A congregation in another faith used a creative fundraising idea.  Parishioners could bid to block their least favorite hymn from being sung during the coming year.  This is an idea whose time has come.  Here are my top 10 picks for hymns I would block:

  1. I Believe in Christ.  This is 8 verses masquerading as 4.  It. Never. Ends.  In my mind I keep changing the words to “This song is too long.  It goes on and on.”
  2. As Sisters in Zion.  It’s not that popular in my current ward, thank goodness, but it is just so cloying and sweet it makes me want to gag.
  3. Follow the Prophet. It’s not a hymn, but I’d block it in a heartbeat, particularly the crotchety second verse that sounds like Bill O’Reilly wrote it while warning the neighbor kids to stay off his porch.  Plus it ends on a creepy minor chord that sounds vaguely Halloweenish.
  4. Families Can Be Together Forever.  I’m opposed to any of the so-called hymns that got upgraded from the Primary songbook.  Let’s keep the kid songs in the kid book and the grown-up hymns with a rich Protestant tradition in the hymn book.
  5. Love at Home.  It’s also very cloying.  However, it’s the only hymn that inadvertently contains my maiden name.
  6. In Our Lovely Deseret.  It sounds like something written by women in the temperance movement for Nazi youth to sing (perhaps because it was originally a Primary song).  Plus the wording is very staccato and doesn’t exactly flow.
  7. Praise to the Man.  The words are idolatrous and weird, although I love the Scotland the Brave music.
  8. Who’s On the Lord’s Side.  All the “hoo-ing” makes me feel like an owl.  Plus it sounds like the background music to a sea-faring melodrama.
  9. There is Sunshine in My Soul Today.  Something just irritates me about the phrasing “for Jesus is my light.”  I guess again it sounds like a Primary song to me.
  10. Scatter Sunshine.  OK, so I hate to word “sunshine.”  Sue me.  The melody on this one is also pretty terrible.

What hymn would you pay to skip hearing for a year?