The expression “same same but different” is one that we heard a lot in Singapore, although it apparently originated in Thailand. It basically means when something is mostly the same, but subtly different. It’s a non-committal way to indicate that something has changed. It seemed like a better New Year’s resolution title than the alternative I considered, Project 2025. Yoiks.
I already know the coming year is going to be weird. My last adult child just moved out over the last week, meaning that for the first time ever, we are going to be empty nesters. That means I will have to be even more intentional in my relationships with my kids, making sure we carve out time to see each other, to talk, to text, and to hang out or meet up. It also means the house will be much, much quieter, and if I don’t make an effort, I could literally just turn into a puzzle-doing, reading, cyclist hermit. I don’t even go through the human checkout at the grocery store. I might as well live in a cave.
We are also at that stage of life where our parents are winding down a bit, mine more than his–I mean, mine are literally almost 100 years old, so let’s be realistic here. That brings additional changes. Someone once said “Yesterday I was a daughter. Today I’m free.” That sounds dramatic, but even without drama, on some level, you are never fully an adult until you become the oldest living generation in your family–or so the theory goes. We are talking about wills more than before, our own and our parents’, estate wills and living will directives. Health is something that has to be worked at, rather than just being the default setting.
So for today’s post, I wanted to talk about New Year’s resolutions in a general sense, share some of my thoughts, and find out where you are, as we enter the coming year. Here’s a starter set of prompts to discuss.
A few tips when setting goals for the new year:
Self-Reflection and Personal Growth
- What personal qualities do I want to cultivate or strengthen this year?
- What habits or behaviors would I like to change to align more with my values?
- What do I want to learn or achieve to feel more fulfilled?
This area is one I feel pretty good about right now. I want to continue with reading the classics, listening to interesting podcasts, and reflecting on what I read in my writing.
Relationships and Social Goals
- How can I nurture my relationships with family and friends this year?
- What steps can I take to meet new people or improve my social connections?
- How can I give back to my community or help others in meaningful ways?
This one is a little tougher. I feel like the relationships I enjoy the most are with my immediate family, but I also feel like I would enjoy branching out a little more, yet I live in a gross Trumpy area that is not appealing, and also I forget that I love my routine which does not involve other people, so I’m a bit ambivalent. I also don’t give back to my community (aside from posting a Harris sign leading up to the election), so there’s that. I mean, our business does charity cleans, but I don’t do any of that kind of thing personally. I really do think I need to find a way to make more of an effort to make some friends and actually connect with them, but then I remember that I hate people. It’s a tough one. I feel like I’m getting the bigger dopamine hit when I flake.
Health and Well-Being
- What changes can I make to improve my physical health, such as diet, exercise, or sleep habits?
- How can I prioritize my mental health and emotional well-being?
- What routines or self-care practices can I adopt to feel more balanced?
I’ve been biking every day, and I can keep that up and start going further in the coming year. I am building up now that I found a new paved bike route really close to my house. Loving that. Most of my social interaction is a polite nod to other cyclists, so I’ve got that going for me.
Career and Professional Development
- What skills or knowledge do I want to develop to advance in my career?
- What professional accomplishments would make me proud at the end of this year?
- How can I maintain a better work-life balance?
My work-life balance is basically semi-retired at this point. I just need the AZ economy to improve so we bounce back on revenues. We shall see. I feel like the Trump presidency is a crapshoot. It could be great for our business, or it could be a total disaster.
Financial Goals
- What are my biggest financial priorities this year, such as saving, investing, or reducing debt?
- How can I be more mindful of my spending and create a sustainable budget?
- What financial habits can I start to secure my long-term future?
Biggest and maybe only goal I have is to actually do a will. It’s long overdue. We’ve also got some kids in college to get through that, so I suppose that’s the second goal.
Hobbies and Passions
- What creative projects or hobbies do I want to start or improve on?
- How can I incorporate more fun and leisure into my routine?
- What new experiences or adventures would I like to try this year?
Existing stuff should continue, which mostly means a few great international trips per year. Additionally, I think I probably need to come up with some couples friends we could do game nights with maybe (or do this again). And I might take up oil painting again now that I have two empty guest rooms and an office, so more space to set up a studio.
Long-Term Vision
- What steps can I take this year to move closer to my long-term dreams and goals?
- If I were to look back a year from now, what achievements would make me feel proud and satisfied?
- What legacy or impact do I want to work toward in my personal or professional life?
I’m at that age where I can see that I’m basically just going to live my life and die, and as Keanu Reeves says, the people who loved me will miss me. I’m not going to write the next great novel, probably. I’m not going to become a [insert different high profile career]. I’m just focused on seeing my kids succeed and find good partners or support networks, and on staying healthy and enjoying my life.
What about you?
- Does 2025 feel more “same same” or different to you?
- What things are you going to continue in the coming year?
- What are the biggest changes or improvements you want to make?
- Do you do actual resolutions, or just kind of reflect on the prior year and make general intentions about the coming year?
Discuss.
Wheat & Tares 
The old adage that polite society avoids the discussion of religion and politics has never been stronger than it is today, in this era of 24-hour cable news and social media. Let’s admit it: in our private lives most of us would be better off if we did not have to confront religion and politics at home, at work, or among our family and friends. So my goal in 2025 is to avoid these topics as much as possible when interacting with others.
Some people are strange. They think we should care what they think about these issues. And they feel the need to tell everyone all the time. I have certainly been guilty of this behavior to some extent.
note: I do not consider dialogue on W&T to be a subset of what I describe above. All of us here are here voluntarily and we can opt out any time. That is not the case at home, work, etc.
Josh H: That’s a great adage for sure. I was visiting in-laws the last week, and I didn’t check my recent podcasts feed even once. Likewise Twitter. It was wonderful.
**note to add that my mother did pass this morning. She only barely made it to 2025.
Sorry for your loss Hawkgrrrl.
I read this story recently, and I really appreciated it.
The Egg
By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.
Thank you for this post, Hawkgrrrl, especially the story that you added. I am also sorry for the loss of your mother. May God bless you and your family.
I’m sorry about your mother, hawkgrrl. I like the perspective of the story you shared.
On the topic of the post — I haven’t done New Year’s resolutions in a while. I used to. I found the most successful ones were ones in which I was going to adopt a new attitude. Ones about doing specific things went nowhere. One year, when my kids were toddlers, I made a New Year’s resolution to stop getting upset about messes. I used to scold when something spilled or whatever. One year, I just stopped scolding or telling them they should have been careful. It sure cheered up the whole household.
Another year, I adopted Acceptance as my attitude. Rather than trying to change things, I would just accept everything. It helped a lot with my control issues, my anxiety, and my underlying assumption that life had betrayed me.
This year … I don’t have a lot that needs changing. I like my life. I’m in a stable place and don’t plan any major changes. Nor do I have anything I want to change. I like my job, my house, my hobbies, my friends. The goal is to just keep doing what I’m doing.
Hawk, I am sorry to hear about your mother. Seems like the post should be just about that because it kind of overshadows New Year’s resolutions that nobody keeps anyway.
I liked the story too, only I would really like there to be others who are really others. Not sure why I feel that way, but I intend to think on the idea. It has always made more sense to me that we learn something from each life, and the only way a “final judgement” could be fair is that we each live thousands of lives on earth, and then see how much we learned and grew. Sort of like the Buddhist idea that we keep being reincarnated until we get it right. Basing our whole eternity of the crap shoot that is this earth life seems terribly unfair. I look at our general authorities and they have all had pretty easy lives, so they think they are all righteous because they got supper lucky and got born to a well to do family and had pretty good health and none of the awful tragedies that simply knock people out of the running for general authority, oh like being a battered wife or having poor health or learning disabilities, or even rotten luck professionally. And of *course* they think a one shot at life test is fair, they are winning at their one shot. But sometimes I think the battered child who grows up without killing themselves and manages to raise children without abuse are so much more whatever “righteousness” really is.
On the chosen topic of the post, I am not making resolutions at my age….unless we count “make it to 2026 still alive and kicking.” I do have things I am workin on and ideas I want to try.
I should have some goals to improve my social life, but I am too much like Hawkgirl and how she says she hates people. And so many of my friends are my age and like me have medical issues that limit what we can do. Or they are church acquaintances that think I have some disease called apostasy or they are tRump supporters who think they need to convince everyone else just how right they are to hate on the libs, the gheys, and just about everybody else. Yeah, I think I will stick to not making any New Year’s resolutions
I am sorry to hear about your mother. My father passed away ten years ago and we weren’t close, but it was still a hard hard thing. I hope you and your family have time to remember her and to mourn.
regarding the topic of the post. New year, new goals. At my job we have to set development and business goals each January so I spend a lot of time with teams and myself thinking about goals. I like the categories and framework that you lay out. Because I am kind of forced to think of goals for work in a certain way and inevitably at this time of year; I like new years resolutions. I think of it as just three categories – business, personal – I put exercise and health or diet or family, and development – growth and stuff I want to learn.
Last year I decided that for a personal goal that I would take the train more. Commute to work by bike or public transport and take Amtrak if possible for long distance travel.
This year I want to be more organized and manage my stress and anxiety better. So time planning and not email and calendar get out of control. Time to stretch and meditate. Medication for my ADHD. Run with the dog – she is really a big puppy and needs a lot of exercise. And I need the time to think. Trying not to be depressed about the new president that shall remain nameless.
For a personal developmental goal, I want to learn to play fun music on the violin. Which means finally learning chords and how to improvise. I asked for music for my birthday and will use garage band on my phone and YouTube to learn some contemporary music.
When I was Mormon I used to set spiritual goals around church or scripture reading. I am done with that. But I do want to spend time appreciating the beauty and complexity of the world. Hiking. Maybe a boat trip this summer. My daughter’s wedding and time with family before and after the wedding.
Thank you for this post, Hawkgrrrl. It is so helpful to see goal setting and life planning laid out like this. Of course, for me it will all get messy and shoot-from-the-hip soon enough, but good to start with a clean orderly view of what I’m grappling with. And helpful to read other comments and perspectives.
Too soon to say how 2025 feels to me as its own thing, but for much of last year, I adopted the phrase “Que sera sera.” As the song says, “Whatever will be will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que sera sera.” The trick for me is going to be balancing that with a lifestyle where I avoid dissociating to a harmful degree. I especially identify with some of the things you said about the challenge of connecting with others when I basically live in a cave… by choice.
The specific goals I set for myself, I set back in the Fall. There was no need to wait. I knew what I wanted to maintain from 2024 (fitness, hiking, saving for another trip out west to climb another mountain). Begrudgingly, I’ve tried to get real about short and long-term finances, so I took a second per diem job.
Spontaneously, just after midnight, during the first hour of the new year, I resolved to spend significantly less time on social media, Instagram in particular. It’s not advancing my career in any measurable way, and generally making me cynical about whole industries of people I otherwise admire. I may post on this at W&T, but for my health, wellness, and productivity, I’m going to try stepping away from Instagram creating, at least as a primary hobby. Time to train and make strides on whatever the next step in my career will be
It’s been a while since I’ve given a lot of thought to annual goals, outside of work where they now seem a standard fixture of corporate life. Mostly I expect the coming year to be “same but different” and that’s mostly OK with me. There’s only one thing in my life that I feel particularly dissatisfied with, which coincidentally to this post turns out to be cycling. I’ve been a cyclist since I was a teenager and my riding has gone through phases. At times I would have called myself a “competitive” or “serious” cyclist, but that all feels long in the past right now, especially for the last 2-3 years when I’ve done far less riding than I’d like to do. My goal is to figure out what changed and why and how I can build back better habits and fit it into my life. I think solving that puzzle is the key and everything else, the health and fitness benefits and such, will follow on its own.
So sorry to learn of your loss, Hawkgrrrl. Remember to take time for yourself in this difficult time. You are deserving of time and space just as much as your loved ones.
Hawk, I’m sending you love and hugs at this sad time. May you feel love and comfort from your family and those of us here at Wheat and Tares.🥰🎵