Winner: Mr Mac
Mr Mac, the preeminent purveyor of fine apparel for the discerning missionary in the jello belt, won a reprieve of a reduced mission. If missions had been truncated to 18 months, that would have been a 1/4 reduction in wear and tear on clothes, and the similar downturn on sales.
Loser: Starbucks
Starbucks, in anticipation of the the loosening of the tea and coffee restriction in the Word of Wisdom, was ready to deal with the onslaught of Mormons seeking their caffeine fix in a coup of Joe. In the Utah, Idaho and Gilbert AZ area, they had hired extra workers, and even assigned a worker to help those in line figure the differences between a cappuccino and an espresso. Starbucks stock was trending lower in after hours trading Sunday afternoon. Which directly leads us to our next winner….
Winner: Sodalicious
With no changes to the Word of Wisdom, Mormons will continue to get their caffeine fix from soda. This again leads us to another winner…
Winner: Intermountain Healthcare
Turns out soda is bad for your health, even the sugar-free type.
Loser: Victoria’s Secret
No explanation necessary
Winner: GNC Vitamins
No big changes happened this conference (the de-POX was pre-conference) so Mormons need to stay healthy for at least another six months!
So what are your winners and losers from this conference?
Wheat & Tares 
While I’m all for a non-controversial conference, I will admit that it did take some of the fun out of it….
Man oh man….this was a real yawner!!! Same topics, same tone of voice and the same monotonous (mind numbing) cadence! Thank heavens it’s over!! However…. compliments to whomever created that nice looking salad bar behind the podium: made me hungry!
Loser: Deseret Book. If the FamProc had been canonized, everyone would have rushed out to buy new scriptures with the FamProc included as OD3 (or whatever).
Loser: Conference prediction threads. Fool me once…
Winner: librarians
The whole preemptive shushing before Nelson announced the new temples is a model for how librarians can handle patrons who mistake the library for a funhouse. Yeah, sure, it was kind of creepy and made it seem like President Nelson has a stick up his you know what, but it effectively took the joy out of the announcement of new temples. I’m sure it would be just as effective at taking any mirth out of being in the library.
I think the Brethren realize that the discussion around changes during conference tends to crowd out the other more important messages and themes like the Atonement, etc. So my guess is that we will still see significant changes taking place but they will not necessarily be announced during GC. Changes won’t always take place just in April and Oct.
I for one never believed the rumors about WoW modifications. But I do think there will be changes to the missionary program of the Church. I’ve heard this from too many independent sources to not believe it. But again, I think the Brethren saw that the last two GC’s were dominated with discussions about Ministering and 2-hour church instead of the Savior, etc.
If the Church ever wants to grow again in Europe, it is going to have to loosen restrictions on the use of tea and coffee…..
I’ll agree with MTodd. I was once watching conference when GBH announced a temple to be built a few yards from the chapel I was sitting in. There was definitely a joyful outburst. How are they going to do the hosanna shout at these new temples? Everyone quietly writes the words on a piece of paper?
Was I the only one who couldn’t understand “Tooele Valley”? I rewound and listened again and it still sounded something like “Tulivali, Utah.” Never heard of it. Isn’t Tulivali the capital of Tuvalu? I had to look on the internet to find out what he said.
Glad to see General Conference has returned to its usual norm-a snooze fest punctuated by a few inspiring talks. Some were downright headscratchers-what’s the moral of the train hitting the car on the tracks? that we should be grateful we have agency and aren’t bound by rigid tracks and can actually swerve to avoid trouble? Elder Rasbunds mind numbing talk-were they like 40 things we should do, I lost count? It amazes me that accomplished men spiritually and otherwise in the twelve can get up and give such poor talks. I honestly can’t recall anything other snippets of what the First Presidency or Twelve spoke about. I know I need to repent. I’ve already made my covenants. I read “The House of the Lord” so I know what is ok to talk about re the Temples. On the other hand, I can repeat the substance of talks by Elder Mckay and Hale because they were presented in a powerful, personal, and uplifting manner. Most troubling was the high handed manner in which all the supposed changes to come for which, as Elder Bednar reminded us, we are supposed to take our “vitamins” were completely ignored. If the brethren don’t want to make such changes a focal point of conference, then acknowledge that. If there is the thought that we need to focus on perfecting what has changed prior to further changes, then acknowledge that. But don’t tell us of vast, sweeping changes to come, and then completely ignore those statements. It was a dismissive move to make no mention of such, more of a power move to show who is really in charge than an action worthy of the office these men hold.
Nothing in this church is more pharisaical than what we have done to the “hot drinks” verse of the WoW. Is there anything more hypocritical than the Sodalicious concept? When I moved to Utah recently and saw that an entire industry existed to provide “temple recommend safe” caffeine in the most unhealthy way, I was initially shocked. Then I applauded the entrepreneurial spirit.
Is anyone else already tired of the phrase ‘home centered, church supported’? Ugh.Can’t wait for that to trickle down into the ward and stake level…
I thought President Nelson handled the temple announcements very well, especially for those gathered in the Conference Center. Individuals can celebrate on their own, and the Hosannah Shout will certainly happen at the dedications.
I suppose I live so far away from the center place that I have never heard of Sodalicious. I’m glad.
Pete: Yes, I am already tired of those terms….and even more triggered by “Covenant Path”! Can we please just talk like normal human beings?!
I’ve only seen one study that has provided evidence for a causal link between diet soda and negative health outcomes, and it was a very weak connection. There have been multiple studies that have show a correlation, but (say it with me) correlation is not causation.
In my experience the hosanna shout has always been more of a mumble anyway.
“it still sounded something like “Tulivali, Utah.” Never heard of it.”
I figured it for a place down by Sanpete.
Rockwell, You’re right, and that’s sad. Saints really should let loose, but the hand of culture is very heavy.
I did hope to start hearing about the general outlines of next year’s changes to YW and YM programs. It would be good to avoid the last minute problems that came with announcing major changes in October.
Dsc,
“One study”?
https://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20170505/diet-soda-health-risks
I was wondering if there comes a point (like the PoX repeal) in which major changes are simply done in their own time without holding them up for Gen Conf. To me, it seems weird to wait for Big Announcements at GC. Here’s the one change I would love to see: fewer sessions of GC and make them shorter. We literally exchange 2 hours of church for 8-10. Why? Why??
Ges65,
The link you provided references the one study I’m aware of (dementia/stroke study). There are a number of other studies listed in that link, but as WebMD points out, these show correlation, but not causation (which is what I said). Thanks for finding that, as it demonstrates what I’m talking about: “David Ludwig, MD, PhD, says that studies like these raise important concerns about diet soft drinks, but they’re not proof that we need to be worried.”
Ges65, that link you posted proves Dcs’s point. All those studies found no link between diet soda and disease. There is plenty of correlation that people that drink diet soda have higher rates of certain diseases, but there is not link (causation) as stated in the WebMD article. So, drum roll please….Bishop Bill agrees with Dsc!!
Small life hack we apply in our family: DVR conference, then start watching approx 30 minutes later. Fast-forward through the choir etc, and you end right about on time. Presto – 2+ hours back in your pocket.
Bishop Bill,
This explains the airborne porcine figure that just went past my window!
We actually agree on a lot of things. I should express that more often.