A few years ago, to defray costs, feeding the missionaries became the responsibility of the ward members. Good change? Bad change? Both? You decide.
[poll id=”453″]
Discuss.
Agency, America, Church Policy, Criticism, Culture, LDS, Mission, Mormon, Mormon Belief, Mormon Culture, Mormon Discussion, weekend poll
Feeding Time: Weekend Poll
Wheat & Tares 
I don’t think feeding the missionaries has become a requirement outside of the U.S. I’ve certainly never heard anything about it here in Germany. And the five o’clock rule is also not a thing here — Germans usually eat their main meal at midday. But I’m also aware that if my husband weren’t retired, I wouldn’t be having the missionaries over as often as I do, because I would often be alone in the house at that time. I understand why, and yet I’d still feel slightly insulted if they said they couldn’t come for lack of a priesthood-holding chaperone. But that said, I love having them over, feeding them good, healthy meals, and enjoying their spirit as we converse.
Our ward finally has a set of dedicated missionaries the last few years now, but they are always sisters. They have all done a great job, but it is hard with all the silly rules. I find it hard that they are not allowed to ride in a car with 2 other males, but they live in a members home (a late-middle aged couple) and the wife had a family commitment for about 3 months and was almost gone the entire period. So they were sleeping in a house with one man for months. I trust this man and there have been no issues, but then to contrast it with other rules leaves me scratching my head.
I enjoy having them come over, too. Since my kids are teens, I feel like I can relate to meeting them as well. They are at a similar stage of life. Although my son is not serving a mission, it’s a way to feel connected to those kids who are serving since both my husband and I did. But the rule about not entering the home if I’m the only one here is ridiculous and infuses what should be a normal situation with awkwardness. I am literally old enough to be their mother. And the 5pm eating time is nearly impossible since we both work. I have to leave work by 3:30 to make it work, and then he has to leave by 4:30 to be home in time to save the missionaries from my feminine wiles. The rules should make more sense for human beings.
On the 5pm start, I have also wondered whether that doesn’t create a problem where they are out proselyting just as people sit down to dinner (around 6:30 or 7). It seems like it would be an issue.
In Spain, we didn’t eat in members’ homes, but the eating cycle is large meal at mediodia (between 2 and 4) and smaller evening meal around 9 or 10pm. I love that lifestyle.
Where is this 5pm rule? I live in the US. In my ward the missionaries come at whatever hour the family that volunteers to feed them decides to serve dinner.
Since I’m a non-attending member of the Church I’m totally unaware of the latest inspired programs. But for years I’ve made it a practice to offer missionaries that I run into anywhere in the world a meal or cokes (generic Texas term). They have yet to stipulate any time requirement although they seem awfully vigilant about any companion going to the restroom. I’ve fed missionaries on three continents this year–I do it because I appreciated the rare gesture on my mission 40+ years ago and hope someone is doing the same for my numerous nieces and nephews currently serving. These young people are uniformly polite, cordial and usually starving. Even if we are just going to a fast-food drive-through, it is fun. We compare notes on the joys of contacting and dealing with the public. They’ve got some good stories …
There seems to be a large difference in the way this arrangement is applied in each ward. For some wards it approaches a pseudo-doctrine that you MUST feed the missionaries. Others, not so. My experience is that there is also a large difference in the actual reason why the missionaries come over. I have had the feeling that for some missionaries, it seemed like a competition as to how long it took them to extend an invitation or get a commitment. Having served a mission, and being a professional negotiator for a job, it often seems fake and insincere. I know they’ve got a job to do, but for the most part, I’d never met them prior to that dinner appointment. I love the missionaries. However, I think the culture in which they are immersed needs a big shake-up.
The ‘silly rules’ are due to old-fangled perceptions, but they have a purpose. I grew up Southern Baptist and they have two common saws: One as to the ‘preacher’s kid(s)’ and the other as to how well the Pastor ‘ministers’ to his female parishioners. A matter of avoiding the slightest appearance of ‘evil’ regardless of inconvenience. Fortunately most missionaries and members don’t really need this level of baby-sitting but they’re likewise humble enough to comply.
I can see several benefits beyond saving on the cost of maintaining missionaries in the field on their families (sharing the burden)
1) keep the missionaries out in the field. Of course, someone who knew the late ‘Don Martin’ of MAD magazine got him to do a poster of two elders captioned ‘keep our elders off the streets – give them a referral’.
2) Can help to strengthen the members, especially with inactives, IF elders set a good example (e.g., no lunching out)
Feeding the missionaries is a requirement for the past 30 years or so every ward I’ve been in. In Britain, to the extent that a sign up calendar is used. I used to feed them more regularly, but as my kids have got older with busier schedules not so often, as the only evening that works for us is Friday, and that’s a popular evening with a lot of people and can be booked up in advance. I also operate a 2 strikes policy on lateness. I am irritated by them having to share a message afterwards etc, though my husband likes it. If they were to turn up on time, eat and then go I’d sign up for other days of the week, but they don’t.
as a missionary I got tired of eating at members houses. I liked to have some control over what I eat instead of all the rich foods. A couple of times a week was great but enough already.
We fed a Japanese missionary a couple of years ago. He admitted to being ill from all the cheesy dishes. He really needed some simple food like rice or greens.
jb, When we do have them over, it is rice, plenty of vegetables and salads, and fresh fruit in the desert. Missionaries seem to like their dinner appts with us.
In part I guess thats down to my Japanese husband, who had the same problems on his mission in Canada. He said he had to refuse dessert because noone understood how small a small portion of ice cream should be, and it would have seemed rude to request microscopic!
After some of the past few epic disasters I had feeding missionaries (them not telling me their allergies, epic fails at meals that turn into mystery meat, outright rude and belligerent missionaries, my aversion to hosting, etc.) it’s situational if I feed them. In Virginia it was often (esp when we had sisters), in Rexburg with so many members I haven’t seen a feeding calendar in 3 years because it fills up so fast. My brother has never fed the missionaries once in 15 years because he served in Ireland and was never fed once by anyone. He thinks if he had to hack it so can they. My other brother has a mamita in Chile that made all his meals and did all his laundry so?
We had a mission president here in the Minnesota Minneapolis Mission who was a stickler for the 5PM rule. My train doesn’t even get me home until 5:45, and dinners had a 1-hour limit unless we had an investigator over, so the elders didn’t eat with us much. That silly rule, well-intentioned but not so well thought out, put a heavier burden on the families who could meet the schedule (a number of whom were retired and on fixed incomes). In addition, since my wife (a teacher) gets home earlier than I do, she could feed the sisters but not the elders, and I’d eat separately when I got home.
In one fell swoop, the rule left the elders hungry, the retired poorer, and disrupted family meals. Good example of unintended consequences.
The new mission president actually lets the missionaries have some leeway, and things work much better now.
The mission president’s wife was behind me in line at Safeway last month, which made a nice situation to ask her about missionary meals. Some people in my ward worry that if a day goes by without members feeding the missionaries then they will go hungry. I asked her if that is the case, if being fed by members was the plan for keeping missionaries nourished. She laughed and said not to worry, that in most wards within this mission the missionaries have few meals provided by members.
I was in a calling where I attended bishopric training by the stake president and those attending were commanded by the SP to uphold the 5 PM rule. As that made it impossible for me to be there to save the missionaries from having to linger outside of our home, we stopped feeding the missionaries for a period of time. Ward member coordinators told me that the time could be flexed, but as long as I held that calling, I felt responsible for sustaining the SP and advised the coordinators of that. I no longer have that calling, so now I feel free to corrupt the missionaries by asking them to join us at 6. I do feel for their schedule, as we live a ways out of town, and that timing limits their evening as far as appointments with investigators. I know when I was on my mission and at the height of teaching opportunities, that would have limited the number of evening discussions we were scheduling.
I think it’s good for the ward members to feed the missionaries.my wards missionary meal coordinator has done a good job of keeping things reasonable and simple, and helping people overcome the roadblocks of schedules and rides. for example, it’s totally okay drop off a frozen meal or some sandwiches, and let them cook and eat it on their own time.or take them out to Taco Bell.or feed them lunch instead of dinner
Yep, with the above-mentioned rule constraints, and also given the schedule of a busy family with two teenagers, there have been nights when we’ve simply dropped off a couple of hot pizzas at their apartment. 🙂
There have been nights when we’ve simply had to order a pizza delivered to them. Even lower impact. It’s just not always feasible with our work schedules. I also know from being a missionary that sometimes these missionaries get the idea that what they are doing is the only or the most important thing on the planet, and that every other concern should be secondary or it’s members having mixed up priorities. I swear this is implied in mission conferences, etc. It’s just not very realistic or empathetic.
I had to laugh, Hawk – I recall being frustrated with the “inadequate” efforts of local members to support our work in their branches, and I remember how fervently I swore – as did every other elder and sister during our b***h sessions at zone conferences – that we’d never be like that, we’d be much better member missionaries.
Then I got home, got married, got a full-time job, and was called as ward mission leader. 🙂 Reality had come back with a vengeance.
#17 – Good show. There were times on my mission that I could have dispensed with the dinner at members’ homes, though back in ’80 to ’82 it wasn’t pushed so much. Since we had the mid-day (effectively 1:30 to 3:30 pm) break, it was back to the “pit” if we were in town and take a snack for later once we headed out for the late-afternoon evening period. We’d have leftovers or a snack once we got home, often sitting about in our G’s or a bathrobe. In fact, if we’d had an “Elder Cam” back in the day, some of the antics would have been utterly hilarious, if not exactly the image the Church wants to portray of its missionaries!
Neither I nor my comps or other district members turned down any dinner invites, of course. It’s just that we’d have rather been teaching than eating, and Italy definitely refined my palate.
I don’t understand the need to have a male chaperone present when visiting a female. Isn’t that the idea of having inseparable pairs? They chaperone each other? What’s worse, one female plus two males or one female plus 3 males?
When I was a single mom with 3 young sons, we used to have the missionaries over quite often. We all benefited. The boys had fun playing with the missionaries, and the missionaries got a good meal (and a workout). Then we moved and the first time I invited the missionaries over, they informed me that a chaperone was required. I had no idea beforehand, so a high priest from the ward graciously came over to eat dinner along with the elders. Awkward. I made some comment about just wanting to feed the missionaries, not do an exercise in CYA. When I got married again, I tried having the missionaries over once more. I was informed that not only must dinner be on the table at 5:00, but I had to provide them transportation to and from (with my husband along, of course). What a hassle! I haven’t had them over since.
In this mission the missionaries eat whenever the members can feed them, I usually feed them at 6 or 630 and they never complain. I love having them over! It’s nice to learn about them and their backgrounds and just meet other members of the Church.