***This article is about suicide. Those who feel that this may trigger dangerous feelings are advised not to read on. If you need help, please seek out local mental health services***
If you lived in France in the 17th century and died by suicide it was considered a crime – hence the phrase “commit” suicide – like committing a crime. Additionally you were dragged through the streets face down, hung and thrown on a garbage heap. Your entire wealth and property was then confiscated by the state.
The history of society’s response to suicide and suicidal behaviour is an interesting one – to say the least. Some societies tolerated suicide in certain circumstances, such as in Japan. India had an historical funeral custom where the wife of her deceased husband would throw herself on the funeral fire.
The two main factors in societal response to suicide are moral and economic. It was widely held in many countries that as suicide prevented the person paying taxes and contributing to the society, that it was considered a criminal action against the state. This is why many such societies would take all your property. The moral or religious aspect of responding to suicide is also an interesting history – and one that has likewise undergone significant change.
For many centuries, it was held that taking one’s life was, according to most religious traditions, a sin. It seems that an increase in understanding relative to mental illness has nuanced our perspective on suicide.
Growing up in the church I recall some very limited discussion on the issue of suicide. It was not very forgiving of those who suicided. We have a very strong focus on agency and individual choice. A look on my Facebook feed has posts from members of the church – probably every few days – that, in one way or another, put the boot into people regarding (1) personal choice (2) that we have complete power over our destiny (3) that successful people have x, y z attributes or (4) that unsuccessful people have the opposite to x, y z attributes. Reading this garbage, you would think that all I have to do to be rich, popular, a good person, righteous and have no bad stuff happen to me, is just to choose my way there. I’m confident that there are some who will read this that actually post those types of statements on Facebook etc. And, well, I guess if you believe it…go ahead. I have no issue with thinking positive or being a good person or trying to make good decisions, however most people believe that the consequences of our behaviour cannot be chosen. I guess that’s where I see this idea coming a bit unstuck.
Historically, I think suicide in the church was, like in broader society, looked down upon. I have heard members say disgraceful things to me about people who have suicided. Most of them centre around the fact that:
- The gospel is a gospel of happiness – how could a person suicide when they know about the gospel
- What has person X got to be upset about. S/he had everything
- How selfish to his/her family, me, his/her friends, etc
- That’s what you get when you hang around with group X, make X decision etc
Whilst such statements are still made, I believe the tide is turning. There is good information about suicide and mental illness on LDS.org. There are positive messages being delivered in General Conference. There is an understanding that professional help should be sought. These are all good moves in the right direction. In many ways the gospel gives us an ability to understand the hardships faced by people who reach a point of absolute desperation. We know that we are afflicted by all sorts of spiritual, physical and emotional challenges. Many of these challenges last for a very long time, or even our whole lives.
One thing that I have learnt over the course of my life is that most people struggle with a number of things that they rarely disclose. A dear friend of mine and his wife (not church members) struggled to fall pregnant. When they did they were over the moon. Once their little girl was born she was very unsettled and after numerous tests she was diagnosed with a rare genetic and terminal illness. She died in the first year of her life. My friend and his wife went to hell and back. However, if you were to speak to him now, you would never know. He wouldn’t say, “Hi my name’s John and my daughter died before her first birthday”. He carries this with him, and I know he still struggles on some days. He disclosed to me that both he and his wife contemplated suicide. I have no idea what that must feel like and how he deals with it day after day.
I think the key here is a lack of judgement. Christ spoke eloquently about this. It is sometimes difficult to put yourself in someone’s shoes without making a judgement on how they fit.
Questions:
- What has been your perception of any change in the way we, as a church, speak about suicide?
- What doctrines of the gospel allow you to understand something like suicide?
I was prompted to write this blog after I found out that one of the AP’s on my mission died by suicide on Christmas Eve this year. He lived in Utah with his wife and seven children – one on their mission and the youngest is 2 years old. I don’t know the circumstances, and I cannot fathom what pain he must have felt to take such a drastic action at any time of the year, let alone Christmas Eve. The extended family are attempting to raise funds to help the family. I wouldn’t normally put something like this in a blog post, but I really feel for this family. If you would like to help out please visit the Go Fund Me site at https://www.gofundme.com/tpge43cs.
So sorry about your former AP, LDS Aussie.
I haven’t ever heard anything harsh about suicides. In my experience, members have generally been very kind. Some years ago, a long time friend of my parents killed himself following the death of his wife for whom he’d cared for many years. He’d arranged it so that my father, who’d be going round to fetch him for home teaching, would be the one to find him, rather than one of his children.
I think it must be very hard to really know what someone is experiencing.
My husband, who is about 7 generations more Mormon than me, insists that suicide is murder (by the way, so is killing in self-defense or n defense of your family). So a person who commits suicide has committed the Unforgivable Sin. I’m not really sure how he drew this conclusion in the face of apostolic statements to the contrary.
Sorry to hear of your loss.
Although various members have their opinions as always, our church has been consistently clear on this topic in the decades since I have been a member.
https://www.lds.org/topics/suicide?lang=eng
I am not sure if that includes all the Ensign articles, which I have shared with friends and gave them comfort and hope.
A few years back, the youth were doing yard work and cleaning in a cemetery in a small town. Locals driving past pulled over to see what was happening, sometimes pitched in, often thanked us. One older man asked of us we would possibly consider cleaning his brother’s grave. We said sure and asked where it was. He took us into the woods, outside the fence. There were maybe five graves there. All were cleaned up by the youth. We explained simply that we leave any judgement to the Lord.
Growing up in Utah whenever suicide was talked about in the abstract it was always condemned as an evil sin. However, on the 3 occasions of which I am aware that someone committed suicide in our ward, I heard absolutely no condemning or negative comments. I think it is easy to talk about it as murder, until someone you know and love dies from suicide. At that point, there is mostly just love and sadness, no judgment.
I’ve also seen a tempering of attitudes over time in the church. The following excerpt reflects current church policies regarding suicide.
Handbook 2 Section 21.4.14 Suicide.
It is wrong to take a life, including one’s own. However, a person who commits suicide may not be responsible for his or her acts. Only God can judge such a matter. The family, in consultation with the bishop, determines the place and nature of a funeral service for a person who has died under such circumstances. Church facilities may be used. If the person was endowed, he or she may be buried in temple clothing.
Older statements described suicide as self-murder, a criminal act. The punishment was assumed by many to be damnation in the telestial kingdom, same as any others committing premeditated murder. Elder Ballard’s 1987 Ensign article (“Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not”) is a good compilation of quotes by past leaders put into the context of a much more nuanced modern view. Many members who grew up in long-time member families internalized a lot of the older statements and often have not recognized the change among public statements by leaders.
When Robin Williams committed suicide, I saw many people link to Matt Walsh’s blog post as a reflection of their disgust with the concept of suicide. His represents a viewpoint that I grew up with – suicide is a choice, pure and simple. It is sin. Depression is a mental illness, yes, but also evidence of spiritual deficiency. Suicide merits no sympathy.
For those with a more nuanced view of mental illness, it is much easier to have a nuanced view of suicide. In the RS class I attended Sunday (my in-law’s ward), we were taught that those who have a strong testimony of the plan of salvation do not experience sadness and grief at the death of loved ones. We still tie emotional well-being to the strength of one’s testimony instinctively. The leaders have been better about recognizing mental illness, but it’ll be awhile before it really trickles down to the rank and file.
Some mental health professionals reject the “commit” verb with respect to suicide. They say “So-and-so completed suicide.” I think that is to help society move away from the erroneous “criminal” associations with suicide.
My experience (which is limited) is that while some members may speak with stern disapproval of suicide in the abstract, when confronted with the specific instance of a known person who attempts or completes an attempt, compassion rather than criticism is generally expressed.
When I read about Christ casting out the evil spirits that dwell in the heart of men, i can’t think of a better way to describe depression. May He heal those who suffer from mental illness and comfort those who mourn.
We moved to a new ward about six months ago and within a week a twenty-something daughter of wardmembers committed suicide. This girl had grown up in the ward, so the reaction was palpable. The outpouring of love was huge, and there was absolutely no public display of judgment. However, private opinions were not quite so nice.
Within a month a RS lesson was taught stating optimism/happiness as a conscious choice. When I pointed out (as someone who has dealt with depression) that a caveat needed to be added for those who need medical intervention to help them get to a point to make that choice, the teacher was surprised. Afterwards she apologized and was frustrated with herself as she had family members who were dealing with depression and had never even thought that the two ideas could be connected. I wasn’t offended, but I was bothered that a RS presidency member missed the connection when a recent suicide should have pushed mental illness to the front of people’s minds. There have been similar slips since then. One time the mother of the deceased girl had to respond to another comment suggesting those like her daughter were clearly spiritually deficient. That was a little uncomfortable.
Mental illness is poorly understood, and if you haven’t experienced it or had someone close to you experience it, it can be very hard to grasp. A lot of the insensitive statements that get made in the church are out of sheer ignorance. Hence the difference between talking about suicide and mental illness in the abstract versus in a situation hitting much closer to home.
When I was 15 or so, my cousin who was my same age took his own life. He had also used illegal drugs and was a generally “troubled” teen, and while everyone was very kind to his family, there was definitely an overall narrative that his poor life choices ultimately led to an unfortunate end.
Interesting comments. Thank you.
I lobbied for about 6 months when I was in the Ward Council to have a 5th Sunday lesson on mental illness. The initial response was no – that might bring up bad feelings. Like talking about sex education makes everyone want to have sex. I didn’t take no for an answer and finally got my way. It was a pretty good lesson – I knew it was going to be well received because I knew personally about 10-12 people who suffered depression in the ward. I had people come up to me at the end in tears thanking me for the only lesson that they had ever heard on mental illness that didn’t blame or alienate them.
We have some very conservative members in our ward and ones that hold closely to the notion that our agency is always 100% ours – that nothing modulates it. I had some very stern looks from those people during the lesson.
I have the feeling that our agency – whilst we may feel very free – is significantly determined by factors beyond our control and often without us knowing. Matters of emotion, psychological issues, our upbringing, intellectual limitations and our environment all play a bigger role in our decisions than we think they do…
We talk sympathetically about suicides as a lack of agency, and this is no doubt often true. But it could also be true that suicide represents the ultimate expression of agency in a life that has slipped beyond one’s control. They live in hell on earth. Whether or not it’s their fault that they live in hell, there seems to be no escape, no agency, except in this one thing, suicide. It’s the only control they have left. Many are kept from suicide because they can’t get up the courage, the will, the faith in it as a true escape. They are the ones without agency, trapped in a hell from which there WILL be no escape, or so it seems. But the suicide has the will, the courage, to challenge God and the world in this dramatic affront to life, to put ones foot down, to scream to the universe that this is unacceptable and one will take no more of it.
A part of this is a part behind the 5th amendment.
In an inquisition, if you confessed, the Church/Inquisitor took all of your stuff and your family was tossed out on the street. If you committed suicide to avoid the pain, the Crown took all of your stuff …
You had to hold on and die under torture to avoid forfeiture to one or the other — a grisly fate.
The freedom not to incriminate yourself is the freedom to not have to die under torture.
“In the RS class I attended Sunday (my in-law’s ward), we were taught that those who have a strong testimony of the plan of salvation do not experience sadness and grief at the death of loved ones. ”
Guess she has never read the Doctrine and Covenants which equates grief with the strength of love felt.
Ah Nate. So not true.
Stephen, I’d love for you to elaborate on your disagreement with me. Like you, I was trying to say of suicide as “the freedom to not have to die under torture.” If one’s life is continual torture, with no foreseeable end in sight, and no freedom to find relief, suicide is the last bit of freedom you have.
I grew up with a very harsh and judgmental perspective on mental health issues and suicide. I thought suicide was automatic hell (the unforgiveable sin/taking a life). I also believed those who medicated their feelings/themselves were denying the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Just a normal small town southeast Idaho childhood. I don’t recall people specifically speaking out about all of these things….but it was in the air we breathed. I had a very, very hard time watching Million Dollar Baby and had the harshest reaction out of most people in my family.
Nate your comments are fascinating; I know someone whose life has mostly felt out of control, and has attempted suicide a few times. Your comments make sense in a way I never had contemplated.
I have my name attached to 3 professional articles on suicide in the medical literature although I am not a psychiatrist. I also worked on a project where I read every suicide note recovered from a completed suicide in a large metro city across a couple of decades. We didn’t complete the project and never published our conclusion that the tone of the noted varied with age because the stats weren’t very good. I also have known of a few friends who completed suicide.
I looked into the instructions on suicide in the CHI a few years and felt they were somewhat weak. As I recall it says that if a member told a bishop they were considering suicide that mental health may be considered along with the usual spiritual support. Every case is unique but a suicidal person who reaches a point where they ask for help is in grave danger. This is MEDICAL EMERGENCY! It would be like a member experiencing the symptoms of a heart attack or a stroke at church and not calling for EMS or driving them to the hospital. Professional help should be sought immediately. Bishops need to understand this is not a spiritual problem but a medical emergency. Leave it to the professionals to determine whether they need to be admitted to the hospital or otherwise treated.
I have also studied incompleted suicides and in every case (most of the time when not depressed) they are glad that they were not successful.
Amen Mike.
I’ve often wondered what type of training bishops etc. receive in dealing with various issues that might come before them, suicide included. If someone divulges to their bishop they feel suicidal, it cetainly shouldn’t be treated as a spiritual problem but as a medical emergency. I feel it important that leaders put out a strong clear message of unconditional love and concern for those they serve.
I too was raised in the LDS church believing suicide was a grievous sin. I do not think that now. I believe many/most suicide victims were unable to escape deep pain and that God with his perfect knowledge and love will be merciful.
Often the mental illness *is* the cause of the anguish and pain felt by many people. In those cases, the perception of pain and agony is a huge symptom of a biological problem. With proper treatment (either through drugs, behavioral therapy or ideally both), the mental illness can by managed and the pain drastically reduced.
I can’t speak for all, but when you contemplate suicide because of the influence of mental illness, you are operating with a distorted view. While the feelings are very real and painful, the gut-wrenching hopelessness that the pain will never go away or incredible guilt that you are a burden to your loved ones is *not* an accurate grasp of reality. If someone admits they are thinking about suicide, it is a *symptom* of a bigger problem. It is *not* the problem itself. The underlying issue needs to be identified as soon as possible and addressed. Once the underlying problem is addressed and managed, the risk of suicide is drastically reduced. Once the distorted view is cleared up, it is much easier to see how much you have to live for.
Nate – “Many are kept from suicide because they can’t get up the courage, the will, the faith in it as a true escape.”
Good to know I was without courage, will, and faith when I refrained from killing myself.
These kind of sentiments, collectively putting together every situation as if they were all the same, are just as problematic as those who lump all suicides and attempts as sinful. Each situation is unique to that specific person and time in their life. You can’t treat any two as the same, not even two attempts by the same person.
I’m glad I survived this instance in my own life. It was the worst ordeal I’ve ever been through, and hope nothing ever comes close to its severity in my life again. It was not due to any abundance or lack of courage, will, or faith.
I’m very ambivalent (of two minds) on this. On the one hand I believe that we should struggle for life (including medicating for depression and anxiety). On the other hand if I ever had to deal with cancer I would choose to not go through the current treatments that could put it in remission.
There are so many issues that need to be tacked before we can have the big discussion on suicides being wrong or not, like the lack of mental health services, the stigma associated with having any mental health issues, and the myth of “if a person fails, they’ll just try again”.
I feel as if I’ve been more scattered than usual on this. Hope some of it makes sense. This is certainly one area to tread lightly, no matter what you believe.