks delicious!” And so intense was his craving for sweets that he experienced his mother’s love as a nagging intrusion.

So Jesus shot back at the disciple, “Who is my mother?! and who are my brethren?!” But seeking to spare this disciple the wrath of his infirmity, Jesus hastily smiled and stretched forth his hand toward the people saying, “Behold my mother and my brethren!” And the multitude cheered.

Matthew 12:46-49, Fellow’s Nostalgic Translation of the JST of the KJV, translated out of the Original Tongues which knew the sharp bite of a sweet tooth.

My wilderness is the bakery,
which one must always cross
to reach the rest of the mart.

My wilderness is a freeway exit:
a grove of fast food and stores
of convenience pushing 2 for $3.

My! How I find myself
wandering to and fro—
a Mormon fellow craving,
trying Lent, abstaining,
sore and hiding
among a peculiar people
gathered at weekday Mass,
realizing how hard it is
to place my burdens
on the Master.


Poet’s Notes:

Comments are welcome. For something lighter, I invite you to read How the War in Heaven was Won.

Image of half-eaten paczki taken on Fat Tuesday, by Jake Christensen