So is marriage. According to a new report from the US Census Bureau, the South and West lead the nation in both divorces and marriages. And people are waiting longer to marry. That trend is echoed in the LDS Church as well.
Wasn’t it just last April in General Conference that the theme could have been, “Young men! Marry now, ask questions later.”
The report states that many women are no longer marrying in their teens and men are postponing marriage past their college years.
The states with highest rates of marriage are: Utah, Wyoming and Arkansas. They also had above average rates of divorce, while Maine, Alaska, Oklahoma, Kentucky and Nevada were tops in divorce.
The age of first marriage is also getting higher. In 1970, more than 50% (57%) of men married between the age of 20 and 24. In 2009, 2/3’s of men married after age 25 and only 34% married between 20 and 24. For women, in 1970, 42% were teenagers when they married. By the age of 24, 88% were married. In 2009, only 7% of women married in their teens and only 38% were married by 24.
In total, the median age of first marriages went from 22.5 for men to 28.4 and for women, 20.6 to 26.5. (CBS news)
This is exactly the same trend in the Church that has leaders concerned. Women are postponing marriage and children for education and employment, while the men are just postponing marriage, period. Call it their extended teen years, perhaps. I should talk as I was 28 when I got married. This postponement of marriage in the Church has an effect on “replenishing the earth,” chastity before marriage and overall activity rates among single members.
And some couples are choosing not to get married at all. In a 2007 report, the Census Bureau reported that cohabiting couples make up as much as 10% of all U.S. couples, married or not. This actual number is about 6.4 million households. Of those, more than 2/3’s have at least one child in the home, belonging to one partner or both. Research also shows that in the US, these relationships are not very stable or long term compared to other countries where the practice is more common. (CNN)
This has implications for both children growing up in unstable environments, and for the Church, making it harder to do missionary work among people who are coupled with children, but not married.
The other statistic that may be more alarming is the rising rate of unwed births. While this was, in the past, reserved for teenagers who made mistakes, it is becoming much more common in our society among older women. (In 2009, 41% of all children born in the US were to unwed mothers. (Only 5%, 50 years ago). Among certain minority groups, the numbers are much higher. The troubling fact is that these children generally perform worse in school, have higher poverty rates and impaired development.
“Some children of unmarried parents, of course, turn out just fine, particularly if the parents are economically secure or in committed, long-term relationships, or if the single parent is particularly strong and motivated. And as married parents will tell you, wedlock does not guarantee untroubled kids.”(USA Today)
Seems to me, the religious communities, including the LDS Church, should be paying more attention to the situation of declining numbers of marriages, poor marriages, children born to unwed parents and other real societal difficulties instead of focusing so much of their time and resources on abortion and gay marriages.
Your opinions?
Wheat & Tares 
I have to admit, this made me cringe:
“This is exactly the same trend in the Church that has leaders concerned. Women are postponing marriage and children for education and employment, while the men are just postponing marriage, period.”
As a woman who’s been in (and is still in) many singles wards, I’m puzzled by this widespread idea that unmarried men in their 20s and 30s are all sitting around playing video games. In the vast majority of cases, I think men are delaying marriage for the exact same reasons you ascribe to women: education and job opportunities. I wish my single brothers weren’t constantly getting dinged for being a big group of duds. They’re not.
I’m glad I married when I was in my mid-twenties, and didn’t have kids until a few years after that. I think delaying marriage is a good thing. I can’t imagine marrying someone I had dated three weeks, but it used to happen all the time. Are kids from those marriages any less stable??
I don’t think that unmarried parents are necessarily bad for kids. I have a few friends who are single or divorced and both sets put their kids first. I’m glad that our society has been more accepting of non-traditional families and more supportive. I remember the bad old days when divorce meant rarely seeing one parent or an accidental pregnancy in one’s twenties meant a rushed marriage or never seeing your child again.
As long as a child is supported legally, financially and emotionally, I don’t know that marriage is as necessary as it might have been.
what is wrong with people getting married later? Lifespans are much longer. People are spending age 30-90 married now instead of age 17-44.
Is there something about getting married young that makes it inherently good?
Is there anything in the scriptures that says we should get married young?
I think the Church spends plenty of resources on this. LDS Family Services alone probably spends more Church money per year than all of Prop 8.
It’s the critics who spend most of their time dwelling on gay marriage and abortion.
“This postponement of marriage in the Church has an effect on “replenishing the earth,” chastity before marriage and overall activity rates among single members.”
It’s not the later age of marriage per se that’s impacting activity rates among single members. It’s the judgment we receive from members and leaders and the alienation that we feel for being single in a married church. (And I say this as one of the single members who goes to church and holds a temple recommend.) The problem doesn’t lie in our being single. It lies in those who treat us as damaged, irresponsible, sinful, or not with the program because we, for whatever reason, didn’t marry at age 19. If people didn’t judge us, more of us would come.
Think about it this way: Baptism is an essential ordinance. If we have people who come to church but are not baptized, do we shun them? No. We welcome them to worship with us. We should do the same for those who haven’t received the ordinance of sealing.
Seems to me, the religious communities, including the LDS Church, should be paying more attention to the situation of declining numbers of marriages, poor marriages, children born to unwed parents and other real societal difficulties instead of focusing so much of their time and resources on abortion and gay marriages.
From your lips to Mr. Monson’s ears!
FWIW, I understand there is a fairly strong correlation between divorce and young marital age. The current decline in divorce rates could actually be consequential to the current trend of higher marital age.
Hear, hear Keri…Nick.
The economy plays a part in the trend. Of course.
Joe (re 3),
I’m not necessarily saying I’m an advocate for early marriages and kids, but there is a difference in marrying young…and I would like to caveat that I’m not a doctor or even a science major, but I am aware that there are some weird things that happen with pregnancies after a certain age…and then after another certain age, good luck trying!
Early marriage is plain idiotic.
The couple will be very immature (yes, in 90%+ of the cases).
They will have limited means to support themselves.
And, marriage early often postpones — permanently — getting the skills and education to succeed in life.
We just a girl in our ward get engaged — at 18 — to a 21 year old. Stupid. Stupid.
We really need to change our culture on this issue.
#6: “The problem doesn’t lie in our being single. It lies in those who treat us as damaged, irresponsible, sinful, or not with the program because we, for whatever reason, didn’t marry at age 19. If people didn’t judge us, more of us would come.”
Who’s doing the judging? Is this a regional thing? It certainly isn’t happening in my midwestern stake, nor did it happen in my stake in Latin America nor in Asia.
In our stake single members serve alongside married members as presidents of organizations, counselors, members of the high council and bishoprics.
My first wife and I were married at 21 after several years of dating. We spent 16 years married and it was not a burden. We did just fine for a number of years.
It wasn’t until we really started doing well financially that we had problems between the two of us. She put her job over me and kids.
Paul, it may be antecdotal, but I don’t remember anyone in my midwesterm ward or stake as a bishop, sp or bishopric counselor who was single. This is not a singles ward. Never had a young woman’s leader who was not married in the temple. This was some years ago, but I don’t think this has changed. My yw basketball coach was single, and that was a big deal.
I think the longer a couple knows each other the better before marriage. Quick marriage when you’re 20 or right back from one’s mission, without communication skills or lifeskills…I think it’s a miracle that so many marriages survive.
I do not pretend to know what Mission Presidents are encouraged to discuss, in regards to marriage, with missionaries who are soon to return home. I know what I have heard. I know what I have read. I do not know what is true.
That stated, I have serious issues with missionaries being encouraged not to delay marriage while they pursue education and careers. I personally know missionaries who are married within 6 months, many more within a year of their return. If they knew or dated the person whom they are marrying before their mission, I believe more time should be taken to re-connect with them to see if they still “fit”. Many changes occur in two years, for those who leave as well as for those who stay. There is no shame in honestly recognizing this and agreeing to move on. Better that than to marry under pressure and expectations. Divorce has ramifications that reach far beyond the immediately family who is going through it.
I am not going to ignore the issue of missionaries who come home, feel pressure, start dating, and perhaps marry too quickly without adequate time to learn about each other. This scenario can end just as unhealthily. When these things happen, long term damage happens to all involved.
I am not saying all of situations turn out negatively. I have known those who marry quickly and have very successful marriages and relationships.This would include a mostly positive family dynamic with their children.
I believe returning missionaries should be encouraged to do what fits their situation best. In the scheme of all eternity, the age or time frame for marriage is not even a blip on the radar. It seems much more important to take the time to give yourself the best shot at success, whatever that looks like for the people involved.
Perhaps these comments do not belong on this particular discussion. As it was about marriage and divorce trends, I thought it could fit here.
“Never had a young woman’s leader who was not married in the temple. This was some years ago, but I don’t think this has changed. My yw basketball coach was single, and that was a big deal. ”
The Wards that I have been in have had single members serving in YM/YW, Primary, Relief Society and the Ward Mission. Not sure how old your information is.
Marriage requires a certain level of maturity. In some cases, young people could be sufficiently mature to marry, accept the responsibilities and successful. In other cases, 40 years may not be mature enough to handle it or unwilling to make the level of commitment necessary to have a successful marriage.
Church, School, mission and life are all part of the process of learning the lifeskills neccesary to have a succesful marriage. Age alone does not make it so.
So let’s say you have two mormon married couples. One got married and 21 male and 19 female, the other got married at 28 male, 26 female. Is couple A better off than couple B? are they better mormons? in what way does the age at which they got married matter?
Couldn’t we all surmise that there is no uniform standard for singles getting good callings? Some Bishoprics allow for it. Others don’t. But there is no recognized Church standard that forces the hand of local leaderships to give singles the good-faith that married people receive naturally. I think this is what bothers singles. Sure we hear of singles in good callings from time to time. We hear of them because they ARE the exception.
Joe #16
The only people that get to decide if the age mattered are the couple themselves. That kind of perspective usually does not come quickly. It comes with reflection after time.
Some of the things we think are so important, truly are not. More to the point are questions about happiness, peace, contentment, and acceptance. These are not age relative.
Yes but gay marriage numbers are up.
“Sure we hear of singles in good callings from time to time. We hear of them because they ARE the exception.”
I think some people make a big deal out of it because they THINK they are an exception.
#13 Aerin: My experience has been different. I’ve been in wards in Pennsylvana, Michigan, Venezuela, Japan and Taiwan and they all have had singles in a variety of callings including presidents of Primary, Young Women’s, Relief Society, Young Men’s, HP Group Leader, High Councilor, counselors to all of the above and to the bishop, as well as teachers (including seminary), advisers, coaches and scout leaders. These were all married wards, but admittedly, there were not hundreds and hundreds of return mission presidents available to fill callings — we used who we could.
That said, I have also known bishops who sought temple-sealed sisters to lead YW from time to time.
I think the comment about the lack of a common standard is correct. What’s the solution, though? Fill 1/3 of the ward council with single members?
“I believe returning missionaries should be encouraged to do what fits their situation best.”
Amen – and that applies to everyone.
Steve (#10) – I will have been married for 25 years in December, six weeks after I returned from my mission and 11 days after my wife turned 20. Of course, in the interest of full disclosure, we had dated steadily for two years prior to my mission and knew each other extremely well. Ours worked; others don’t – but that’s true without significant difference regardless of marriage once you pass a certain age.
Based on the research I’ve done (for a post about marriage a couple of years ago), the ages where divorce rates decrease dramatically are roughly 20-21.5 for women and 21-23 for men (in the US). It wouldn’t surprise me at all if those ages go up in the next few years, since I believe a larger portion of our early adult population (especially young men) are not nearly as mature right now as they used to be, especially young men. (I have six children, have taught high school and currently work at a college – just for context.)
Given those numbers, American Mormons who serve missions (whether male or female) have no higher risk of divorce if they marry within a year of returning from a mission than anyone who marries at the age of 30. If they marry in the temple, they have a 50% less chance of divorcing than someone in any other religious affiliation measured in the studies I read. That says NOTHING about happiness within marriage on an individual level, but a male RM who marries in the temple within a few months of returning has a much lower risk of divorce than the societal average.
“What’s the solution, though? Fill 1/3 of the ward council with single members?”
I have no problem with that, especially if 1/3 of the active members are single.
I don’t think marriage status should have anything to do with almost all callings, as I said earlier. We had a single mother who served as the YW President in our ward before we moved here. She also was one of the very few black members in the ward. She was a great YW Pres.
#19:
Yes but gay marriage numbers are up.
Indeed, and Massachussetts (the state which has allowed marriage equality the longest) has the lowest divorce rate of any U.S. state. In fact, those states which provide marriage equality happen to have a divorce rate nearly 20% lower than the national average, according to the CDC’s Division of Vital Statistics.
Nick, is that because they also have the highest co-habitation rates? If those couples break up, it doesn’t count in divorce rates.
I really have no idea, and I’m too lazy to look it up, but it would be interesting to see.
Divorce rate is calculated per marriage, Ray, not per couple. Ergo, I don’t think it can reflect the rate of cohabitation.
Nick, Sometimes a well-placed “DUH!!” is the only response. lol
What I meant is that if a large enough population doesn’t get married, they never will get divorced – and their separations won’t be calculated in the overall divorce rate. If the divorce rates are relatively close state-to-state, and if the separation rate is higher for those who co-habitate than the divorce rate is for those who marry (which is what I remember reading a long time ago as part of some research I did), then a higher rate of co-habitation might cause a lower divorce rate. This would be true especially if those who co-habitate finally marry the person among those with whom they’ve lived whom they finally want to marry.
Iow, if someone marries three times, divorces twice and finally ends up with “the right one”, while someone else lives with three different people and finally marries “the right one” without ever having divorced, that would affect the divorce rate.
I have no idea if that happens on a large enough scale to have any effect, but it has the theoretical possibility, at least.
Nick:
I was being facetious. I don’t think gay marriage is good for society.
Ray, I apologize that I misunderstood your point. 🙂
Henry, to borrow words from Ray, sometimes a well-placed “DUH!!” is the only response. Nevertheless, your statement in #19 was factually correct.
But Nick, like everything, everyone has their own opinion and we can all agree to disagree, right?
What I meant is that if a large enough population doesn’t get married, they never will get divorced – and their separations won’t be calculated in the overall divorce rate. If the divorce rates are relatively close state-to-state, and if the separation rate is higher for those who co-habitate than the divorce rate is for those who marry (which is what I remember reading a long time ago as part of some research I did), then a higher rate of co-habitation might cause a lower divorce rate.
Indeed.
Given those numbers, American Mormons who serve missions (whether male or female) have no higher risk of divorce if they marry within a year of returning from a mission than anyone who marries at the age of 30. If they marry in the temple, they have a 50% less chance of divorcing than someone in any other religious affiliation measured in the studies I read. That says NOTHING about happiness within marriage on an individual level, but a male RM who marries in the temple within a few months of returning has a much lower risk of divorce than the societal average.
Interesting.
My mission president specifically counseled me not to get discouraged or feel pressured to marry if I got older and was not married.
I finally did get married at age 29. I’m glad, very glad, that I married who I did.
In regards to #3 “what is wrong with people getting married later? Lifespans are much longer. People are spending age 30-90 married now instead of age 17-44.
Is there something about getting married young that makes it inherently good?”
FWIW, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with marrying later at all. I personally think the church is pushing younger marriages because YSA and SA are more likely to become inactive. I also think it’s a cultural and generational divide. The leaders of this church are … what on average… 77? or something? And they, like my 84 year old gma, can’t quite grasp that I’m happy about not being married currently (even though she once told me I was an old maid at 24 – thanks grandma – I’m now older than that, btw). Or maybe the leaders just want more (great) grandkids or something. 😉
“Or maybe the leaders just want more (great) grandkids or something.”
I hadn’t thought of that benefit, Beth. 🙂
I advocate everyone getting married when they feel it is right (with the counsel to think seriously about waiting until around age 20, at least), but, if anyone is interested, I wrote something in April on my own blog about marrying earlier than the industrial world’s average – which I read at the time is now 27-30. It tries to list reasons to marry younger than that, with a note at the end reinforcing what I said in this paragraph about it being up to the individuals to determine in each case.
http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-should-we-marry-younger-than-worlds.html
I would hope that Mission Presidents do not counsel their young Missionaries to be marry soon after their mission without an already existing prospect. they should not marry the first girl they see after getting off the plane.
On the other hand, I would trust the judgment of a returned missionary over another who chooses not to serve so he can marry his teen-aged girlfriend. I’ve seen that happen.
Here in our town there are dozens of marriages between young women and soldiers who are being deployed. Most are doomed to failure.
I live in southern Utah and our stake president lives in our ward. His son recently returned from a mission (as in within 2-4 months).
During an EQ meeting on some topic I remember nothing about, this young man tells the EQ about a “goal” he set with several of his friends as they were discussing their future. Having been home less than a couple months from their mission, their goal was to get married within 12 months of their mission return date.
I nearly choked when I heard this, thinking he was joking, but then realized how serious he was. I was married at 22, nearly 2 full years after I returned from my mission. Without any disclaimers, my wife and I were way too young to get married – too immature, too naive.
I wish I would have waited until my late 20s to get married if only because I would have had several more years of perspective with which to consider life. As for young 20-somethings, I’m not sure the vast majority of them are capable of really comprehending companionship and marriage.
One of the things I used to warn my students in my Sociology class was to be aware of someone quoting exact statistics where the likelyhood of getting exact statistics is problematic.
Frankly, the 6% Temple divorce rate on often hears about is based on temple divorces vs. temple marriages. Since a large number of temple married only get civil divorces, the first figure is going to be low.
Tim B. Heaton at a 2002 FAIR conference made a presentation where he posited the temple marriage divorce rate to be close to 25-30%.
If you read the transcription of the presentation, I think you would agree that that figure is somewhat high.
But nevertheless, I believe that a point can be made. We have a divorce proble. I would think that is what we should be working on, not getting people married younger.
In looking at this problem (which we too often ignore) more research and statistical studies need to be undertaken that focus on us.
Let me give a simple example. One study done in the 1970’s drew a conclusion that men who had not been married by age 30 were about the worst risk for a woman to marry (stuck in their ways, unable to compromise, possessed personality problems that worked against earlier marriage). Is that true for Mormon males?
Jeff,
Can I just say, when I was 21 I dated a RRM (Recently Returned Missionary). Fastest moving boy ever! Telling me he loved me after our first date but before the second. (He lived about 40 minutes away and neither of us had our own cars, so there was a lot of emailing and chatting going on – For the record, I told him I didn’t feel that way, but still wanted to see where we were going). Talking (vaguely, but still) about our future together. Kissing on the first date (which I normally don’t do – but I was smitten). I really do think that HE THOUGHT he should marry the first girl he saw after getting off the plane. Luckily, I am not so easily swayed (it would’ve been a disaster). I think he made it all the way to the age of 23 or so, before marrying.
But yeah… I think when we were dating he just had a goal to marry, and marry now!
Too many failed LDS marriages end with divorcees blaming the church. This happens when we give the youth bad advice (like telling them when to marry or only give church-related proxy criteria like being an RM) rather than life skills (like self-knowledge and discernment). Kids raised on these “easy” ways to find a good spouse are sometimes dismayed to find out that not all TR holding RMs are amazing spouses.
look, RMs are not always perfect candidates either, don’t get me wrong about that. I think BethSmash’s story is testimony to that. i also know a great young lady who married an RM at BYU who turned out to be a very hostile abuser. She dumped him after awhile, rightfully so.
I know we talked about we talked about the “love at first sight” revelations before that guys in the Church (especially at the Y) try to pull on young women they find attractive.
I would actually like to see the Church do a bit more in marriage preparation and not just Gospel preparation.
Do they have marriage prep classes at BYU?
#36 – Amen, Stan. That’s a great point. We need to be really careful when we quote stats to people.
For example, the numbers I used in #22 are based off of multiple studies I read, with varying stats – and generalized in my comment to approximate the average of all of them. I don’t believe the 6% rate (1 of 16), but I also don’t believe the 25-30% rate (1 of 3-4). The temple divorce rate appears to be significantly lower than other comparable divorce rates, but I really doubt it’s substantially less than half of the general average – and might be as high as 50% of that average.
The number that really concerns me is the divorce rate among members who marry non-members. It appears to be at least 33% (1 of 3) – and that is alarming. Many people would say, “Well, just marry another Mormon,” but that isn’t a solution that deals with how to keep a marriage strong and healthy. It doesn’t do anything to address the actual reasons why the divorces are occurring, one of which, I believe, is the idea that people are unacceptable if they aren’t what we think they should be.
We decry divorce just because of “irreconcilable differences” (as we should, imo), but differing religion sometimes is an irreconcilable difference. Furthermore, it’s known at the time of the marriage in many cases (and not in others). I think this is a case of wanting to have our cake and eat it, too – thinking others can’t divorce over irreconcilable differences but we can (and, in too many members’ eyes, should).
I really love the symbolism of a temple marriage where we pledge to be sealed together as two-made-one eternally – but too often we teach the symbolic ordinance above an actual, practical sealing, which sealing can happen on a practical level in non-temple marriages, as well. I think we all know non-Mormon couples who are sealed in every way imaginable except for the actual ceremonial ordinance (which is admitted in our focus on performing the ordinance for deceased couples) – and temple married couples who aren’t sealed in any practical way (both those who divorce and those who don’t).
Again, I LOVE the ordinance, but when we emphasize the ordinance above the actual work of sealing . . .
“We have a divorce problem. I would think that is what we should be working on, not getting people married younger.”
In other words, we have a commitment problem. If members do not see the Sealing ordinance as an eternal commitment, then , just like “Death Do us part” marriage, it is not more sure of success.
I think we are sometimes naive about the influence of the world or have the idea that how church members are as sheltered from outside trends as we hope.
We can spout off statistics until we are blue in the face, but a problem is a problem. I agree with Stand and Ray on this one.
#30:
But Nick, like everything, everyone has their own opinion and we can all agree to disagree, right?
Henry, I understand that it is now trendy for those who use religion as cover for their prejudice to claim “religious persecution” whenever someone disagrees with them. If you find this nonsense useful in promoting your own happiness, you are certainly welcome to it. That said, nobody in this discussion has suggested that you shouldn’t be entitled to your opinion, whether they agree with you or not.
Ray, two sidenotes on another type of intermarriage. In the 1960’s a study was done on racial/ethnic divorce in Hawaii (that was about the last time it was legal to ask for racial/ethnic identification on marraige and divorce records).
Generally the divorce rate was higher for intermarriage as against marriage in the same group. However the divorce rate for Japanese American marriages was so low that a caucasian-Japanese marriage had a greater chance for success than a caucasian-caucasian marriage.
The divorce rate for Filipinas and Filipinos was very high, no matter who they married. The study did not mention that divorce was almost impossible in the Philipines plus many American Servicemen married Filipinas in the Philipines. Thus you had all of these marriages happening somewhere else than Hawaii but the divorces occuring in the Aloha Sstate. That really skewed the stats.
Several quick questions. Are there groups that have a better chance at marital success if someone marries a Mormon? Does the gender of the Morman make a difference? Do we have differnt Mormon and/or temple divorce rates in differnt places? If so, why?
Jeff – BYU does have a “marriage prep” class, but it’s basically a singles mixer from what I heard (I didn’t take it). Perhaps that’s a self-selection problem. I think most of the men who took it were recently returned horny RMs who were told by their MPs not to delay marriage.
Jeff- you are clearly saying we have a problem. What is the problem with people marrying later? Why is that bad, and what evidence do you have that it is bad?
Joe,
“Jeff- you are clearly saying we have a problem. What is the problem with people marrying later? Why is that bad, and what evidence do you have that it is bad?”
I am making no such declaration either way. I think we have a commitment problem and not just in the Church, but society in general. I am not against older marriage, like I said, I married at 28.
Hawk,
I can see how that might work on the marriage prep class. Perhaps, we should give our young men and women a little more marriage prep and a little less Gospel repetition.
“Perhaps, we should give our young men and women a little more marriage prep and a little less Gospel repetition.”
The trouble is, many local LDS leaders think they are giving “marriage preparation” lessons by teaching YW homemaking skills. I’ve seen LDS bishops outright veto a YW activity that involved viewing the night sky with telescopes, for example. Meanwhile, the same bishop pushed YW activities where the girls learned to knit potholders. The stake president in that same area expressed his shock and dismay when his own son picked a bride who didn’t know how to sew her own clothing. Seriously.
Nick,
That is HORRIBLE. Horrible. Sure, sewing is a good skill to have, but that’s for EVERYONE, not just for girls – everyone should be at least able to fix a button. AND space is cool. And I would have LOVED an activity like that. Although my YW group was super sporty (except me) so all the activities ranged along the let’s play (fill in sport here). We did get a few of the more gendered lessons, but I wasn’t very active as a teen (I’d go to sacrament then leave, if I showed up at all).
I think it would be great if they taught lessons on cooperation, and how to fight constructively and money management (that go beyond, pay your tithing). 🙂
Anywho… on the other hand. If the church DID start teaching these things as policies it’d eventually get turned into doctrine (by some) and then I’d get in trouble for having a separate Disneyland trip fund, or something.
The key to a marriage preparation class would be who designs it, who teaches it and what material is presented. If the goal of it becomes to produce Misogynist Mike and Susie Stepford (Look at “It’s a good thing Mormons don’t drink coffee” at Feminist Mormon housewives t see the result of such a marriage) it would be very counter productive.
I believe that a marriage prep class, if it dealt with contemporary real world modern Mormen problems would be fantastic. However, we have so many people with 1950’s stereotypes and cultural norms, I fear for our ability to do so.
I think that our leader, who are in their 70’s and 80’s don’t understand how much more it takes to get an education and build a steady career than it once was. College is more expensive than ever and having thousands of dollars in student debt is the norm. Getting married young is simply more difficult now and I think there’s some truth to adolescence extending into the twenties now. I’m in my senior year of college and many see this as a time to go teach English for a year in Japan or join the Peace Corp or internship-hop around the country gaining experience. This is a lot more difficult with a spouse.
Then again, I’m 21 and have been married for 9 months, so what do I know?
“I think that our leader, who are in their 70′s and 80′s don’t understand how much more it takes to get an education and build a steady career than it once was.”
Fwiw, I guarantee they do understand.
I don’t think the generation gap among the GAs is as wide as it is sometimes projected to be.
But I agree with Stan, a marriage prep class has to be real-world practically based and not a rehash of the same old thing from 50 years ago.