A while back I enjoyed reading “The Year of Living Biblically” by A. J. Jacobs. A. J. is a secular Jew that decided to try living a very literal following of the bible for an entire year. At first I thought his intent was to really just focus on how silly some of the “commandments” are, such as not wearing cloth made from more than one type of fiber. Even though the book is humorous, it does not seem like the purpose is an attempt to make fun of these rules (oops – commandments). He doesn’t seem to be doing this exercise for some spiritual journey. He claims he grew up in a secular Jewish home and is Jewish only in “the same way the Olive Garden is an Italian restaurant.” Instead of mocking anything he simply chronicles how this affects his day to day life and lets the humor manifest itself. He mentions that he has to bring a chair with him everywhere to make sure he never has to “sit on soiled ground”. He also does not shake hands or touch any women since he doesn’t know if it might be the time of the month where they are “unclean” (of course it would be rude to ask each woman he met – um right?). He attempts to stone someone he believes to be a homosexual. Don’t worry he only uses a small pebbles and he does it inconspicuously. The person probably didn’t even know anything had occurred, but HE TRIED. So he can put a check by that item and he is off the hook. I can just see the meme from 2,500 years ago of a picture of someone throwing a small pebble at someone and the caption of, “Stoning – You’re doing it wrong!”
I contemplated about what the parallel would be in Mormonism. I thought about digging into all the many things that church leaders have asked members to do and then show someone hypothetically attempting to check all the boxes, and even highlight the contradictions. Before I made it very far down that mental road – fatigue set in. Plus I can’t even figure out what is actual doctrine, let alone commandments.
Being a Mormon isn’t like being a Jew. They get clarifications for such important issues such as if using a “spinner” is an allowed activity on Sunday.
Getting that level of clarity is a 2 edged sword that I don’t want to take out of it’s sheath. But within the LDS church it seems we are towards the other end of that spectrum. We can’t even seem to get “Can you ask the Lord about giving the priesthood to women?” on the docket with the top leaders to ask the Lord (but we do get clarification on medical marijuana, so it all evens out). But hey, we do have a CTR spinners! I am not sure if they have a money back guarantee to keep you entertained for the 3 hour block.
Thinking about the endless lists of “check boxes” in Mormonism made me think about a talk that Elder Russell M. Nelson gave a few years ago titled, “Face the Future with Faith” If you are like me, you remember this as the talk on evil of being a “Cafeteria Mormon.” Bill Reel posted about this topic a few years ago on this site, but he focused more on being selective on what one believes. I am thinking about this topic more on actions than beliefs.
In my opinion, every Mormon is a Cafeteria Mormon. I know I am not alone in that view. Reading the above mentioned book just drove home just how crazy the notion is. I would go so far as to say a real attempt to “check every box” will probably have the end result being a need to visit a mental health professional (can you say, “Scrupulosity“?)
Mormon’s don’t even have an exclusive license to the prefix of “cafeteria” to slap in front of a denomination’s name. I have seen the term “Cafeteria Catholic” thrown around with the same disparaging connotation insinuating less than fully faithful.
But I would contend that Jesus was a cafeteria Jew. After all, He boiled down all the Jewish rules and regulations into two precepts: Love God and Love Your Neighbor as Yourself (the ultimate “Happy Meal”). He ignored many of the other commandments (or should I say customs?) found in Jewish society:
- He had no problem with his apostles evading rules on ritual hand washing.
- When the sick needed curing, He didn’t mind doing it on the Sabbath.
- He spoke to women and to Samaritans, people that a proper Jewish man would have avoided as much as men today avoid stopping and asking for directions.
- And he delivered forgiveness, not condemnation, to the adulterous woman and asked that an accuser without sin cast the first stone.
- He didn’t seem to have much patience for following the rules. Almost every parable Christ was saying “Nope – you got it wrong. You are missing the big picture.”
I do know there are some folks that do need a bit a boot to the backside to do a bit more instead of another round of binge watching a seasons worth of a TV series, but most people I know are trying really hard to do as much good as they can. Even sacrificing some of their emotional and physical health trying to help others and keep up with the checklist. In other words they are eating too many of the entrees and not enjoying most of them.
The cafeteria metaphor reminds me of the first time I took my oldest son to a cafeteria. He ordered way more than he could eat. He learned his lesson and has never over-ordered again. If we try to not be a “cafeteria Mormon” and eat it all are we also going to be too “stuffed” to even do any good after cramming more and more into our schedule? I actually have seen many individuals in the last few wards I have been in that are trying too hard to make sure every box is checked. I have seen burnout and the results of burnout, such as divorces. I assert that we need more preaching along the lines of Julie de Azevedo Hanks’ book, “The Burnout Cure: An Emotional Survival Guide for Overwhelmed Women”
It seems to me laying on the guilt trip for what is NOT being done also sets people up to be more worried about outward appearances in themselves and judging others. I remember one of my favorite Gospel Doctrine teachers had a saying, “we all have our favorite commandments – the ones that are easy for us to keep, and then there are the hard ones that we find hard to keep.” That is so easy to do – almost instinctual. One simple example is I have always had a mild temperament and seem to be able to control my anger. I know of others that are good caring people but they struggle in this area. It is VERY easy for me to look at someone that flies off the handle and judge them because I have always found it rather easy to control my temper. And I am sure there are situations where people look at my faults and wonder why I can’t just do the right thing. I look at myself on a daily basis and ask that question! It is good to start the day off with a laugh!
Even just having the mindset of the cafeteria approach to obedience tends to separate people into “us” and “them.” There’s “us” who obey everything (well not REALLY). Then there is the “them” – those lazy cafeteria Mormons who don’t do as much as the “us”. That does not help us have a mindset of bringing ourselves and others unto Christ. In addition it can often will create the situation where everyone is at thinking everyone else is the “Cafeteria Mormon” and they are one of the few doing it “all.” There is maybe one exception to that. I recall reading a column from Salt Lake Tribune humorist Robert Kirby. He essentially said that life gets rather enjoyable and easy if you just accept you are not getting into the Celestial Kingdom and you stop shooting for that. As usual Robert leaves you with a smile, and also not sure if he is joking or serious – or both simultaneously.
Instead I feel we need more of what President Uchtdorf preached in his talk “It Works Wonderfully”
Brothers and sisters, if you ever think that the gospel isn’t working so well for you, I invite you to step back, look at your life from a higher plane, and simplify your approach to discipleship. Focus on the basic doctrines, principles, and applications of the gospel. I promise that God will guide and bless you on your path to a fulfilling life, and the gospel will definitely work better for you.
I don’t agree with the assumption that we are going to always just pick the dessert and not the veggies. I think most people are better than that. Even when they are not perfect, most are like my son making a mistake and ordering too much at the cafeteria and learning not to do that again. In thinking about raising my kids, when we have SOOO many rules do the really important items get drowned out in the long list?
We need to figure out what works for ourselves – including what is good and bad. Take input from leaders and also advice from others in many areas. We sometimes need to eat some things that don’t taste pleasant for our own good, but we also need to try other foods every once in a while.
If we went through the food line and got one of everything, we couldn’t eat it all and that probably increases the chances of a food fight!
How have you learned to pick what “foods” of the gospel you need and work best for you?
Wheat & Tares 
Great post. I think we often don’t see the forest for the trees with all of our rules. IMHO, the rules are meant to be tools to help you develop into a celestial person, not a way to rack up enough points to get the high score needed to get in. Add to that many of these rules are customs, misinterpretations of things early leaders said or policy recommendations from Salt Lake. We all have personal agency and personal revelation and can choose which cafeteria items will give us the best eating experience.
Thanks Felix. I have a saying that the church should be a walking stick we use on our spiritual path, but too many people use that stick to hit other people over the head.
Just for a lark, one could try keeping the actual commandments of Jesus Christ for a year, conveniently located in Luke 6:20-49, Matthew chapters 5 through 7 (inclusive), and 3 Nephi chapters 12 through 14 (inclusive). These are the teachings for which Christ and most of his followers were persecuted and killed, and from which the Great Apostasy occurred.
Jesus kept the commandments he gave perfectly; he openly defied the commandments/rules of men.
I like the idea that if you eat everything the cafeteria offers, you will be miserable. But maybe the analogy is off. The gospel is certainly not like a cafeteria.
Too many Mormon wards are like going to a steak house and looking down the menu and wondering, “where’s the beef?” The words on the front of the building say The Church of Jesus Christ…. Walk in and listen carefully and one MIGHT hear something about Jesus Christ. Too often you won’t. And one will hear- follow the prophet ten times as often and the church is true even more often. One will be told to follow the rules, some of which scarcely resemble anything we have in the fragmentary accounts of His teachings. And some of the things taught by those professing to be his apostles turn out to be wrong. And unlike the parables of Jesus which are thought-provoking and fascinating, one will be bored nigh unto death.
I’m all for cafeteria Mormonism. But we need more than funeral casseroles and skim milk on the menu.
Mike, if a person walked into a YMCA and started complaining, “Your title says athletics, but no one ever talks about athletics here, I’ve been coming here for years and have never once heard anyone say the word athletics!” wouldn’t you find that critique rather strange as you looked around and saw people playing basketball, swimming, lifting weights and participating in exercise classes?
I’ve been reading through some of my old mission journals, and periodically, I would make a tally of all the rules I was (usually unknowingly) breaking. Here’s one such list from my 11 month mark:
o #6 – Learn and obey all the rules of the mission.
o #17 Follow the Missionary Gospel Study Program.
o #18 Exercise regularly.
o #23 Use regular missionary clothing whenever I leave my home, except for recreational activities on p-day.
o #24 Not begin p-day activities nor leave my house on p-day until 10AM.
o #31 Bear my testimony to my companion each and every day.
o #32 Be faithful and sensitive to my companion at all times.
o #35 Never telephone or write someone of the opposite sex in my mission; nor shall I ever call someone outside of the mission without permission of the Mission President.
o #50 Pay a fast offering on Fast Sunday.
o #52 Get adequate rest every day.
o #55 Not unwisely spend my money, for these are sacred funds.
o #56 Be meticulous in keeping track of my budget and expenditures.
o #58 Keep at least 100,000 pts on my person or in my house at all times for emergencies.
o #69 Not have more than 20 kilos of luggage.
I particularly like that I noted my failure to follow rule #6.
Angela,
You were such a rebel on your mission. It’s amazing you ever had any success!
, but too many people use that stick to hit other people over the head.
Hapoy Hubby
And of course this doesn’t include you
Maelstrom – I certainly have. I look back on some of the times I was in leadership and I was more worried about keeping people in line than making sure they felt loved. I HOPE I am doing better.
KLC – All analogies have their limit. I would say that the issue isn’t that people are trying to live lives. But it seems to me (and many others) if you exclude the end of prayers and testimonies where the words “in the name of Jesus Christ”, you hear SO much more about “Joseph Smith” and “President Monson” than talk and praise of Christ. It try and strain your YMCA analogy, what if all you heard when you were at the YMCA was “We must all be skinny” over and over and never about exercise, it might make people wonder what is motivating them. On my mission we had investigators that were polite enough to sit through a F&T sacrament meeting, but by the time it was done they wouldn’t even stay for the 2nd and 3rd hours. They said, “you guys worship Joseph Smith and your current prophet, not Christ”. I think many members are blind to it. Once it was pointed out to me a few years ago, I do occasionally keep a tally and Christ almost never wins the tally. It seems we fall short on the, “We preach of Christ.”
Shouldn’t the LDS version of Cafeteria Catholics be Smorgasbord Mormons? It works phonetically, and as “cafeteria” is suggestive of southern European, predominately Catholic nations, “smorgasbord” is Scandinavian like many 19th Century LDS converts and the current leader President Monson.
KLC:
Talk to my wife of 32 years today. This is the primary reason she left the LDS faith after having a born-again experience and then trying everything we could think of to make living a Christ centered life work in the LDS faith, for 15 years.
Image this: For the last 10+ years I take my wife to the LDS sacrament meeting and then she takes me to a Protestant service. I get to make this comparison, to eat at both tables every lousy week. Then we go home and fight about religion the rest of the Sabbath day if we are not careful. I get to taste and defend the Mormon stale oatmeal with skim milk and then criticize and feast on steak and fried chicken every week. Protestant services kick our asses when it comes to the unmistakable centrality and devotion and worship of Jesus Christ; manifest by the music, the sermons, the community service opportunities and the youth programs. Your mileage may vary but his has been my experience.
I don’t want to hear any more excuses from anyone telling me some superficial even semantic reason, who has not attended at least 500 services of each simultaneously and spent half their life thinking about it. And no cherry picking wards, we have lived in 4 different states in the US, each more than 500 miles from each other.
I could probably give y’all a list of 20-30 people within my circle of acquaintances over the last 3 decades who have left the LDS faith for similar reasons. My wife digitally corresponds with people every day who are walking this path, many who live in Utah; this is not an aberration. The top church leaders are aware of it but can’t seem to do very much about it, even though I think they are trying.
I would have left with her a long time ago. I want to shout in testimony meeting, hey people our church sucks! But I’m stuck in the middle because I can’t get my mind around the idea of the trinity, the inerrant Bible, infant nonbeliever sprinkling baptisms, the lack of a pre-existence, just to mention the tip of the iceberg. I do feel at home with Mormonism as my tribe and there is the sunk cost logical fallacy and I want to see us more successful as a religion (hope), but I can’t figure out how to do anything about it except make wise cracks on websites.
I’m just asking we put a little more “meat” on the Mormon cafeteria table, the meat of the gospel of Jesus Christ and stop calling baloney steak. I think Happy Hubby gets it.
***
As for Angela feeling guilty about her mission lapses, well, I have been kicked off websites for telling mission stories, we were such little bad asses back in the ’70’s on international missions. Some of us anyway. Dating, swindling, vandalism, lying, hypocrisy, about covers it. Almost.
Mike – Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you can find some peace.
And I am not sure Angela mentioned she had guilt about her not always following the mission rules.
Mike: “stop calling baloney steak” Yes! This!
As for Happy Hubby’s observation that I didn’t admit feeling guilty about not following the rules, I did feel intermittently guilty about it, but it was hard to maintain. I’d feel guilty for like a day and then get some sleep and be like “That’s dumb.” I was, however, very committed to what I was doing; I just wasn’t into making an idol of the rules. As Mike mentions, serving in earlier eras meant that there were a lot more . . . aberrations (I served in 89-90): missionaries who were drinking, swimming, doing drugs, having girlfriends, renting cars, etc. My transgressions were minor by comparison: all night card party with the elders, regular phone calls and letters to other missionaries, drinking Coke, chewing gum, flagrant flirtations, staying out late, swearing, and accidentally getting stoned out of my gourd at a member’s house once (following my zone leader’s instructions, no less). But I can’t say I regret any of those things. I gotta be me.
When Pres. Uchtdorf says to simply the gospel, I think that’s the key. If your heart’s in the right place, and you love others (and really listen to them and care about them), then obedience is to that higher law and you can remain blissfully unaware of the ticky-tack crap that ties people in knots.
Mike: “stop calling baloney steak” is great!
I haven’t been to nearly as many Protestant services as Mike has, but as an LDS organist who served regularly in Episcopal and Methodist services for 4 years and for many more years as a substitute organist in a wide variety of Protestant churches, I can only say that his observations are correct about their differences from LDS services in their Christ centeredness (or lack thereof). However, I have been both appalled and pleased at Protestant sermons, many of which could be transplanted to LDS services with no one batting an eye except to note that they were much better than our usual fare. Others have included some that were either open-minded or appalling. Open-minded: the Presbyterian minister who on Trinity Sunday included the statement that he couldn’t make any sense out of the Nicene Creed’s trinitarianism and so, if there were others like him present, they could participate in the joint recitation of that creed thinking of it as traditionally important poetry. [Side note: that’s rather how we treat some of our scriptures, some of which don’t deserve being thought of any other way.] Appalling: another Presbyterian minister who, on what I call “Adultery Sunday” (he was doing a series of sermons on the 10 commandments) told us that we needn’t pay any attention to that one since it came out of a culture that treated women as property and the penalty was only applied against women.
Rules: At a mission conference, Ezra Taft Benson, then apostle in charge of the European missions, interviewed all of us, inviting questions. I asked him about the GA who in the Salt Lake mission home told us the rules were commandments of God and that we could not have the Spirit with us if we broke any of them. When ETB calmed down about that GA falsehood, he told me that the rules were merely a compilation of good advice coming from over 100 years of missionary work, but that if they got in the way of teaching the gospel (as they sometimes do), they were to be ignored. This doesn’t amount to authorization of all our rule breaking, but it does give them a status very different from what some would have young missionaries believe — often to their detriment and that of the work. Being an old curmudgeon, I have been approach about a senior mission. I rather like a line from R.A. Christmas’ short story in the recent Dialogue: “… senior missions are how masochistic Mormons do vacation.”
I’ve had a much different experience than Mike. Within my stake, I do feel that Christ is the focus of our sacrament and testimony meetings. I feel like there’s been a 20-year emphasis of making sure that everything we talk about eventually comes back to Him. In the wards I’ve visited on travel, my experience has been mixed, but the focus in General Conference seems pretty good to me as well.
On the other hand, I’m not convinced one can truly appreciate Christ unless one is genuinely trying to keep His commandments fully, including such basic things as being honest, keeping the Sabbath holy, paying tithing, as well as the more difficult commandments of forgiving, loving our neighbor, turning the other cheek, not coveting or lusting, etc..
Martin, I think part of the problem for outsiders is that they hear lessons that are what I’d call LDS-centric, but insiders conflate those lessons with talking about Jesus. For example, suppose there was a lesson on temple work and attendance. The teacher may briefly discuss how Jesus wants us to do temple work for our dead and that we can commune with God at the temple. Then they’ll ask what we can do to make temple attendance more regular; what we can do to obtain a recommend if we don’t have one; how to do family history work; the importance of genealogy. To an LDS person, those discussion topics are Christ-centered because they’ve conflated Church work (tithing, temple work, meetings, WoW, etc.) with talking about Christ. The outsider wants to talk about Jesus’ parables – and I mean in-depth discussion, not proof-texting a couple of verses once per year, or talk in detail about Jesus’ life, etc. As a result, the two groups can talk past each other to some degree.
I appreciated that memory of ETB that JR shared. I think he was far different, especially alter in life, than many thought.
Thanks for this post.
The idea of simplifying the gospel is an interesting one. I read into that that Uchtdorf is speaking to those who are approaching or in burnout.
Focussing more on what we are rather than what we do was central to the message of Christ – and one that I feel is mostly lost in current LDS culture and practice.
Mormon Heretic’s recent post on the idiocy of some modesty practices were a good example of the return to pharasical behaviouralism.
The temple recommend interview does provide a mandatory menu, though. We are not totally able to pick and choose at will.
Beyond that, we each have the responsibility for receiving personal revelation as to how we should go about our discipleship. So yes, we do pick and choose to that extent. And simplicity can make us more effective.
I believe that the mosaic is a healthier model for a church than the melting pot. With the mosaic, each of us bring our talents to build a greater whole and are not expected to relinquish our own bright colors. With the melting pot, we give up our own colors to become part of a yucky grey blob–but I do not feel that is required of our church. I think the church is stronger with the mosaic, and that is what I hear from the leaders. And moving that back to the food metaphor…yuck.
I don’t personally feel the burden of the long lists of check boxes that some experience. I get accused of being anti-social. That’s not the case so much as I live far from Utah and don’t expect the church to function as a social club, and I don’t have LDS family to pressure or please. Also, I see people of all kinds being welcomed at church.
I understand that it is different in other places. Last weekend we were in Idaho for the eclipse. My husband swapped out a white shirt for church, when he had originally packed the usual blue shirt. I pulled on a skirt before going into the Logan temple, whereas I would have just left on pants if I had been in our home temple. When in Rome….But at church we saw guys wearing blue shirts and sandals and whatever. They may have also been eclipse visitors or it may be that Idaho Mormons are more chill than the stereotype.
In our ward, every fast and testimony meeting the bishopric reads a first presidency message about centering testimonies on Jesus Christ–is that just our tradition, or churchwide? So there is an effort there. The sacrament including hymns is very Christ-centered. And the general conference word clouds that I have seen all have Jesus and Christ pretty prominently.
One reason we talk about these other things is that new converts, who may be coming from another Christian faith tradition, may not have heard of them, and it is important that we teach them of the Restoration. As a convert myself, I hated it in Utah when people would say, “We all know this from Seminary…” or sing Primary songs not in the hymnbook. I’m sure it wasn’t designed to ostracize some of us…but I felt like an outsider the entire time I was at BYU.
God bless the stake Martin describes. Something like this happened once in my ward testimony meeting. Once.
I have hoped for years that centering the gospel on Jesus Christ could be done incrementally by a few devoted to it. Alternatively I have also wondered if more drastic action was going to be required, far beyond my capacity or skill set.* Having not seen much progress with the first I began to consider the second.
I could be extremely wrong about this next chain of thought, it is pretty radical. But I have considered the question how did we come to this point? Was it simply a matter of neglect or accumulative emphasis of other aspects of the religion? As I turn to the Scriptures for answers it is hard to get around the Old Testament obsession with idolatry. It is second on the list of the 10 commandments and a constant problem. Could it be possible that the modern LDS church might be prone to a peculiar form of idolatry?
Then it hit me. The reason we don’t have Christ at the center is because we have put something else at the center of our worship. A modern idol. I have trouble naming this idol, it is nebulous and without clear boundaries. I first wanted to call it “a prophet -worshipping subcult” or maybe worship of the institute of the church and its handbooks (I know the Church is true replaces I have faith in Jesus Christ as my Savior) or some modern variation of Pharisaicalism. The first seems too harsh and narrow, we are all as a people responsible. The second too bureaucratic, the third too broad. I don’t know what to call it.
To the degree this is true we must knock down the false idols or we will never be able to replace it with the real gospel. How convenient ( for the devil) that the first sign of apostasy is criticism of leaders and the institution of the church. The prophet is supposed to lead us to Christ, but if the prophet becomes the object of worship then we are far off mark and in grave danger. I have heard of a sarcastic appellation: the church of the church-picnic.(Ignore the sermon, the ritual, service, all the rest, don’t believe anything and just get together every week for a nice picnic). Have we become The Church of The Church (ah, ah, ah, of ….jesus, joseph, gordon, tommy, whoever of whatever according to the current Q15)?
Martin indicates that the idols can be quietly and slowly put away. I hope he is right.
* An example of my skill set: I had a like-minded friend in the Bishopric, a former Black Panther and Baptist minister. We coked up this plan -for the next time he conducted testimony meeting. He would at the beginning of the testimonies clearly declare the purpose of the meeting and he would request that we all center our testimonies exclusively on our experiences with Jesus Christ. He would give a short but moving example, he was good at this. Quite good.
My part was to pop up right after him and ramble on in the usual aimless fashion about any of the typical topics except what he requested. I am quite good a rambling. After a few minutes he would gently warn me, without effect. He would warn me a second time loudly, again without effect. The third time he would physically grab me and throw me off the stand and kick me in the arse and chase me out of the building shouting, “get the hell out of here you fiend of the infernal pit.” Then he would calmly go back to the pulpit and state: the same thing is going to happen to the next person who does not testify of our Lord Jesus Christ in this meeting.
We never executed our plan, believing it would not have the desired effect.
Mike – THAT would be a F&TM I would love to attend (and wouldn’t have a hard time staying awake)! I can’t disagree with the first part of your comments.