So Utah. Yeah, Utah did that. Sure enough. Our homophobic legislature passed it, and our spineless governor ignored it until it became law. (“I didn’t veto it because they would override my veto anyway,” Governor Cox whined. Wuss. Make them override your veto; don’t make it easy for them.)
It is now against the law to display a Pride flag in government buildings and schools in Utah. “The bill’s sponsor, Rep. Trevor Lee, R-Layton, has repeatedly said he constructed the bill specifically to ban pride flags in schools, and a later version of the bill that passed both the House and Senate expanded the prohibition to all government property.” [source] The penalty is $500 per day.
The stated reason for the Pride flag ban is to keep politics out of school. The real reason is that homophobes think children will become gay if they see a rainbow. No, they actually know that’s not going to happen. The risk is that children will believe it’s okay to be gay if they see a Pride flag. Homophobes are fine with people being gay as long as they stay so deeply closeted that no one ever knows.
So I bought a 20-foot flagpole, dug a hole, figured out how to mix cement (a new skill!), and now fly the Pride flag in my front yard, across the street from a school.
Before I put up the flag, I asked my teenage kids if they were alright with it. My one son shrugged and admitted he thought that flying a pride flag would be embarrassing. I told him that he’d just unlocked my level-10 tragic backstory and did he want to hear it?
Yes, he wanted to hear it.
I told him a little bit about the emotional devastation when I started to realize that I wasn’t straight and never would be. I told him about standing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, sliding a butcher knife up and down the inside of my arm, angry at myself for being too cowardly to actually make the cut. My children would be better off without me, because I wasn’t straight. I truly, honest to God, had internalized the disgust and condemnation aimed at queer people to the point that I thought my children would be better off with a dead mother than a queer one.
He asked a couple questions. He wanted to know how old he was. I told him he was two. I remember thinking that if I died when my kids were really young, they wouldn’t even remember me and thus they would be less damaged.
I thought that. I really thought that.
I told him that Utah banned the Pride flag in schools, and that I wanted to fly the Pride flag because I wanted kids to see that not everyone thinks gays are a blight on modern society.
Like most teenage boys, my son isn’t super eloquent. But after our seven minute conversation, he nodded and said something like, “it’s okay to fly the flag.”
I fly the Pride flag because I wonder how I might have handled things:
- If I’d been able to visibly see people disagree with the homophobes.
- If I’d heard stories of people living happy lives even though they didn’t ever want to do the sacred procreative process.
- If I’d seen someone flip off the control freaks who get triggered if someone doesn’t like the same kind of sex that they do.
- If I’d been able to step out of a church or a school and see that I wasn’t the only one who felt the way I do.
Maybe I never would have stood there on that midnight, with a knife pressed to the vein in my arm, and called myself a coward for not being able to do what I genuinely thought was best for my children.
And that’s why I’m flying the Pride flag across the street from a school.
Political Neutrality?
The homophobic legislator who introduced the legislation said he wanted to keep politics out of the classroom. Schools should be politically neutral places.
Funny how “neutral” means “gays stay invisible.” Schools are NOT politically neutral. In Utah, they’re a battleground in the culture war and have been for years. Banning the Pride flag from schools and government buildings isn’t about taking politics out of the classroom. Making queer people invisible is a political goal. It’s a little creepy that “politically neutral” lines up perfectly with the Republican pushback against gay acceptance.
Sexuality is a human issue, a religious issue, and a political issue.
And you know what? Gay kids in schools aren’t pushing any sort of a political agenda that threatens the Utah legislature. Gay kids just want to feel safe. There is so much hatred and disgust directed at queer people lately that it’s a relief to see someone affirming that they don’t hate you for existing.
Here’s this brilliant video about how scary it is to be visibly queer, and how much of a relief it is when you see a rainbow.
I don’t have a series of questions this week. This post is about how the growing climate of homophobia is causing pain to real people. Just take a minute and remember that. And I hope you’re a safe space for the queer people in your orbit. We need you. You’re important.
Wheat & Tares 
thhq/Martin Chuzzlewit, don’t leave comments on my posts. None of them. You are banned from my posts completely. This is due to your behavior in the past.
I don’t have a gay pride flag but I do have a sign that is BLM/Love who you love. I have it on the gate which is under where I fly my American flag. I refuse to let the facists kidnap my US flag.
Godspeed Janey, more power to you. Heartbreaking anecdote about your personal journey discovering yourself.
For years I put an ally sticker on my tablet, including when I was bishop and high counselor. I recall the exact moment it occurred to me that I couldn’t attend church any longer with a clean conscience: I was in a high council meeting and I made a comment in favor of gay marriage. The Stake President looked right at me and said marriage is between a man and a woman and that was the message I was expected to share with the wards I visited.
I haven’t had the courage to fly an ally flag at my home or on my car but I figure my Subaru Outback and Facebook profile flag is something.
I wonder who pays the $500 penalty. Does it come out of the principals pocket or the schools budget or the district? I wonder if there’s an administrator who would be willing to protest and accrue a huge fee only to have the state come in and bail them out. In essence might the state write a check to itself if the fee might hurt the children in that district?
Thank you, Janey, for a wonderful post. The video was AWESOME!
I’m a retired educator. My wife is a theater teacher in a small rural school in Utah. The Utah Bill you talked about and the legislator who proposed it have been a topic of our conversations all year. There are still “safe” classrooms for students in Utah. There are Utah teachers who are either refusing to comply or are not displaying a flag, but will change the border on their bulletin board to let their feelings be known.
You bring up one issue but there are so many more that legislatures all around the nation and our congress/president are pushing to take away the freedom and rights of Americans. They are even being so bold as to have a Military Parade or to knock down and arrest a US Senator in his home state just because he was asking a question they didn’t want to answer. So there are issues with banning books, controlling curriculum (banning CRT), transgender students, immigrants, and we could go on and on. You’re exactly right, virtually every issue is a social and political issue that intersects at our schools and churches (and of course, sex is also a part of that).
I’m sick of hearing our Governor talk about “The Utah Way” or “Disagree Better” when I know what he means is “say what you want, I’ll do what I plan on doing anyway.” Republicans in Utah and the nation will preach how we are a Christian Nation and do everything they can to get the Ten Commandments posted in public governmental places. Still, they won’t post the Beatitudes because it’s too “Woke.” An essay could be written about any of these topics so I’ll just leave it there and say thank you again for pointing out the obvious.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I got so much hate on last week’s post that I was worried about today’s post. Linda, Trevor, and Instereo, many thanks for making the first comments here so positive and encouraging. I love you all and am so happy you are here. Your comments matter. Your visible support matters. I’m tearing up right now, I’m so relieved. I want to hug you all. I send you a virtual hug.
And many thanks to my fellow permabloggers who deleted a lot of the cruel comments from last week’s post before I even saw them.
Thank you for pointing out that Utah schools are not neutral but homophobic. If they were neutral they would not consider a sign that says “Everyone is welcome” to be political. Neutral would mean exactly that everyone is welcome. But Utah wants to make it very clear that LGBT are not welcome. That is their whole point in banning flags and any message that LGBT are even around.
So, I was really proud of those who designed a new flag by putting a state emblem on the pride flag and designated it their city flag. We can keep doing that until they get the message that we are here to stay and the very existence of people who are different Will not be erased for their selfish comfort.
Signed, Proud dragon mama.
p.s. Oh, and glad you banned he who was never on topic. He was a distracting nuisance.
Several years ago a friend was talking about his job working in a clinic providing services for the trans community. He paused and said, “I’ve never asked what you feel about trans people.” I took a moment to organize my thoughts and said that what I wanted was for people to be able to be themselves. My friend chuckled and said that was the most Adam statement he had ever heard.
I spent most of my 48 years trying to be who I thought others wanted me to be. My parents. My (now ex) wife. Teachers and trusted advisors. It was exhausting. And has lead to me not really knowing who I am.
I’m contentedly asexual. That’s for sure. The rest I’m still working on. And I still want people to be themselves. Including myself.
This, of course, excludes the homophobes and fascists. If you don’t want others to be their true selves, you’ve broken the social contract and aren’t welcome.
Trevor,
Here is the bill: https://le.utah.gov/~2025/bills/static/HB0077.html
As for the $500 per day fine, there are indemnifications protecting the school district. You can bet that there will be a policy in place by the district that will express the intent of the law and forbid teachers to display this kind of flag. So if a teacher displays the flag, you can bet that a principal will give them a warning or write them up at the risk of if he/she didn’t, they’d also be warned/written up by the district. The teacher once warned would either comply or face discipline up to and including job termination. They could also be placed on immediate leave pending all the hearings. Because the district/principal would act quickly, I doubt there would be a fine against them. There probably wouldn’t be one against the teacher either, but the teacher would no longer have a job. Of course, there could be a suit against the law, but if the law goes into place, teachers will be advised by their association/union to abide by the law. I say this because anytime there is a suit or court case against a law, it has to be set up to give it a chance to win, to change the law. A teacher who would be involved in that kind of suit would have to be in a position where they could be without a teaching job for a number of years while the case works its way through the courts.
This is what makes this kind of law so bad. You either have to have a lot of money to challenge it in court or to elect a whole new legislature and governor to write another law to nullify it. Teachers, principals, and district leaders, or even district board members, can all agree that the law is bad, but everyone of them risks their job or risks spending public money to fight a law written by people who were also elected by the public and hence public backlash.
So the bottom line is this is a political bill that impacts us socially, emotionally, sexually, or religiously, but can only be reversed politically. We can get our feelings and values from any number of other areas in life (social/religion/family), but we can only change things by going back to a political process. People who hide behind religion ignore reality.
And Thank you so much. Awesome flying a flag. A child going to that school is going to be a little less alone.
Per the Utah law: “Flag” means a usually rectangular piece of fabric with a specific design that symbolizes a location, government entity, or cause.
So while the law may prohibit pride flags, it does not stop rainbow stickers, clothing and all other manner of defiance. This month particularly, I’m wearing rainbow socks 4 days a week (because that’s how many pairs I own, maybe I need more).
Also, as I’m reading the law, I note that among the many flags that are specifically allowed, are “the current and official flag of another country, state, or political subdivision of another country or state.” So if some town in the Netherlands would just adopt the pride flag as their official flag, it would then be allowed in Utah schools.” Anyone got any contacts in any tiny local government somewhere in the world?
No school in Utah is more homophobic than BYU, as I think everyone knows. Some profs I know of would rather be aligned with DezNat- this makes me very sad!
Janie, thankyou for a beautiful, courageous post & video! I have many friends and family who are suffering in the current political climate.
So if some town in the Netherlands would just adopt the pride flag as their official flag, it would then be allowed in Utah schools.
Why not just approach West Hollywood?
For those who do not think that BYU is homophobic, there is proof if you look.
You could start here (it’s short):
For those asking for another nation to adopt a pride flag, the Salt Lake City mayor and City Council are way ahead of you! They plopped a sego lily on various flags (Pride, Juneteenth, transgender) and formally adopted them as official Salt Lake City flags, and they are proudly being displayed during Pride month. Such a great show of support.
You can see the flags here:
https://www.slc.gov/mayor/2025/05/06/salt-lake-city-adopts-four-flags-to-represent-residents-visitors/
The fourth sego lily flag, with the blue and white, is Salt Lake City’s original city flag.
I assume that a school or an individual teacher could display these Salt Lake City flags without violating the new law. I’ve also seen lots of rainbow displays without an actual pride flag. I donated blood last week, and the Red Cross had put a rainbow border around their bulletin board, festooned it with rainbows, and painted a window with a slogan something like, “we all make a rainbow!” I love those displays. All the people who see the homophobia and find ways to express their support in spite of it all.
I have a pride pin on the backpack I take to/from work. Since this law only prohibits rectangular fabric flags (thanks to DaveW for the definition), I bet wearing a small ceramic pin would not violate this law, even if it was printed with a pride flag design.
Janey, I’m glad you’re still here. I’m glad you are courageous enough to post the truth. I’m glad to hope that the tough part is behind you. And I’m hopeful that one day we’ll live in the world that we’ve all worked so hard to build before MAGA turned every decent humanitarian impulse people try to show upside down.
Adding, I’m also glad I don’t live in Utah.
DaveW: I discovered in Peru that the official flag of Cusco looks almost exactly like a Pride flag. There’s one color difference, but hey, nobody’s getting fined for flying a Cusco flag, amiright?
Janey: as I don’t live in Utah, I was unaware of this, but it boils my blood. They honestly do not care if gay kids kill themselves. The cruelty is the point. As Glennon Doyle said “Being gay isn’t contagious. Freedom is.” But as my Marlo Thomas album told all of us Gen X kids, we want to live in a land “where you and me are free to be you and me.” I hate conservative legislatures so much. Whatever the wrong thing is, they can’t do it fast enough.
I always enjoy reading your posts, Janey, and this was particularly poignant being pride month and all. It’s a strange world where the UT state government manages to be more conservative (or cruel? uninformed? tyrannical?) then the dominant religion in the state. But I guess that religion is somewhat to blame for creating the political monster that now seems to give more allegiance to their preferred politics than to the church.
Important and timely OP. The US (and I dare say the world) has entered a new era of radical intolerance of diversity and truth. We have a leader who promotes hatred, lies consistently and disdains normal human dignity.
I never thought I would witness supposedly Christian religious organizations (looking at you Baptists) calling for suspension of basic human rights, or masked thugs posing as ICE agents arresting brown people – many of whom are citizens in good standing.
My frustration is that most Mormons support this evil behavior. Leadership is too busy building shrines to themselves at the expense of teaching basic human dignity.
I live in a neighborhood where many of us fly Pride Flags for the entire month of June. Yes, there is some vandalism, but Ring cameras see all. I still fear the overall atmosphere of revenge and hate will further permeate our fragile society.
Combine this with a troubling new war in the Middle East, and western civilization appears to be on the brink.
See you at tomorrow’s DC military parade?
I have flown a pride flag on our home off and on for years during June. We live in Utah County, and this is the first year that I have had some trepidation about putting it up due to worries of what my kid’s friend’s parents might say or do, even though I am aware that some of those same friends are queer. I was reminded that a telltale sign of fascism is that exact trepidation around doing things that we previously would have done without hesitation.
I typically replace the pride flag with a US flag on July 1. A few years ago a neighbor saw me doing yard work preparing for our 4th of July party in my US flag tank top with my US flag flying and noted, with some confusion, that they were glad to see the flag flying. There is, I think, a persistent belief among conservatives that anyone who supports “the gays” (or, especially in the last week, anyone who loves their immigrant neighbor) hates America.
My kids go to a charter school. I have mixed feelings about charter schools in general because I do understand that they take funding away from public schools, harm teachers unions, and often replace honest education with religious indoctrination. The specific school my kids attend is not at all religious. It seems that Utah lawmakers are intent on making public schools into religious (and conservative) indoctrination camps. It won’t work. However, I’m glad I can send my kids to a school where teachers can still show support for their students.
Lastly, I believe that there are many teachers and administrators in Utah who care more about their students than this ridiculous culture war. I would contribute to a fund that would pay the $500/day fine for any school with the courage to defy the law in support of their students.
Love the idea of flying Cusco’s flag – would be so satisfying to rub it in anyone’s face who thought they could “score one” against someone doing something as minor as flying a pride flag.
” I would contribute to a fund that would pay the $500/day fine for any school with the courage to defy the law in support of their students.”
Be careful what you wish for, grahamburger.
I live in (occupied) Los Angeles where ICE is showing up in public elementary schools asking to “interview” children, lying to administrators that they have parents’ permission when the parents know nothing about it and intimidating principles and teachers who are trying to protect children.
They show up badgeless and wearing those balaclavas that hide their faces and try to prey on small children who don’t have the protection of parents or lawyers. And teachers and administrators are rightly afraid of what could happen to them AND the children.
Fortunately, our Superintendent of Schools has been unambiguous in stating that LAUSD will not ask questions of children but will provide the services they need to become educated and safe in their bodies and their minds.
I’m heartened to hear your support for teachers but I fear you’d go through an actual fortune trying to protect teachers who are doing their best to protect young children.
I’ll be at my local No King demonstration tomorrow. I hope many here can say the same.
What’s happening at BYU right now is Dallin Oaks 2.0. When I was a student towards the end of his reign at BYU such behaviors and people as we are currently seeing being punished there were part and parcel of his administration. I had gay friends who lived in terror of being outed and forced to go receive the torture that was supposed to make them straight. One friend had a nervous breakdown as a result of that so-called “reparative therapy”.
Whatever happened to living the teachings of Jesus Christ, especially the ones enjoining us to love one another as he loves us? There is not one word that Jesus speaks in the NT regarding hating and shunning members of the LGBTQ community, not even one! Science has shown us that homosexuality is found all over in nature. It’s a biological issue, not a religious one. I refuse to automatically hate someone who is biologically incapable of changing who they are. If I use the excuse that LGBTQ people are flawed and sinful because I don’t understand the biological issue it’s easy to then decide that I can discriminate against people with a different color skin, or those who belong to a certain religion, or those who deal with mental illness and more. Where do we draw the line? As it is, the church draws too many lines already regarding who is acceptable and who is not. “Do not judge, condemn and criticize others so that you may not be judged, condemned and criticized yourself.” (Matthew 7:1 The Amplified Bible translation)
It’s not just hatred at BYU that’s the problem. I’ve had two gay students and a colleague take their own lives because the cruelty and hatred of “regular” members of the church made living any longer unbearable. Right now I have a dear friend who lives in Utah County and who has been a tireless advocate for the LGBTQ community have three different Pride flags ripped down from in front on his house in the last three months along with having vandalism and graffiti being left. He put up a doorbell camera and discovered that the Aaronic Priesthood kids from his ward were doing the damage and stealing/destroying the flags. When confronted with the crime the parents and the bishop didn’t see anything wrong with what these boys did. My friend has had to threaten police action for any future theft and vandalism in order to get these supposedly good members to stop their illegal and hateful behavior. If they can justify committing theft and vandalism in order to please God what other heinous thing will they do next in order “to please Him”?
A difficult test of one’s Christian character is to treat those with whom you disagree with the respect and dignity befitting a child of God. I pray that I may not fail that test.
I’d be willing to bet that flag will save a life, if not many lives. God bless you.
De Novo, No it is only America that has entered a new age of radical intolerance. The rest of the first world including Canada have rejected this behaviour. Those of us outside America can not understand why America did what it did, and particularly members, particularly male voting for trump.
Four of my adult children came with me to the No Kings protest in Carson City Nevada yesterday. It was also Flag day. Many veterans were there both protesting the current administration and flying the American flag. There were many many LGBTQ flags in their gorgeous variety, and many innovative home made protest signs.
One of my kiddos sported a trans flag as a cape and another the American flag as a cape. It was a really good time. The cops did a great job keeping an eye on the MAGA that were there, one of them open carrying.
Afterwards we went to an LGBTQ gathering in a local restaurant. Today I will go to church. I always wear some sort of pride or trans pin. No one ever says anything to me about it or even looks at it. I guess they are used to me.
My kids no longer attend church. I have had more than one person try to comfort me that God will work everything out in the end. I have pointed firmly at the pin I am wearing and I say “I support them with their decision not to attend.”
I hope my presence will cause members of my ward to think a little bit about their own actions. I generally keep my focus at church fuzzy instead of sharp. I will read Wheat & Tares and At Last She Said It during church. It helps a lot
Thank you Janey, and all the rest of you that support LGBTQ people and their families. You aren’t alone.
As Fred Rogers said, “look for the helpers”. Thank you, Janey.
Jack Hughes, BEAUTIFULLY said!
Happy Fathers’ Day
Favorite post comments ever! You all are so awesome and I love being part of this community.
The arguments you make for flying the rainbow flag,* could equally apply to flying the Confederate flag.
*Or one version of it. You have chosen an older iteration that does not acknowledge racial diversity or sex workers.
In a sad sort of way….this article provides insight and some perspective. While your actions will undoubtedly make you feel better (to one degree or another)….Personally, I don’t think it helps your cause much.
Janey, I love that you’re doing this, and I’m so sorry that you considered killing yourself before because the homophobic teachings and pressure were so great. I’m really glad you’re still with us. I always enjoy your posts, even if I’m a bit late reading. Thanks for standing up so firmly for what’s right and against the homophobes and fascists! Oh, and I love you banning thhq from your post. Jerks don’t add to the conversation.
I don’t get this site. I thought you were Mormon? Mormons don’t affirm homosexuality. Pardon me but I am just trying to understand your positions. Is this some progressive Mormon site?
Mormons don’t need to have a problem with reality. The church has — reluctantly, I’ll concede — come up to speed with the fact that there are biological imperatives that people have no control over. And, when Mormons want to actually do something about the stunning statistics on young male suicides, they can recognize people’s identities and struggles to be recognized and accepted.
Gender identity is as “Mormon” as height and eye color. It simply is. The questions that remain are are kindness and honesty Mormon and how to best raise all our kids in love and hope for their healthy and productive futures.
I think this site is best characterized as a “thinking” Mormon site.
Samson Knight: “Mormons don’t affirm homosexuality.” Well you’re definitely wrong there if you mean what do Mormons actually believe vs. what they feel free to say at Church, and the fact that these two things aren’t the same is telling. Consider that whenever you say what a group of people do or don’t, no group is a monolith. Everyone is still an individual.
Zla’od — no one sexually identifies as a Confederate. The Confederate flag symbolizes love and acceptance to exactly no one.
grizz — I acknowledge that you are being patronizing and condescending. I used to live with somebody like you. I hope you know that your housemates only pretend to agree with you so that you’ll stop talking.
Ziff – thanks! I’m always happy to see you on my posts.
Alice and hawkgrrl — a second kudos from me for your thoughtful replies to Samson Knight.