A friend wrote this on Facebook a few days ago…..
It has been several years since I’ve attended a funeral in an LDS chapel. Today was the funeral of jr high/high school friend and classmate. I was disheartened to see both teens and adults texting and browsing social media sites on their phones during this funeral. A row of teens took a selfie. A selfie! At my friend’s funeral!I was shocked. Granted, I was in the ‘overflow’ section (way in the back) so very few people saw them, but still, where’s the respect?! I wondered, ‘Is this what we do now? Faces buried in phones is now considered acceptable at a funeral?’
While thinking about this, the voice of my bestie came to my mind from a different dimension. She said, in my paraphrasing, ‘At least they’re there. They are there paying their respects. It doesn’t have to look like you think it should. You can’t expect teenagers to know how they’re supposed to act at a funeral. They’re just being who they know how to be: teenagers. And the adults, maybe they just can’t deal with their grief so they’re reaching out to a friend or loved one who couldn’t be there. (I did notice the woman who texting the most was wiping tears). You don’t know their circumstances. What’s important is – they showed up. That’s all that matters.’ I like that viewpoint better. Rest in peace, my friend.
Thoughts?
Wheat & Tares 
I’m shocked, as well, but I’d bet that at several moments during the service I’d have caught myself reaching for my phone. I think our societal mores on this will be changing quickly, much as they have about things like neckties and nylons.
I’m not entirely sure what is considered appropriate. I do know people do the same thing at weddings, which is also suppose to be a “phones down” event.
I watched an episode of Candid Camera this week. Candid Camera went to a parking garage. It was the type of parking garage where an employee parks the car and retrieves the car for the customer, while the customer stays at entrance of garage.
So a customer comes in for their car, an employee (fake of course) goes to get the car, and while the customer waits, the customer hears engine reving, tires squealing, and then a car crashing (sounds recorded by Candid Camera). Every customer waiting for their car was texting or doing something with their cell phone. Some customers did not even look up from their phone when they heard all the noise or when they heard the car crashing. Some paused for a few seconds to look in the direction of the crash, but then went right back to the phone.
When the fake employee came to talk to the customer to ask what make their car was and if they had insurance some people were still reluctant to put the phone up to talk with the fake employee about the customers car being wrecked.
So, yes, society has a problem with technology addiction, especially phones that can do just about anything. Personally I believe it is part of a larger picture, that of a moral breakdown of society. What is so important that a person can not give their undivided attention to a funeral, wedding, someone being attacked, whatever.
A few months ago a woman was brutally attacked while walking in a park with her toddler. What did witnesses do? Filmed the attack with phones. No one came to aid that woman. The photos helped find the attacker, no doubt. But no one would stop filming to help. That is disturbing.
It is rude to text or whatever during something that we should give our attention to. Or when we should help another human being or helpless creature. It is a problem.
Sorry, one more thing. If you have not heard. Joan Rivers doctor took a selfie while Rivers was under anesthesia.
It is out of hand. Common sense no longer exists. Societal mores are gone and lines are being crossed that can be dangerous. All for selfies.
OH NOOOO OUR CULTURE IS CRUMBLING!!!! or maybe not.
People have taken pictures of and with the deceased for nearly as long as photography has existed. Its recent resurgence because of the ubiquity of smartphone cameras does not signal the end of western civilization.
– Phones up at at funeral? Tacky.
– Group photos at a funeral? Mixed feelings. Many families and friends only meet only for weddings and funerals. Who feels like smiling for a pic?
-Photos with the deceased? Extremely inappropriate and unethical- including the re-use of the photo for this blog post.
– Sorry, I’m with Emily Post in expecting children and teens as well as adults to have manners and attempt to show respect to the family and to the deceased by honoring the occasion in dress and behavior. Mollycoddling kids by saying “at least they are there” makes me livid. I’d rather people didn’t show up if it is such an imposition on their lifestyle to dress appropriately and pay attention for a short hour-long funeral service or a twenty minute viewing.
At my wedding in Utah I was horrified that not just a few, but the MAJORITY of guests walked through the reception line in jeans, shorts, flip-flops or tennis shoes, and sports clothes. The excuses people gave were more insulting than their outfits. One guest said, “so sorry I didn’t dress up, but at least I’m here! I just couldn’t get home to change after visiting the gym.” Gee thanks . . . I’m touched at how “much” you cared and went out of your way to celebrate one of THE most important days of my eternity. At least at a wedding there is happiness to overshadow these stupid things, but can you imagine saying that (in words or in actions) to a grieving family or friend this way!
Apart from the funeral aspect (which is just appalling!), what’s missing in people’s lives that they need pictures of themselves doing banal things to be validated? They shouldn’t be called “selfies”. They should be called “narcissistic displays”.
Excellent point, Daniel Smith
Yes, photos of the deceased have as oddities, dotted history. Prior to that art depicted the dead. The question is a golden one… What would your wishes be if you were deceased? Then the platinum question is -are you respecting their wishes? How do you know? It would be a HIPAA violation were you their practitioner and didn’t have explicit or written consent.
Relax, EG. A breakdown in societal morals? At least you’re not being melodramatic. Social scientists have been studying the inaction of observers of violent crime since the kitty genovese murder in the 60s. So now they’re filming instead of just watching. I’m not sure how that equates to a breakdown in societal morals. In my experience some people will see any change as evidence of the erosion of morality on a mass scale. Everybody just take a breath.
J.A.T. you’ll have to point me in the direction of the code of ethics that covers taking photos of the deceased. Otherwise, perhaps you should rephrase your statement to read that you just don’t like it. Calling something unethical implies that it’s objectively so, and unless we’re talking about a professional, this activity doesn’t qualify. If such behavior violates your personal code of ethics, you definitely shouldn’t do it.
As I recall, a couple of world leaders (including our very own POTUS) were seen taking a selfie at Mandela’s funeral. So it must not be THAT extraordinary or classless.
I would rather see an end to somber sad funerals than ban selfies. I I hope when I go the attendees all leave thinking that was a great day. Not just because I am gone but because they were able to hang out with people they had not seen for years. If I drank at all I would want a big Irish wake with free flowing pints. That would be better than long speeches with people sitting in the pews judging how others are acting or dressing.
It’s no different than people using their phones/devices during sacrament meetings. We are supposed to be gathering together at church to commune with Jesus. When this meaning is lost and the spirit of that meaning isn’t present, then electronic media use becomes the fruit of that situation. Who among us would actually sit down to a sacrament with Jesus while browsing through their phone? Who would have went with the group of women to tend Jesus’ burial and have taken a selfie?
The use of such distractions is entirely unwelcome at a place where people should be literally sitting down with and connecting to the Creator of the Universe and the Savior of Humankind — and the fact that people would conclude “Well what do you expect, they’re teenagers …” just shows how far removed the adults are from the spirit that should be filling-up such meetings.
I don’t necessarily think the selfie-taking children are to blame — what else could they do? There’s no spirit these compelling them to humility and contrition. They’re nothing but the end-product of the environment they’ve been placed in by the previous generation.
J.A.T. — I was at a wedding in Utah this summer, everyone was dressed in “Sunday go to meeting” clothes. Even the non-members. Same for the wedding I went to in Nebraska about a month back.
As for funerals, people are as they are. When I’m dead, I won’t really care. On the funerals and services I’ve been at, I think phones would have been harmless, I was distracted enough that I wouldn’t have noticed anyway.
But selfies with a corpse? Really?