An Abridgment of the Sunstone Symposium’s Kickball Game in 2023, being an account written by the hand of Eli McCann[1]
  1. On that summer day, there were no contentions and disputations among the Sunstoners. And the harvest of canned goods was plentiful. The word “Mormon,” once trodden under foot by the high priests of the Brighamites, became a righteous verb.
  2. Verily, in that day, the true Mormonism, even the Mormonism of gathering and community, was had by all who sought it.
  3. This throng of Mormons—for so they chose to be called—held tension with purpose, each in the covenantal ark of their heart. They beat their swords into foul poles and pulverized their ancestors’ bones into chalk foul lines, and with these fashioned a great diamond on the field of Mormon.
  4. Behold, such was the gathering of the ex-Mormons and the fundamentalist Mormons, as witnessed by the Three Nephites. Yea, it was whispered among them that the Symposium held earlier that day had been but a solemn prelude to the coming contest.
  5. And now the rival teams of “exMos” and “funMos” stood along the first- and third-base lines on the great diamond in the field of Mormon, and they prepared themselves for the final battle.
  6. As the shadows of the everlasting hills shrank eastward, away from the Salt Flats, boiling waters mingled with Postum giving off thick steam, such that one could not see their hand in front of them.
  7. Moreover, a great smoke arose from grills containing hot dogs and burgers, even the smoking incense of Kingsford, filling the Wasatch air. So thick was the steam of heating refreshments that for a time the sun was blocked out, and a thick vapor of darkness covered the field of Mormon.
  8. But the light of love, even a trimmed lamp of fellowship, brightly beamed from every bosom.
  9. Soon the steam cleared, the food was blessed and served, and it nourished and strengthened the friendly foes in their preparations for battle.
  10. The Sunstone patriarchs, matriarchs, and also theytriarchs, smiled and were glad. Yea, even as the funMos girded themselves about with shin guards, and the exMos schemed how to triumph on the field, their spirit siblings rejoiced.
  11. Then Father Stephen said, “My filthy lucre is on the FunMos.” And Mother Lindsay shrugged, saying, “There goes the canning budget.” But secretly she used her lucre to cover the spread. And it came to pass that Sister Grace did gather their funds into the storehouse, taking a full and proper accounting of the wagers.
  12. One mighty and strongish, even Captain Bryan, threw a ball onto the field of Mormon. The battle began, and great was the struggle between ExMo and FunMo.
  13. Even though their struggle was great, and many became bruised and sore, greater still was their camaraderie. For notwithstanding the struggle to score on opponents, in their battle was to be found the joy of Mormoning.
  14. And it came to pass that when night fell, the lights in the heavens shined down, making the field of Mormon as bright and warm as at noon day.
  15. And the voice of the prophet Joseph could be heard in the Spirit World, crying, “I have accomplished more than any man whoever lived. Not even Jesus could have marshalled a kickball game between the Pharisees and his disc—”
  16. “Can it, Gazelam!” said a deeper voice from the highest degree of Heaven. Yea, and this voice was strikingly similar in pitch and timbre to Lloyd Newell—it being the voice of the head God, speaking for and in behalf of the grand council of Gods. And the grand council of Gods did rebuke Joseph, saying, “We’re trying to watch the game!”
  17. As the game drew to a climax, it was rumored that Heavenly Mother must have sequestered herself in the farthest corner of the universe, knowing not which team to cheer for.
  18. But I suppose, for the spirit whispereth in me to say it, that the voice of Heavenly Mother was heard loud and clear. Yea, she was heard in the din of fellowship, even the war cries of the participants upon the field, in the cheers and smack talk in the dugouts, and in the chatter among the gathered onlookers. Behold the voice of our Eternal Mother, even the voice of gathering and community!
  19. For though there be many that Mormon, and though they Mormon in many ways, yet on the field of Mormon that day, they were one.
  20. Verily, if all Mormons had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto these Sunstoners, though there be sacred tension in abundance, contention would never have power over the hearts of the children of them.
  21. In closing: I say unto you, my friends, if you have experienced a change of heart, and if you have felt to sing the song of redeeming Mormonism, I would ask, can you feel so now?

Notes and Discussion Questions

The annual Sunstone Symposium wrapped up on July 29th in Sandy, Utah. It culminated with a game of kickball between teams of ex-Mormons and fundamentalist Mormons (billed as Team Outer Darkness vs Team Higher Law). Lord, what nerds these Mormons be (grinning as I type)!

For those of us disinclined to large gatherings, or too far away to attend, a digital Sunstone experience is coming August 15th. Recorded sessions will be made available for purchase through the Sunstone website. Some free plenary sessions are already available to view on Facebook. This parody post’s featured image is a collage of Sunstone’s promotional content, including artwork by Matt Page. (soccer balls were added by Jake C.)

Did any of you attend in-person this year? How was it? More generally, what have been your experiences with Sunstone events and publications?    

[1] “The Book of Sunstone: Third Lindsay is best understood as a work of pseudepigraphy. The author is almost certainly not Salt Lake Tribune columnist Eli McCann, but rather some lesser blogger who was not even at the Sunstone Symposium of 2023. We can assume this citizen journalist borrowed Eli’s name in the hopes of increasing pageviews and achieving search engine optimization.” –Dan Vogel, Historian (this footnote also being a work of pseudepigraphy)