On a Facebook group discussion, people were talking about the temple, and it devolved into a discussion of a few things that would make people more likely to attend.

Pres. Nelson has told us to take our vitamins because of all the upcoming changes, resulting in rampant speculation about the upcoming General Conference and whatever new changes might be announced. A few hopeful coffee drinkers (or that’s who I imagine is hoping for this) have their fingers crossed for a relaxing of the Word of Wisdom questions in the Temple Recommend interview. That reminds me a little bit of an old SNL sketch in which Father Don Novello says he’s going to break off from the Catholic church to get even with them for something he’s mad about, and he’s going to change the 10 Commandments to the 10 Suggestions to win more followers.

Well, here are some outside-the-box suggestions to increase temple attendance.

  1. Add a drive thru option
  2. Hire Blue Man group to spring from the ceiling at unexpected times during the endowment (Check with Kirton McConkie on potential liability issues due to heart attacks)
  3. Serve warm chocolate chip cookies at the recommend desk since the lobby looks like a really nice Doubletree anyway
  4. Wolfgang Puck franchise instead of cafeteria [1]
  5. Premium seating up front for gross tithe payers vs. net including bottled water and lap blanket
  6. Membership Rewards points for every ordinance that can be applied toward Church merch [2]
  7. Remove sexist elements but don’t let anyone talk about it.
  8. New Puffs with Lotion in Celestial Room to replace regular Kleenex brand
  9. Free tampons in the womens’ restroom
  10. Surprise twist ending added to the temple film [3]

What are your tongue-in-cheek ideas to improve temple attendance?


[1] Taco Tuesdays?

[2] Ponderize sweatshirts?

[3] The wife did it