So, after a lifetime in the church, I’ve seen a lot of people in callings do really well, and “rise to the occasion”, and I’ve seen other fail miserably. In the rise to the occasion category, there is a story from a family in my stake where the mother was called to be pianist for the primary, but she had never played the piano in her life. She was from a household that was taught to never turn down a calling, so she accepted. She then started practicing, and in a few weeks could pound out a few simple primary songs with one finger. It progressed from there until years later when she was released, she could “play the piano”.
Most people are not like this sister, and would have just laughed and turned down the calling. Some others, without any musical senses at all might have accepted out of duty, and then failed miserably.
I’ve seen other failures in callings that look like a train wreck from the moment they are called, and then its confirmed as I’ve watched them try to do the calling. I must admit that this is probably confirmation bias on my part, as I only remember the ones that I had a feeling they would fail, and they did, vs those I had the feeling about, and then they succeed and I soon forgot. I think that the majority of people in callings do satisfactory, if not very well.
Once while I was a counselor in a Bishopric, we talked about calling a brother to be ward membership clerk. I had visited this guy in his home, and knew him well. I told the bishop it was not a good fit, as he knew nothing of computers (which were just taking over the membership duties from the paper cards), was older and not the kind that would like learning about computers. The bishop insisted that it was the right calling, and submitted his name for the Stake to call him. We were informed by the high councilor that issued the calling that he accepted, but that he thought it was a mistake. After three months he was released and I was forced to be the membership clerk on top of the counselor duties!
I’ve seen this twice with EQ presidents. Both young guys with young families, and both way over their head with school, family, and church. Both failed, and the EQ and ward suffered.
So, do you think there is any more failure in callings than there is in jobs at a typical business? Should there be less in a church guided by God? Should Discernment not play a bigger role to keep failures to a minimum? What has been your experiences?
Wheat & Tares 
I think “failure” is higher in church than in business settings, because generally there is more vetting (i.e. hiring people who have evidence of the needed skill) as well as more and better training. I don’t worry about “discernment”. I think we all pray about callings when we are tasked with calling someone or recommending someone. Sometimes we feel inspired. Sometimes we don’t and we just use our own reason. Sometimes we think we are inspired and we may (or may not be) mistaken. We’re all learning, even from “failure”.
I think failures depends on the ward you live in. My current Ward has a bunch of active, highly skilled people. Callings are generally competently performed by everyone. The only concern is if a person goes inactive and quits doing the calling, but they can be fairly easily replaced, almost too easily.
On the other hand, my sister lives in a needy Ward. There aren’t enough competent people to do the callings. The bishop does the best he can to simply staff the important callings, and many people fail in their callings, but they’re is nobody else to choose.
I realize that not all wards are created equally, and both me and my bishop are blessed to be in the wards that we are. Some bishops aren’t so lucky, and are just doing the best that he can, being dealt a very difficult hand.
I have been in bishoprics as a counselor or clerk 8-10 times over the past many years. A couple of bishops thought they were God’s gift to humanity and were know-it-alls. They often felt “inspired” regarding callings or other decisions and rarely took or sincerely sought counsel. The other 6-8 were good about seeking and taking counsel and rarely made a decision that was made primarily on “inspiration.” They knew that their brain was there for [a] good reason[ing].
I’m unsure about a ‘failure’ model. I’ve failed in all my callings, and I’ll fail in future callings. I think it’s a learning process, both for myself and those I serve, and being christian demands that I forgive those who fail me. That’s currently very demanding for me and I’m not doing well with it, but I’m trying to be mindful of my inadequacy.
I think those factors guarantee the ‘failure’ of those who call us, but I’ll grant that some of those are more gratuitous than others.
When I was in a singles ward, I felt like I absolutely failed at being EQ Activities Coordinator. Elders loved sports, but I felt like I was stepping on the toes of the athletic committee by going that route. If it wasn’t sports, they never wanted to do anything unless the Relief Society was involved, which was the bounds of the Activities Committee. Kind of felt my hands were tied.
I would definitely say there is more failure than in a business. Callings are a matter I’ve always felt was kind of delicate. There are positions that absolutely need competence, especially where the activity and spiritual progression of others are involved. At the same time, I feel like many members should be allowed the opportunity to fail at certain callings. It’s a path for growth and despite all the help one may get from others who voted to sustain them, choosing that path ultimately depends on their agency and how they exercise it. Sometimes people fail, but at least they were given a chance for growth to begin with.
I’ve also felt that certain attitudes of consumerism that plague our society have infiltrated many attitudes of church members as well, perhaps adding to the difficulty. It’s as if some members sit down to hear a Sacrament Meeting talk or Gospel Doctrine lesson and say to the teacher “What exactly are you going to to do to ensure I get spiritually fed today?” I get mildly disgusted by that and by those with zero tolerance for incompetence. Could it be this Gospel Doctrine teacher needs this calling more than 99% of the class need the lesson? I like to ask myself how I can make the situation better for the teacher, but I guess I should be considering how to make it better for everyone. We may want to make sure the ward is a well-oiled machine, but sometimes I think we forget that the machine exists for the parts that make it up in the first place.
I’m laughing at this from the other side. I have just been released as a counselor in the Sunday School under 2 different presidents in a ward on the east coast. Both have strong Utah ties, which seems to be a requirement for most leadership callings in my ward. The last president & the newly called one both are in medical residencies and are only available on Sundays about once a month. I have multiple years of teaching and train-the-trainer experience, but I have been chosen as sacrament program coordinator. I’ve done every other calling out there from Primary to Bishopric but was told I was selected for this because I attended consistently and could print out the bulletins on Sunday mornings. The sister that handled it before just moved out last week. It feels like just a peg to fill a slot.
Most ward-level callings don’t require much in the way of specialized skills, just to show up and give a modicum of effort. The problem is, some people can’t be counted on to do even that. I know because I used to be one of those people. Years ago, I gave a lot of intense focus and energy to my work/school and family all week, and by the time Sunday came my “give-a-crap” meter was pegged, and there was nothing left for church. I didn’t care because, unlike those other things, I felt like I got nothing out of church. I realized that I wasn’t getting much out of church because a lot of other people were doing this too, and I got tired of hearing boring talks and phoned-in lessons. So change had to start with me. When called upon to give a talk or lesson now, I try to put myself in the audience members’ shoes and teach what I would like to hear. I don’t consider myself any kind of expert in theology/scriptures or teaching, but I’m told I do a pretty decent job. I feel it is largely because I take time to prepare beforehand–again, something many Mormons fail to do in their respective callings.
Also, I can relate to the EQ president mentioned in the OP. I was an EQP about 10 years ago, and I crashed and burned. I had a new baby and was in a really intense degree program, and I had a borderline abusive bishop who expected way too much from me. This was in a struggling ward with a mostly transient membership (lots of moves, always adjusting the home teaching routes, etc.). And being raised to never turn down callings and always obey priesthood leaders, I didn’t have strong enough boundaries to push back or say no. The experience led to my first faith crisis, and first major depressive episode that I eventually had to get professional help to deal with.
So yes, calling failure is real. In this case, I feel like I was set up for failure from Day 1.
“It’s as if some members sit down to hear a Sacrament Meeting talk or Gospel Doctrine lesson and say to the teacher “What exactly are you going to to do to ensure I get spiritually fed today?” I get mildly disgusted by that and by those with zero tolerance for incompetence”
I have a different view. For the most part I think people with certain abilities and gifts ought to use them in the callings that align with those abilities. I don’t necessarily think it is beneficial to the person or church as a whole to put people in callings that they are not suited for. The example given above of the pianist would be an extremely rare success story—but of course the talent pool varies from ward to ward.
I would agree with Mormon Heretic. I have been in wards that were very “needy” and many people were just trying to keep their head above water (jobs, marriages, etc.) and then in wards with lots of professionals – including a sizable number of women with professional business experience. It was night and day. I recall a friend one time joking about his home ward that was in an area that generally had gone “downhill.” My friend mentioned he heard that Brother such and such in this ward was called to be the YM president and he jokingly said, “Isn’t he still under probation?”
I have seen cases where I scratch my head on someone being called thinking they didn’t have the drive and/or abilities. Some have surprised me and actually stepped up and did the job even when they were inactive before being called. Others were active as could be, but after 2 weeks as primary president she stopped coming for a few years. In the several times I was in a bishopric, I can’t say I felt really “inspired” on any of the callings with maybe one. So I guess I am just uninspiring.
“I can’t say I felt really “inspired” on any of the callings with maybe one.”
My husband would agree, also having aserved several times in bishoprics.
The cynical side of me thinks “this Gospel Doctrine teacher needs this calling more than 99% of the class need the lesson” Is a device to cover for the lapses in judgement and /or inspiration.
“I have a different view. For the most part I think people with certain abilities and gifts ought to use them in the callings that align with those abilities. I don’t necessarily think it is beneficial to the person or church as a whole to put people in callings that they are not suited for.”
About 75% of the time I’d agree with you. I guess the optimist in me would just like to think that if Jesus could leave the 99 to go after the 1, then a handful of members could allow one member to struggle somewhat at their expense if there was a reasonably good chance he or she could eventually blossom in the calling.
“The cynical side of me thinks “this Gospel Doctrine teacher needs this calling more than 99% of the class need the lesson” Is a device to cover for the lapses in judgement and /or inspiration”
This was actually somewhat rooted in a real world example. The Gospel Doctrine Teacher I was referring to is actually one of my favorites we currently have. He draws the Spirit in, adds heartfelt experiences, supplements with appropriate material and summarizes where needed, and often deviates from the lesson material in ways in which the Spirit most often approves. And even though he even teaches professionally, he teaches in the sciences. Although polite, he is the first to admit he lacks in many interpersonal skills. I think some might go so far as to put him somewhere on the spectrum. I think he’s improved over the years–something he may have needed more than we realize– but not by much. Because of this, I’ve heard some members express their disapproval of his ability to do his calling.
I’m more than willing to look past some of these things. We have other teachers who use teaching styles and methods I may not be as fond of but that some of the original grumblers adore. I just think if we set aside a bit more of the ‘What am I getting out of this today?’ and kept the idea in the forefront of our mind that we’re all in this together, things might run a little more smoothly.
I lived in a smallish ward at the edge of a stake. A new bishop was called and I was first councilor. Within 6 months he went inactive, and I became acting bishop for 12 months. Another bishop was then called who within a few years was disfellowshipped for paying his own bills with fast offering.
For the 5 years before we had a wonderfull bishop, and a wonderfull spirit in the ward. I was his first councillor too.
One of the things which has helped me the most (particularly as I’ve grown older and more comfortable with laying down boundaries) has been to remind myself – and sometimes others – that all of these “callings” are voluntary in nature; and therefore demand that expectations, reporting requirements and time commitments MUST be kept in healthy perspective. A few years ago, I jokingly told my Bishop “that based upon his expectations my rate of pay had to be commensurate with what I charge for freelance consulting – $175.00 per hour”. You’d thought I had told him that he wife wasn’t very good looking – by the way he reacted. We’re all volunteers…with the exception of General Authorities and it’s good to remember that!
My wife and I lived in 10 wards in 33 years, with 16 years in one ward, which we moved out of last year. She was never called as an organization president. She was never in a Relief Society presidency. She was a counselor in one YW presidency and a counselor twice in Primary – though only for four months in one before it was reorganized. She was called four times to be the primary chorister in the ward we were in for sixteen years – by three different Bishops who didn’t know she had that calling before being personal progress leader. She never turned down a calling and never asked to be released from one. During the same time period I was a Scoutmaster three times, YM president and 1st counselor. EQ president and counselor (twice), Mission Leader, Ward Clerk, Finance Clerk (twice), and counselor in a Bishopric.
While my wife enjoyed being a chorister. and loved working with the children, she didn’t have many callings she could interact with other adults and develop friendships with them. She would wonder why she was never considered for a leadership position. She never once attended a ward council nor was ever invited to one. In the ward we spent sixteen years, four sisters served as presidents of at least two of the three women led auxiliaries. A couple of times they would swap positions.
Either the Bishops were inspired and knew the Lord didn’t want or trust her in those callings or the Bishops weren’t inspired and all the Bishops in those 10 wards didn’t want her in leadership she told me. She wondered what was wrong with her. I knew there was nothing wrong with her or her leadership skills. What do you tell her?
I’ve concluded there is very little inspiration going on. Bishop’s apparently go to who they know. They get to know me from quorum meetings and father and son’s outings, hence my callings. They interact with only the sisters who meet in ward council and assume the rest can’t lead.
Today, if a member of a bishopric tells me they “feel inspired to”… whatever – I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.
Dave C:
“In the ward we spent sixteen years, four sisters served as presidents of at least two of the three women led auxiliaries. A couple of times they would swap positions.”
Don’t those called to presidency positions have some say in who they want as counselors? In wards I’ve lived in, often the president of the organization
offers suggestions to the bishop who she would like to have as counselors. Then it is up to the bishop to decide whether he agrees if that person should/can have the calling. My observation is that many times the same handful of people shuffle among the various leadership positions in the ward. More likely it is the same dynamics going on with the men. The women in leadership positions usually choose counselors they know and interact with. Perhaps your wife isn’t part of that “clique”–which was just reinforced by keeping her out of adult settings.
Different from your wife, I’ve never had the desire to be in a leadership position (and on 2 occasions turned such callings down).
If I were in your wife’s shoes, I would’ve expressed to the bishop that I wanted a break from being the chorister and working with children–that I need adult time–education and renewal and would like to contribute in those areas.
I wonder if the Bishoprics didn’t keep your wife in ‘easy’ callings because they wanted to call you into more demanding ones? I know this is a consideration in my ward where our bishopric is pretty open about trying to balance a families load. There are of course problems with approaching callings in such a way.
A few weeks ago we had a Sunday School lesson about good and bad leaders, with some discussion on following church leaders . The teacher was at pains to point out that leaders aren’t perfect, but was insistent that calls come from God. I pointed out that you cannot on the one hand say leaders are not perfect, whilst on the other be insisting that in the particular instance of issuing callings there are no mistakes made.
The worst calling, I ever had, and which was an abysmal failure, was as fireside coordinator for the singles ward I was in. I was still quite young, an UG student and very introverted. Phoning people I didn’t know. scared me witless, and in any case the phone in my shared student flat shared was for incoming calls only. The bishopric member who called me wanted a fireside organised with lds social services – some ulterior motive in introducing a ward member to them he felt needed them (surely he should have been putting them in touch directly?), but there was no way I was capable of organising such a thing at the time. The very thought immobilised me.
Lois “If I were in your wife’s shoes, I would’ve expressed to the bishop that I wanted a break from being the chorister and working with children–that I need adult time–education and renewal and would like to contribute in those areas.”
That should be the take-away message, but during these years we operated on the don’t “steady the ark” mentality. My wife would repeat “bloom where I’m planted”. She did mention her previous chorister callings by the third time but didn’t press the issue. The counselor just gave an embarrassed smile and continued with the call. She was well aware the presidents are the ones who would suggest counselors to the Bishop. It was heartbreaking to see her deal with feelings of not being wanted. My suggestion to a Bishop is to ask sisters, called as presidents, to seriously consider a particular sister as a counselor. My regret is that I didn’t say anything to Bishoprics a couple of decades earlier.
My wife did relish visiting teaching and saw its importance for sister to sister contact. She always made her visits – and not because it was to check it off a list. While we lived in Indiana, she visit taught a young sister, recently moved from Utah with her husband, to an isolated farm house miles away from neighbors. This was before cell phones and the internet. The sister had no car and her husband was on the road as a salesman most of the week. My wife was this sister’s lifeline. This experience affected her view of visiting teaching ever since. There wasn’t a person who she visit taught who didn’t enjoy her visits and particularly her empathy.
About three years ago, she started volunteering at a museum and has found it very fulfilling and validating. The adult interaction is great and the staff very much appreciate her work and opinions.
ReTx – I agree that trying to keep the load off of the families was probably a reason for some of the bishoprics. The problem is aggravated when the ratio of leadership callings is heavily weighted towards men. Seems to be a case for opening up more callings to women.