By Rosalie Stone.
Rosalie Stone is an ordinance worker in the Seattle temple for the summer and has held church callings in ten different countries. I am grateful to be able to share this guest post as a part of my efforts to interject devotional and inspirational material from time to time as I have with other guest posts. She has had many experiences with leaders who were exercising their agency, and with situations where it is appropriate for us to let those who issue callings to us know that the calling is, or has become, inappropriate. Her goal is this post is to help people reframe the bad experiences that come with callings, or not having callings, and to make them feel strengthened in accepting or rejecting them and taking the effort to educate others and ourselves to feel the peace and grace of the atonement in the decisions we make.
There has been enough evidence in my own life, and in the lives of others around me, to lead me to firmly believe that I need never be too concerned about the exact degree of inspiration involved in a particular call to serve in the Church. I know that the Lord is indeed in charge. But from the time of Adam, God has consistently allowed his children (including our leaders) to exercise their agency and have numerous and varied “learning experiences.”
I also believe that God can help us to grow and progress in important ways even in the midst of situations that may cause us some frustration or unhappiness. I have only half-jokingly declared that the main reason that I was called as a stake director of Public Affairs was probably so I would be relieved rather than overwhelmed when I was subsequently called as a ward Relief Society president!
It is always wise for us to share with priesthood leaders any real concerns about our present circumstances which may indicate that a particular calling may be (or may have become) inappropriate. Sometimes, after prayerful consideration, the leader sees fit to withdraw the calling, or extend a release. Sometimes we may be counseled to accept the call in faith, or to “soldier on” through our difficult situation. Sometimes, I have seen how the inspiration to interview someone for a call ends up accomplishing a different, but necessary, purpose.
The Lord may wish to reassure someone that they are worthy to be called to a position, even though they are unable to accept the call because of health, family, or other reasons. Sometimes the interview calls forth a needed confession that may help someone along the path to repentance and peace. Sometimes we may hold a calling only for a very brief, but necessary and sufficient, period of time.
Although I think often it doesn’t really matter where we serve, or who serves in a particular calling, sometimes it truly does matter. In those cases, the person suggesting the name and/or extending the call often has an impression that may not always appear “logical,” but that in hindsight usually proves to have been providential.
Some of the ward callings I have held to serve on a committee or teach a class could easily have been regarded as callings from man by expediency, with God’s approval. In all those cases, I was very grateful to have received a sweet personal confirmation that the calling was exactly right for me at that particular time.
If we remember and rely on the enabling and healing power of Christ’s Atonement as we serve, and if we strive with willing hearts to support each other in our callings (even in the midst of any struggles we may face because of our own or others’ shortcomings, thoughtlessness, or errors in judgment), surely we can trust that, “all things shall work together for [our] good. (D&C 105:40).
Consider the guidelines given by the First Presidency where we are encouraged to “serve as individuals, in families, and in organizations and to offer friendship, mentoring, and other Christlike service.”
We are to:
“participate in this effort when time and circumstances allow, making sure that no one is expected to ‘run faster than [she] has strength’ and that all ‘things are done in wisdom and order’’
Discussion questions:
- How often do you think about your leaders needing to learn as much as you do?
- How would you educate a leader that a calling was no longer appropriate for you or something you could handle?
- Have you visited “I was a Stranger“?
- How do you avoid “running faster than you have strength” while still participating to the extent that the Gospel of love, the Gospel of Christ call you to care?
- How do you grow in spite of frustration or unhappiness?
- How do you find peace in the Atonement and in the love of Christ?
Wheat & Tares 
Thank you for letting us share this.
Coincidentally:
http://www.ldsdaily.com/personal-lds-blog/god-doesnt-make-our-decisions-he-sanctifies-them/
Reading this gave me flashbacks of my husband being asked if I could be extended a calling. His permission was asked before they ever talked to me.
Then I hear a GA talking in GC about being asked to be a GA. He was asked and accepted without any input from his life partner, his wife.
It seems like a decision that a couple would decide together.
It annoys me that the LDS church thinks that my husband needs to give permission for my to be called as a nursery leader, a RS committee board member, or SS teacher. But as a wife, I have no input on his callings on any level — no matter what the implications are to my life, I have no voice.
That is what this essay made me think of. Flashbacks of resentment and no voice.
That is something that really should go into the mix.
Though more and more I see them asking spouses together.
This came to mind with the above post:
https://www.lds.org/blog/the-gift-of-being-broken?lang=eng
I’ve been lucky, I think, that often my husband and I are called in together when either of us receive a calling. When extending the call in that setting, usually the other spouse is asked if they can support their spouse in that call. That’s occurred for both me or my husband receiving the call. I’ve also received plenty of calls alone with the bishopric member without my husband giving any input.
That being said, when I have needed to be released from a call for personal reasons (only happened twice in my life), both my husband and I realize that he has to go to bat for me with the bishop. One time it worked, the other time it didn’t. When it became clear in our new ward they respect my husband’s opinion over mine, he interjected in the first meeting that there would be some callings he would never support my involvement with.
And this is where I struggle a bit with the inspiring OP. I’ve held probably 20 different types of callings in the last couple decades. Getting switched around often allows me to dive in and serve with gusto, and then move on when I start to lose steam. That diving in process often gave me spiritual boosts, helping me with needed distractions when dealing with personal struggles. I’ve had many wonderful opportunities to accept calls or special assignments and serve in many organizations. Over the years I finally learned the hard way there were a few callings I never should have accepted, but I trusted in that mantle of authority rather than trusting my own gut reactions. I fully agree in all cases, the leaders had only the best intentions. But ultimately all leaders have to weigh the needs of a ward over the needs of a particular individual or family.
So while those experiences have taught me the importance of relying on Christ and the Atonement to get me through personal trials (including difficult callings), there is inevitably a loss of trust in the authority of leaders. I recognize the good intentions, I recognize their right to revelation for their stewardship, but I also recognize that once I agree to a calling I am at their mercy. It is difficult to regain trust. Sometimes the leader never grasps the negative impact. Even when I had a someone come back years later with a “you were right, I should’ve listened,” there was no feeling of growth or progress, only sadness.
Being in a few bishoprics I do realize there are some (most) calls extended are not so much inspiration as desperation to have someone fill a calling that will do the job and not do damage.
I think the *most* is sometimes *almost all.*
I don’t have any solutions for the problem of finding people willing to serve.
We often don’t recognize that limit.
In my personal opinion, the whole “calling” thing is silly in this context. These aren’t “callings”. They are work assignments. In other churches, a young man or woman may feel a “calling” from God to become a priest or pastor. It’s direct from God. Priests, pastors, office and maintenance personnel, music director, etc. are typically paid from church funds and are professionals, not randomly selected amateurs. Other duties like ushering, teaching, nursery, choir, and running church events are handled by people who volunteer without being asked. In general, people volunteer for what they like to do and have the talent to do. This is how the majority of churches operate, and it seems eminently more sensible than having a bunch of men using so-called “discernment” that they don’t have to hand out “callings” to people who don’t want them or are unqualified to do them. It’s a bunch of baloney, IMHO.
Any responses to the questions?
1. How often do you think about your leaders needing to learn as much as you do?
2. How would you educate a leader that a calling was no longer appropriate for you or something you could handle?
3. Have you visited “I was a Stranger“?
4. How do you avoid “running faster than you have strength” while still participating to the extent that the Gospel of love, the Gospel of Christ call you to care?
5. How do you grow in spite of frustration or unhappiness?
6. How do you find peace in the Atonement and in the love of Christ?
I noticed yesterday that your questions were not being answered (explicitly). So since you asked (again), here are my answers
1. How often do you think about your leaders needing to learn as much as you do?
I don’t know that I think about it that way, but I have a huge problem with how leaders feel they have all the answers and I feel like they are mainly guessing and feel it is always God talking to them.
2. How would you educate a leader that a calling was no longer appropriate for you or something you could handle?
All attempts I have seen by and large are shut down with the “he is called of God, so either get in line or you are sinning.”
3. Have you visited “I was a Stranger“?
Yes.
4. How do you avoid “running faster than you have strength” while still participating to the extent that the Gospel of love, the Gospel of Christ call you to care?
I have been wrestling with this. I want to go do some volunteering in the community, but if I were to take it on and still keep my 3 callings in the church, I would run myself into the ground. I am about to ask to be released from all but 1 calling so I can go do some service outside the walls and the ward roster.
5. How do you grow in spite of frustration or unhappiness?
When I give service to others, especially when it is anonymous. Especially to those that really need it.
6. How do you find peace in the Atonement and in the love of Christ?
After my faith crisis and that point where basically everything I thought I knew seemed to fail me, I was trying to figure out if I was atheist. I eventually decided to believe in Christ and hope that his love for me and me attempting to emulate his love for others was the only thing I could hang even what I would call a hope or belief in.
I’m sorry to see that so many commenters have had so many negative experiences. All I can say is that I’m grateful that mine have been so positive–in the long run, if not always purely delightful at the moment.
Over the last 50 years of my life I have seen countless examples of church leaders at the various levels sincerely trying to do their best in callings that are demanding physically, intellectually, and emotionally, as well as spiritually.
Staffing a ward or stake that is in constant flux is like trying to build a jigsaw puzzle while someone on the other side of the table is continually removing random pieces and putting them back into the box, or dropping them on the floor. How grateful our leaders are for the members who are willing to offer missing pieces, and express appreciation for the beauty of the work in progress.
I have seen that the more understanding and supportive the members of a unit are, and the more they are willing to help bear the burdens of those in leadership positions, the more the ward or stake members become unified in love and appreciation for one another. We get closer to a Zion society when we recognize that since none of us are even close to perfect, we will all be happier if we try to foster mutual respect, and have forgiving hearts.
I tend to agree with #8…almost all callings are just ideas, which makes sense if we are saying that God doesn’t care what we are called to just how we perform in our callings. Therefore…the calling itself likely is irrelevant.
I do not like hard fast rules…like “never say no to a calling”.
THere are times I have the capacity to do whatever they ask me, scouts, teachings, whatever…I’ll just do what they need.
Then there are times my family is in crisis…or my spirit is…and I don’t have capacity to give. I should not be looked down on if I simply am prioritizing to reject a calling and try to focus on my life and family. So….all things in wisdom and order.
I have always wondered why leaders don’t more openly ask what people want to do. Why not let them serve where they will have passion to do it and enjoy it?
1. After having served in bishoprics and stake callings…I ALWAYS think leaders are learning as much as we are. They need to be told when we can’t do things, especially if we can do it in love, they can benefit by realizing the service and callings are demanding.
2. I have educated a bishop that in my circumstance, I was unable to continue to do my calling and gave reasons. I was either going to just not do the calling, or he could release me, but that was where i was at. He was compassionate and respectful. He released me the next week. It was not hard to do that, he wanted what was best for me.
3. Have I visited “I was a Stranger?” No…but I will check it out.
4. How to avoid running faster than I have strength? Not worry or care if others think I’m too slow or not lengthening my stride. I just check my heart with God, and keep church in perspective. The church is for me and my family, not me for the church.
5. How to grow in spite of frustrations or unhappiness? By not trying to be all things to all people. I allow myself to take breaks. I accept there will be hills and valleys. The church isn’t going anywhere. When I take a break, I can come back and teach or home teach or do whatever when I can. It is still there when I’m capable of it. I don’t need pressure from church. It is a church of love not fear.
6. How do I find peace in the Atonement and in the love of Christ? By remembering that no matter what calling I have or how hard I try, it doesn’t change Christ’s love for me. It is always there.
Nicely said.
To answer the questions:
1. I’m sure they do. It helps a great deal when those same leaders are willing to listen and learn, and is absolutely horrible when they aren’t. I’ve experienced both.
2. I’d tell them. Like Mary Ann I’ve had my husband insist on my release a couple of times.
3. Yes. It’s been updated since I last looked… and I really don’t like hymn 309, all that about the “errand of angels” and women specifically, so that’s a toe-curling addition…, and that push to share on social media is ugh… It’s a lot more off-putting in it’s current presentation…
4. By determining and being conscious of my boundaries, something I’m getting better at with age.
5&6. Complicated.
I am not a blogger, this is my first time. I can only add that I have had callings that have been a challenge, and callings that have been a great vehicle for growth of my spirit, my talents, and given me great joy. Those that were a challenge and a burden I found later to be dragged down by my attitude. When my attitude became one of humble dedication to the service of others not expecting to be perfect, I found the joy. Yes, I have sometimes failed, and sometimes asked to be released when personal responsibilities and challenges made it impossible for me to carry on, but so many of my callings have given me the strength to carry on with the disappointments, challenges, and sadness we must all experience for our growth in this mortal life. From some of those callings I gained the experience to blossom as a person, with new talents, and avenues to a fulfilling career and joyful life. I still trust that the Lord helps and inspires those who are called to lead us, knowing that they too may struggle with their own attitudes, inadequacies, nearsightedness, as well as faith and prayer to learn the solutions to the problems of serving in their callings.