Steven Colbert created a brief questionnaire he’s used to interview dozens of celebrities, and I recently listened to Ryan Gosling’s answers and found them very satisfying. So, today I’ll take a crack at these questions, and invite our readers to do the same! Plus, I’ll share some of the celeb answers that I found particularly enjoyable. Here goes!
- What’s the best sandwich? Reuben. (A Cuban is also really good, but I have to go with a traditional Reuben with sauerkraut, ideally on rye and from Katz’s Deli). Favorite celeb answer was Gosling who said “Ice cream.” It was clever, but honestly, I’m not a big fan of the ice cream sandwich. Too soggy. But still clever.
- What’s one thing you own you should really throw out? Expired pain medications, but I keep thinking What if I need them???
- What is the scariest animal? I am definitely not thrilled about snakes. Jeff Goldblum had the best answers (that coincide with his films): “T-Rex, velociraptor, and the house fly.”
- Apples or Oranges? Honeycrisp apples.
- Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Only Disney characters on behalf of the kids. I have talked to some celebrities, but just as normal people. My favorite was a conversation with Raul Esparza in a tapas bar in Chelsea, NY. We were about to leave, it was very crowded, and he walked in, so we offered him our table, and chatted for a few minutes. Favorite celeb answer was Keanu Reeves who got George Carlin’s autograph, which is (to me) just a wow. He added that this is what Carlin wrote: “Dear Keanu, f**k you.” Classic.
- What do you think happens when we die? My favorite celeb answers are the two borders of what I think. Ryan Gosling’s answer: “We wake up.” Keanu Reeves’ answer: “I know that the ones who love us will miss us.”
- Favorite action movie? Everything Everywhere All at Once (also my favorite movie, hands down)
- Favorite smell? The woods behind the house I grew up in during summer. There’s now a paved biking trail there that runs along the Susquehanna River. That smell just instantly grounds me. I spent a lot of time there, reading books on the bank of the river.
- Least favorite smell? Gasoline used as a cleaning product.
- Exercise: is it worth it? Yes, but IMO the best exercise is stuff that feels like part of life: walking, hiking or biking outdoors and seeing things rather than going to a class at the gym or working out with a personal trainer.
- Flat or Sparkling? Sparkling if it’s Diet Coke. Flat if it’s water.
- Most used app on your phone? Tie between Sandbox coloring app and X / Twitter. Pokemon Go is still up there as well (I use it when I ride my bike).
- Window or Aisle? Aisle.
- You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? I’m kind of torn on this one. I usually would say Allison by Elvis Costello, but there’s a strong case for Bohemian Rhapsody because it’s like multiple types of songs in one song. By that logic, a case could be made for Scenes from an Italian Restaurant as well. Nicolas Cage cleverly said the Happy Birthday song, implying that he’d have a longer life, but then he (in Nic Cage fashion) went onto a weird tangent about birthday wishes really coming true, and it being wrapped up in the song & candles.
- What number am I thinking of? 52.
- Describe the rest of your life in five words: Enjoyment in life’s little pleasures. Personally, I loved Sandra Bullock’s answer: “Just like it is now.”
Let’s see your answers. If you’ve watched any of these interviews, are there any celeb answers you particularly liked?
Discuss.
Wheat & Tares 
Okay, I’ll play.
Zla’od: I had to look up bardo. “Used without qualification, “bardo” is the state of existence intermediate between two lives on earth.” Thanks for that!
There were celebrities who also said “man” was the most dangerous animal, which is also the basis of the short story The Most Dangerous Game in which the main character is hunted (as “big game”) on a Caribbean island by a Russian aristocrat.
Brother Sky: I’m not sure this is impressive or not, but I do know the entire lyrics to Paradise by the Dashboard Light. Personally my favorite Meatloaf song is For Crying Out Loud, which I know hits all the marks as an overwrought seventies’ ballad, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Plus, the line “And can’t you see my faded Levis, bursting apart…” What a crazy line!
rickpowers: All Along the Watchtower is often considered to be one of the best songs ever written. Plus, it figured into the excellent BSG (Battlestar Galactica) 2004 reboot.
I said the worst smell was gasoline used as a cleaning product, but I forgot about the dead turtle we came across in the outback. That was foul.
Sandwich- BLT on wheat with really fresh guacamole.
Throw out- SO so so much. Vintage crap is my weakness.
Scariest animal- large bugs, or crawly things. Especially in swarms
Apples or oranges- Depends if it’s cooked, and if ice cream is involved.
Asking for autograph- Only on a check
When I die- I Don’t Know. Something new?
Action Movie- O Brother Where Art Thou
Favorite smell- burning cedar
Least favorite- dried urine
Exercise worth it- Of course, I don’t like doing it though. But I like being ambulatory.
Flat or sparkling- sparkling on ice
App- Instagram, even in decline
Window
Only one song? Way to make me hate it. I could come up with a short playlist, but my favorite music is something that I’ve never heard before that I enjoy listening to.
42
Better than it was before.
I love the Colbert Questionnaire. I’m game. Assuming I’m answering these questions from the guest chair on set.
What’s the best sandwich? *Was going to say roast beef, but I like Gosling’s answer “ice cream.” 2. *What’s one thing you own you should really throw out? *A bottle of Revlon nail coat from 1962. It was a gift from my grandmother who died a long time ago and I keep it in the back of a drawer as a memento. 3. *What is the scariest animal? *Too many to list. A mad dog? 4. *Apples or Oranges? *Organic ambrosia apples. 5. *Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? In sixth grade we signed each other’s autograph books. 6. What do you think happens when we die? We continue in one form or another. I hope it is less disorienting than coming into this life. 7. Favorite action movie? *Don’t watch many in that genre. Everything Everywhere All at Once (like Hawkgrrrl) 8. *Favorite smell? *Tropical flowers 9. *Least favorite smell? *Puke, because it is contageous. 10. *Exercise: is it worth it? *Only if you enjoy it enough. 11. *Flat or Sparkling? Flat out flat. 12. Most used app on your phone? Gmail. 13. Window or Aisle? *Aisle. 14. *You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? *This one is a bit esoteric: “Ave Maris Stella” by Philip Stopford. 15. *What number am I thinking of? 1964 (Colbert’s birth year). 16. Describe the rest of your life in five words: “That didn’t go as planned.”
I don’t read, much less post much here anymore, but this seems fun, so I’ll have a go…
Loving reading these.
i can’t do all the questions at once because of my phone. Or something. But one really good sandwich is the one Adam Sandler makes in the movie Spanglish. When I watched it on DVD one of the extra features was a chef talking about how to make it.
maybe I’ll be back to answer more. I enjoy these questions. Hawk and I have the same favorite movie and I have lived Keanu Reeves answer about what happens after we die ever since I heard it several years ago.
What’s the best sandwich? A good cheeseburger (and, yes, burgers are sandwiches according to all of the McDonald’s training videos I watched as an employee there in high school, but no, a McDonald’s cheeseburger does not qualify a “good cheeseburger”).
What’s one thing you own you should really throw out? Everything I haven’t touched in the last 5 years (big problem when you’ve lived in the same house for over 25 years!).
What is the scariest animal? The territorial pit bull that came charging at me when running on dirt roads through farmland who didn’t even flinch at the feigned rock throw trick which stops most dogs in their tracks (thankfully, the owner opened his door, called the dog off, and saved me at the last minute).
Apples or Oranges? Oranges grown in tropical countries (nothing close to this can be bought in most US grocery stores).
Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? An NFL quarterback happened to be at a sporting goods store signing autographs when I was shopping for shoes as a teenager. He wasn’t very good, so it’s probably not worth much.
What do you think happens when we die? I think we’ll still exist, but I zero evidence for that. I think there’s likely some truth to that joke about how everyone in heaven has to sneak past the room containing all the Mormons since they think they’re the only ones who could possibly be in heaven. I think orthodox Mormons will be shocked at the variety of people there–even people whose “temple work hasn’t been done”!
Favorite action movie? The original Star Wars movie (episode IV). Yeah, it’s sci-fi, not action, but there’s a lot of action.
Favorite smell? The smell of baking cookies.
Least favorite smell? Raw sewage.
Exercise: is it worth it? Definitely.
Flat or Sparkling? Flat, until a company I worked for offered free drinks, and then it switched to sparkling, as I acquired the taste since grabbing a Perrier from the fridge was faster than filling a glass from the tap. I’m lazy.
Most used app on your phone? Chrome browser
Window or Aisle? Window, except for trans-Pacific flights so that I can have eay access to the restroom when my row mates are sleeping.
You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? One Tree Hill by U2.
What number am I thinking of? 42
Describe the rest of your life in five words: Focus on things I value.
I’d love to see another post like this where people share their beliefs about God, Christ, The Holy Ghost, The Book of Mormon, Priesthood, the afterlife, revelation, etc… I think that would be interesting to hear what everyone’s beliefs are.
This was fun! Thank you, Angela! And reading others’ lists is awesome.
Hawkgrrrl, “It’s It” Ice cream sandwich will change your mind.
That was fun. I took the quiz quickly, just taking the first thing that popped into my addled brain, but there is only one question I would answer differently now: On “scariest animal”, instead of the generic “man” I would have answered more specific and said Vladimir Putin (Vlad the Impaler II) and his American BFF.
I’m answering on behalf of Molly Mormon, who was just promoted to the general level:
My husband’s backyard burger. I do all the prep and clean-up, but he grills them, so they are daddy’s burgers!
Mortimer, I read yours not noticing the heading at first. Then I saw it. Hilarious!
Chadwick, +1 on Dua Lipa. I am generally not a fan of pop music, but she is something else. Great to see a Kosovar Albanian rising to the top.
These are the answers I posted on Facebook 3 years ago. I think some questions have changed.
Best sandwich? Muffuletta of course
What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out? A couple of large rolls of silt fencing
What is the scariest animal? Malaria-carrying mosquitos
Apples or oranges? Apples; they can be eaten without peeling.
Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? Bob Grich and Frank Robinson
What do you think happens when we die? Gradual increase in the C-12 : C-14 ratio
Favorite action movie? The Princess Bride
Favorite smell? The desert in bloom
Least favorite smell? Peanut butter
Exercise: worth it? No
Flat or sparkling? It depends: ceilings, Dr. Pepper, or brass?
Most used app on your phone? Facebook
You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? Ode to Joy
What number am I thinking of? pi
Describe the rest of your life in 5 words? I live until I die.
I know that Mortimer and Molly Mormon’s answers – all celestial, covenant-path, and happy – are true beyond a shadow of a doubt.