One woman I know loves her church callings, whatever that calling might be, and she’s invariably distraught when released. Even if she’d felt trepidation at the start, at the end she’s sobbing because she doesn’t want to go. I regard her experience with wonder and awe. It is something completely alien to me.
Myself, I accept callings because that’s simply how I was raised. I serve diligently and reliably because it is the only way I know how. Conscientious is the word that appears in all my school reports from age 7 on up. But I have never loved a calling, and I am always happy to be released. Usually a fleeting happiness, since a release almost inevitably means a call to another task.
My friend is a people person, and it’s the people she loves. I, on the other hand, am not a people person; I try, but find it all very draining.
It has been pointed out by others that in the LDS church a calling means something rather different than in other denominations. We don’t perform a task because we feel called to it, but rather are told we have been called, and that who the Lord calls he qualifies.
I have yet to feel qualified in most callings I’ve served in however, and in the one calling when I did feel qualified, my experience was one of having my hands tied by those in authority above me, so my personal experience of serving in church callings has been mainly grim and gritted teeth. My very worst callings have been serving on Young Women Presidencies. Relating to the girls was an insurmountable task, and while I could cope with Sunday lessons (manual issues to one side), the weekly activity seemed a form of torture designed especially for me. Heck, it was torture back when I was a YW. Being in leadership didn’t improve the experience any. Socialite and night-owl I am not.
Imagine how I felt Sunday when I was extended a call to join the YW Presidency. Sure, I had known they were a counsellor short, but I really hadn’t felt at risk. I was too old (mid-40s), I wear trousers to church, I’m outspoken in Sunday School, and there’ve been tussles over hymns and the handbook in my call as Ward Music Chair*. Whilst my daughter is ahead in her Personal Progress, she does it primarily with her Dad, not me; he’s the one who likes to set goals. I pointed out that I don’t like and do not recite the YW theme. To no avail. Yesterday evening black clouds descended. I seriously doubt I will ever feel qualified to serve in YW.
On the plus side: this time my daughter is one of the girls and so far doesn’t seem embarrassed by the prospect of my participation; there’s a new curriculum. But I’m still the same activity-loathing hermit I’ve always been.
So:
- Have you had a calling you’ve loved, or one you’ve loathed?
- Are you more like my friend, or like me?
- Have you ever felt that you’ve been qualified by the Lord? If so how does that work?
- Tips for surviving or even enjoying YW would be welcome.
Discuss.
*I get to keep that one for the time being.
Wheat & Tares 
Have you had a calling you’ve loved, or one you’ve loathed?
Mostly enjoyed my callings, even clerk, but I’d rather work with people. Thought I wouldn’t be very good as ward mission leader, but once I got into the swing of it, really enjoyed it.
Are you more like my friend, or like me?
More like friend, less like you, though I’m naturally shy. Can step in and lead when needed, can just as easily follow when needed.
Have you ever felt that you’ve been qualified by the Lord? If so how does that work?
So far, because of my line of work combined with a wide variety of callings, I haven’t had a calling for which I felt completely unprepared or unqualified.
.
Tips for surviving or even enjoying YW would be welcome – love and treat the young women with whom you work as if they were your own daughters. Beehives are mostly a happy go lucky bunch, the Mia Maids are a bit flighty as they are going through puberty, and Laurels hate their mothers for 2 years. (Once they go off to school and/or get married they usually reconcile with Mom) I say love them like your own daughters because so many young women don’t have a solid home life. Those that do will appreciate an extra source of support. And those that don’t will see you as a lifeline and an example of what they want to be when the “grow up.”
Loved, cub scouts. Loathed, Ward Mission Leader.
I’m more like you. When you say, “Heck, it was torture back when I was a YW.” I know just what you mean. It seems a standard sound bite for adult members to say, “I love working with the youth!” But I have been known to say, “I didn’t much care for the youth when I was one, let alone now when I’m an adult.”
I’m afraid if I say out loud the ones I hated (or would hate) that I’ll be immediately called to do them.
IDIAT: ” I say love them like your own daughters..”
Therein lies the problem IDIAT. I know the theory. Other peoples children have never held much, or any, appeal to me, whatever the age. My own are of course different, and I don’t know how to get past that in practice.
KLC: Glad I’m not the only one.
Frank: There is that. I mentioned in a lesson the other week that basically I have this view that somehow life involves having to do those very things I really don’t want to have to do, and I’m quite narked about it. I don’t trust God that way, I’m more deeply suspicious. I think some people were quite alarmed…
The only calling I have ever held was with cub scouts. I enjoyed that calling for the discipline I got to dish out (go sit in a corner and count to 50 type stuff to get the boys to calm down).
I am like Phoebe Buffy from Friends and cannot handle power.
KLC – when i called as WML, I told my bishop I’d rather eat a bucket of dirt. But I actually had a great time with the calling. Hedge – how do you love the young women? This goes beyond this post, but how do you love your neighbor as you love yourself, the second great commandment? I can give you a bunch of Sunday School answers, all of which you already know. You’ll have to do some soul searching and figure this out.
Just say no
I love teaching callings, and I prefer teens and adults. I mostly dislike working with the kiddos, although it depends somewhat. I actually cried real tears and had my first ever migraine when I got stuck in nursery. Some weeks it wasn’t awful, but I’m just not great with the littlies, never have been. I would probably like working with the YW. I’ve only ever been in YW once, as secretary, and then our presidency got disbanded when ward boundaries were realigned. I was once called to coordinate girls camp, but I couldn’t attend because I was 8 months pregnant at the time of the camp. I’m always pretty good in organizing callings, although I’m not very opinionated about how things are done, which I find is rare in people who have good organizing skills in the church. I’m a delegator, not a micromanager.
My heart goes out to you. I hope this time it’s different, but if it’s not, I sincerely believe the Lord will give you an extra cookie when you reach the celestial kingdom.
I have the same trepidation for callings! My advice for YW, listen to the girls and do what they like do. I know it’s nothing new or profound but it works to establish good relations. For example, some excellent staff at a local youth organization noticed the kids were into Pokemon cards, so they personally went out and bought some to trade with the kids. The kids love it and respond really well to those staff. Obviously, it probably won’t be Pokemon with the YW. But whatever it is, just actively listen and participate. I’m sure you’ll do great because you already care 🙂
Newly, I can see it now! That kind of discipline doesn’t work with teens though…
IDIAT, as I said I try, I really do. I want to do it well, but I just don’t get that feeling, you know. And I think they can tell.
Jeff, easier said than done in a small ward where not all the callings are filled anyway, and everyone is constantly being shuffled around. Got to take your turn, or something…
hawkgrrrl, I relate to that. I always finished a Sunday in nursery with a migraine. At least it was only Sunday, though definitely not a day of rest.
Thanks E. It might be different. Primary was different when my kids were in it, partly because I seemed better attuned to that age then. But still. I survived Primary presidency by being mostly at the piano, and concentrating on looking after the teachers. I left the kids to the president and the teachers. In YW, here anyway, the YW presidency are also the teachers, though as there aren’t enough of YW to split, we get to share the teaching between us. I shall look forward to that extra cookie!
Thanks HB. Sounds like good advice.
Unsolicited callings is probably one of the church’s most inspired elements. Is there any other church that does this? That they challenge us and we hate them sometimes I guess is part of the experience. It’s Biblical, in the pattern of Jeremiah’s calling which he also was loath to do.
I don’t love all my callings the way your friend does. I have some I have started out in shock that I was there (Primary Pres), and GD teacher became my favorite calling ever. I have been in many pianist callings due to playing, they are fine; choir pianist kicked my butt–harder music. I do feel a level of inspiration was used for most of the callings, and I have felt the Lord “qualified” me specifically 2x: while Pp, I remembered every child’s name the whole time. I am not good with names; this felt lime a downright spiritual gift. The other time I felt the most guidance was at my wits end and about to resign from a nursery full of 18 month olds that just cried all the time; set up a whole set of parameters that did not allow parents to drop kids off to cry, but to help ease their child into learning to like church, as a safe and fun place to be where we talk about Jesus.
I used to get really frustrated the Lord placed me in callings with little training and not even a presidency to get to delegate responsibilities and pray together over the calling. I just got inspired that was for me to have better decisiveness as a midwife. I am currently primary teacher/cub scouts–I like it, well teacher. Took me several weeks to like Cub Scouts…
“Jeff, easier said than done in a small ward where not all the callings are filled anyway, and everyone is constantly being shuffled around. Got to take your turn, or something…”
Seems to me, we are obligated to say no if we are unwilling or unable to put our heart and soul into a calling. Why deprive others of a less than sincere effort? Is that serving the Lord the way it has been explained to us… i think not. Better to say no.
If we are not afraid of offending God by our attitude, why would we be afraid to offend man by telling the truth?
that we don’t want to do it.
I wonder about the planning and purpose of the activities that so tax you. Does the activities planning process start with identifying needs of the young women (including those who seldom or never attend), and activities are crafted specifically to meet those needs (including the need to internalize or practice the principles you teach on Sunday)? Or are activities planned to entertain those who attend? Or (slightly better, but still far from ideal) for some vaguely spiritual purpose that in some ephemeral way might meet the supposed needs of YW generally?
Nate, I agree they’re a challenge. And I certainly wouldn’t do it otherwise.
Stargazer. Nice to hear about someone feeling that qualifying we’re promised. Thank you.
Jeff, you misunderstand me. I do my best. Always. I just don’t enjoy it, and don’t feel I have the necessary gifts. I try, very hard.
JrL, I’ve no idea how this presidency have planned, having just been called. Regardless I just don’t enjoy group activities. Never have. Left to my own devices I’d find a quiet corner in a library on my own. Being with a group of any sort is exhausting. Add in that activities don’t even start until the time of evening I want to be winding down, and its going to be tough.
I was a librarian, I think the calling could actually have potential in an inquisitive ward but mostly I organized and handed out chalk, erasers and pictures during rush hour. It always made me late to GD. I was also the sacrament greeter. They’re both tough jobs but someone has to do them, we can’t have people getting their own chalk and programs. Like hawkgrrl I was organized and didn’t micromanage. Oddly (given the calling) I was alerted by the spirit that the librarian calling was coming.
You had a library Howard? I haven’t been in a ward that had a library since I was a child. It was shut down at one point. Don’t know if that was nationally, but it would seem so. Chalk and board rubbers seem to come under the remit of the PFR, and ours is good currently. When I was in the primary presidency I used to check all the classrooms beforehand to ensure they were equipped for the teachers, and set out the tables and chairs they wanted. So that kind of organisational stuff I can do. In a previous ward/stake I always had to provide my own chalk/board rubber/white board markers/pictures in order to teach, and even here before we got the current PFR. And I’ve done a lot of teaching: RS, youth sunday school, primary and YW in the past.
My husband and father get the kind of alerts you mention about what’s coming, but I can’t say I’ve noticed it in relation to callings.
I’m an incurable introvert with great organization skillzz, so I’ve enjoyed callings where I could work really hard on my own area of influence, such as primary chorister, primary teacher, young women secretary. I dislike callings where I have to be in charge. So I very much disliked Relief Society president and camp director, even though I enjoy women and camping. I tend to work really hard and burn out, & I fail to ask people for help. So pretty much any calling I’ve ever had, I’ve been ready to be released by the end.
“It’s Biblical, in the pattern of Jeremiah’s calling which he also was loath to do.”
The story of how Jeremiah’s Bishop called him into his office and told him he was getting a new calling is one of my favorite Bible stories.
Hey Hedgehog, great post. We are so different, but our calling culture doesn’t allow for that sometimes.
However, as a 20-year veteran of serving in YW, I promise you that YOU are needed for some of those girls, and even some of the YM just the very wonderful way you are. You’ll touch these young ones by your authenticity as a testament that it’s not just okay, but wonderful!–to be who we are. Don’t change. Don’t hide the truth. But do love the kids. And I can testify that when you don’t love them, you can ask the Lord to borrow His love for them and He freely gives. So much so, that you’ll marvel at the wonder of it.
A lot of young people struggle socially. Some don’t even desire a lot of socialization. Some are laid back and not goal-mongers. Some hate girly stuff and some hate scouting. Some are gay and terrified. Some are anorexic, or have secrets in their family. They feel like Odd Thomas or Odd Tanya. They want to fit in because they’re adolescents, and yet we sort of project a “prototype” of what a YW or YM should look, sound, dress, and be like.
Some are soul-deep lonely inside because they are not the prototype. They need you. They may not show it, but they’ll be watching and observing, and you will mean the world to a few.
So be authentic. Always. And borrow God’s love till you have your own. Maybe your ideas are very much needed in your ward. Good luck! You may not cry when you’re released, but if bet you feel something good.
jennyinnc: I can relate. I don’t like to be in charge of people. I don’t mind being in charge of organisational stuff otherwise though.
Kullervo: Lol! …I’ve always had a sneaking sympathy for Jonah myself.
Rockies Gma: Thank you for your encouraging words. I’ll definitely be authentic. And I’ll give the borrowing the Saviour’s love prayerful attention.
RockiesGma – thanks for those thoughts. It reminded me of when I was in YW (as a youth) and I had an epiphany. One of my leaders was a successful married businesswoman who hated to cook and wasn’t really into the whole “Molly Mormon” thing. She loved the gospel, though, and I absolutely loved talking church doctrine with her. I had such a hard time relating to so many of my YW leaders, but this leader seemed to “get” me. I still remember the day I realized that if she could be such a strong church member in spite of not being a traditional Molly Mormon, then there was definitely room for me to be myself and still have a place in the church.
Hedgehog – I’ve definitely had callings that I’ve struggled with and felt relief when I got released. I tend to be happier in callings that correlate with my natural interests and talents. I’m not sure why we are sometimes put into callings that challenge us emotionally and psychologically. I think of a friend who struggled horribly in a primary chorister calling — she claimed to be a nervous wreck and said it stressed her out to no end, but… from my viewpoint in the primary presidency, she did a fantastic job every Sunday and the kids loved her. Sometimes I don’t think we always perceive ourselves and our abilities very accurately.
“Unsolicited callings is probably one of the church’s most inspired elements. Is there any other church that does this?”
Yes. Both Catholics and Protestants have this. They call it “discerning your calling” or “discerning your vocation.” The main difference is that, instead of your ecclesiastical leader telling you what your calling is, you listen closely to the Holy Spirit who will tell you.
Here’s a good article about it from a prominent Presbyterian pastor: http://www.coindy.org/wp-content/uploads/Vocation-DiscerningYourCalling.pdf. But you can find essentially the same idea across orthodox Christianity from Pentecostals to Jesuits.
Kinda ironic that the church that talks about personal revelation all the time is basically the only church where you don’t actually get called by personal revelation (which, PS,actually is the Biblical model).
I really like what RockiesGMA said. I was going to suggest something similar, that you could identify the girls who are more like you and really be able to help them feel confident in being different. There are usually some girls that are more mature than the others, and these girls you can treat like adults which might help you deal with that calling better. The activities can be tough though. Maybe you can suggest activities that would be more to your liking so at least sometimes it won’t be so difficult for you to get through. Good luck! To be honest, I would totally trade places with you, I prefer the young women to the primary any day!
As to your discussion questions: I liked being a ward librarian and my 4 months in young women’s. I do not like primary callings or nursery. I am more like you, although sometimes I would rather stay where I am because the known can often seem better than the unknown calling. I never felt qualified by the Lord. I always felt like I was just doing what I could, which often meant it was only sub-par!
Kullervo,
The document you linked was great — but it did include the following–
Also, we are under the authority of our leaders (Heb. 13:7, 17), and we should bow to what they may tell us are the church’s needs. God put us into a community, and we discern his will and calling together.
A balancing needs to occur. We need more two-way discussions in the callings process. But I support the model of the local church leader extending callings as invitations to serve.
Hedgehog (original posting),
I got my current calling as a high priests group leader just for showing up — I moved with my family to a new job in another state, went to church meetings one Sunday and said hello to the bishop, and the very next Sunday I had the calling — I had never met a single member of the stake presidency or the high council, and I suppose they all voted yes solely on the bishop’s recommendation. I think I got the calling because I looked right. I joined the church as a senior in high school and my callings for the next thirty years were almost exclusively with the Young Men. Then, one day a couple of years ago I told my wife I was going to be released and that my time with the youth was over — sure enough, it happened. I really don’t like leading/teaching/serving adults — I much prefer youth. But I regret that time has passed. Well, I really like teaching adult Sunday School, but I’ve only substituted there. I would trade high priests group leader for adult Sunday School teacher in a heartbeat, if given the choice. But I serve where I’m called.
Yeah, I promise you that Tim Keller’s not really talking about something that looks like what happens in Mormonism.
Really interesting link Kullervo. Thank you. There was a post looking at the differences somewhere on the bloggenacle in the not too distant past. Unfortunately I was unable to find it to link it to the OP.
I do think it is interesting that the first thing the article says to look for us the community people needs, and the second our abilities. I also believe that the things people may feel called to are not necessarily those things they would necessarily have thought of, or particularly wanted to do. I think we sometimes see that at church. As I mentioned in my comment to Howard, and Howard’s comment indicated there are those who are told beforehand by the spirit what there call will be, even though it then comes formally through the usual LDS channels. My father and husband have both experienced this. Our recently called Stake President did too. What would things look like if we were left to volunteer ourselves as directed by the spirit? I don’t know. Maybe more of us would make more of an effort in prayer to determine our call, and maybe some wouldn’t bother to do anything. The weird thing in the LDS culture is that one can feel called by the spirit, but apparently it is frowned upon to make that known when asked.. leastways I was once related the tale many years ago, of someone who had felt they would be the next SP, and when interviewed by the GA for suggested candidates volunteered that information which was apparently the death knell. probably one of those CES apocryphal stories. But it did strike me as bonkers that a person would be required to basically ignore that in an interview, and put other names forward regardless, which was apparently the lesson of the tale.
MaryAnn: ” I’m not sure why we are sometimes put into callings that challenge us emotionally and psychologically.”
Me neither. I can’t say I felt I benefited or learned anything from those experiences. Hopefully it helped someone. But if it did I wasn’t made aware of that.
JayJay:” sometimes I would rather stay where I am because the known can often seem better than the unknown calling.”
I know that feeling. It might be grim, but at least there’s a feeling some measure of control, knowledge of what to expect, and be prepared for.
ji, I think my discussion with Bishop before the call was fairly 2 way; he did ask me what my feelings would be about serving in YW and I did make known all my reservations. He still wanted to call me. But perhaps moving to a situation where making it known where we feel we could serve in discussion with our leaders isn’t actually seen as pushy or even taboo would also be helpful.
Wards where there are fewer people it can often feel like you get called simply for showing up. My husband was called as YM President that way – called the following week after we showed up – when we moved into a new ward about a year after we were married. I have to assume the Bishop chatted with the previous Bishop before going ahead with that. I’d certainly hope so.
I’d like membership clerk, but as a woman that’s just so unlikely ever to happen.
The calling I loathe is enrichment. Its all feeding people, decorating rooms, and manipulating people to come and stay once they get there. Its YW for picky adults that have been overexposed to pinterest, basically.
I had that calling briefly a decade ago now. I didn’t do it that way, and didn’t feed them. For me it had the edge over YW, as the activities were less frequent, but only just.