The last Monday in May is known as Memorial Day in the United States. Originally called Decoration Day, it was started in 1868 as a way to remember the Civil War dead among Union soldiers. (The Confederates had their own day as well.) By the 20th century, Union and Confederate holidays were merged into Memorial Day to remember all the war dead.
But it seems to me that most Americans who do visit cemeteries remember all dead, military or not. My brother died on the last day of May (May 31, 2006.) Memorial Day is always so close to the date of his death that it feels like the anniversary of his death. He was killed instantly when his vehicle over-turned on the freeway, crushing his head.
On the first Memorial Day after his death, I wanted to decorate his grave, but it just didn’t seem right to put flowers on his grave. He’s a guy, and guys don’t desire flowers. My sister had died in Oct 1998, and it seemed perfectly fine to put flowers on her grave, but not my brother’s grave.
We’re both huge sports fans. Growing up in New England, we loved the Boston Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, and New England Patriots. I found a Red Sox hat at Walmart for $5, and a new tradition was born. Rather than flowers, I put a Red Sox hat on his grave. That first year, I also printed out some of the major sports stories about Boston, as well as Utah Jazz teams. My brother was a sportscaster, and when I learned former Celtic Dennis Johnson died a few months after my brother, I’m sure he went to interview Dennis. I’m sure he has interviewed Ted Williams too.
I talked with my sister’s widower and told him that I put a Red Sox hat on my brother’s grave; he told me I should do that for my sister’s grave too. He said she gets enough flowers. She wasn’t quite the sports fan that my brother was, but I’ve decided this is my grave decorating tradition.
Prior to my sister’s death, I had no Memorial Day traditions. I was surprised that my wife’s family has always visited graves of grandparents and uncles who have passed on, and she often runs into family members at the cemetery, and they have an impromptu family reunion. I live in Utah County now. My sister is buried in Davis County (an hour’s drive), and my brother is another 20 minutes north in Weber County. When I lived in Davis County, it was much easier to visit my sister’s grave, and I would often jog through the cemetery to visit. Now it takes much more effort. Maybe that’s why my family never did anything for Memorial Day. My dad is from New Jersey, mom is from Idaho, so going to cemeteries was just too hard.
Do you have any Memorial Day traditions?
Wheat & Tares 
As a kid we put flags on veterans graves.
On family members graves we put out things the person liked while alive. All year long. I am the only one who continues to do these things. I made my kids sign their name in blood ( not literally, but I threatened to haunt them) that they will continue what I do after I am gone, and they are to do the same to their kids.
I don’t think my family have ever gone in for visiting graves, though my husbands family try to visit family graves annually, sometime in the spring.
We have both Remembrance Sunday, and Remembrance day in November as a time to honour war dead.
My condolences, Heretic, for the untimely losses of both brother and sister. Yes, I would agree wholeheartedly that placing a item of Red Sox memorabilia is perfectly appropriate. Throw on a snapshot of L. Tom Perry, who supposedly is also a BoSox fan (comes from his time in the Boston area, where he presided over the Boston Stake when it was form some 50-odd years ago). Whatever your brother would appreciate…perhaps a wee donation in his name to the “Jimmy Fund”?
I’m still blessed that I could honor mine own Dad, who served 20 years in the Air Force, and managed to drop bombs from B-52s and live to tell. Were I to use baseball memorabilia, it’d be the Washington SENATORS (not the Nationals that now make it, “First in War, First in Peace, and Last in the NATIONAL League, though if you’ve checked the standings of late…). If I could get my greedy paws on one of those seats at RFK Stadium, painted white where “Hondo” (Frank Howard) peppered the upper deck with home runs back in the day, that’d be the proverbial cat’s meow…
now that I’m an empty nester I’m trying to start some new traditions.the past few years I’ve found a memorial day service at a local Cemetery. someday I’d like to decorate graves, if I end up moving closer to any family plots.
I was the youngest kid, so I often got dragged along the annual visits to nearby (and sometimes not-so-nearby) family graves. We always had a trunk full of mums to deliver. Even as an adult I still feel like I’m missing something if I don’t visit a cemetery during the Memorial Day weekend. (Interestingly, every city I’ve lived in has had a cemetery that holds at least one of my ancestors.) I’m a family history junkie now, so I’m sure that also factors in.
Which Senators, Douglas? The ones that became the Minnesota Twins, or the ones that became the Texas Rangers?
For a number of years, I would dress up in a Civil War uniform (a blue one) and march in a parade or attend a ceremony on Memorial Day. Now I usually spend it with family.
Kristine, our mutual birthday, being the date on which General Joseph Johnston’s army surrendered to Sherman in 1865, is or was Confederate Memorial Day in several Southern states.
I lived in Virginia all those years and didn’t know my (our) birthday was confederate Memorial Day? I must not have lived in the Deep South 🙂
If I am living anywhere near Idaho we do the Madison county loop of Plano-Parker-Rexburg-Sugar Cemeteries to see my sister, grandparents, great great parents, step grandpa, and uncle. My uncle gets golf balls around his headstone; my sister used to get little animals themed flower vases, but now that it’s been 29 years my mom moved on to baby roses. Everyone else gets mums and/ or flags.
My two favorite bits this year was (1) learning my GG Gpa served in the war in Germany as school and his only injury was sitting on a paring knife and (2) grilling my parents, in their 60s, about their funeral/cemetery plans so I can know their wishes.
Surprisingly choosing which cemetery is a difficult decision – even my grandparents in their 80s can’t agree on that one.
#6 – The ones that the late Robert Short (may he rot) utterly ruined during their brief tenure in DC and became the Rangers (which, like supposedly the manner in which Edward “Longshanks” would ensure his line would continue through his son, might have been what he had in mind all along…). I thought by mentioning Frank Howard it would have been clear, my Dad took my older Sis and I regularly to Senators games in the late 60’s and Howard and his ability to reach the upper deck at RFK with impunity was about the reason to go. I ended up an Orioles fan, and my affinity for the black and orange (Giants) has stuck.
And yes, I remember from my days in Maryland (which, in spite of practically being taken captive in order to keep it in the Union did contribute SOME troops to the Confederacy) and Florida that the old-timers would call it “Remembrance” Day, being offended to varying degree at that “Yankee” name for it.