With the official demise of LDS Pageants and, along the same lines, speculation about the possible phasing out of trek re-enactments (makes sense to me, big burden on local members for an activity full of questionable myth and folklore), let’s talk about one of the few Mormon cultural performances that won’t be going away anytime soon: the annual Primary Program. Ours just happened this last Sunday, four months into my first experience as a Primary teacher. So this was my first Primary Program as an “insider.” Here are some random thoughts and observations.
1. The talks are better. Many of the kids quoted a scripture in their little mini-talks, and there were no travelogues or rambling stream-of-consciousness monologues. Each kid’s mini-talk was pulled from their own talk given earlier in the year during Primary Sharing Time, so they weren’t just reading a script, they were giving their own talk. The counselor/coach by the podium adjusted the mic for each kid, so you could actually hear them.
2. The bishop gets a day off. It’s the only Sunday the bishop gets to go down and sit with his wife and family. That seems like a nice thing.
3. Just send everybody home afterwards. After the busy busy hour of setting up the seating, directing kids, adjusting the program for kids who do and don’t show up, and pulling off a performance of 40 or 50 children in front of a live audience … the same Primary Presidency and teachers are expected to go run two more hours of Primary? That’s just crazy. By the third hour my normally manageable class of sweet seven-year-olds was in revolt. After ten minutes I just handed out pictures and crayons, with Cheez-Its distributed liberally (box now empty). Just cancel Primary that Sunday and let everyone with kids go home after the program!
4. Snacks: the unwritten order of things. I started out thinking I would go by the book and not bribe my students with food. Nope, I’d follow the book and teach nice participatory lessons, no food required. By the third week I had my large box of Cheez-It Duos stashed in my Primary bag, soon to be followed by Cheez-It Four Cheeses. There is a purist in the class that wants Original Cheez-Its, just straight powdery orange ones, but I might branch out to Double Stuff Vanilla Oreos next week. The first question my kids ask is, “Do you have a snack today?” I don’t care what the book says, snacks in Primary class are a key part of the unwritten order of things.
5. I know who is really happy about two-hour church. Every Primary President on the planet.
Questions for the comments: What is your experience of Primary Programs? What snacks work for you and your young students? How do I get my Primary classroom designated as a Dominos hot spot? What do non-LDS visitors think of an LDS Primary Program?
Wheat & Tares 
1. The talks are better. Ours seems to be quite scripted. Still cute.
2. The bishop gets a day off. And good for them. Don’t forget they didn’t have to hound people for talks also.
3. Just send everybody home afterwards. Our ward just has a 2 hour party. Candy, popcorn, etc.
4. Snacks: Only BKP could be against snacks. Just make sure they are clean enough that the kids clothes need to be treated and washed.
5. I know who is really happy about two-hour church. Every Primary President on the planet – and every future Primary President (even if they don’t know it)
What is your experience of Primary Programs? They are nice for a break for everyone (except Primary Presidency)
What do non-LDS visitors think of an LDS Primary Program? How could you not think they are cute as a button?
My wife and I taught Sunbeams last year. Welch’s Fruit snacks worked well. They aren’t easily ground into the carpet. They were part of the routine we set up and helped us transition to a new activity. Taking a trip around the outside of the chapel (inside during winter) was also part of the routine. Included visits to the fountain and bathroom.
Lesson time was about 10 minutes and consisted of a lot of pictures and free-associated comments from the children. Activities included coloring, play-doh, sticker sets, and lots of singing. It helps when your wife loves to sing and has been primary chorister four times. Did I mention singing? And no, not all of the songs came from the manual.
Sharing time was unbearable for all. My wife and I were fine with the restlessness, because four-year-olds, but the primary presidency couldn’t stand-it. We were always getting dirty looks from them. It was terrible watching four year olds be good for two minutes waiting to be picked, but not getting picked. Much better to have all the primary children names in a basket and draw from it and continue until all the kids cycle through (a method my wife used when she was the chorister). The Kids understood the fairness and it wasn’t based on who could be quite the longest, because four-year-olds don’t win that game. Thank goodness for two hour church.
We had our primary programme too. Best moment: when sunbeam turned around to the leader whispering his part to him and said clearly “I can’t say that.”
I love the Primary Program. It is so sweet and from the heart. Songs, etc., are wonderful. Nothing like seeing your children on the podium waving to mom/dad/grandma/grandpa, while picking their nose, lol.
I remember as a young girl I would get so excited. I also remember we wore just our socks, putting our shoes in the Primary room while we did the program. So we would walk in in our stocking feet. I remember I always got a new pair of socks for the occasion. And some of the songs are still part of the program, which is always wonderful. I also remember hoping I would be “picked” as one of the ones who got to say something during the program.
Now it is usually arranged so that every single child has a part on the program, which is great. My favorite LDS entertainment of the year (except for the occasional F&T meeting when people go a bit cuckoo, but that’s a whole other topic).
One of the kids threw up right next to my son. My son was pretty concerned and grossed out, but made it through the rest of the meeting. The boy’s mom, a nurse, hauled him out immediately and cleaned him up best she could. I’m pretty sure she didn’t stay for the rest of church. Ugh, it was pretty nasty, but proceeded without a hitch otherwise. Definitely memorable, but for reasons other than you mentioned.
(I wouldn’t feel bad to jettison the primary program, but I’m not itching to discontinue it either.)
Let’s not forget the yearly spectacle of the 11 year old kids, usually the boys but sometimes the girls, who consider themselves much too old to stand up there with babies and are doing everything they can to communicate that through their body language. I always find myself both empathizing and being entertained by their misery.
Our primary program was entertaining but not spiritual in the slightest. Highlights included:
1. one kid whose talk about following the prophet consisted of, “The prophet just declared 2-hour church! Woohoo! Let’s follow him!”
2. a super adorable bell choir piece. I’m slightly astounded that we didn’t get someone in leadership to complain about bells not being “chapel-appropriate” instruments.
3. a sunbeam who SHOUTED the lyrics to the songs he knew. It was charming as heck, and I was deeply disappointed that his teacher kept shushing him. He looked sad too. It’d be one thing if he was just yelling random gibberish, but he was really getting involved in the song and it’s not like he was interrupting the Vienna Boys’ Choir–honestly once they shut him up, you could only hear the teachers singing. Lame.
On the one hand, it was kind of fun. On the other, my daughter said, “All we’ve done for weeks in sharing time is sing the same stupid songs over and over. Even worse than before. I’m really tired of this.” We are both looking forward to shorter Primary.