“I had been adamant that we have a child early in our marriage, very much fixated on the archetypal husband/father. Any space put between these two was too big of a space; to be a husband and not a father didn’t make sense to me. I’m sure Tracy conveyed reluctance or hesitation, but I failed to read her true feelings and to understand how severely maternity would disrupt her ascending career.”
Michael J. Fox
Actor and advocate Michael J. Fox released a new book this month: No Time Like the Future: An Optimist Considers Mortality. I’ve read and loved two of his previous books. They provide a thoughtful and often humorous view of his journey living with Parkinson’s disease. Whereas the previous books put a lot of stock in optimism, this book grapples with the possibility optimism is ultimately inadequate.
Fox was diagnosed with young-onset Parkinson’s, a degenerative illness, in his late 20s. Despite physical decline, he continues to live a full and productive life. Fox has enjoyed remarkable success both in his acting and his fundraising efforts. His foundation supports scientific research to treat and hopefully find a cure for PD.
The above quote paints the portrait of a man who embarked on adulthood with a specific, and frankly self-serving, narrative in mind. Most of us born and raised Mormon can understand this. We enter adulthood with a called-and-chosen narrative fueling our expectations. Often, we fail to consider how our expectations may prove unrealistic, even harmful to ourselves and others.
“I didn’t miss being the leading man. I think of that Hollywood truism that explains the difference between a short actor and a short movie star: to appear taller in a shot, a short actor stands on a box, while a short movie star makes everyone else stand in a ditch. I had discovered the simple pleasures of the ditch, where vanity has no value.”
After his PD diagnosis, for a time Michael went into early retirement from acting. Then a call came from a friend and past collaborator, Bill Lawrence. Michael accepted Bill’s invitation to do a two-episode guest star gig on the sitcom Scrubs, playing a doctor with severe obsessive compulsive disorder. I’ve got these episodes on DVD. Every time I think about them—like right now—I want to stop what I’m doing and go watch them. Brilliant, hilarious, and poignant storytelling. Previously a high-energy comedic leading man, Michael transitioned into playing darker, intriguingly problematic characters.
There is an underlying point to this, beyond praising his professional resiliency. As I read it, Michael has evolved from an early cocky optimism into a mindset of increasing gratitude coupled with acceptance for his limitations. In this book, Michael also presents readers with a true hero other than himself.
“I wouldn’t be here now, in whatever shape, were it not for Tracy’s infinite capacity to accept me as I am in the moment.”
Tracy Pollan and Michael met on his first hit show: Family Ties. Right off the bat, Tracy displayed the ability to keep Michael honest. In the decades since, they have become a wonderfully successful couple in and out of showbusiness. Tracy deserves her own book, given her considerable accomplishments as an actor, advocate, parent, and caretaker.
“…seriously, if optimism is my faith, I fear I’m losing my religion.
This is a new kind of thinking for me. Can you be an optimist and a realist at the same time?… I’m numb. Weary. Optimism, as a frame of mind, is not saving me.”
I have an uncle in Utah who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s years ago. Despite the disease, he and my aunt kept right on working hard as parents and grandparents, also completing several service missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And they kept right on being incredibly productive until earlier this year when my aunt died of pancreatic cancer. If only optimism were enough.
I sit here alone in my apartment on Thanksgiving. I enjoyed a pre-Thanksgiving fellowship on Zoom, a visit with my neighbor this morning in our shared yard, and a wonderful phone call with my folks. Still, I’ve been alone for most of my adult life—a very different narrative than the one I set out with at age 19. My intended narrative was quite like Michael J. Fox’s.
Back then, optimism was a drug I delivered to myself via unbridled faith. The reality has been far stranger, more problematic, and yet full of great opportunities like blogging for Wheat & Tares. Come what may, I have much for which I am truly grateful. How about you?
Book cover image from Flatiron Books, a division of Macmillan Publishers.
Wheat & Tares 
MJ Fox is a product of the 80s. We were much more optimistic in the 80s. The recent deaths of Diego Maradona and Eddie Van Halen remind me we once lived in better and more optimistic times.
As a teenager in the 80s, I definitely aspired to be cool like MJF’s characters and it was a real shock to when his diagnosis with Parkinson’s was announced. I have been impressed with the way he has soldiered on. I have only read one of his books, but your review definitely makes me want to read this new one.
I agree that as a young man in the Mormon faith, the notion that everything was part of God’s personal plan for me was a big part of my thinking. However that didn’t make me an optimist, more like a pessimist because I was thinking that God needed me to suffer in order to learn compassion, so I assumed that the world would be a dark place. But it did make suffering seem to be purposeful, so I guess that at least made it easier. I am now much more open to the idea that God rarely intervenes or has a definite personal plan, but is rather more like a supportive parent with a listening ear and heart.
Something that I am thankful for is my LGBTQ child. I have learned how wide the world is and that my previous light and knowledge was quite limited. I am also grateful that they are coming of age now, and not 30 years ago. Its so much easier to be the parent of an LGBTQ child now that it was then. And so much more of life’s blessings that are opened to them, even if those are not available within the CoJCoLDS.
I read his second book a few summers ago and really enjoyed it. It helped me see a better path forward living with a chronic illness. Instead of looking at what I was missing, I could look at what do I want to build going forward. It has been a healthier way for me to approach acceptance. I have added his new book to my reading list.
I’ve gone through a challenging time or two. I also have some baggage from my childhood that sits like a stone in my soul. But nothing compared to what many people endure–(including Michael J. Fox).
But I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lot of admiration for people that can endure longstanding and seemingly unrelenting challenges.
I just don’t believe that our lives are like a game of chess–where God gives some of us challenges to teach us while others mostly glide through life. I know for some it is comforting to think God gives us challenges. Not me. I think we just agreed to come here and the chips will fall where they may. Because, for sure, adversity is not evenly or fairly distributed. But, I do believe all that we go through/endure here will be taken into account at our day of reckoning.
For me, the way I made my way through difficult times was just to look for good moments in every day. It was too overwhelming to think about the future and what that might bring or not bring.
I, too appreciate W&T for giving us alternatives to what sometimes can be rigidity and one-dimensional
discourse/expression.
Thanks Jake!
I really appreciate the thoughts each of you shared. josh h, and 10ac, in a rough draft of this post I had actually mentioned the ’80s connection. A very interesting decade to think back on, mixing sometimes unbridled optimism with Cold War fears. I said “optimism” but maybe I’m thinking more specifically of triumphalism. I remember having a lot of fun as a kid back then. Doubtless, some of that was my limited perspective.
AJO and Lois, thank you for your thoughts on coping and moving forward. Just a couple of your remarks I want to repeat as they stuck out to me:
AJO: “Instead of looking at what I was missing, I could look at what do I want to build going forward.”
Lois: “…adversity is not evenly or fairly distributed.”
Thanks again for contributing.
I certainly understand about loss and loneliness. I came out to the Philippines to find love as a middle-aged man. But the “on paper” college educated, white collar worker, wonderful single mom Filipina I courted and got with, turned out to be a total human trainwreck! After four years, and much psychological and financial abuse, I gave up and threw in the towel. I never thought I would be painfully alone here. Yes, I have local friends and go on little adventures, but it is still a lonely existence for me.