I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving holiday here in the US.
I just had a few thoughts on some items that have been discussed in recent weeks on the Bloggernacle and in the press. I’m interested in what you’ve thought about it.
New Church Handbook of Instructions
It seems as if the furor around the new handbooks has subsided as the real handbooks (at least Book 2 by the Church, Book 1 by others) and the training session have been posted online. The reviews from those who attended have been overwhelmingly positive. And generally the changes have been also viewed positively. The proof, of course, will always be in the implementation. I suspect it will take a while for some to get it right and there will always be those who will complain about it, whether justified or not. And there will also be those who will be critical no matter what the Church does.
The Decline of Marriage
As “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” continues to rise in prominence within the LDS Church, other indicators are that marriage is becoming less important to society in general.
According to a recent Time Magazine/ Pew Family Society poll, the following trends are observed:
- About half (52%) of all adults in this country were married in 2008; back in 1960, seven-in-ten (72%) were.
- Nearly four-in-ten survey respondents (39%) say that marriage is becoming obsolete; in 1978 when Time magazine posed this question to registered voters, just 28% agreed.
- Seven-in-ten (69%) say the trend toward more single women having children is bad for society, and 61% say that a child needs both a mother and father to grow up happily.
- On the more accepting side, only a minority say the trends toward more cohabitation without marriage (43%), more unmarried couples raising children (43%), more gay couples raising children (43%) and more people of different races marrying (14%) are bad for society.
- The young are more accepting than the old of the emerging arrangements; the secular are more accepting than the religious; liberals are more accepting than conservatives; the unmarried are more accepting than the married; and, in most cases, blacks are more accepting than whites. The net result of all these group differences is a nearly even three-way split among the full public. A third (34%) say the growing variety of family arrangements is a good thing; 29% say it is a bad thing and 32% say it makes little or no difference.
- By emphatic margins, the public does not see marriage as the only path to family formation. Fully 86% say a single parent and child constitute a family; nearly as many (80%) say an unmarried couple living together with a child is a family; and 63% say a gay or lesbian couple raising a child is a family.
- The share of births to unmarried women has risen dramatically over the past half century, from 5% in 1960 to 41% in 2008. There are notable differences by race: Among black women giving birth in 2008, 72% were unmarried. This compares with 53% of Hispanic women giving birth and 29% of white women.
- Three-quarters of all adults (76%) say their family is the most important element of their life at this time. An additional 22% say it is one of the most important elements but not the most important. Only 1% say their family is not an important element of their life.
- Among those who attend religious services at least once a week, 72% believe a child needs both a mother and a father to grow up happily. This compares with 62% of those who attend religious services monthly or a few times a year and 44% of those who seldom or never attend.
We see similar trends in the LDS Church. Singles staying single longer, less Church activity among singles and young people, more mixed religion marriages, more divorces, more single parents (mainly women), etc. While the church teaches that marriage is ordained of God and necessary for happiness in this life and the life to come, we clearly see a trend, much like society, away from it.
Are you at all concerned by these trends in society and in the Church?
Wheat & Tares 
This study has been making the rounds. What kills me every time is “Fully 86% say a single parent and child constitute a family; nearly as many (80%) say an unmarried couple living together with a child is a family” and “If a childless couple is married, 88% consider them to be a family.”
This means that between 12%-20% of respondents are lunatics. (1% of respondents stated that a married couple with children isn’t a family. So clearly there is a margin of error issue, but still….)
I agree with Joe. A child being raised by a single adult is a family. It is optimal for children to be raised by a mother and a father, but life is not without it’s imperfections.
I accept that marriage is between a man and woman.
Joe,
So wait a second, are you suggesting that a mother and her child cannot call themselves a family? What should they call themselves? Bastards?
What exactly makes one who believes something like this a lunatic?
The proclamation on the family is a nice standard to go by, but it is highly unrealistic, and frankly, can be counterproductive for exactly the kind of response we get from people like Joe. Joe must not know any single person with a child, or the reason behind why a woman is not married but has a child.
Dan, Joe was calling someone a lunatic who did not believe a mother and child living together were a family. Do you disagree with that?
JA Benson,
I don’t know why, but I noticed your comment go caught up in our hyperactive spam filter. I wanted to let you know that was purely accidental; sorry it took a couple of hours to fish out.
wow, did I like totally misread Joe’s comment or what…sorry Joe.
Stephen, there you go again, trying to bring reason to the discussion.
We see similar trends in the LDS Church. Singles staying single longer, less Church activity among singles and young people, more mixed religion marriages, more divorces, more single parents (mainly women), etc. While the church teaches that marriage is ordained of God and necessary for happiness in this life and the life to come, we clearly see a trend, much like society, away from it.
While the Church teaches that marriage is ordained of God and necessary for happiness — they really mean to say that monogamous family-units are ordained of God and anything else is sinful and puts you on the road to excommunication.
There seems to be a rejection of the model of marriage that the state and the Church have invested heavily in.
Are you at all concerned by these trends in society and in the Church?
Not if it means that people will start accepting thatall marriage is ordained of God, and begin to embrace the order of marriage that God has designed into our very natures.
“anything else is sinful and puts you on the road to excommunication.”
slightly over the top here, Justin. some situations cannot be helped and the church supports those wholeheartedly. Loss of spouse, divorce for good reason, etc.
Certainly the Church does not support the current trend of single parents on purpose or gay marriage, but you have totally over exaggerated the situation.
Loss of spouse, divorce for good reason, etc.
These men or women need to be accepted into other family units thru marriage covenant — however, the Church is content to keep them living separately and singly by forbidding them to marry [into already existing family units]
but you have totally over exaggerated the situation.
I was referring to marriages [between a man and a woman, b/c that is God’s only definition of it] that do not obtain state permission [or license] — as following my link would have indicated. These are most certainly considered sinful, “living in sin” and what-not.
If you think that it is exaggeration to claim that taking a spouse without the state’s permission would bring upon a person Church disciplinary councils — then perhaps you could just try it and see what the brethren will do.
“These men or women need to be accepted into other family units thru marriage covenant — however, the Church is content to keep them living separately and singly by forbidding them to marry [into already existing family units]’
Is this supposing these people do not have other family? Perhaps you’ve been watching too much “Sister Wives” There are brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents,etc. What are they?
Jeff, go to Justin’s site. He’s nuts by any measure.
An no, Justin, I’m not going to argue with you. Arguing with insane people is pointless.
Jeff, something tells me that you didn’t read the links.
Ask perpetually single sisters, widows, or otherwise single spouses [especially those with kids] if they consider complete because they have brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.
That’s right — I remember — the key to joy in this life exaltation in the life to come is for a person to be sealed to extended family. Thanks for reminding me.
No Joe, arguing with people who are quick to assume insanity in others is pointless.
I agree with Joe. Jeff should go to Justin’s site. Everyone should go to Justin’s site. 😉
I went to Justin’s site, which is precisely why I responded as I did.
So you think joining someone else’s family will make it better?
Speaking of widows,
Young Widows in the Church: Are they disadvantaged?
comes to mind.
Re Jeff
Yes, I think some of it is unfortunate. I think families are good for society on the whole. And I don’t think the church is far out in left field or anything. I do think we have a bit of a hangup with the word “marriage” which I’m afraid I don’t quite understand. I suppose I don’t view marriage as some magical union that simply makes sex okay and will result in happiness for everyone involved. I think commitment and love are what makes a family.
I would like to see a survey that attempts to discover the level of people’s commitment to each other. This survey is using “marriage” as a measure of that commitment. I think current worldwide trends suggest that marriage is likely not a good measurement (and I don’t see why it has to be, only that it traditionally has been). I know people who are NOT married, but have been together, committed, for decades and have raised children in that environment. Personally, I see no problem with this as it has all the elements of a traditional family. Yet we, in the church, would condemn that behavior (sex out of wed-lock).
However, as far as the number of children being born to single parents, yes, I think it is most unfortunate, but again, remember that marriage is the metric being used here. Those numbers might be very different if we measured the commitment the single mother has to a partner and accepted that as measurement of a “couple” or “family.”
jmb275:
I do think we have a bit of a hangup with the word “marriage” which I’m afraid I don’t quite understand. I suppose I don’t view marriage as some magical union that simply makes sex okay and will result in happiness for everyone involved. I think commitment and love are what makes a family.
Perhaps it would help you to understand the importance of marital unions if you were to come to understand that marriage without a state-issued license is ordained of God.
I think commitment and love are what makes a family.
This is right. Commitment = the covenant bonds associated with two people choosing to marry. Love = the act of making love that two marital partners engage in.
This is what makes a family. And this is what makes Jeff’s comment to me:
“Is this supposing these people do not have other family? Perhaps you’ve been watching too much “Sister Wives” There are brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents,etc. What are they?”
…so misguided.
jmb – I agree that commitment is a better gauge than marriage, but marriage is simply easier to measure, and is a flawed proxy, but better than nothing. Studies using length of time a couple is together and other indications of commitment have also been done at times. While there’s a lot of statistical noise in marriage (e.g. marital affairs, open marriages, divorce & remarriage rates, domestic abuse, etc.), there’s even more noise in cohabitation, especially because most who cohabitate do so in anticipation of marrying in the future, not usually as a substitute for marriage.
Don’t worry Justin, I’m already not a democrat, not a republican, and generally embrace Libertarian principles (though having investigated anarchism seriously, I do have my concerns which I’d be happy to debate any time). I’m not a fan of state-endorsed marriage, which is partly why I don’t particularly care for our emphasis on it in the church either.
Re Hawkgrrrl
Most certainly! I agree. It’s too bad there is not a better metric. And marriage is probably a better indicator of commitment than cohabitation (well, except in Hollywood).
jmb275:
though having investigated anarchism seriously, I do have my concerns which I’d be happy to debate any time
The LDSA site is open for such debate any time.