I just finished a book called Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom. Mitch is asked by his rabbi to deliver his eulogy, and the book details his efforts to get more acquainted with the rabbi. There is a wonderful message about gratitude and happiness that I wanted to share for Thanksgiving.
The rabbi was aging, and spent some time in the hospital. Pages 97-99 detail an interesting insight into one of these visits.
As we sat in the room, a commercial for an antidepressant drug flashed across the TV screen. It showed people looking forlorn, alone on a bench or staring out a window.
“I keep feeling something bad is going to happen….,” the TV voice said.
Then, after showing the pill and some graphics, those same people appeared again, looking happier.
The Reb and I watched in silence. After it ended, he asked, “Do you think those pills work?”
Not like that, I said.
“No,” he agreed. “Not like that.”
Happiness in a tablet. This is our world. Prozac. Paxil. Xanax. Billions are spent to advertise such drugs. And billions more are spent purchasing them. You don’t even need a specific trauma; just “general depression” or “anxiety,” as if sadness were as treatable as the common cold.
I knew depression was real, and in many cases required medical attention. I also knew we overused the word. Much of what we call “depression” was really dissatisfaction, a result of setting a bar impossibly high or expecting treasures that we weren’t willing to work for. I knew people whose unbearable source of misery was their weight, their baldness, their lack of advancement in the workplace, or their inability to find the perfect mate, even if they themselves did not behave like one. To these people, unhappiness was a condition, an intolerable state of affairs. If pills could help, pills were taken.
But pills were not going to change the fundamental problem in the construction. Wanting what you can’t have.
I want to jump to the end of this particular story. From page 102,
So have we solved the secret of happiness?
“I believe so,” he said.
Are you going to tell me?
“Yes. Ready?”
Ready.
“Be satisfied.”
That’s it?
“Be grateful”
That’s it?
“For what you have. For the love you receive. And for what God has given you.”
That’s it?
He looked at me in the eye. Then he sighed deeply.
“That’s it.”
I hope we can remember this lesson as we celebrate Thanksgiving Day.
Wheat & Tares 
I’m thankful that I live in a country that is wealthy enough for me to stop working a regular job and pursue my own interests with a family of four. Not many places you can pursue pretty much any career you want while having parents that weren’t wealthy.
I was thankful a few days ago when I thought Thanksgiving dinner was for three. Now my friend invited six more people without checking with me.
Now, I’m just stressed thinking about it and I need to take one of my anxiety medicines to calm me down. Seriously, six people, in an apartment with seating for four, Someone will have to sit on the floor and its’ not going to be me.
and in the spirit of annals of relief society sister hood. One of my best friends grandmother was the stake relief society president during the 1930’s. The brethren decided they would help the bishops’ warehouse out by donating hogs. They got the hogs in the warehouse and the brethren were all boastful saying how ‘they” donated all the hogs, yada, yada, and my friends grandmother(stake relief society president)stood up and said,:” who do you boys think slopped those hogs” and the brethren all promtly sat down
I’m thankful I can take Lexapro so that I can function normally and be like the regular people who don’t have to take these kinds of pills and thus feel free to downplay them in blog posts like these.
Newsflash: Anxiety and depression and not “unhappiness.” Only someone who had never experienced them could possibly think that. Posts like these are like listening to Tom Cruise talk about psychology.
I think there is a balance that needs to be struck with gratitude. One needs to be careful about not having enough gratitude as well as having too much.
I think sometimes harping on gratitude can be used to keep people in their place. A patriarchal system saying “just be grateful for for what you have ________” (fill in the blank with your minority group of choice). Would African Americans have ever received the priesthood if they were just grateful for the position they had? Would the equal rights movement have occurred? Would females have ever received the right to vote?
At the same time it is important not to ignore the blessings that one does have. One can get overly fixated on what one doesn’t have (in an overly selfish sense) and forget to enjoy some of the things that are most important-like family, friends, and spirituality.
But there may be a balance that needs to be struck. It may be important not to be so grateful that it leads to complacency in fighting for equal rights, while at the same time being caregul not to ignore the basic things that make life worth living.
I am not trying to downplay gratefulness. I think it is important! There just needs to be a balance. Or perhaps this is a false dichotomy and I need to reconceptualize.
I’m with goldarn. happiness/sadness is a different beast from depression
That said, it is true that if you are grateful and thankful, you’ll live a generally happier life.
This post is another reason that we see so much suicide among depressed people, who feel stimatized by their illness. Depression is a deadly disease, and we can be thankful that there many people who suffer from this illness have medicines that often help ease their symptoms. Would we belittle a person who is diabetic taking insulin or someone with with heart trouble taking beta blockers.
The accurate statement is not “happiness is a tablet,” but “health and wellness for those who are ill in a tablet.” Depression is an illness, not a moral failure on the part of the person who suffers with this disease. I am thankful for all those who invented medications that help with this difficult disease, for insurance companies that help pay for medications, and for all those who so wisely take antidepressants when they are needed.
In fairness, Albom DOES acknowledge the reality of depression: “I knew depression was real, and in many cases required medical attention.” What he questions is the marketing of drugs promising happiness even when the source of unhappiness in NOT depression.
I agree with paul. depression is real, and I don’t see albom stigmatizing that.
As others have mentioned, depression is a disease like diabetes, high cholesterol, etc. often due to a chemical imbalance that medications can help.
While Church leaders also recognize this and have given talks on this, a practical result of our teachings is that a person can feel it is “their fault”. We teach things like:
– Man is that he might have joy: But I don’t feel joy, so I must be doing something wrong
– Wickedness never was happiness: Through faulty but prevalent logic, I’m not happy so I must therefore be wicked, or doing something wrong
– My burden is light; cast your troubles on the Lord: Then why do I feel so terrible. And how do I do this?
– This is a plan/gospel/etc of happiness: Blah
Again, while it is not specifically taught, there is a very real theme that we are responsible. We talk A LOT about works, what we do, what we eat, what we wear, what we do in our callings, how much we pray and read the BofM and have family prayer, more, more more. We don’t talk much about grace. So it is natural to think that if we are NOT happy, and the gospel is a plan of happiness, than it is something we are doing ourselves. This is wrong thinking, but it is real and natural.
Finally, to anyone taking depression medications: you’re not alone. Even in the Church, when you look at the Deseret Mutual insurance plan (Church workers, BYU, CES, etc), the number one prescription they paid for last year was anti-depressants.
albom was emphasizing the difference between medically diagnosed depression, and the overused ‘i feel bad so I am depressed.’ the former requires medication, but if we’re depressed because of a bald spot, that is another story. be satisfied with the bald spot and be grateful for health.
if you’re clinically depressed, there is no shame in taking prozac. it is a disease like diabetes. but there are plenty of people that are unhappy and not clinically depressed. I think some here fail to understand the distinction that albom was making.
Mike S — good points.
Overall, I believe that the Gospel can be a net bringer of happiness. But that doesn’t mean that a disciple will always be happy, or even that Gospel living won’t occasionally be the cause of temporary unhappiness.
Thanks for your post. There is a big difference between feeling sad and real clinical depression. I do not think anyone here is saying otherwise. But, there is something to be said for staying positive. It can generally work for most people.
This also reminded me of President Hinckley’s “Be-attitudes:”
Be
Grateful
Smart
Clean
True
Humble
Prayful
Positive
Still
Involved
This can help all of us…. much like the Rebbe’s suggestions!
I also have depression, anxiety and panic attacks and I agree, One should not feel stigmatize because of this illness that being said, the article was not stigmatizing people with illness.
Rather he was saying people were saying they were “depressed,” rather than “unhappy” because of disappointments with everyday life. And this kind of unhappiness is a normal reaction to the disappointment
#9 Mike S: “Again, while it is not specifically taught, there is a very real theme that we are responsible.”
That’s because we ARE responsible a lot of the time. If we sin and feel guilt, that’s normal and proper. If we accept guilt for something that is not a sin, that’s another matter.
I struggled as a leader in a church unit at the fact that so many sisters left church less happy than when they came, apparently because they felt burdened by what they heard on Sundays. That wasn’t the sisters’ fault exclusively. There was some strange cultural effect going on there. And I did not know what to do about it, though it occupied a large part of my time and brain cells and prayer at the time.
I believe what Alma taught his son Corianton was right: feel just guilty enough to repent, to change, to turn from sin, and then move on. I believe was Enos felt, that the atoning sacrifice of the Lord can sweep our guilt away. And I agree with Albom and his rabbi, and with Jeff & President Hinckley that my attitude can help me in that process.
In so saying I don’t deny that there are other things that can also help me. For me, a 12-step program of family support was exceptionally helpful. For others it may be therapy. And, of course, for those who are clinically depressed, medication may also be helpful (though my children and siblings tell me it is not always).
I’m calling you to repentance for using a picture of Tiramisu in your article. It is so unbearably tempting and sinfully delicious, only the devil himself could have revealed the recipe to humankind. It is also made with ground espresso in one of the layers! 🙂
Funny Brian. I think a quote from David O McKay is in order.
“The Word of Wisdom forbids drinking alcohol, not eating it.”
I think the same goes for Tiramisu and espresso. 🙂
It sure is good, isn’t it?