Sometimes as active members, we are caught up in being the best Mormon we can be, the most observant, ticking all the boxes, perceived well by other ward members. We can forget that the point is to become a better person by following Christ’s teachings, not just to become a better adherent to a set of religious requirements or a better person as defined by the community.*
But shouldn’t this be the same thing?
No, of course not. Every religion includes all sorts of expectations that drive behavior:
- Tenets or beliefs. [1] An example in Mormonism would be the Articles of Faith. Another would be the types of things that usually constitute a “testimony”: belief in Jesus Christ, feeling the spirit, the Book of Mormon, ongoing revelation, living prophets, the resurrection, the atonement, etc. One tenet that drives behavior (or justifies it) is the 12th Article of Faith, belief in being subject to governments.
- Values and principles. Some examples of this include hard work (aka “the Protestant work ethic”), food storage, donating time and talents to the church, being honest in our dealings. Sometimes American values or conservative political values creep in as well, specifically principles around deference to authority, being guardians of tradition or equating wealth with righteousness.
- Codes or behavioral rules. These are more codified requirements like the Word of Wisdom or the Temple Recommend questions or things specified in the Church Handbook of Instruction. [2]
- Rites and ordinances. These are related to ordinances and include things like how we dress to perform temple rites or to administer the sacrament or hold office in the church (such as missionary or bishop).
- Cultural norms. These are simply the behaviors that the majority of members consider normal for Mormons. Tricky areas include things like what constitutes breaking the Sabbath, what is appropriate attire for church, how and when garments are worn, definitions of terms like prophet or revelation, and what kinds of opinions are welcome at church.
These categories are not entirely separate. There are certainly examples of cultural norms that have become codified, such as writing them down in the For the Strength of the Youth pamphlet or even a local action like written guidelines for a youth camping trip, adding questions to the Temple Recommend interview or elaborating on what is written there, or verbally telling someone he must shave regularly to hold a certain office at church. And of course, you may adhere to these things or you may not; you can be Mormon and not adhere to all of them. If you do adhere to them, your adherence to them could create positive outcomes or negative ones. Being a “good Mormon” simply means an emphasis on adhering to these things.
So when is being a good Mormon not going to lead you to being a good person? Whenever your reasons for adhering are impeding your personal growth or are creating judgmental or excluding attitudes toward others.
Some poor reasons for adhering include: conformity, insecurity, fear of authority, fear of loss of status, peer pressure, seeking advancement, passive-aggressive compliance, fear of retribution or judgement, or desire to gain praise and approval of humans. Some good reasons to adhere include: respect for elders and others in the community, humility, desire to please God, helping others by eliminating unnecessary friction. Likewise, non-adherence isn’t always a virtue. It could be motivated by negative qualities like attention seeking, narcissism, peer pressure, pride, selfish motives, creating a personal martyr narrative, self-destructive wishes, anti-social feelings, insecurity, free-rider behaviors, reacting to personal hurt, retaliation, or complacence. But non-adherence can also be motivated by virtuous qualities such as improving a broken system, creating more inclusion for others, adding diverse perspectives to strengthen a group, enabling a group to progress, course correction, prompting positive change, fostering growth and global reach, and encouraging spiritual self-reliance, including one’s own.
When people dealing with a faith crisis are trying to decide whether or not to stay in the church, a good question to consider is whether being active in the church is helping you to be a better person or just a better Mormon.[3] And the answer to that question lies in our individual motives for behaving the way we do at church and the outcomes our behaviors create for us. Church, if we are doing it right, should help us to examine our motives and basically to deal with our crap. [4]
Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that some of the people whose motives are the most dysfunctional are the least likely to consider leaving or reforming their behavior. They benefit from their actions in the church, and rather than the church making them a better person, for some it’s bringing out an ugly side that is stalling their spiritual growth. Jesus noticed the same trends in Jews during his day: those who loved to be seen to fast or give alms, those who counted their steps and harshly punished anyone who was less exacting in their observance; they were very successful within their religion. As a Rabbi once remarked, “Jesus was a bad Jew,” meaning he was not observant. He broke the rules and refused to behave in order to be accepted by others including those in authority.
Maybe a few more “bad Mormons” [5] who stay in the church nonetheless would make Mormons realize that rules and social approval don’t always make us better Christians or better people. After all, we all sin; some sins are just easier for our community to notice. Following Jesus’ teachings even when our own culture dislikes what we do and even when authority disapproves is about as Christian as you can get.
Discuss.
___________________________________________________
[1] That’s right, people. Tenets. Not tenants. Renting is renting, even if you are renting to own.
[2] Of course Jesus was a minimalist when it came to codified behavior by reducing the ten commandments down to two. I admire his editing skills.
[3] In some cases, a person’s way of being Mormon is actually making them a worse person, someone who is less Christlike.
[4] By “crap” I mean the negative psychological motives, like insecurity, entitlement, resentment, passivity, indecision, fear of rejection, cowardliness, approval-seeking, temper, lack of ownership, and so forth that stymie our personal growth, that prevent us from becoming godlike or being like Christ, that halt us from reaching our potential. These are the life lessons that we will be presented over and over again in our lives until we learn them and our behavior changes.
[5] I’m looking at you, Kirby.
*This post was originally published at BCC earlier this year.
Wheat & Tares 
Great post and excellent questions. I am reminded of Joseph Smith’s claim that the etymology of Mormon means “more good.”
I do think that the concern for becoming a “better person,” which really is the 2nd commandment, (love neighbor as self) should not overshadow the 1st commandment, (love God), which is often demonstrated through obedience, ritual perfection, etc.
Nate – very interesting idea. Maybe when someone’s religious observance gets in the way of their being a good person it is focusing too much on the first commandment (loving a perfect God) and not enough on the second commandment (loving our imperfect selves and others).
One can strictly observe the “commandments” of not only the LDS faith but virtually any faith and yet not change for the better inside. Change usually comes from dissonance and conflict. The ending of Ether 12:6 definitely comes into play here: “…ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” Some trials come from external forces but many come from within..e.g., we have to deal with our own personal weaknessess, demons, and follies. IMO, no one, save the Savior Himself or innocent babes that pass on in childhood, has ever been exempt from this concept.
LGBT members are no different in their struggles and no less deserving of compassion and understanding. Methinks that sometimes in our understandable disdain of the gay lifestyle we forget that they are still our brothers and sisters and need us ever the more…just as we need to remember that we’ve our own sins and follies as well.
I’d be a little leery of any faith, regardless of the good intentions, that could “make” me do anything. Sounds a bit like the plan that Lucifer proposed. Rather, I see the Church as a resource and a system that I can plug into; but ultimately I’m responsible for mine own betterment.
There is a certain irony associated with this issue. people seem to fall into the observance trap because it is, in their mind, easily measurable. How any times you pray a day, scripture study, FHE, temple attendance, etc. but, yet the Savior specifically taught about the spiritual side of Gospel observance. Doing good, loving God, leads to the real result we are seeking, eternal life. A certain amount of observance is necessary, i suppose, but many have, like the Pharisees of old, gone overboard. Not because they need to, but that is how they manifest their obedience. And I suppose, you also hear those things a lot preached over the various pulpits.
“They draw near to me with their lips ( and actions) but their hearts are far from me? Guilty?
What about when mormonism-as-practiced interferes with mormonism-as-preached?
For instance: Sundays are supposed to be reserved as family time, but many of us have 5+ hours of meetings (PEC, 3 hour block, choir practice, presidency meetings, etc.)
Another example: We’re supposed to befriend non-members, but church culture can be so encompassing and absorb so much time (between callings, church activities for various family members and spending time with family) that there’s nothing left over for activities involving non-members, such as PTA, the political organization of your choice, etc.
This is a topic with which I wrestle.
Obviously my ultimate goal is to love God, love my fellowman, and follow Christ’s example. Because I was raised Mormon, my paradigm for doing this is necessarily intertwined with the culture, history, doctrine, customs, etc. of Mormonism. And while there are many ways in which my Mormonism supports my journey back to God, it’s not always easy.
When I encounter things in the LDS Church that cause cognitive dissonance, my relationship with God is negatively affected as well. It is hard for me to use my “Mormon toolbox” to have a relationship with God when I have a problem with some of the characteristics of the LDS organization. So, in many ways, Mormonism is NOT making me a better person with regards to my relationship with God.
And I am by no means unique. Increasingly large numbers of our society consider themselves spiritual, yet aren’t finding meaning in religious institutions. The institutions need to recognize this if they are going to have a role in helping people on their journey back to God. To the extent religions don’t do this, they will find it increasingly hard to stay relevant.
Mormonism made me a better person and caused me to consider many religious topics and concepts I otherwise would not have entertained. But I don’t think it continues to make me a better person, it seems to have stagnated in that it now teaches the same bland correlated basics over and over as if the perfect follow your “leaders” obedience assembly line somehow magically opens the doors to the CK when I know it doesn’t. I’m very saddened that the church of my ancestors and my youth has become so corporatized and Pharisaical and the gospel has been turned into a boring cardboard facsimile of the living word of God. The church is clearly adrift and needs revelation (not inspiration or obedience) to revitalize it.
I can see people using this thought process as a rationalization for following the commandments. Sometimes work is just work; and living the commandments is enduring to the end. I think the comparison between the two is valid.
You hear people say, when contemplating a career, “find something you love and you will never have to work a day in your life”. Although this is romantic, it doesn’t always pay the bills. In contrast, a noted author recently said: “find a job you can make as much as you can per hour (or salary) so you can maximize your personal time”
Just because certain people feel going to the mountains or lake instead of going to church brings them closer to God, it doesn’t mean that it does. Likewise, the same thought process can be applied to attending the temple, doing home teaching or talking to people about the gospel.
We don’t use the term ‘taking on the cross’ because it is comfortable.
Yes, I hope Mormonism makes me a better person. The Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches me to love my neighbor, and to focus on being better myself rather than judging everyone else. It also teaches me to honor and to sustain. All of this, conscientiously applied, results in a better person.
Mormonism? No, not now. The Book of Mormon? Definitely. The initial return on investment was massive, but has fallen off hard over the last few years. At this point the biggest shortcoming is that my local ward is in no way integrated into the community and there are really no opportunities for service or charitable giving, other than the very impersonal process of donating to the Church directly. So I have struck out on my own to integrate myself. I recognize there are wards that are integrated, and perhaps at a future date I will reply that yes, Mormonism is making me a better person.
Living the Gospel, as taught at church helps me to be a good person, but I am also distracted by many of those chosen as leaders teaching their culture as if it is the Gospel, and often that culture is the opposite of Christlike, such as anti gay or anti female, and generally the concept that the existing beliefs of these people have to be defended, no matter the cost.
So because of those distractions, I often feel I would be a better person without the influence of the church, as presently constituted.
I know that becoming LDS, which I did nearly 30 years ago at the age of 20, made me a better person. Being LDS makes me a better person, and more conscious of Heavenly Father and his relationship to the world and my place in it. The LDS Church doesn’t always give me a lot of help becoming a better person. I’ve found that the more concerned I am with becoming a better person and the less concerned I am with being a “more observant Mormon,” the less stress I feel.
This reminds me of a book I recently read, the Great Omission, by the Christian philosopher, Dallas Willard. He said,
“The problem is that conducting the religious life can become an entirely cultural thing. And we can idolize our religious culture… It is so important to remember that a culture can capture us and shut off our access to the supernatural spirituality of the Kingdom of God…the Church of Jesus Christ is not necessarily present when there is a correct administration of the sacrament and faithful preaching of the Word of God…It is possible to have the administration of the sacrament and preaching of the Word of God and have it be a simply human exercise.”
I used to feel like I was going through the motions, my outside was doing the right things but my insides were numb. Again, Dallas Willard warns that, “If in spiritual formation you focus on action alone, you will fall into the deadliest of legalisms and you will kill other souls and die yourself. You will get social conformity…To focus on action alone is to fall into pharisaism of the worst kind and to kill the soul.”
I wish we focused more on transforming our hearts and less on obedience for obedience’s sake.