In the fall of 1976 I entered the Language Training Mission (LTM) in Provo. Just a few month before, missionaries learning a foreign language stayed at old dorms at BYU. But now we had a brand new place below the Provo temple. Only foreign language missionaries went here, usually for two months. The missionaries not learning a Language went for just two weeks to the Salt Lake Mission home.
A few weeks after we arrived, they had the dedication of the LTM. Elder Monson conducted, and Elder McConkie gave the opening prayer, and the speakers were Elder S. Dilworth Young, Ezra Taft Benson, Marion Romney, N. Eldon Tanner and Spencer W. Kimble. Not speaking but on the stand was Paul H. Dunn, L. Tom Parry, Marvin J. Aston, Boyd K. Packer and La grand Richards. We all though that was pretty cool to have so many of the brethren sitting just a few feet from us in the LTM gym.
My district was all going to South America, six Elders and three sisters. Then after three weeks, one of the Elders was sent home for some “unresolved problems”, which I only found out much later. At the time we were told he was sick. So I then ended up in a threesome, with Elder Colson my original companion and Elder Aston who’s companion whet home. We all got along great, and really had fun. We all became friends, and got along with others on our floor in our dorm building.
One day we were talking about our calling letters we received from the prophet, and I made the comment that they were signed by an autopen. Elder Colson said that was not true, as his Stake President had told him that the prophet signs each calling personally. So, we each got out our letters, and I laid them on top of each other and help them up to the light. The two signatures of Spencer W. Kimball were exactly the same. We then put them side by side, and saw that the pen even skipped in the exact same place on each signature. It was pretty obvious that a machine had written the signature. Elder Colson looked at the letters, and then said “My Stake President lied to me!” The look on his face was priceless. I did not know what cognitive dissonance was back then, but if I had known, this would have been a prime example.
I don’t think that my companion’s SP lied to him. He was just perpetuating a story he had heard. But I put an end to the story that day for Elder Colson.
Wheat & Tares 
Probably not a malicious lie, but an uninformed opinion or folklore.
My son has his call and is awaiting his departure date. He wondered about the process. I told him what I knew (that a member of the Twekve makes the assignments) and we talked about numbers. For example, if there are 20,000 calls per year, and they produce letters on 200 days per year, that is 100 letters to be signed each day by the President and 100 assignments each day (or 20 per hour if he spends 5 hours at it) for the member of the Twelve. Twenty per hour is three minutes each. He understood. He still considers it a sacred responsibility — a call from someone we sustain as the President of the Church.
Wait, you’re telling me members aren’t required to make love with their garments on? That lying sonuva…
“The Stake President Lied to Me!”
Well there’s a surprise.
I am sorry to say that I both lived your post and laughed at the end of it.
That should be loved your post.
My trust was even more damaged. My parents worked in the building programme for the church, and when my papers went in we were in Coventry England. My father was then moved to Leeds by the church. When I got my call it was to Leeds. Not only not revelation, not even coordination.
My father and I viseted the mission pres, who arranged a second call, ti the Irish mission.
He just happened to be sick that day, all the rest were hand-signed. Trust me, I have compared many of them.
I worked for The Family Rosary during HS. This Catholic charity promoted the the rosary and had missions in various parts of the world. I worked in the mail room most of the time. One day I was asked to work the auto pen signature to sign letters for the top donors. My bubble was broken that such an invention existed. I purposely jiggled the paper on each one to make it look a bit unique. It’s the same in large organizations.