After a few pleasantries, including how busy my life is, here’s the gist of a conversation with a counselor in the bishopric.

Counselor:  Brother, the reason why you are here is that we have prayed on our knees, and the bishop feels inspired to call you to be the building coordinator.  Now you don’t have to clean the building yourself.  You just need to set up a program so that the building gets cleaned every Saturday.  What do you think?

Me:  Honestly?  I think this is a crap calling.  I’ll do it, but I’m not excited one bit about it.  I hate it when people assign me to do the cleaning without asking me if I’m available.  I often work weekends, and my wife will help clean the buiding, because she has a supremely guilty conscience.

Counselor:  Well, that schedule is just a suggestion.  You can always ask to trade with someone else.

Me:  It’s a bad system.  I get it that you don’t want to have the same people doing it over and over, and that everyone should have the opportunity, but I hate being assigned.

Counselor:  Do you have a better suggestion?

Me:  Hire a janitor.  The Church makes $50 billion/year.  Hiring a janitor would be supremely easy and the Church can easily afford it.

Counselor:  But the prophet has asked that members clean the building.  Besides, we think this is a good way if you had people come from 2 different neighborhoods, they will get to know each other better.

Me:  If you want a suggestion for members to get to know each other, I’ve already given a suggestion to the bishop to have group dinners or a progressive dinner.  We’ve done that only once, maybe twice in 3 years.  That’s a better option.

Counselor:  Will you pray and see if God wants you to do this calling?

Me eyerolling:  Look, you have a need.  I get that.  I’ll do it, but I’m not the least bit excited about this calling.  But tell you what.  Can I make a deal with you?  How about I help start a family history class like we used to have.  Men should be anxiously engaged in a good calling and shouldn’t be commanded in all things.  I’d like to volunteer to get the family history class going again.  Deal?

Counselor:  We don’t have a room.

Me:  I’ll meet in the hall on the couch.  I don’t care.

Counselor:  Well, I’ll put it front and center with the bishop.  Will you pray about the calling?

Me: ok.

So, beloved brethren and sisters, what advice do you have for me to clean the building every Saturday, especially knowing that I often won’t be there? Apparently the last guy who lasted just about 2-3 months simply cleaned the building himself, because he hated asking for help.  (That’s why he is being released.)  Sign up sheets?  Simply assign people in the ward program announcements (which is how it worked before)?  I’m open to ideas.  What is the most pleasant way to ask/assign ward members to clean the building?