Your grandparents think and act differently than you do. So do your parents and so do your kids. But we all attend the same church. We all probably have the lurking suspicion that this introduces some difficulties. I gained a lot of insight into just how pervasive those difficulties are reading Sticking Points: How to Get 4 Generations Working Together in the 12 Places They Come Apart (Tyndale Momentum, 2013). The author is Haydn Shaw, a Franklin-Covey consultant who teaches managers and executives how Traditionalists (born before 1945) and Boomers (born 1945-1964) should manage Gen-Xers (1965-80) and Millennials (1981-2001). The whole discussion seems terribly relevant to the LDS Church, which has just taken the rather dramatic step of shortening the Sunday meeting block in the hope that more Millennials will keep their butts in the pews for two hours. I suspect the recent combining of Elders and High Priests into one quorum on Sunday (I call it the High Elders) has also highlighted some generational differences. Young Elders think high priests pontificate too much. High Priests think Elders spend too much time looking at their cell phones.
Let me just quickly indicate why this generational thing is more of a problem for the LDS Chruch than for others. First, we have really old leaders. Eight of the Big 15, including all three of the First Presidency, are Traditionalists (sometimes called “the Greatest Generation” as they fought and won WWII) and the rest are older Boomers. So the gap between the older leaders and the youngest adults is four generations in the Church, but only three in most organizations. Second, the older leaders are very integrated into the day-to-day teaching and practice of the Church. Third, apart from YSA branches, LDS wards are determined geographically. There is little flexibility to tailor an LDS ward to meet the needs of older folks or younger folks or seekers or progressives or conservatives. You find more variation between McDonalds outlets than between LDS wards.
I think you get the general idea. Let me just spend one paragraph each on four of the areas addressed in the book and see what you think. No doubt you have your own generational observations to share in the comments. Keep in mind the author’s analysis relates primarily to the workplace, but the four areas I will talk about (communication, dress code, meetings, and policies) translate directly into the LDS environment.
Communication
Traditionalists write a memo or send a letter. Boomers pick up the phone or set up a meeting. Gen-Xers write an email. Millennials text or do a group chat thing (you left me a voicemail? Are you kidding?). At least corporations can standardize their communications technology, so everyone has a phone and a cell/text number and an email address, all of which are available in the company directory. Have you found the simple task of communicating with ward members trickier than it used to be? My ward gave up printed programs on Sunday a few years ago. Communications within the Church does seem to mirror the simple outline above. GAs send a “First Presidency letter,” a piece of paper delivered to the bishop and read (or not) on Sunday. Your Boomer Stake President sends emails to his bishops. Your Elders Quorum President probably texts his elders to coordinate meetings or projects.
Dress Code
Do I even have to spell it out? Traditionalists wear suits and probably sleep in them. Boomers go casual the minute they get home. Gen-Xers want casual at work. Millennials expect casual at work. The Church seems stuck in a 1950s approach to what we are expected to wear to church, which matches the Traditionalist view of Traditionalist GAs who run the Church and set the LDS dress code. If you really want to keep Millennials around, make a generational LDS dress code: New High Priests (local leadership) wears suits, elders wear business casual, and if you’re not an elder you can wear whatever you want as long as mom washed it recently.
Meetings
Traditionalists didn’t grow up with meetings, but when they had them the boss did all the talking, then it was over. Boomers like meetings, it’s their chance to show how smart they are, network, and angle for a promotion. Gen-Xers will start multitasking with their laptop or smartphone if the meeting is not doing anything useful. Millennials hate boring meetings and want interactivity so bad they’ll start interrupting to make it happen. Two kinds of LDS meetings: (1) Three-hour block meetings. Boredom is the problem. Maybe cutting down to two hours might be a partial solution. I think Sunday School and PH/RS do pretty well on interactivity. If you want to say something, just raise your hand. Sacrament meeting is tougher to upgrade. Like any other Millennial, younger LDS just find something interesting on their smartphone if they are stuck in a boring meeting. (2) Other meetings. Honestly, 95% of the extra meetings I have been to are just a waste of time. Training meetings do almost no training. Just send an email. Stakes are run by Boomers and Boomers love meetings. So there are lots of stake meetings. Just get rid of them (the meetings, not the Boomers).
Policies
Traditionalists: Everyone needs to do what they’re told. Boomers: Let’s make a policy so things work well and everyone is treated fairly. Gen-Xers: Rules are made to be broken. Millennials: If it doesn’t make sense, I’ll assume it’s a just a guideline. So “hot drinks” includes iced tea but not hot chocolate. A Traditionalist says, “okay, I will avoid iced tea but enjoy hot chocolate.” A Millennial says, “uh, that really doesn’t make any sense.” So if senior leadership wants to make Millennials a little more happy with the Mormon checklist, the leadership ought to appoint a committee (cross-generational membership would be a real advantage here) to identify the top ten LDS policies and practices that don’t make sense, then suggest changes and modifications that do make sense. If the glory of God is intelligence, surely the policies and practices of God’s church can at least make sense.
The other topics addressed in the book are decision-making, feedback, fun at work, knowledge transfer, loyalty, respect, training, and work ethic. Most of those are relevant to the LDS context as well, but there is only so much I can squeeze into a blog post. Do you have your own churchy generational story?
Last thought: The first post-Millennial turns 18 and enters an MTC in 2020. If President Nelson lives to be 95, we will be a five-generation church.
Wheat & Tares 
In our ward, the average age is 70. I have to use email and paper to communicate announcements (many sisters don’t even have email addresses). We don’t have enough sisters on social media to make that a good communication channel. The few youth and their leaders all communicate via text messages. But my kids receive cards often in the mail from wardmembers when they give talks or do anything noteworthy. I haven’t seen that as much in other wards we’ve lived in. So yes, different communication channels across generations.
“Gen-Xers will start multitasking with their laptop or smartphone if the meeting is not doing anything useful.” Oh my gosh! I am Gen X and this is so true. Don’t waste my time. Very interesting blog.
My current EQP is a boomer who is proud of the fact that he doesn’t own a computer or smartphone. The old guys don’t email or text and the young guys don’t answer their phones or show up to meetings. Coordinating any priesthood functions or activities is a nightmare, and they usually end up falling apart.
My stake had a leadership training meeting recently, to which I was invited. I decided not to go because my wife was overwhelmed from being with the kids all day and she needed me at home. Boomers and Traditionalists (my parents and grandparents) would have probably gone to the meeting anyway, because they grew up believing in the importance of the obedience=sacrifice=blessings model and “putting God first”, which meant prioritizing your church callings and responsibilities above all else and “let God take care of the rest”. Gen-X and Millennials (I’m somewhere in between) turned that model upside-down, and instead prioritize family, then work/school/livelihood, then church at a distant third place. If there’s a church meeting that gets in the way of me being a dad, I simply won’t go. If EQ goes even one minute over time, I get up and leave to get my kids from primary and go home. It’s so important to have healthy boundaries, but the older generations don’t seem to get that.
Jack, I’m a Boomer (one of the older ones). I and all the Boomers in my EQ and circle of friends elsewhere (I’m not counting one of the older generation who is technically too old to be a Boomer) use computers and smartphones and email. Many of them also text. They also answer the phone. Those who are my good friends also prioritize family, then work/livelihood, then church; they and those I’m not so close to know very well why others get up and leave to get their kids from primary. Many of them heartily approve of your not going to meetings that get in the way of being a husband and father. I suggest dropping any generalization about Boomers, though I really can’t say whether its your ward or mine that’s weird! BTW, we also have Gen-Xers who are Traditionalists.
I think I’ll continue to be unimpressed with stuff out of the Franklin-Covey crew. (My MBA class from Stephen Covey was the worst and the most useless. Sorry, Covey-fans.) Maybe such generalizations have some value if they describe accurately a majority of those addressed AND the caution is often-enough repeated that they may not apply at all to the particular people you’re dealing with.
Very insightful article. My compliments! By age, I would certainly be considered a Boomer. However, my life experience has caused me to act more like a Gen Xr. I have a “hair trigger” when it comes to someone trying to force their way of thinking or acting on others. The following is a note I wrote to a very dear friend (who is also a Boomer) – and is a high ranking church official:
“I’ve had an occasion these past six years to work with many, many people who have been “broken” by life in some way. Many of our employees have had to really fight to survive in life; sometimes against enormous odds. There are many older men and women, single mothers – old and young, people without a home, people who were devastated by the financial collapse in 2008 and even those recovering from life threatening illnesses. (We sometimes jokingly refer to ourselves as “The Island of Misfit Toys” from the old Christmas cartoon)
This experience has caused me to emblazon on my mind and heart, a motto that I intend living by; for whatever the remainder of my life might be. This is: “I will be as kind as I possibly can, in as many circumstances as I can and to smooth the way for as many as I can; especially those who have known little kindness through the course of their lives”.
It has really melted my heart to see so many who have been “broken” and “thrown away” who are so thankful for a smile, a kind word, a warm drink and a host of any other of the smallest of kindnesses. It has also made me despise all the more, those who consider themselves to be “better than”, “smarter than”, “more spiritual than”, “more deserving than” , “more insightful than” or “better looking than” anybody else. In my gut, I still have a special, tight little ball of fury for those who toy with people’s lives; within the safety of religious dogma, ecclesiastical callings or those who consider human beings resources to be consumed and data to be studied; rather than the divine beings they are.”
We are fortunate that almost every member in the ward has e-mail and checks it some. Many of the older generation only use social media to keep up with their kids & grandkids.
In the past 5 years almost the entire leadership in our stake has become Gen-X. 5 of the 6 bishops that I know and 2 of 3 in the stake presidency are Gen-X. Our ward has 5 former bishops in it, 4 are Boomers and 1 is Gen-X. There are a few older Boomers in leadership but most of the callings are going to younger people.
I think we have also seen a generational shift in who is seen as a good leader. The young Boomers who have never had a high calling (or at least a spouse with a high calling), are passed over even when they could really contribute. I am sure that some of them are fine with this, and just plan to spend some more time with the grandkids, or engaged with their adult children.
Seeing the lesson prep by older members is interesting. I know that I have been less engaged in EQ meetings this year. The lack of a set lesson manual means that unless we get an e-mail/text about the next lesson, there is nothing to study and little to engage me before the meeting. This is a generational/curriculum change that is not a favorite of mine.
I’m a Boomer. I mean a 1947 Boomer like the day my daddy got back from the South Pacific. I highly applaud your putting your children first!
As to my facility with the Media Age, I’m comfortable enough with the internet. Never signed on to social media because I’m not interested in what your dog is doing and I don’t want what I say to someone in private being spread all over the place.
I’ve got a cellphone but I’m MORE than comfortable walking away from it when I’ve got things to do and I’m not the least adverse to being incommunicado at my convenience.
I still have a land line but I had someone who knows what they’re doing disable the answering feature so no one thinks I’m ever going to return their call. I’m old enough to remember the quiet grace of only being responsible for what happens where I am at any given moment. If I’m not available at any time of the night or day for someone who has calling me as an item on their checklist and I don’t get a delivery as a result, well, that’s the price I pay to take the Media Age on on my terms.
Is this just a stage? Will a time come when older and younger people have fewer differences in these areas? That some new form of communication will be so good that it has legs and doesn’t need to be improved upon for a long time? That the generations will move closer together to some degree?
Or is this the new norm and communication fragments even further. Lack of widespread communication and stronger divisions into increasing more specialized groups will be characteristic of a new dark age. War, famine and pestilence (disease) may be the result.. At the very least we will see erosion of the quality of life; financially , socially, spiritually.
Does it mean you are finally getting old when you are glad you are getting old??
Lefthandloafer: Amen and amen.Words to live by.
As I read the post, I couldn’t help but think of Professor Harold Hill:
“Mothers of River City!
Heed that warning before it’s too late!
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption!
The moment your son leaves the house
Does he re-buckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from Cap’n Billy’s Whiz Bang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like, like “swell”?
And “so’s your old man?””
Well, if so my friends
Ya got trouble
No matter the era, older generations tend to give younger ones grief, so that’s not going to change. Even still, it is interesting and useful to note general idiosyncrasies as Dave B does in his post. It has me pegged on a few items (I’m a mix of Boomer and GenX)
What would really be interesting is the Church taking up Dave B on this suggestion:
“…the leadership ought to appoint a committee to identify the top ten LDS policies and practices that don’t make sense, then suggest changes and modifications that do make sense.”
Some of the items I would list that don’t make sense:
– Word of wisdom as a Temple recommend requirement (particularly coffee and tea)
– Excluding people, including family, from LDS weddings who aren’t LDS or don’t have a Temple recommend
– Why women, today, can’t be called as clerks (it doesn’t make sense that women don’t hold priesthood offices in general, but that’s another discussion)
– The insistence for using the KJV of the Bible in English language congregations
– And do we really need a loud buzzer going off, twice, to let us know it’s time to end the Sunday School class?
I apologize for making biased generalizations about older folks. My perception is driven by observations of generational dynamics in my own ward and stake, which may be different elsewhere. Indeed, the few positive cross-generational connections I have made in church happen as a result of both sides withholding judgement and making each other feel appreciated. And this can be a fine line to walk. Older people may have wisdom and experience, but sometimes it represents the values of a different century and is not relevant to me. Young people are usually more physically able, but after a hard day of work, and looking after my family’s needs, I’m too busy or too exhausted to help somebody move or go to another meeting. We just need to listen and understand each other better.
But Gen-X and Millennials are leaving the church in growing numbers, and I believe this generational disconnect has something to do with it.
Thanks for the comments, everyone.
In the book, the author points out that the late Boomers had a different and tougher experience than the early Boomers, who timed things right, had a cheap education, a booming job market, and cheap housing with low interest rates. For late Boomers, everything was more expensive and early Boomers clogged up promotion hierarchies in large companies. So late Boomers encountered a lot of the challenges that Gen-Xers did. So there probably ought to be a “Boom-Xers” category that sort of spans the late Boomer years and the early Gen-X years.
It’s also interesting that blogging attracts mostly late Boomers and Gen-Xers. Millennials are busy texting and doing social media. Traditionalists are off watching re-runs of Gunsmoke or something. Blogging, which aspires to create serious posts and substantive discussions and often achieves it, is as much a generational thing as disco, email, or texting. I’m talkin’ ’bout my generation, people.
Dave B,
Boom-Xers fits with my experience: I’m a later Boomer but identify more with the Gen-X description. BYU tuition was cheap in the early 80s, but the one student loan I got was at a discounted rate of 8%. I believe that is also the rate I got with my first house in 1992 (using a VA backed loan). My parents and in-laws were born just before WWII so they don’t fit the mold of Boomer parents nor are they Boomer’s themselves. Both bought houses just before the double digit inflation days. One aspect of being a Boom-Xer, that you might have experienced, is the feeling of perpetual youth. For much of my life, I’ve been pretty much the youngest one in many of my work settings due to the bulge of Boomers working their way through the system. I was an early adopter of computers (my dad bought a ‘home-built’ type in about ’78 with nice wood panels), but email only became useful in about ’94-95 and I dropped those telephone message pads like a hot rock.
Makes sense to me, Dave C.
My post talked about the effect of US generational cohorts on culture and practice within the LDS Church. A couple of tangents ought to be added. First, the generational cohort groupings and descriptions will be different for different countries, as the demographics, economics shifts, and defining historical events will differ by country, sometimes rather dramatically. Talking about China or France or England would give an entirely different grouping and description for their “generations.” I’m thinking the categories and discussion in this post make little sense to non-US readers.
Second, we could probably do a generational analysis for the LDS Church itself, turning on the cultural swings, doctrinal emphasis, and particular leader initiatives over the years. Armand Mauss’s assimilation/retrenchment cycle would be one factor, but before and after the 1978 policy change would be significant, as would the 2015 November Policy event. This topic could be a post unto itself, but a quick sketch might be (without trying to come up with catchy Church-generational names):
— pre-1940, when the Church and Mormons were seen as just odd outside the Mormon Corridor;
— 1945-1964, when Mormons went somewhat mainstream and were more accepted by society and the media;
— 1965-1978, when the racial issue shifted national perceptions of Mormons in a decidedly negative direction;
— 1979-2000, sort of a golden age of Mormon PR, when it was kind of cool to be Mormon and not take drugs;
— 2001-present, with Mormonism becoming very uncool again as the LDS anti-gay initiative ramped up and largely came to redefine in a negative way how the Church and Mormons are seen by society and the media.
A young Mormon who grew up in the golden age of Mormon PR (1979-2000) had a much different experience of being Mormon than a young LDS coming of age today, when the Church has largely squandered the PR capital it built up over the years. And now a kid can’t even call himself a Mormon!
Frequently it is cited that some group or people in general are “leaving the church in growing numbers, ” I happen to believe this but it is hard to show very devout family members and friends anything convincing to them. I see many of the recent changes as evidence that top leadership knows that we are in trouble and are trying to do something about it. The devout believe the church has never been stronger and this is evidence that we have progressed to where we have proven worthy of exciting new revelation. We are reducing church from 3 hours to 2 hours, not in order to convince people to stop leaving en mass, but because we have advanced in righteousness to where we get to do some of it at home. (I hour less church, 10 hours more church homework -yippee!)
This is not a small thing. If the church was progressing and growing, then it makes sense for the critics to shut up or just go away. If we are losing members in large numbers then maybe we better start listening to those who might have ideas as to why and how to correct it.
In 1997-98 I was EQP. We baptized annually 32 and 39 people in the ward during 1996-97. My best friend was the ward mission leader. We took it as a divinemandate and a serious personal responsibility to insure every one of those 71 people become strong, active members of the church with growing testimonies. We did everything we could think of to do it.
We failed miserably. The 1 year retention rate was less than 10% and within 5 years only 2 remained active. Even those 2 did not make it to 10 years. One of them was very troubled and on his way out when he was killed in a mysterious incident. The other divorced her husband, (my best friend, the ward mission leader referred to above) and left the church with their 4 children. My wife also started attending another church and only one of my kids is active.
They divided the ward but about half as many people attend sacrament meeting in both wards now. The number of youth is less than 1/3 what it was before and most of them do not stay active. The actual number of home teaching visits made each month was in the 70-80 range in 1998 and fell to the 40s by about 10 years later and was below 20 when they eliminated it last year. I am not in PEC and don’t know the ward details any more but it can’t be good.
I asked a visiting GA what the church wide performance of home teaching was. He wouldn’t say but then he did indicate the answer was “right under your nose because your ward is statistically very close to average for North America.” I presumed the West and Pacific Coast was stronger while New England and the Midwest and most of the South (where we are at) was weaker.
But tell all that to devout relatives and friends and they say any bad news is just a statistical quirk, a local problem. Not applicable to the rest of the church. Definitely not applicable to them.
So none of this generational razz-ma-tazz really matters. We are all merrily and happily dancing down the fast lane to the celestial kingdom. 10% tithing please.
My 16 year old son’s voicemail says something like, “Obviously if you’re calling me, you have my number, so why don’t you just text me instead of leaving a voicemail. I don’t listen to voicemail.”
This same son, however, was bummed when his YM leaders got his cell number because they started texting to invite him to activities. This isn’t necessarily a church thing though; there are many times he wishes his mother and I didn’t have his cell phone number.
I’m a X/millennial border and my kids are Gen z. My suggestions off the top of my head?
-get rid of stupid things like unwritten rules of no beards or colored shirts (or no flip flops or capris on byui campus etc). Any of that leftover Wilkinson stuff.
I’m surrounded by super orthodox Gen X and Millennials in my ward and they’d gladly accept change, if only it came from those in authority.
Also? Good luck w Gen Z. If you thought millennials were hard to keep?? Just y’all wait. (Phew!)
Thanks for the comments, everyone.
Generation Z and Post-Millennial are the two frontrunners for the generation name, but there are others. Some put the beginning of the Gen-Z cohort in the mid-1990s, in which case we already have adult Gen-Zs in the Church. The smartphone is definitely their defining device.
Here’s a thought: General Conference has become a “tune in” rather than an attend event. Third hour in Sunday church has now been delegated to home study. The logic of this development is eventually one-hour church or zero-hour church. Gen-Z would love to just bring up a talk or two on the ward app, do some group chat with their class or quorum, and call it a day. As long as the tithing keeps rolling in (notice I didn’t say “tithing checks” because I doubt most Gen-Zs will write a check their entire life) the Church might end up this way, either by choice or by default.
And just to point out how reasonable that possibility is, that’s where we already are with temple attendance. It is not required. They don’t track your attendance statistics. All they really care about is that you have a TR, which means you pay your tithing. Whether you actually attend the temple or not is largely irrelevant. It may be the case that people pay tithing so they can attend the temple. It may also be the case that the leadership pushes to build temples so that people will pay their tithing. It’s not clear which effect predominates.
I spent several recent years in YW leadership, and they really do prefer to do their religious learning by pulling things up and discussing online. They challenge their Sunday School and Seminary teachers with questions and usually steer their classes toward topics that interest them. As a leader they would keep me on my toes by bringing in statements or research in real time. We had one advisor who was so shaken by their questions that she found her own testimony falling apart so she asked to be released. The girls were perfectly content to keep grappling and studying and asking, but they wanted to choose topics for discussion. Correlated materials with correlated answers had little appeal to them. I can see real validity to Dave B.’s thoughts about Gen Z.
Dave C, I hadn’t thought of the Sunday School bell in years! You didn’t want to be anywhere near it when the tall man pushed that button!
For as much as I dislike generalization, this is fascinating stuff. I nominate Dave to do a follow-up post on the list of other topics the book touched on, that this blog post doesn’t. It would make a worthwhile series, I think.
I agree that there will always be a disconnect between older leaders trying to understand those that are three generations younger than they are. Apostles give talks in General Conference to reassure us they know what it’s like in younger generations, but I don’t see it in the policy decisions –Other than the one on MormonLeaks instructing area authorities so select mission presidents that are more “fatherly” (Gen X) than “grandfatherly” (Older Boomer). So maybe someone at Church HQ does understand that some generation gaps are too large to relate to millenials? Interesting stuff!