Marriage.

Dan and Jill got married in the Denver temple 8 months after Jill got home from her mission in 2000. Dan went on a mission but came home early for health reasons from which he has since recovered.

Jill immediately started school at BYU upon getting home from her mission. Dan had started college several times after high school, and, most recently, after he came home early from his mission. Each time he lost interest and stopped attending, earning himself rather poor grades, and placed on probation. He had attended two different local colleges but was still about 4 years away from a degree.

Dan worked at a few different places making between $10-15/hour to help support the family. Jill worked as a TA in her discipline to add additional support. Nearing the end of her Bachelor’s degree, Jill had the couple’s first baby. It was late spring, and well timed such that Jill could begin a Master’s degree program after having several months home with the new baby and recovering from delivery. Because of Jill’s ambition for her education it was decided Dan would stay home with their new son.

Jill was successful in her schooling, and Dan seemed happy staying home with their baby. Again, with happy timing, Jill delivered their second baby, a girl, the summer after Jill finished her Master’s degree. Jill had accepted a job at a company in California but delayed her start date to give her time to recover from delivery and prepare for her new job.

In California Jill’s salary gave the family plenty of money such that Dan could continue to stay home with the kids. Things were going well overall, though Jill was becoming antsy in her job. Jill had wanted a PhD for as long as she could remember primarily since her passion was in research. A year after starting her new job, Jill gave birth to their third child, a son.

Cracks began to surface in the marriage. Dan was staying home with three small children and had little contact with people. Dan was also reigniting interest in his own education. While Jill came home and helped with the kids and housework, Dan perceived she did little around the house. Additionally, Jill had begun aggressively applying to various PhD programs around the country.

Subsequently, Dan rekindled a relationship with a childhood friend, Hannah. She became a support for Dan and they texted regularly. This bothered Jill, but Dan insisted they were just friends.

Divorce.

Jill was accepted to a top notch PhD program and the family moved to Massachussetts. Dan agreed to support Jill through her PhD but insisted they return to their hometown in Colorado when Jill was finished. Jill would need to find a research or academic position there.

Jill again hit school hard, studying, learning, and feeling in her element in academia. Despite these demands, Jill came home at regular times each day and did housework and helped care for the kids.

Dan, on the other hand, was growing increasingly dissatisfied, and his relationship with his childhood friend Hannah, was growing. Dan and Hannah were sending thousands of text messages back and forth each month. Dan would sometimes leave the kids with Jill during the school year to go visit Hannah in South Carolina. That year, Dan spent his birthday with Hannah. Dan came back with new clothes and gifts and a claim that Jill wouldn’t buy him things preferring instead to buy things for herself. After one trip to see Hannah, Dan informed Jill he had enrolled in a local college to work on a degree.

Jill was increasingly worried, but her worry was met with denial and an insistence that Hannah was just a friend and was supporting him in supporting Jill. Jill requested the couple see a counselor. They only went to one session after which Dan refused to go to back, declaring it was a waste of time. Dan’s parents had “stayed together for the kids” and he was determined to not make what he viewed as that same mistake.

In January 2010, Dan made it clear he wanted a divorce. Jill insisted he would need to initiate it since she wanted to work it out. But Dan pursued a different path. That summer, Dan took the kids on a vacation to visit Hannah leaving Jill at home. To Jill’s protests, Dan responded with a claim about their impending divorce and she would need to get used to it. Dan began collecting moving boxes, informing neigbors he didn’t know how much longer they would be around, and telling the ward bishop and school administrators that they were moving, but without specifying a date.

This scared Jill. Jill filed for divorce that July in order to ensure there was legal protection for keeping the kids in their current state.

The divorce was ugly. VERY UGLY. During the divorce it was discovered that Dan had a joint checking account with Hannah and that Hannah was paying for Dan’s new school endeavors. Dan had a history with porn and this was the root of many accusations in court documents. Jill, for her part, was exacting on Dan. Dan never seemed to live up to the expectations Jill placed on him. She was critical of him, and, in his eyes, never supported him in getting his own education, or making friends, or pursuing hobbies. He had no friends, no job, no education, and was sinking into a depression.

9 months later, in Winter of 2010 Dan and Jill were divorced after 10 years of marriage. In the settlement:

  • Both parties would remain in Massachussetts until they both graduated.
  • Jill would pay for Dan’s undergraduate education (3 years left) so that Dan could get a good job to help support the children.
  • Jill’s 401(K) from her job in California would be liquified and used to pay for Dan’s lawyer (Jill had a pro bono lawyer from the school she was attending).
  • Jill and Dan would have joint legal custody of their children then aged 7, 5, and 4.
  • Jill and Dan would have 50/50 parenting time with the children.
  • Jill would pay child support according to the state formula based on her income as a TA. Dan had no income.
  • Jill was required to pay non-modifiable spousal support at $250/month for the next 4 years.
  • As long as either party was in school full-time or working full-time no income would be imputed to them.
  • Upon graduation of both Dan and Jill from their Bachelor’s and Doctorate program respectively (Jill had 2 years left), both parties would move back to Colorado with the kids and continue the parenting time agreement.

2 months after the divorce Hannah moved in with Dan in his new apartment. 1 year later Dan requested Clearance to be sealed to Hannah. The clearance was granted and shortly after Dan and Hannah were married in the Denver temple.