It seems that every time our ward talks about the Plan of Happiness, someone brings up the fact that the happiness in the plan is not necessarily today, but it’s a future state of happiness that arrives by obedience, or some other theoretical mumbo jumbo. Sometimes I like to refer to this as our eventual celestial lobotomy, the idea that somehow even if we don’t like something now, we will suddenly like it when we are dead.[1]
The Plan of Happiness is the Book of Mormon lingo for the Plan of Salvation, and I assume that salvation is happier than damnation. If by Plan of Happiness we mean going to earth to get a body to continue to progress, then it’s a happier alternative to being disembodied and stagnant. If we put “the plan” in the context of “salvation,” then clearly it is meant to be a future state, not our day to day lives. And yet, Mormons seem to be a happy lot on the whole, not necessarily only due to all the prescription medication usage and online paid pornography subscriptions Utah is so well-known for.
How to be Happy
A recent article in Time talked about 4 things we can do here and now to be happy:
- Focus on gratitude. Let go of guilt, shame and worry which are negative emotions that feed our reward center with a sort of psychological junk food–we feel full, but there’s no nutritional value.
- Name our feelings. Unknown feelings trigger more fear in us than known ones. Just knowing what our feelings are reduces their impact on us. This is why mindfulness is so important in meditation.
- Make decisions, even if they aren’t perfect. Just the act of making a decision gives you a feeling of control that reduces stress. According to neuroscience researcher Alex Korb, “We don’t just choose the things we like; we also like the things we choose.”
- Hugs & handshakes. Touch people, particularly people you love, if you want to be happier.
Church Culture
When people complain that the Plan of Happiness doesn’t make them happy, I suspect that what they really mean is that going to church doesn’t make them happy or that it even triggers unhappiness in them. Yet church seems particularly primed for #1 and #4 on the things we can do to be happy. In fast & testimony meeting, it’s even become a cliche to start with “I wouldn’t be grateful if I didn’t stand up today and . . .” so counting blessings is definitely a thing Mormons like to do. And handshakes are also a particularly Mormon thing. As to naming feelings and making decisions, church is probably agnostic on those. Church is not creating an unhappy environment if these are the 4 things that improve happiness.
Family Patterns
What seems even more obvious to me is that some families are better at these things than others.
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)
We learn our coping skills by seeing how our parents model them. For example, if parents are impatient when frustrated, kids often exhibit the same behaviors when dealing with frustration. Some families dine on guilt, shame, and worry, repressing their feelings either stoically or passive-aggressively. Some families are not demonstrative when it comes to affection. Some are indecisive or prefer to coast by on status quo rather than making decisions. Passivity seems linked to depression. These are patterns of behavior common to families.
Two Choices: Opposition in All Things
I just returned from Disneyland, arguably the happiest place on earth. [2] And what’s not to be happy about? We got to play hooky from work for a week, and the kids even got to miss 2 days of school. The lines weren’t bad, there were catchy tunes, friendly people, corny jokes, and we ran into ward friends and family members to boot. We took one day off to go to Magic Mountain which was kind of like a Mexican prison by contrast: broken down infrastructure, indifferent safety and security, sweltering heat with very little shade and no air conditioning, defaced ads, no cheerful background music, gruff patrons with neck tattoos using profanity, and trash on the ground. [3] Returning to the Disney parks the next day, I had new appreciation for everything: the cleanliness, the friendly people, the smell of the place, the incessantly catchy music.
Having two choices is a strategy we often use in our business; always give customers two choices, and they will psychologically be more invested in the choice they made because they chose it. But if you give people too many choices, they will feel stuck and confused. In the famous “jam test,” two displays were set up: one with 30 flavors of jam to try, and one with only 3. The display with fewer choices resulted in far more sales than the one with more choices. Less is more.
Remembering Self vs. Experiencing Self
Another interesting idea that relates to happiness is that we have two selves: our experiencing self, and our remembering self. We think our happiness is all about our experience in the moment, but really it’s our memory of our experience that matters. One study involved participants immersing their hand in painfully cold water for 30 seconds. In the second trial, they had to keep their hand in the water an additional 15 seconds but the water was warmer by 2 degrees. Surprisingly, when asked which trial participants would rather repeat, the overwhelming majority defied logic and chose the second trial. In both trials they were in painfully cold water for 30 seconds; trial two just ended on a slightly more pleasant note than trial one, even though both endured the same difficult 30 seconds. This is similar to the old adage that you forget the pain of child birth after the fact.
Another example of the remembering self trumping the experiencing self is to ask yourself how much you would be willing to pay for a fabulous vacation to Hawaii if your memory of the vacation and all evidence of the vacation would be immediately erased at the end of your stay. The value is significantly less without the remembering self. Or conversely, would you sign up to climb Mount Everest if after you did, you would have no memory of it and no evidence that you went? This option is even less popular than the Hawaii Amnesia Tour; most people would not. [4]
Our most recent experiences color our perception of all that came before it. Likewise, in the movie Inside Out, Joy is upset that Sadness is touching all of the happy childhood memories and turning them blue, but that is also part of moving to another city and growing up. We can’t change the impact of most recent events on our overall perceptions, but we can learn to accept them and put them into perspective over time.
Discuss.
[1] Most commonly, a strategy Mormon women use to deal with the idea of eternal polygamy.
[2] Disney would certainly argue that.
[3] OK, not really sure that’s what a Mexican prison is like, but maybe.
[4] Mount Everest is all about the bragging rights and the accomplishment of doing something challenging. The experience sucks. You are literally trudging past frozen corpses of fellow hikers. No thanks.
The plan of happiness is a little too happy for me…
I think the “plan” of happiness is just that: a plan. All plans regardless of denomination – including Mormon – are not based in the here-and-now. There is always something missing. Most of the time when I hear references to “the plan,” the person is referring to the next life or some other place. People seem to be working hard now to get somewhere else; thinking about somewhere else.
I kind of like what Joseph Campbell used to say, that what people are looking for is not happiness but an experience. What we are really seeking is meaning and an experience. Happiness is an outcome – an effect – of meaning and experience.
You will never be happy all the time. That’s just life. And if its not that way here on earth, why would you expect it in any sort of next life? Nobody has been able to say how it would/will be different. Only an assumption that it will be. Many years ago on my mission, I asked an investigator what we would be doing in heaven. He said “singing praises.” I said, “okay…then what?” He then said, “singing more praises.” Yuck! Does that sound like happiness to you? Most Mormons would think this isn’t what we will be doing anyway. But how about this: I once asked my then 14-year-old son, what he thought of the plan of salvation (i.e., plan of happiness), he said, so you become a god and get to create your own worlds…so what? I said, “so what do you want to do?” He said, “I want to party!” LOL. I was taken aback. Being a god and making worlds did not sound like happiness TO HIM. I learned that what I thought made me happy was not what would make him happy.
There is an assumption in the “plan of happiness:” the idea that you will be saved from something. From what? Loneliness, boredom, anxiety, anguish, drudgery, pain? No plan can save you from this all the time; not here anyway.
Instead of trying to be happy, why not try and do something that you think makes your life meaningful instead. When Jesus said, “the kingdom of heaven is within you” (Luke 17.20-21), I think he meant it. You won’t find it outside yourself somewhere else IMO.
When did it go from being the Plan of Salvation to the Plan of Happiness? The latter feels like an artificial construct for PR purposes. Possibly about the same time we were all being berated for looking so miserable, and told told we needed to be happier on account of it, or something. I don’t remember exactly when we started being reprimanded for not being happy enough, but I do recall a couple of talks addressed the subject at an area conference broadcast a couple of years ago. Ironically those delivering the addresses looked thoroughly miserable themselves… But I know it’s been longer than that.
I did like Tokyo Disneyland. I haven’t experienced the US version. It’s all very well done, well choreographed. I can imagine the contrast in atmospheres of the different theme parks. An unusual theme park (art project), the antithesis of Disneyland put in a temporary appearance here this summer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dismaland).
The Prophet Joseph Smith said,
“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.”
I think a measure of happiness can certainly be found in this life (maybe more for some than others), and an active church life with a strong faith can help in this. It need not be a matter of happiness or happiness later, take your choice — indeed, that really is a perverse lie. We make our choices today, combined with the cards we are dealt, so to speak, and we can exercise our faith, hope, and charity today in this life. Yes, certainly, a measure of happiness can be found in this life while hoping for the next life.
Hedgehog, the “great plan of happiness” was a phrased used in the Book of Mormon by Alma (42:8). It’s during his sermon to his son Corianton. In the previous chapter is the Scripture Mastery verse “wickedness never was happiness” (41:10). Maybe the emphasis on “Plan of Happiness” over “Plan of Salvation” is PR, but the phrase is scriptural.
Ji quoted: ‘The Prophet Joseph Smith said,
“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.” ‘
Which existence? Pre-mortal? Mortal? Post-Mortal? All three? He doesn’t say. I assume he was speaking of mortal existence since this is the context in which the comment was made and he uses “will be the end thereof” (implying that he’s talking about mortality). Obviously, there are plenty of people in the church who are virtuous, upright (whatever that fully means), faithful to a ‘T,’ and who I consider holy, and try really hard to keep commandments – who are downright miserable. Maybe some people are happier doing these things than others. One size does not fit all. That is heresy for some but reality if you look at it objectively.
The interpretation of statements like this is that they are interpreted to apply to everyone. It obviously can’t. Don’t think so? Just look around at any Mormon blog and count the number of comments about being unhappy – even in the church – in one form or another.
There are no individuals in quotes like that above. There is only a collective “we” implied.
I certainly agree with part of Ji’s statement: “I think a measure of happiness can certainly be found in this life (maybe more for some than others)…” This seems reasonable. But respectfully, I cannot agree with the last part of the statement: “and an active church life with a strong faith can help in this.” Not for everyone it can’t.
In my mind, the “Plan of Happiness” is just t hat a plan, a roadmap to a achieve a certain goal, our eternal salvation. In this life, folks should “plan to be happy.” To orchestrate their lives in such a way, that it is generally happy.
Now, having said that, it is practically impossible to be happy 100% of the time unless you are a Stepford wife (or husband to be PC).
So, I guess it is a game of averages. On the whole one would like to be happy most of the time.
The teachings of the Church can help contribute to a happy life, but it is not the end-all. One has to choose to be happy as well in spite of our challenges.
but, let’s face it, it’s work and it doesn’t always work out the way we plan. It’s worth a try, I suppose and much better than the alternative to be miserable all the time.
BTW, I lived near Magic Mountain and watched it being built. The few times I was there, I never found it too magical. Gladly made the trek to Dismalland, every time.
Elder Holland gave a devo at BYUI about happiness being the object of our existence, yet the paradox is if we pursue it directly we’ll never find it. In other words, statistically the things that we think will make us happy (new car/phone/job/house) never give us the payoff we think it will….. But that happiness is a by product of doing good and accomplishing difficult things and keeping commandments.
At least I think I’m remembering it right. I remember almost falling off my chair when he quoted semi-anti-marriage advocate and happiness expert self-help-guru Elizabeth Gilbert. Which means he’s ok w me reading Eat, Pray, Love in an attempt to find happiness (?).
Brother of Bared,
President Uchtdorf’s Saturday morning message from the recent general conference might be helpful to some of those persons you are describing. It sounds like the Elder Holland talk mentioned by Kristine A might also be helpful. Of course, if they don’t want to be happy, the talks won’t do any good. The gospel of Jesus Christ is joyful and wondrous, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the place to find happiness. If not now, for some, maybe later.
Mary Ann, well yes it does. Growing up though, all through youth Sunday school, YW and seminary it was the Plan of Salvation though.
I think it’s funny that we are willing to defer so much of our happiness to the Celestial Kingdom, when we know virtually nothing about what the CK will be like. This isn’t unique to Mormonism, of course; but, while we have a different idea of the afterlife than mainstream Christianity, we are still quite vague on the details. And it does make you wonder – what if you get there and it’s not at all what you’d hoped? Will you spend the rest of eternity wishing you’d gone ahead and had that cup of coffee?
We definitely have a lot of folk doctrine, though very little of it is backed by actual revelation. There’s definitely an idea that the spirit world will be extremely *busy* as we try and convert the BILLIONS of people that never heard the gospel. And I’ve gotta be honest, that doesn’t appeal to me AT ALL. I’m looking forward to meeting my deceased female ancestors, but not so that I can try and sell them on the idea of celestial polygamy or what have you. I’m a lot more interested in swapping recipes for pie.
I think the mindfulness aspect is a big part of an individual member’s satisfaction. The recent BCC post on recognizing both the negative and positive aspects of the gospel applies a bit here. I’ve recently had two different friends recount their experiences with their babies dying shortly after birth. Both cope by recognizing that it’s okay to grieve, to be mad, to hate what happened, but at the same time they find comfort in gospel teachings about families and the hereafter. The grief and hope exist at the same time, which allows them a sort of peace.
We do have a problem in the church with the expectation that members should be happy all the time, in spite of difficulties they experience. It ends up compounding the depression or anxiety many people feel because essentially they feel blamed for “choosing” to be unhappy. Those who have more intellectual or ideological difficulties with the church also tend to be blamed for “choosing” to let those things bother them. The most well-adjusted people I know have the mindfulness thing down, in spite of cultural pressure to the contrary.
Depending on how people take President Uchtdorf’s idea that happiness is a direct result of faith (or President Nelson’s plea for sisters to be different from the world in “happy ways”), I’m a little unsure if we’re going to be any better about allowing people to be unhappy.
Thanks for the post. I was able to use the idea of guilt activating the brain’s reward center to help two people I love.
Happiness comes from experiencing the love of God, which is available in this life, and reaches its fulness, as joy, in the next.
I keep thinking back to what John Dominic Crossan once said about Christianity. It was founded by peasants, people who weren’t happy. They were hoping for a better life, because they lived a hard life. The next life would take away all the injustices. Jesus said blessed are the poor in heart, the meek shall inherit the earth, etc. Because life sucked, and the next life better be better, else why not kill yourself now.
Then the Christians were hunted, many died as martyrs, promised eternal life on streets paved of gold. God would make up for the injustices here.
As for Mormons, we crossed the plains, survived blizzards, grasshoppers ate our food, we were persecuted for our polygamy, etc. The next life was going to fix all the problems here.
I think this is why Christianity in general is focused more on the happiness in the next life, because sometimes life here isn’t happy. The realm of God is supposed to be eternal happiness. (Let’s not worry about that pesky problem of a God who weeps….)
HG – I was literally speaking to someone about this on the day you posted it.
The phrase Plan of Happiness, whilst there are scriptural foundations, is a PR exercise. Gods plan would be better. We could just as easily call it a plan of death, plan of misery, plan of pain. Using a specific qualifier is not helpful. We feel all of those things. It raises our expectations and creates a false idea of what will happen during our life. Sure we will be happy, but we will be lots of other things as well.
A person with a life long mood disorder, deceased children, chronic pain etc might have a different experience than someone without those challenges.
I have the perception that to enter the highest degree we will have to have learned to be happy with ourselves by the end of this life. Perhaps happy is a light word for what I mean, thankfull, joyfull, appreciative, happy.
I liked your list of 4 ways of how to be happy. I feel like an unhappy person much of the time. Activity in the LDS ward might bring happiness in some by the 4 ways suggested above, but I see it slightly differently.
1. Gratitude: I think we could be giving more thanks and praise for our blessings at church. But too often our meetings and teachings become a slug-fest of guilt and shame and end-of-the-world dooms-dayism. Threats to youth of dire consequences for mild to moderate transgressions.
2. Name feelings: We might be doing this better than expected but in the different language of Mormonese. Since I have trouble naming my feelin’s in general, it might be better to get others to give examples.
3. Decisions: They are all made for us. One of the great assets of being Mormon, fewer hard choices and many like it that way. Our only choice is to obey or rebel. Except the really biggies such who to marry and what to study or what job to take. I personally like to do it my way and do not fit into the obey or rebel dicotomy.
4. Touch: I don’t like to be touched. Even by my wife more than necessary, it makes me nervous. (Maybe why I am not so happy). Fear of contageous disease is close but not exactly the reason. (Hey, the threat of getting lice is real!) My son is the same way. Except we do like one thing requiring touching. We like to rough house. I generally provoke him, tweek the tiger’s tail and he ignores me then retailates with overwhelming force. But this has become a bad idea because he grew up and now he is a college level athlete and still thinks like a 6 year old when it gets physical, ie that his dad is indestructable. No ER visits yet.
The term “plan of happiness” has always felt more like the “plan of sappiness” to me. Simplistic easy answers to nearly impossible questions. A counterfeit to seeking real happiness.
I have 4 of my own ways to find happiness.
1. Live with Integrity. I have made some bad decisions in life especially concerning career and also religion. They are impossible to un-make. Even when things go badly it is something to say “I did my best.” I wish I could say that.
2. Marriage and family. I really lucked out when my wife decided to marry me. I still don’t know why. We don’t always get along and have major unresolved issues which are a burden for us both. To the degree a marriage works is the degree of happiness experienced by the partners more than anything else.
I managed to not interfere with her primarily taking the responsibility of raising our children.I played a supportive roll and did what she asked or needed. My two children are the best. If you asked me 20 years ago to make up a dream list of what I wanted for them to accomplish, it would not exceed what they actually did and they are not yet 25 years old. The greatest source of joy I have: my children are people of substance and character. This is a trap because either one or both could disappoint me or experience a disaster. But it has been sweet so far.
3. Changing lives of others. For me this has been mostly through non-LDS boy scouting. I don’t do that much except lots of camping and I don’t do anything extremely well except tell stories and on any given expedition, I usually take on the role of the old Norse god of Loki. But somehow I am the most often mentioned adult in eagle ceremonies who said something that turned a young man around. My name has become a verb to describe the diabolically hard and life-changing trips i often plan. I am a small part of a team of men mostly better than I running a troop of excellence that makes good boys into great men and even makes some bad boys into good men. As an aside, I don’t see this happening in my ward and it pains me.
4. Absence of misery. I managed to not get divorced. My children are healthy and productive citizens. The medical community invented coronary stents or I might be a cardiac cripple at this point. My boss hasn’t fire me, yet. I have a nice house. This might be the flipside of gratitude; seeing the blessings in spite of the tribulation.
I would think happiness, or rather lasting joy (or at the very least absence of unhappiness) is ultimately the planned goal of all religion. I actually find Mormonism quite useful in this pursuit. A big step in enjoying our human experience in this life is to let go of the idea of finding perfect happiness. Once we reconcile ourselves with the universality of pain and focus on a bigger eternal picture, we can then experience more inner peace and joy in this life. In fact I just wrote a whole blog post of my own about this topic last night before reading this here.
“When did it go from being the Plan of Salvation to the Plan of Happiness?”
Hedgehog, FWIW, I looked at this question with data from Conference talks in a post last year at ZD. The crossover point where “plan of happiness” starts to be used more than “plan of salvation” occurred in the 1990s, although “plan of salvation” is far from dead.
http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2014/04/26/plan-of-salvation-happiness/
Thanks, for that link Ziff. Nothing until 1979, and then took off in 1993. Interesting.