Years ago, I was in a 5th Sunday School lesson and the teacher had not prepared anything. So he turned on Church media and showed a string of Church videos. That was when I first saw the Church video “You Never Know.” It came out about ten years ago. It’s less than 9 minutes long if you want to watch it. Here’s a summary of the main plot beats. I’ll call the main character Sandy.
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The video opens with Sandy lying in bed and scrolling through her phone while school age children have a fight. Sandy’s cousin texts her about her flight landing at 7:00 that evening and Sandy texts back that she’s looking forward to “cousin night.”
Sandy gets out of bed and deals with getting three of her four children ready for elementary school. The fourth is preschool age. They have family prayer, and while Sandy is brushing her daughter’s hair, her oldest child (sixth grade?) appears with some school supplies and says, “I forgot.” In the next shot, Sandy is helping him tape some information cards to a tri-fold display board. They high-five and Sandy tells everyone to get in the car and she drops them off at school.
Cousin texts to say she only has a two-hour layover and asks if Sandy got a babysitter. Yes, Sandy got a babysitter. She texts that she misses her cousin and is excited for that evening.
Throughout the video, there are views of Sandy’s to-do list that she adds to and crosses things off.
Julia rings Sandy’s doorbell and asks her to watch her daughter while Julia goes to a doctor’s appointment. Sandy is visibly imposed on and says she was just leaving. Could Julia ask someone else? Julia already tried that. Sandy agrees to watch the daughter.
Sandy takes a phone call and insists she has time to take a meal to the Carraways that evening, who are brand-new parents. The person asking asks if she’s sure and says she can call someone else. Sandy brushes that off and agrees to take dinner. She writes it on her to-do list.
Sandy’s sister Heidi texts and invites her to lunch. Sandy brings her lunch and listens to her sister talk out some problems at work. Heidi is feeling imposed on, but worries about who would help them (co-workers?) if she left. Her sister cuts her off when Sandy tries to talk about her own experiences. When Heidi again brings up her own unhappiness at work, Sandy asks, “if you left, who else would be able to help them?” Heidi looks resigned and Sandy encourages her.
Julia picks up her daughter and thanks Sandy for watching her.
In the next scene, Sandy is about ready to leave to meet her cousin at the airport as the babysitter is arriving. Sandy realizes she forgot about taking dinner to the Carraways and hurriedly puts something in the oven. She sets an oven timer for 30 minutes. Her cousin texts and Sandy replies that she’s running late but is still coming. Sandy feeds her kids. The timer goes off and Sandy realizes that she forgot to turn on the oven. That’s another 30 minutes to cook the food.
Sandy drops off the food at the Carraways and then gives the babysitter instructions about bedtime. Her cousin texts that she’s boarding her next flight and maybe they can meet next time. Sandy excuses the babysitter and then sits down and cries. She looks at her to-do list and is visibly upset. Her kids start fighting and Sandy tells them to go to bed.
Her son asks about family prayer and Sandy tells him to say it. Her son prays and thanks Heavenly Father that he won the science fair, and that they could get everything done that he wanted them to do that day. Sandy is surprised that her son won the science fair. The prayer continues and President Hinckley’s voiceover says, “Many of you think you are failures. You feel you cannot do well, that with all of your effort it is not sufficient. We all worry about our performance. We all wish we could do better. But unfortunately we do not realize, we do not often see the results that come of what we do. You never know how much good you do.”
This is accompanied by a montage of all the good Sandy did that day, with added scenes about how her actions helped someone. We see her helping her son with his science fair project that morning and then her son talking to the judges while standing in front of his presentation. We see Julia dropping off her daughter, and then Julia crying in a doctor’s office with her husband. We see Sandy meeting her sister for lunch, and then her sister participating at work and being thanked. We see Sandy dropping off dinner at the Carraways, and then the Carraways eating the meal while holding a newborn.
Her son finishes the prayer as Sandy realizes how she made everyone else happy that day. She looks thoughtful and more at peace.
The end.
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As the video finished, I could hear people sniffing as the video moved them to tears. I had been getting more and more appalled and uncomfortable as the video progressed. I was learning to set boundaries and say no, and to prioritize my own feelings as much as anyone else’s. This video’s message directly contradicted what I was learning.
Sandy’s happiness matters as much as anyone else’s. If you’re a crying mess at the end of the day, the takeaway is NOT, “you made other people happy! You should be happy about that and ignore your own feelings!” The takeaway should be, “if you’re not happy too, then let’s see if we can change things.” The Church actively teaches that you should lose yourself in service to others. Service brings joy. The best thing you can do is serve others. Set aside your own needs and focus on everyone else’s needs.
Well, Sandy didn’t just serve others, she also let herself be imposed on and didn’t set healthy boundaries. That’s why she’s crying at the end of the day.
The video didn’t show the people Sandy hurt. We got the montage of people helped by Sandy; we didn’t see the people she hurt.
The Child Who Deserved to Win the Science Fair. Imagine a shot of another sixth-grader who is sobbing, “Mom, I worked on my project every day for a month, and that other kid’s mom did the whole thing for him this morning! How come he won? It’s not fair! I worked harder!”
Seriously, you don’t deserve to win the science fair if you put the whole presentation together in a few minutes before school. Besides being unfair, it’s also completely unrealistic. Any woman with four young kids can tell you that there isn’t time to do a start-to-finish science fair presentation display before school starts. When did he learn all that stuff? The video showed the son explaining his presentation to the judges. Did Sandy teach him all those things that morning as well? Is she super-human? And another thing — when my elementary school age children had a school presentation, the instructions clearly said that they would lose points if an adult did most of the work. It’s cheating. What Sandy did in helping her son win the science fair is either impossible or it’s cheating. The other person crying that evening is the child who should have won the science fair.
The Cousin Who Lost Out to a Casserole. Meeting Sandy during her layover was obviously very important to her cousin. Imagine the shot of the cousin boarding her next flight, looking crushed that Sandy prioritized a casserole over seeing her. The Carraways had a nice home with just one newborn child. The husband could easily have made a Cafe Rio run. I have personally said I couldn’t take a meal in on a certain day, but I could do it in three days. The compassionate service coordinator was totally fine with that. Sandy could have said she’d take the meal to the Carraways tomorrow, and instead we hear her on the phone insisting that “of course she has time” to take in a meal that evening. She disappointed her cousin because she can’t say no, not because she was being Christlike.
Imagine a similar situation, only it’s her daughter’s dance recital. All day long, her little girl is excited about performing in her dance recital with mom there to watch. Instead, her mom misses the whole thing to take a casserole to someone that she could have put off until tomorrow. Yes, the Carraways got food, but if you balance the Carraways meal against the cousin or daughter being disappointed, the Carraways could have dealt with not getting a meal a lot easier than the family member could deal with Sandy not being there when she said she would.
Always prioritize the person who can’t replace you. Another person could have fed the Carraways that evening. Only Sandy could have been part of “cousin night.”
Sandy had a good, busy day. The crying disappointment at the end was only because she agreed to take a meal to the Carraways when she already had plans that evening. If she’d set a boundary, she could have spent the evening with her cousin and they both would have been happy.
I dislike this video because the message is that women should focus on how they’re helping everyone else rather than noticing that if they set boundaries and learn to say no, then they can still do a lot of good and be happy at the end of the day.
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Questions:
- Do you have a least favorite Church video? Tell us about it.
- Do you have a favorite Church video? Tell us about it.
- Do you think the Church media department had any women involved in writing this script? How might a Church video aimed at women be different if women had input?
- Do you know people like Sandy? Are you someone like Sandy?
Wheat & Tares 
I remember this video and hate it too. For me it has a strong message that the moral high road for women is care-giving and no boundaries. Aspirations for more than that are shown as morally wrong, as depicted by the sister who is dressed in black and behaves quite selfishly to the more cheerfully dressed and compassionate Sandy. Struck deep to me because this was the exact message I had internalized as a child and was trying to work through at the time after discovering that child-rearing, SAHMhood, and basically living as depicted in the video left me depressed enough that I had to get professional help. I was having vivid, gruesome ideations of murdering my youngest child.
I needed boundaries. I needed help. I needed to acknowledge that having dreams and aspirations and pursuing them along with my role of parent was healthy not selfish. I needed to exist as a person more than my role as sacrificial caregiver.
All these years later, I look at this video and think that it makes the church look stupid. The whole moral is juvenile. There’s a good chance that they just didn’t think through the actual bigger picture of what they were saying because it was a video for women by men using male views on what a happy female like looked like in their patriarchal view. And that’s too bad for them because I worked through my situation just fine, but I couldn’t find a path to peace within the church and had to find it elsewhere.
I see your point, and it makes me wonder how to resolve the possible tension – or perhaps just misunderstanding? – between the need to set healthy boundaries and Jesus’ admonition about those who lose their lives for Christ’s sake finding it. It is certainly a common interpretation about what that verse means: to lose ourselves in service of others. Is it possible to accept that as a truth (that serving others over our own desires can help us become more Christlike, or something like that) while still setting healthy boundaries for ourselves? I think so – but it is a lifelong effort that we’ll often get wrong. As in, I’ll probably say no when I could have said yes, and say yes when I should have kept a boundary and say no. I suppose it is that balancing act to also try to “not run faster than we have strength” admonition as well. So maybe that lifelong effort is me really just learning about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and being increasingly honest with myself.
But to answer your actual questions, I would not be surprised if there were women involved in the effort in making the video. Does it play to traditional gender stereotypes? Yes. But is it somewhat an average take for a married woman in the jello belt? I think so – and isn’t the church media department in the jello belt?
Favorite church video: the “older” Christmas video – the one without words, just like 6 minutes long, and specifically the part where the wise men are apparently arguing about how to look for the messiah. One of them steps out of the tent, sees the star, and you can tell he recognizes what it means. Has always been a powerful moment for me, about educating ourselves so we can recognize truth when it appears to us.
Least favorite: the really old one, possibly not even a church video but rather a BYU video, about a little girl who befriends the old lady next door. The old lady’s kids ignore her and she dies alone. Such a crappy video.
Janey,
I am with you on this. There’s nothing worse than teaching practices that contribute to poor mental health at church. The gospel can be used to teach good mental health practices. It’s all how we choose to use it. (Shared a talk on boundaries in my ward last December. After my graduate school term is over, I will submit a copy to W&T).
While I would like women to have more input in the church on everything, I am not sure that it’s going to correct these problems. In my experience women teach and maintain these poor mental health practices as much or more than the men. It’s just worse when these teachings are imposed on us by the patriarchal order. Women are the foot soldiers in that order. Historically we chose this. Women gave blessings from the time the church was restored until correlation in the early 1900s. There was never anything from a prophet discouraging the practice. It just fell out of fashion to call up the Sisters for a blessing. The women themselves decided it was better to call on the Elders.
I am not like Sandy. I absolutely would have said no on the casserole. Maybe I wouldn’t have even fed my kids. I would have expected them to cook for themselves and they would have been fine (how old is that oldest child?). I taught them to cook at a young age. Besides, where is Dad?
I would have been at that airport eager to serve my cousin with a visit. Maybe she particularly needs my support that day. Why does the casserole matter more? Why couldn’t the family warm it up in the oven themselves? Why is poor planning and poor boundaries so praise worthy?
This is an older movie. We can hope for change in the church culture.
My aunt works in the church’s PR department. She says the church is trying to change the way members see the church as well as how members see minorites, and the poor and the homeless. She says the church has many projects going to help the homeless. She says the church is trying to encourage members to make friends with nonmembers and serve outside of the church by using the Just Serve app. She says we undermine their purposes by only associating with members even when we fulfill our stake Just Serve assignments.
I was encouraged yesterday to read in Deseret News that the church will no longer count active priesthood holders in assigning ward and stake boundaries, but will instead count active adult members. I was so touched I nearly cried. One baby step at a time I guess, towards seeing women as full adult people that can function under our own supervision. We can do much more than make casseroles.
Where do I start. I always felt sorry for the cousin. Why was dissing the cousin the best thing? Because Sandy actually WANTED to do it? Is that how we measure the value of service? The more painful the better. If you enjoy it, its not service?
I just spent the last 5 years of my life taking care of an 80+ year old father dying of cancer. He was effectively disabled and wore a diaper. And, yes, I took care of everything, including the diaper stuff and the messed diaper stuff. I decided then that I am not fit for the Celestial Kingdom. It was hard and I was exhausted. There was nothing joyful about it at the time and I got caregiver fatigue. So if that is the standard that you “lose yourself in the service of others”, well, that just did not do it for me.
Finally, if I hear one more man tell me to serve more, I am going to spit nails. I would eat my shoe if any of the 12 have ever changed an adult diaper.
To me, church culture is a culture of never enough. There is never enough kids you can have. Besides it is sinful to ever complain about kids or family size. You should always consider that a blessing. You can never devote enough time to a calling. You can never visit the temple enough. You can never pray enough. You can never pay enough tithing or other kinds of donations to the church. Your life should be crazy busy. That is the way it is supposed to be. Idleness is shameful and sinful. Having too much leisure is sinful.
While at BYU in the late 1990s and early 2000s, busyness was a competition. It was all about how little sleep you could get by on. How many projects you could be involved in at the same time. How fast you could get married and start having kids. How large of class loads you could take and still work 20+ hours. The heroes were fathers who were taking full loads of classes, working full time, and providing for their kids. At some point the thought occurred to me, “why?” Why do people do more than they need to? Life got better for me when I slowed down and did less and I stopped living for the validation of slaves to busyness. Over the years the busy work horses have looked upon my life and asked me in panic what I’m doing and what I’m going to do. I used to respond with a little bit of guilt thinking that I needed to be more busy. Now I respond with the reply that I do what I need and once what is needed to be done is done I do what I want. I need many of the overly busy inquirers and worriers as to my situation aren’t actually worried about me. They’re projecting their worries about themselves onto me. If there are too many things going on, I drop some of them. My mental health and self-esteem are of great import. If someone has poor enough mental health, it is deadly, literally speaking. I know my limits, and I respect them. If someone or something pushes me past those limits, I usually insist on my boundary. Much of life is to be enjoyed, not to have endless guilt.
Old guys like me remember not only Church videos but Church film strips, like the ones we showed investigators as missionaries (mid 1980s). I remember one that we showed the most that involved a family death. The idea was, of course, families can be together forever if you sign up with us. At the time this message seemed so hopeful but back then I didn’t understand the “sad heaven” aspect to the Church’s (and RMN’s) teachings.
I don’t lean on this understanding anymore, but I remember a big ol’ insight in the shower a few years back where I thought, “Oh! Jesus must be perfect at setting and holding appropriate boundaries too!” Jesus as boundary-setter wasn’t very hard to find in the New Testament after that.
Now I have taken a step back from Jesus (sorry, Jesus) and realized that everyone I really admire in this world sets and holds *compassionate boundaries.* And they’re doing so in a modern world, which makes for an easier example to follow. I copy and apply what I see from them to the degree that I am able.
My life is happier since taking this approach.
Also, I think that question from an earlier comment of WHERE IS THIS WOMAN’S SPOUSE is really about to set me off, meaning I agree with the implied point. If she doesn’t have a spouse, and they are normalizing that, then let’s have a discussion about support systems for non-traditional (and, hell, traditional) family structures. If she has a spouse and the spouse just isn’t featured, then let’s have a discussion about when divorce might actually make great sense cuz there is definitely enough work in the video for two people to be participating. If the spouse exists and is working or otherwise unavailable, then we are back to the societal supports conversation. C’mon! We have to stop glorifying the unpaid care labor women perform. But I gotta get off of this soapbox if I’m gonna enjoy my weekend so I’ll wrap it up right there.
Only part way through the description of this video, I already knew how it ended. The mother sacrifices what she wants for everybody else, whether they need it or not. The father of that newborn probably did make a run to a fast food place when dinner was an hour late anyway. Been there done that with meals from church. The kid with the science project will never learn to be responsible and remember to do his own homework if mom always bails him out. We all know kids like this.
I used to really hate Mother’s Day because there would be talks about the mother who sacrificed her own wants and sometimes even her own well being for the selfish wants of her family. Everybody was always more important than the mother’s own needs. Yeah, hate that self sacrificing image of women the church teaches as righteous.
As the oldest daughter, I was taught that my siblings needs mattered more than my own did. I was put in the position of junior mother, and supposedly I was babysitting my *older* brothers, because as boys, they could not be expected to help take care of younger siblings, and being a girl, of course I would cook and clean, and make sure my older brothers did their chores before going off to play. Then, if I couldn’t make them do their chores, I got punished for their irresponsibility. Perfectly normal because I was female and the designated caretaker of everybody else while my mother was at work. My relationship to my older brothers still sucks 60 years later because I resented being punished for not being capable of making them mind me as if I was their mother, and I am more mother than sister to my younger siblings.
Abusive, of course the expectations placed on a child were abusive. But my mother was desperately trying to escape the unreasonable expectations placed on her. She went back to work to escape a terrible depression, so her being unfair to me kept her from murdering my baby sister or herself.
This video really should end by a view of the next day with her saying “no” to all the demanding people who refuse to take care of their own selves. Dear sister, grow up. Dear family who just had a baby, McD’s is just down the street. Dear kid who forgot to do his homework, too bad. Maybe you’ll remember next time if you get a zero on this project. Dear friend with the doctor’s appointment, all right I’ll watch your kid if you watch my kids so I can go see my cousin.
It is like they teach you on the airplane. Put your own oxygen mask on before you take care of others. If you don’t take care of yourself, you do a bad job taking care of others.
I hate this one too.
The first time I saw that video I thought about the poor cousin at the airport. How do we know she didn’t have something big going on in her life and she really needed a family member to discuss it with. Why was she the one to get the shaft? I agree with the poster who said do the things that only you can do. And most definitely set boundaries. I honestly think everyone is happier when we do that.
And in regard to this comment:
I was encouraged yesterday to read in Deseret News that the church will no longer count active priesthood holders in assigning ward and stake boundaries, but will instead count active adult members.
I’m not sure this is accurate. According to the document I saw, you still need “active, full tithe-paying Melchizedek Priesthood holders capable of serving in a leadership position.” For a Stake you need 150 and for a ward you need 20.
I heard a rumor they were trying to create a new stake in my area. I didn’t believe it because I didn’t think we had the numbers, but then with the new numbers I guess maybe we can. I don’t know if it is connected or not, but we happen to be in a mission where a temple was just announced.
Lily,
I think I understand and agree with your point, but I know of several members of the 12 who have changed adult diapers. One is currently a member of the First Presidency. More have worn them! Let’s just say that the vicissitudes of life hits us all, and perhaps we should talk more about that. But please don’t spit nails or eat shoes.
Josh h: I despise that filmstrip. There was another video about a Dad who let a train run over his son to save the passengers on the train. It was supposed to teach the Father’s role in the Atonement. My local leaders thought it would be a good idea to show it on Father’s Day. I spit nails.
I remember when this video came out and the visceral reaction I had. As a mom who has depression, it was like reliving all the worst moments. I hated it. When I expressed my feelings to older ladies in the Church, they were surprised, believing that the video promoted the importance of motherhood. They were kind in listening to me, but it was clear they disagreed.
Lily, As hard as it was to do, you did the right thing by taking care of your dad. I don’t know if you set boundaries while you were doing that. I hope you did, because it was the very very hard thing to do. I thought performing those feeding, nursing, cleaning duties for babies was really difficult but in no way could it compare to doing those same things for an adult, who not only was heavier, but also in a position to complain. I hope you can realize how much he appreciated your care.
As soon as I read the title, my mind flashed to this video. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one that was absolutely shocked that something so tone-deaf was produced pretty recently.
The first time I watched it, I was expecting the lesson at the end to be about appropriate boundaries. Imagine my horror to see that her actions were being commended!
Honestly, I still can’t wrap my head around the idea that enough people thought this was a good idea that it was produced. If families are so important, why is it okay to bail on a loved one you promised to meet that you don’t get to see regularly?
I have so many more words, but it’s all just ranting.
I will rant, Margo. There’s a theme here, or a couple. One is that we, as a culture and as a church, make following Christ budensome and we make the yoke heavy for other members. Individuals feel that they must say yes, and we make them feel like less if they say no. This ought not be, and we must find ways to stop judging each other. The Church naively presented Sandy as a role model and as a hero, full of sacrifice and love. How badly they missed the mark? Is it OK to be selfish sometimes? Before you say no, being selfish is a bad thing, remember that Jesus Himself, during His mortal ministry, had to send people away (that is, not meet their needs) so that he could have some private time. A little selfishness is godlike, and is a virtue.
Yes, the church’s PR people are all Jellobelt people–we should probably outsourcing our PR to Madison Avenue folks in NYC. Want proof that they’re Jellobelt? LWS writes: “She [the relative in the PR department] says the church is trying to encourage members to make friends with nonmembers and serve outside of the church by using the Just Serve app.” How about this? Don’t tell me where to make my friends, and don’t tell me how to serve, and don’t tell me to use the Just Serve app! Leave me alone, or to put it more nicely, show me and encourage me, but don’t tell me and order me and put me down. Here’s what you could do. Without saying anything about me, tell me, church leaders, about your non-member friends and how you fellowshipped them into membership. Show me what you’re doing, and maybe I’ll follow. But don’t tell me to do what you’re probably not doing. And don’t push your app on me. Tell me that it exists, tell me, Bro. or Sis. leader, how you personally used the app and how it helped you, and maybe I’ll follow, but don’t tell me to do what you’re probably not doing. This is how we make the yoke heavy, and how we put on people burdens grievous to be borne. Leaders need to lead more and to tell less.
Lily writes: “Finally, if I hear one more man tell me to serve more, I am going to spit nails.” I am with her, except that I don’t know why she’s OK with women telling her what to do. While I hope that she can find peace about her helping her father, I won’t judge her, and I won’t tell her to do more service. Rather, tell me about your service and how it made you feel, and maybe I’ll follow your example, but please don’t tell me to do what you’re probably not doing.
Our leaders at all levels seem, in many places, to have forgotten what leadership in the church is about, or should be about. It is about persuading and inviting, with love and kindness. It is not about coercion, and leading by guilt is a form of coercion. It is not about identifying faults, but should be more about edifying. It is not giving assignments and expecting to be obeyed. It is not about delegating. When we see the great volume that some people do, leaders should be grateful. When we see the comparatively little volume that some other people do, leaders should be equally grateful–but we shouldn’t be comparing, should we? We should be grateful for little efforts, and the best way, I think, to increase little efforts into big efforts over time is to encourage and thank for the little that is done, instead of lamenting on what wasn’t done. I’ve found that where little is offered, often there are good reasons in that person’s private life, and that should be OK.
Thanks for this post, Janey. Too many of our videos are really pretty bad. Maybe we should outsource PR to a Madison Avenue firm, just like we should probably take financial management away from Ensign Peak (Utah people) and outsource it to funds management people in NYC who know laws and SEC rules.
I love that you mentioned this awful video! I remember very clearly the first time I watched this video when it came out. The temperature inside me just kept rising and rising as the video proceeded until I just wanted to explode. My own mother was a lot like this woman when I was growing up, and she still is to a certain extent today, but she now recognizes the negative effects of not setting appropriate boundaries. She happened to stop by for a visit at my house a few days after I’d seen the video, so I sat her down, and we both watched it together–AND WE JUST WENT OFF ON IT, FOR LIKE, AN HOUR!!! I mean, come on:
1. The kid with the science project due is taught that people will bail him out when he gets in a bind rather than having to face the consequences of his own procrastination. How is that going to work out for him in college, in his career, or in his future marriage?
2. Heidi, the working sister, is portrayed as a selfish b*tch just as the Church has portrayed all working women as selfish b*tches for most of my life. Why isn’t Heidi home with a flock of kids like her “real Mormon” sister, Sandy?
3. Sandy advises Heidi, her working sister, that she should stay at her company because, “If she left, who else would be able to help them?” Umm, if there’s anything my 30 year career has taught me is that corporations exist to make money, and they will chew people up and spit them out whenever it suits them best. Heidi, whatever you do, don’t be foolishly loyal to a corporation! My advice to Heidi, “It sounds like you aren’t happy at your current company. If you can find a place that genuinely looks better, LEAVE! NOW!! RUN, DON’T WALK!!! Your ex-coworkers need fend for their own employment happiness themselves. If you are really friends with your coworkers, then continue to maintain your relationship outside of work as you enjoy your new and better position at another company.”
4. It was clearly a mistake for Sandy to commit to the Callaway’s casserole in the first place. Meeting the cousin that she presumably hardly ever sees should have still been a much higher priority, yet her cousin was apparently scheduled to arrive around the same time as the casserole needed to be delivered. It’s a little rude, but when Sandy forgot about the casserole (and when she forgot to turn on the oven), she should have just cancelled on the Callaway’s to get to the airport on time. The video clearly shows that priesthood holder Mr. Callaway is a very able bodied young man. Is he really just an able bodied, useless young man at home? Can he not warm up a can of soup on the stove or order Door Dash for just one night for crying out lound?
5. As a father of teen girls, I have to say that the babysitter got screwed since it appears she wasn’t paid. High school girls can have pretty busy and active schedules. There’s a good chance the babysitter had to sacrifice an activity that’s important to her so that she could make that babysitting money that she needed for clothes, her sport or musical instrument, gas money, the upcoming dance, etc. While I’m sad for Sandy, who no longer needed the babysitter, that sitter should still have been compensated for at least a few hours of work.
6. Where on earth is Sandy’s husband? Couldn’t he have handled the casserole or an emergency run to a restaurant for a replacement for the uncooked casserole? Couldn’t the husband have handled babysitting duties for *his* kids for a night? Is this woman widowed or divorced? The video doesn’t seem to say (unless I missed it), but if she is, is she just planning to live off of alimony or life insurance for the rest of her life? I mean, that’s great if she really can afford to do this, and that’s what she really wants to do, but how many young divorced or widowed women can actually afford to not work for the rest of their lives if they lose their husband to death or divorce? Shouldn’t the Church consider showing how most widowed or divorced women with children live? Hint: most of them have jobs!
Other candidates for worst Church video:
1. “Journey to Become” – https://archive.org/details/JourneyToBecome. This video didn’t last very long on the Church’s website when the Church released it, but luckily we have the internet archive. The whole video is bad, but if you only want to watch 2 and a half minutes, start at the 9:00 mark and watch through the 11:30 mark of the video. You will clearly be taught that if you have sons that are not “worthy Melchizedek priesthood holders”, your best option is to leave all your wealth to the Church when you die rather than further condemning your sons to even greater sins once they inherit all your cash.
2. “Wounded on the Battlefield” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ueuz0-Rnd5c. It appears that the Church also took this video down, but luckily this commentator included the entire video (I think it’s the whole thing) in his own video. The is the BYU-Idaho video that compares pornography and masturbation to the terrible violence of war, seems to imply that any viewing of pornography is an addiction, and encourages college students to snitch on each other. There is good discussion from hawkgrrrl here: https://wheatandtares.org/2014/02/04/am-i-my-brothers-keeper-2/ and from Jana Riess here: https://religionnews.com/2014/02/03/mormon-war-masturbation-video/.
3. “The Mediator” – https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2007-01-0005-the-mediator?lang=eng. What I dislike about this video is that it seems to be so darn confident in its pretty explicit and simplistic explanation of how Christ’s atonement works. In reality, the atonement is a pretty big mystery that I don’t think anyone, including Boyd Packer who is featured in this video, really fully understands.
4. “Godly Sorrow Leads to Repentance” – https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2012-06-2350-godly-sorrow-leads-to-repentance?lang=eng. Amazingly, the Church still has this awful video up! The video stresses how the *only* way to confess to pre-marital sex is by confessing to your bishop, and by confessing, a detailed confession. The poor woman in the video is needlessly shamed, as she is forced to postpone her wedding. Fortunately, I guess this situation can be largely avoided today now that it’s “acceptable” to be married outside the temple first and then quietly sealed later.
5. “Johnny Lingo” – What list of bad Mormon videos would be complete without this classic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMoo4NVPNZU? The overall premise of the movie is sweet. I have no idea if it’s culturally accurate (I greatly fear that it is really dumbing down the culture of Pacific Islanders, but I really have no idea), but if it is accurate, then I would be much more accepting of it. Still, in today’s society, my teens would say it’s just so “cringy” to equate the value of a woman to 8 cows.
My favorite Church videos? Hmm…I think there are some videos out there that I’ve liked, but the 2 I can think of right now are:
1. “Bullying – Stop It” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYVvE4tr2BI. I thought this anti-bullying video was done pretty well by the Church.
2. “Life of Christ” videos – https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/collection/bible-videos-the-life-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng. The Church seems to have stayed pretty true to the New Testament descriptions of the events presented in these videos. I generally like them.
This video reminds me of that horrible conference talk (I don’t remember which apostle it was) whose mother had a painful medical condition, made worse by doing her family ironing. Her daily ironing would cause her excruciating pain. The father’s solution was to skip lunch for a year to save up and buy and ironing machine for her. Not only was this shared in conference, but it was assigned as a visiting teaching message. I remember visiting my sister with my companion, and the three of us all talked about how we hated this story.
Perhaps there is more to this story that wasn’t shared, but the message was it’s ok to have your wife suffer needlessly, so you can look good in wrinkle-free clothes. It’s also a good idea for you to deprive yourself of food, so you can avoid ironing your own clothes. The story was tone deaf on every level. How were there no better stories this apostle could drawn from to illustrate marital love? There are wonderful stories of sacrificial love when the sacrifice was noble and necessary. But there are far too many church stories where the sacrifice is unnecessary and anguish is treated like a badge of honor.
Stories like these are especially harmful for women or men who already suffer from psychological or other medical issues. Because the church reduces women to childbearers, the physical and emotional suffering of women is by default assumed divine, because look how amazingly women suffer to give birth! God’s plan is incredible, and women are like Jesus for how they suffer for their families. Except when they aren’t like Jesus and get none of his power or authority.
Mary, that was D. Todd Christofferson! I remember it cause I was a freshly returned missionary who’d just been doing his men laundry for two years straight and so I was just baffled by this sort. “Why he didn’t just iron his own shirts?” I said, “It’s not hard!” But yes, old D. Todd thought it was more admirable to skip lunch for a year than do “women’s” work. What a weirdo.
Best church film is “How Rare a Possession.” Investigators nodded along with (and sometimes nodded off to) “The Lamb of God”, and many teared up at the unadulterated schmaltz of “Finding Faith in Christ,” but “How Rare a Possession” actually made them want to read the Book of Mormon. The acting, editing, soundtrack, cinematography, were all on point. I lament that church media doesn’t do quality productions like that anymore.
Worst is “The Pump.” The one time my shy teenage self got explosively angry at my seminary teacher was when she showed us that short. What a terrible, vicious, and fear-mongering film.
I remember when that Sandy film came out; I avoided watching it done, and hope to keep the streak alive now.
Johnny Lingo, Oh MY! Cultural misappropriation, environmental infeasibility, historically incorrect, and you can’t by love.
Amen to this post.
A few points:
1) The seminary videos are often problematic.
2) A 1980’s video for YW “Godly Sorrow”’for sexual sin was horrible.
3) The worst thing that happened to church movies/commercials occurred in the mid-80’s when they began normalizing extremely rich settings and saints. The early stuff (Mr. Krueger’s Christmas, the Mailbox, Nora’s Christmas Gift, Uncle Ben, Last Leaf, etc.) all featured middle class or even impoverished people in humble settings. After “The Prodigal Son” we started seeing McMansions and preppy clothing normalized as standard for LDS people, and tragically we soon found ourselves entrenched in the prosperity doctrine. I’m not sure which came first- likely they both evolved out of our materialistic focus. But, Symbols matter. Art matters. Depictions matter, perhaps more than anything else. I wish we could once again see ourselves as spiritually rich in humble settings. The film for this post, “You never know”, is set in an apartment (so at least not a McMansion), but one with granite countertops, a state-of-the-art stainless fridge, a new minivan, and what looks like chic new and matching furniture. In California, this would be an expensive home. In the Midwest, above average for young family. But, could we picture in our mind’s eye the Prophet giving the same compliments to a mother in section 8 or married student housing (where 90% of the young families in our wards live?) sadly- for many the answer is no.
4) People complain about Jonny Lingo and the 8 cow wife. I used to think it a funny bit of history, until I saw it being used by a Native People’s school teaching about their culture. I no longer laugh at it. Many negative comments toward Johnny Lingo are culturally incompetent.
5) There’s a “Best of the Homefront” 30 second commercial from the 70’s that sings “I know you weren’t the best mom in the world, but hey mom you never failed me. I know you didn’t play ball very well… And I know you gave up a lot missing your master’s degree, but look at the kid you got.” (Or something like that.)
Another commercial has a mom (gasp!) working in the ‘70’s and a lonely little 5 year old who keeps getting pushed away until she asks “what’s in that book?”. The mom (opening her appointment and address book) replies “important people and important meetings” and the little girl asks “am I in that book?” The mom, realizing her error, swoops up the little girl and drops her work. The message is important- family first, but in context of the ERA, a highly political one.
In contrast, the “children can go to the dogs” commercial equally chastised moms and dads pushing children away and speaking to them harshly. A good message.
And, in fairness, there was a commercial balancing out the “but hey mom you never failed me” where a dad was called out for working too much. Humorously, his family tricks him into going in their camper, then they lock him in and drive away for a weekend together, as the narrator says “family. Isn’t it about time?” So maybe there is some parity in the messaging. That being said, a dad singing “I gave up a lot missing my master’s degree, but look at the kids I got” would be a thought-provoking message, in the same spirit as the original was intended (family first).
Okay, I will rant just a bit more….
The thing that bothers me the most is that she’s presented as being unselfish. I deeply, deeply disagree.
It is UNSELFISH to say to your 12yo child, “I am not doing your science fair project with you last minute.” We’re supposed to be teaching our children, and one of the hardest things to teach is letting them feel the consequences of their choices.
I have an adult son with autism, and I felt keenly as he was growing up the responsibility to prepare him to be as functional of an adult as possible. I regularly had to ask people, including his teachers, not to swoop in and do things for him he could eventually accomplish himself. “If you could see how proud he is when he eventually masters something, you’d never want to take that away from him.”
I’ve taught Grade 6, and parents that were still stepping in at that age to save their kids, those were not fun kids to teach. 12 year olds can be a challenge, but entitled 12yos are a nightmare.
If the people who made this video knew anything about the psychology of validation-seeking and differentiation, they’d understand that never saying no is a sign of selfishness. That’s someone who isn’t motivated by charity, they’re motivated by the need of other’s approval.
Okay, ending before I start talking about the ways patriarchy benefits from giving women responsibility but no power.
I’ll second “How Rare a Possession” as a good church video. I note that at the end of the video, the mission president’s wife serves as the witness to a baptism (a deviation from policy at that time).
Let me add Emma to the list. I guess it wasn’t church-produced but it was the most god-awful movie I’ve ever seen. Emma is portrayed as this freethinking, confident yet somewhat self-absorbed wife of Joseph Smith. Throughout the movie you could tell how proud the producers and directors were in portraying Emma as if they were these progressive feminists doing history right. Joseph Smith is portrayed as this hero who goes through unfortunate hardships. When learning of her husband’s secret marriages to other women, Emma just grins and bears it and brushes it aside, forever trusting of Joseph Smith and extolling of his virtues. I could barely make it through that terrible production. Nothing brought me more joy than to read on the ex-Mormon subreddit several years after Emma came out a post from the lead actor playing Emma detailing how and why she left the church.
The Christopherson ironing story was truly bizarre and horrific. Can’t the father learn ironing? Can’t the children learn ironing? Couldn’t the family just accept more wrinkled clothes?
I second Johnny Lingo and Godly Sorrow as outright abominations.
What gets me is how these videos are shown and then the viewers are expected to derive all these important lessons from the videos. The viewers then proceed to give platitudinous Sunday School answers to rote questions that they think they’re supposed to say. They think they’re supposed to uphold the movies as inspired and inspiring. They are cringe-inducing, and I know a number of people in church audiences viewing these movies know that, but more often than not they’re too afraid to say anything.
Yes, this movie sounds dreadful. And as several people have noted, there are more where this one came from. I would like to recommend this link for some hilarious reviews of awful old church movies. https://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/tag/mormon-film-reviews/
Janey: I posted about this video in 2014. It is an incredibly bad video, and I remember being just bewildered by it at the time. My own overriding response was that this is what happens when men are completely off the hook for participating in the human race. Why the hell can’t the Carraway’s dad manage dinner for one night? What year is this? And beyond all that, is she a single mom? This woman is literally on the verge of a breakdown because of the complete lack of support, and she has no support from a husband or partner? Is he on a secret spy mission? Driving through a tunnel all day and can’t receive a text? Scuba diving? Hence my post’s title: Where Are All the Men? You’ll Never Know.
The idea of going an entire day with no male interactions whatsoever seemed bizarre to me. There wasn’t a single moment of her day that was familiar to me at all. Mary Ann pointed out that there are situations in which this could happen, so I guess I’m not the target audience. After all, as a working woman, I’m probably the bitchy sister who can only talk about me me me in the park while cluelessly overlooking the needs of others.
I’m honestly appalled the church lets this video continue on its website.
But if you want some excellent church video recaps, I think it’s hard to beat Eli McCann on his site It Just Gets Stranger: https://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/author/elimccann/. Here are some titles not to be missed:
– The Award: A 1985 Mormon Film About Boys Who Are Declared Heroes For Doing Less Than The Bare Minimum
– Pioneers In Petticoats: A 1969 BYU Film About Trashy Women
– The Long Road Back: A 1965 Mormon Film About Chastity. I Think.
– Measure of a Man: A Recap of a 1962 BYU Film About BEER
– Shannon: A Recap of a 1961 BYU Film About a Very Naughty Girl
– How Near to the Angels: A BYU Film Recap From 1965 That Will Make You Feel A Lot of Things
And many more…
I am not a Sandy, but my partner is. Except they don’t cry at the end of the day. They tell the missionaries during a visit that all their church service is not a sacrifice. Serving others instead of being with your family is not a sacrifice. What are we? Chopped liver? My partner would have done all that in one day and then think they had to do something more once they got home that night. I am so sick of the narrative that we have to (not) sacrifice so much for church.
Great article Janey, just fantastic.
And thanks to the many commentor’s for their excellent points.
A couplewhat they of things that have bothered me about the Mormon church’s push for call service to our fellow man
The acceptance of requests by leaders of the Morman church are consided often the only way to follow Christ’s teaching of serving others.
Lip service is given to the idea that we must not be told what to do every day all day but the ideology enforced by the leaders is the opposite.
The idea that so many members have (or had) that the service we give to others only “counts” if the assignment is offered through the LDS church.
This video shows Sandy abandoning her cousin and chosing to fulfill a last minute request by her ward to make dinner for a family.
Sandy is pulled and pushed different directions and sacrifices herself every time she makes a choice to alter her plans.
Janey could probably write several articles about this subject and it is hard to limit my comment because of the huge amount of life experience I have and have seen in other LDS women, it is all pretty sad.
One commentator also said that we get so much more, More, MORE and are left often to feel depressed and stressed.
Some seem to feel guilt where there is none if they choose to say No to an assignment by church leaders.
Being able to tell the difference between church leaders who are taking advantage of members for what ever reason ( to reach man made goals etc) and inspiration from Christ is something that is so very hard for many Mormons.
I do think they are learning the difference though and this seems to upset so many LDS leaders who are use to telling others what to do and having others Obey without question.
My favorite church video was done about 3 years ago about a runner wanting to run 100 miles. Life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Life is hard. Heavenly Father will help. Not a perfect video (Heavenly Parents??) but non denominational except for LDS logo at the end and not preachy.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2021-01-0010-your-great-adventure-overcoming-lifes-obstacles?lang=eng
My least favorite church videos are chastity videos, especially the older ones. Most have all the sensitivity of a sledgehammer. There’s one with Kimball’s voice that makes me want to vomit.
@Angela Oh man…thank you for reminding me of “How Near to the Angels” and Eli McCann’s excellent recap. That little horror show from BYU might take the cake for best and worst Mormon film ever. So much to unpack in this one…we’ve got petty theft, there’s evil swing dancing, there’s righteous square dancing, a seventh-grader named Babs who smokes two packs a day, there’s unresolved sexual tension between Sister Stanley and Janet on a “nature ramble” up Provo Canyon, there’s the equestrian dreamboat Kent who can’t get married in the temple because he doesn’t pay tithing, we’ve got the creepy/repressed return missionary Tim proposing to every girl in sight (after greeting them with a firm missionary handshake, of course) and using his 11 siblings as a pickup line…and JANET FALLS FOR IT!!!!, we’ve got Tim kissing Janet’s mom…
This is a must-see in Mormon cinema available for free on YouTube right this very moment.
I should also add that there is a YouTube channel called “Hard-to-Find Mormon Videos” that is a treasure trove of content.
I hate this video so much too. I was in a RS Presidency at the time it came out, and it was very divisive. Somebody (not me) showed it in RS. Lots of tears. I was shaking by the end and, others told me later, had turned bright red. (Perils of Irish ancestry.)
I was not alone in hating it. The 1/3 of us or so in the “hate it” camp in that RS meeting raised the issue of setting boundaries and also pointed out, as Janey did, all the people who lost out that day.
The ones who loved it felt like their work was hard, invisible, and unheralded often especially by the Church. They felt seen. I said, “Maybe, but you should also feel used.”
I was released a little bit after that. For unrelated reasons. Maybe.
Also, Angela C thank you for this line in the comments: “this is what happens when men are completely off the hook for participating in the human race.“ It wins the Internet for me today. It made me laugh but also is kind of reality for a lot of women I know.
My fave:
Hey Mountain Climber, thanks for the link to no. 4. “Godly Sorrow Leads to Repentance”! (Connected somehow to the celebrated Two Corinthians!) Just watched it–we learn that slut-shaming is a beautiful thing, and what God wants! So, does that mean that this girl gets two husbands on Planet Kolob? And…are she and her fiancee still in college? Is that BYU or something? Not as rednecky as Harry Potter, where everybody marries their high-school sweethearts, but still, I have to wonder what Heavenly Father’s goals are here.
I got interested in Mormonism by watching Book of Mormon videos (no, not the one from the Tony Awards), esp. the one about some guy called out by a prophet for cheating on his wife. It was so cheesy I forwarded it to friends (who no doubt repented of their sins as a result). I can dig up the link if anybody wants. The thing was like a Sunday School pageant gone mad.
I love ‘The Pump’, it’s not a great message sure, but I love minimal dialog, the 70s horror aesthetic, the musical stings, the editing, and the fact that that the guy drops dead at the end.
it’s so shocking and stark but also hilarious
also, surprised no one had mentioned ‘The Bridge’ yet. Where the boy gets run over by a train. That was always a real tear-jerker. I felt so traumatized the first time I saw it.
I generally would prefer more videos like these, that punch you in the gut instead of the very bland corpo-aesthetic modern videos.
I love that video where they enact New Testament scenes from Block paintings. I know Jesus is wearing the worst wig ever and he’s the whitest white Jesus who ever whit, but the care that was taken in crafting these scenes is remarkable.
I had an institute teacher who showed our class The Pump and then asked how we could apply it to different gospel principles- “like marriage”. The class died laughing at that point (“So we have to prime the pump first?”) but my favorite takeaway was from a classmate who concluded that “Marriage is like a Ghost Town, because when it comes down to it you’re the only one there”.
Does anyone remember the video from BYU-I encouraging students to report fellow students who might be masturbating to their bishops? It used soldiers on a battlefield as the setting.
@ji – I believe the BYU-I video you are referring to is called “Wounded on the Battlefield”. I included a link to it in my previous comment above.
When I saw the title, I thought “oh I bet it was the video where the mom missed cousin night.” My biggest frustration is that she didn’t just deliver the uncooked casserole. That’s like totally acceptable because it gives the recipient flexibility regarding when they eat it. To me that’s clue #1 that women were not heavily involved in this script. A more believable scenario would have been a suddenly sick kid.
I’d leave “The Mediator” off the list of worst videos. Granted, it’s tone is off-putting and it underdefines the atonement. But the part of the atonement it covers, it gets right (unlike the “He Took My Lickin’ For Me” story, which has been repeated in Conference). I find “The Mediator” to be a useful jumping-off point–I can endorse something the members already believe before moving on to the rest of the story.
I agree with all the posts regarding the Church’s tendency to produce cringe-worthy short films. It seems the harder they try to make them relatable and relevant, the worse they actually are, and the more poorly they age.
I must echo Mortimer’s earlier comment about the visible shift to McMansion/affluenza/prosperity gospel in Church films sometime in the 1990s. I was in high school in the late 90s, about the time the Church introduced a series of seminary videos that were supposed to depict contemporary typical teens in everyday settings. They actually consisted of a rotating cast predominantly White Utah teens doing Utah things, in their massive newly-built Utah suburban McMansions and shiny new Utah schools. Me and my half-asleep classmates in early morning seminary in California just scratched our heads at these videos, as they were completely unrelatable to us, with our solidly middle-class lives, two working parent households, modest homes, crumbling schools, and diverse surroundings in which we Mormons were a tiny minority. Eventually, our humble (volunteer) seminary teacher stopped showing them because we we would just spend the whole time making fun of the videos, their lack of believability and the weird Utah accents.
Then, in the late 2000s (around Prop 8, Mitt Romney’s presidential run and the “I’m a Mormon” campaign) it seemed like overnight all the Church media went global (films, magazines, websites, misc stock photos of shiny happy people, etc.), showing more diverse people, in diverse parts of world. While I applaud the effort at inclusiveness, it happened so fast it just seemed forced and disingenuous, and not always reflecting of the reality of the Mormon experience for most members. Like the Church was trying extra hard to be all things to all people, as it often does.
Huh. Great comments everyone. I was swamped yesterday, so couldn’t participate in the discussion. Angela – thanks for linking to your post from when the video came out. Great analysis.
I started thinking about the “no men” angle after reading several comments. I mentally excused the husband as being away on a business trip. If you’re a frequent reader of my posts, you know I spent several years as an unemployed single mother. A fortunate combination of child support and getting the house in the divorce meant that we weren’t in dire straits. I was in LDS-central and had no interactions outside of other Church members, and it was pretty common for me to spend entire days without interacting with any men. At all. Play dates with other moms; phone calls with other moms; dealing with little kids. No men. I respected my friends’ family time and didn’t contact people in the evenings when dad was home (most of my neighborhood was SAHMs). For a few years, the only time I saw men was at Church on Sunday (their dad wasn’t super involved for the first couple years post-divorce).
I don’t know what I think about that, except that not interacting with any men while a single mom in LDS-land is plausible, in my experience. Same sort of thing when I was still married but husband was gone for a year (military deployment). No men unless I needed help (furnace died or car wouldn’t start) or I was at Church.
My life is now completely flipped. Yesterday, I didn’t speak to any women. Not even a text message or an email. My job is in a male-centric field and the only contact I had yesterday with anyone besides my children was work-related. 100% male. Socially, I have both male and female friends now, so yesterday was kind of unusual.
If someone beat me to this – kudos to them (and sorry I am not able to carefully comb through all the comments right now).
BEST Mormon movie REVIEWS of ALL TIME:
https://www.itjustgetsstranger.com/tag/mormon-film-reviews/
By Ian McCann
Crappy is one thing, our take is downright creepy in the 1969 film Pioneers in Petticoats.
There are some real gems here that are perfect for movie night with well chosen friends.
ji–I am NOT googling that!
Can we all agree that The Phone Call is hands down the best LDS flick ever?
I had actually never seen this one. 0/10 would not recommend.
I also really do not like “Earthly Father, Heavenly Father.” Is God off working in order to pay the bills for building Earth? How does raising a family in capitalism parallel my relationship with the divine?
Brad:
“Emma came out a post from the lead actor playing Emma detailing how and why she left the church.”
Seems like she was in the church earlier this year…
https://latterdaysaintmag.com/highlighting-our-latter-day-saint-musicians-katherine-nelson/
And the woman from Legacy was a never-mo who had been in R-flicks, etc.
Thinking of somebody else?
I don’t remember the name of the video. All I remember is the alligator who chews up a guy who got too close. The message being: one sip of beer or an over-the-sweater touch and you might as well make your reservation now for Motel Hell.
jpv,
I did read a detailed post from someone claiming to play Emma on Emma Smith: My Story on the ex-Mormon subreddit a number of years back. I’ve been looking around for the post, but nothing has turned up. It must have gotten deleted. It is of course, possible, that she went back to activity, in full or in part. It is possible that it wasn’t really her who posted, but it had a lot of details and was very forthcoming about her having played Emma.
Seeker,
The danger of one sip of beer or excessive necking is not that people will go on some slippery slope down to the pits of hell, but that the people who do that will realize that it isn’t that big of a deal and that there are many good people who have sex before marriage and socially drink. Heck, there are good people who have alcohol and sex problems. But most people who drink aren’t alcoholics. And most people who have sex before marriage aren’t out-of-control sex addicts. Many admirable people around the world whom we should aspire to be like are social drinkers and had sex for the first time before marriage, and didn’t go through the torturous path of “godly sorrow” to repent of it.
Seeker,
Here is a link to the video. From a talk by Elder Packer. Guy goes on a safari to random spot Africa, ignores a sign, climbs a fence and dies. Remember it from seminary years ago.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2010-06-0013-spiritual-crocodiles?lang=eng
The discussion questions in the teacher manual for Come Follow Me for 1 Peter through Jude are lame and depressing – the concepts we are supposed to discuss are:
being a peculiar people
preaching the Gospel to the dead
avoiding false teachings or apostasy
walking in truth
In other words, about as subtle and nuanced as some of the Church videos previously mentioned in the comments.
After reading the OP and most of the comments, it occurs to me that there isn’t a male equivalent to “Sandy” in any church produced video. Why is it that the most guilt -inducing videos are aimed at women and not men? (It’s a retorical question, of course I think we all know the answer).
Jack Hughes: I laughed out-loud at this comment: “Eventually, our humble (volunteer) seminary teacher stopped showing them because we we would just spend the whole time making fun of the videos, their lack of believability and the weird Utah accents.” Your description of watching those videos in early morning seminary (same decade, two states to the north) sounds eerily familiar.
lastlemming: The reason I don’t like The Mediator (if I’m thinking of the same video) is that the money lendor being the most harmed character in the story is never questioned. What about the immortality of charging high interest to a young man who’s trying to buy a piece of land to support and feed himself? What about profiting off of someone else’s labor loaning money you probably inherited? Isn’t the practice of usury condemned in the Bible?
The second reason I don’t care for it, is as you mentioned, it proposes a pretty weak atonement theory. The Mediator doesn’t actually pay off the debt for the borrower. He doesn’t rebuke the lender for taking advantage of his neighbor. He’s more like the collection agency that buys a defaulted loan off of another lender (for pennies on the dollar because the original lender has already written it off) and then strong-arms the borrower into paying it off with harassing phone calls – even though the debt has already been paid for. Not much of a Mediator, if you as me. As you can tell, I’ve spent way too much time thinking about this video.
Loved this post, I’m an LDS therapist, who sees very few LDS, because amongst other things I try to help people question their motivations and those of others as part of increasing their agency and self determination, which increases confidence and competence and helps with depression. I saw this short at the end of a meeting so there was no space for discussion and was left with such a bad taste in my mouth and deep concern for my sisters. I guess it taught me that I can’t even begin to put this stuff right and I’m not responsible for doing so.
I was actually so discombobulated by this film I don’t think I got that she had stood up her cousin! Way to build family relationships. And like others I imagined at one point that it was going to be about setting appropriate boundaries. an astonishing film to be made in this day and age.
And worse, I’d assumed she was a lone parent. which just made me want to weep for her.
I avoid all church media, always seems manipulative and tone deaf to me. They seem determined to rob people of all capacity to think rationally. I know people who have left the church due to these things.
I just keep paddling my own canoe upstream…
Also, a big thank you to those who keep the world turning caring for our sick and elderly and little ones. I would not want to be perceived as not honouring your love and grace which is indeed the mark of true christianity even when not subscribed to.
Thanks Wayfarer
The video shown at the Independence visitors center is abysmal. First of all- they re-did the visitors center to be “on message” with the missionary talks, and removed most of the history of independence, replacing it literally with Utah.
After walking through a hallway/tunnel lined with fake rocks (the kind that are used in zoos and amusement parks) that re-creates Arches National Park (evidently everything churchy has to be about Utah.) you hear an Utah family (Utah accents) having fun and hiking until….a child screams and falls. The parents panic calling his name. Then, you enter a re-creation of a Utah home (absolutely not a Midwestern home) and a video appears telling the story of the family’s grief having lost their child and conversion to the church and eternal families.
When we visited, the missionaries gushed about how great and spiritual this film was, but I loathe fake stories that portend spirituality with drama and heart-string tugging. There are those who will tearfully give sacrament talks about the train conductor who sacrifices his son (cue the tears). But, I am not one of those people. I don’t manipulate and don’t like people trying to manipulate me.
Keep in mind, this exhibit and montage of videos replaces videos and exhibits about the history of the church in the Midwest and the significance of a visitor’s center being located in old town independence. (Unimportant, evidently.)
I don’t see how anything could be worse than ‘The Pump.’
Our bishop showed this as a 5th Sunday lesson 6ish years ago and boy was he upset when he got pushback from multiple women about how awful this video’s message was